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 Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 8:39 am
i didn't mean to create any friction with my abortions thread i was just wanting opinions and such which i got a great response from. thank you all.
i forgot to add in there, two weeks after i gave birth to my son i got the depo shot, it hasn't dried up my milk supply in the least, xp but i'm still nervous about getting pregnant because with my son i was on the pill and using a condom (it broke) the father of the child was some effing moron who had his friend beg with him for me to have an abortion. rolleyes but when i considered it i got freaked out and couldn't bear the thought of having one and possibly not having a baby ever again, and thinking every year on that certain date, my child would be this old crying i couldn't bear it. but i don't think i could handle another kid so soon. sometimes when i think about it...i don't know if i want another one at all. many many different thoughts...having to share time/love between them...going through pregnancy again confused i just don't know if i'm meant to have more than one child.
just a little background. i got pregnant with my son the last time i slept with the guy i was dating at the time, right afterwards i decided confused ugh i don't ever wanna see this guy again. later that month i felt different and i knew without having to have any reassurance. told him. he didn't hesitate to ask me to abort it. i told him no and he whined and complained about not being ready in anyway, and how he's already in debt...(couple of months later he quit his job and hasn't found another yet rolleyes ) so then i decided i'll be a single mom, i have a steady job with one year under my belt there. i can do it ^^ my parents were thrilled and wanted me to pop him out and just hand him over for them to raise confused i'm not okay with that. anywhoo in april (3 months into my pregnancy and less than a month into starting art school) i met a great guy and we happen to just fall right into each others hearts. eventually something came up at work and they laid him off rolleyes and just before that on the 4th of july my work tried to make me work this schedule (7 months pregnany mind you) thurs 2-10:30pm friday same saturday same sunday 4-1AM WTF!!! and i got seriously ill two weeks before. and i couldn't make it in. my doctor was on vacation and i didn't have the money or insurance to waltz right into the emergency room. so since i couldn't provide a doctors note the fired me stare so my parents took the both of us in and took care of us while we went to school and i went through labor and such. he found a job in january and we've got quite a bit saved and are almost ready to have our own place. but we are still with my parents.
hence why i'm so nervous about getting pregnant again so soon. we couldn't handle it. i would love another baby...i wouldn't love the pregnancy and stuff but my son is such a joy in my life i would love another. but we aren't financially ready. i mean we're barely getting the hang of one right now xp
so on this topic what do people think of having multiple kids...how does it affect them? are there favorites...how much harder is it? whee
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:29 am
Well, my daughter is 19 months old and I'm currently trying to have another baby at the moment (we're hoping I'll be pregnant by the end of the month).
My husbadn was the one who was really really ready, I had to think about it for a couple of days, The NUMBER one thing that was stopping me from saying yes is I would think about Lissa and start crying because I just couldn't imagine her not being MY BABY anymore, but I got over that because we KNEW that Lissa wasn't going to be an only child so she'd have to go through it sooner or later.
My decision was that she's not in the middle of any other major life changes at the moment (or anywhere near them) Potty Training, changing beds (we already did that) She has her own space (Our room is WAY big enough to accomodate us and a crib, and we enjoyed co-sleeping with Lissa so much anyway if we have another we will do the same).
My brother was born when I was three, I don't ever remember having any hatred for him beyond normal brother and sister stuff. I mean my brother and I have not always had the most ideal relationship but now it's great he calls me on even the most minor things "Yay! we got our apartment" "Hey! I got that job" "How's my niece?" and we live like 25 minutes from eachother. My child will always have a peer, she will most likely know her sibling for a longer period of time than her spouse, or any of her other friends. She will share unique family traditions with someone who is closer to her in age. I think having siblings is a good thing for children.
Sure I was angry on HIS birthday when I didn't get squat but you know what Them's the brakes. When it's someone else's special day, you suck it up. Not every single day do you get a present that's just how it goes. THAT is also a very very valuable lesson to learn as well.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:57 am
whee thanks for your input nopenname xp i don't know how the sibling thing goes because i'm an only child and i've only ever seen siblings fight and scream xp but that's really helpful to know. and it sounds nice....if i have a second child i'd like to have her (i hope crying )after or around when harley (my son) is 2 years old ^^ which seemed like a ways away....until i just realized that he's already almost 6 months old!!! eek omg he's so big already!!! heart heart
thanks for that insight heart
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:45 am
A girl I know got preganet a month after having her son. eek My doc told me that the first three months after birth, you are at a higher risk of pregancey. I wish the US would make a law that 3 kids where maxiam per couple. I know a girl who is my age, 20 and she just had her 5th kid. She a horriable parent, I've been in blockbuster with her before and she walked right out and went to the store across the road,where her car was parked and left her 18 month old and her 4 year old in the store .I freaked out and called her cell she like"OPps I forgot about them".I think 2 or 3 kids is more then enough for a singel parent. Personaly I think 2 kids is the perfect number,thus you don't have to get reed of you're sport cars.lol
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:46 am
You are so fortunate to have great parents. And you were lucky to find a great guy. I'm the youngest of 8 children. Most of my siblings are old enough to be my parent! I don't talk to any of them and because of my family I NEVER wanted kids. I was seriously not even on the fence about it. Then I met my husband. He's the second to the youngest of 7 kids. And his family is like to polar opposite of mine. Family get-togethers, all friendly and supportive (well there's only black sheep, but oh well). They took me in like I was a family member from the beginning. I was still skeptical about having kids but my mind changed after I had my first. I couldn't imagine my child growing up without all the love my husband grew up with. I realized that my family problems came from my mother and our kids wouldn't suffer the same fate because I WILL be a better mom.
But I was (and still am) scared to death of actually birthing more children. And the stress of raising them makes me crazy sometimes. I have 2 boys and I have friend who is due to have a little girl in May. When I went shopping for her baby shower gifts I saw all the cute little dresses and I thought, "I want to have a girl." We can't right now because we're in an apartment with 6 animals and the 2 kids so we have to at least have a house. And we're in major debt, but that's not going away for many many years and I'm not going to have kids when I'm in my 40's (I'm almost 32).
Having a supportive and loving family helps. I know we're never going to be financially ready for more kids, but as long as we can provide a food, shelter and an education we'll have more. Oh also I've told my husband no more kids after I'm 36. It's just when I decided to retire my uterus.
Good luck with everything.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 11:16 am
TexasMomma A girl I know got preganet a month after having her son. eek My doc told me that the first three months after birth, you are at a higher risk of pregancey. I wish the US would make a law that 3 kids where maxiam per couple. I know a girl who is my age, 20 and she just had her 5th kid. She a horriable parent, I've been in blockbuster with her before and she walked right out and went to the store across the road,where her car was parked and left her 18 month old and her 4 year old in the store .I freaked out and called her cell she like"OPps I forgot about them".I think 2 or 3 kids is more then enough for a singel parent. Personaly I think 2 kids is the perfect number,thus you don't have to get reed of you're sport cars.lol Well, I'm not in favor of limiting the reproductive rights of any person in either direction (the right to have none vs. the right to have a ton) regardless of whatever your opinion of that person's parenting skills are. Because that kind of gestapo Eugenics can be turned on anyone. Say the next child I have is a girl. It's not a crime to try one more time for a boy if I'm okay with three children (this is actually my plan if the next is a girl, I'm willing to give it another go in attempt to get a boy, if there are no boys that's not a bad thing, but hey might as well try).
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 11:25 am
Nopenname TexasMomma A girl I know got preganet a month after having her son. eek My doc told me that the first three months after birth, you are at a higher risk of pregancey. I wish the US would make a law that 3 kids where maxiam per couple. I know a girl who is my age, 20 and she just had her 5th kid. She a horriable parent, I've been in blockbuster with her before and she walked right out and went to the store across the road,where her car was parked and left her 18 month old and her 4 year old in the store .I freaked out and called her cell she like"OPps I forgot about them".I think 2 or 3 kids is more then enough for a singel parent. Personaly I think 2 kids is the perfect number,thus you don't have to get reed of you're sport cars.lol Well, I'm not in favor of limiting the reproductive rights of any person in either direction (the right to have none vs. the right to have a ton) regardless of whatever your opinion of that person's parenting skills are. Because that kind of gestapo Eugenics can be turned on anyone. Say the next child I have is a girl. It's not a crime to try one more time for a boy if I'm okay with three children (this is actually my plan if the next is a girl, I'm willing to give it another go in attempt to get a boy, if there are no boys that's not a bad thing, but hey might as well try). My grandma kept trying to have a boy, she ended up with 11 girls two boys. o.O
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 11:28 am
TexasMomma Nopenname TexasMomma A girl I know got preganet a month after having her son. eek My doc told me that the first three months after birth, you are at a higher risk of pregancey. I wish the US would make a law that 3 kids where maxiam per couple. I know a girl who is my age, 20 and she just had her 5th kid. She a horriable parent, I've been in blockbuster with her before and she walked right out and went to the store across the road,where her car was parked and left her 18 month old and her 4 year old in the store .I freaked out and called her cell she like"OPps I forgot about them".I think 2 or 3 kids is more then enough for a singel parent. Personaly I think 2 kids is the perfect number,thus you don't have to get reed of you're sport cars.lol Well, I'm not in favor of limiting the reproductive rights of any person in either direction (the right to have none vs. the right to have a ton) regardless of whatever your opinion of that person's parenting skills are. Because that kind of gestapo Eugenics can be turned on anyone. Say the next child I have is a girl. It's not a crime to try one more time for a boy if I'm okay with three children (this is actually my plan if the next is a girl, I'm willing to give it another go in attempt to get a boy, if there are no boys that's not a bad thing, but hey might as well try). My grandma kept trying to have a boy, she ended up with 11 girls two boys. o.O Well I'm not going that far, I only want three kids max. I told my husband a loooooong time ago he gets three chances. Yes, it is important for my husband to have a boy, because he is the LAST (well besides our daughter) and it DOES matter to him emotionally that the name dies with him if he only has girls. Some people think that it's stupid. I can understand. His dad probably won't live to see Lis get to kindergarten and then it's just William.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 2:45 pm
Like i have said before, I got pregnant 2-3 months after I had my first. Now they are 3 and nearly 2. Yeah I had a hard time with it, but truthfuly i couldnt imagine it anyother way. I had a miscarriage around the first of january, and while Logicaly I am better off not being pregnant right now, It hurt me deeply. Ive always wanted a big loving family. Since my family only consitsts of me my kids and my soon to be husband, I woudl kind of like to have atleast 2 more kids. This ofcourse relies on our financial status. Im hoping that since my husband is getting a better job (finaly something he has training for not just fast food) we are hoping to try for a baby in the next year, unless i get the weightloss surgery. Then i have to wait for the time limit it imposes.
The way I see it if you can feed them, love them and support them, have as many as you like.
My brother and i are like strangers, but its due to how my mom raised us. she favors boys. She even treats my son better than she does my daughter. She tells me I wouldnt even be a part of her life if it wernt for the kids, but shes giving the house i currently live in to my brother so he never has to worry about a home. She wont consider helping me get a loan for a house.
multiple kids are fine, aslong as people realise that you have to spread your love equaly. to me it came naturaly, so i figure unless you have problems like my mom does it wobt be a problem.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 2:47 pm
Nopenname Well I'm not going that far, I only want three kids max. I told my husband a loooooong time ago he gets three chances. Yes, it is important for my husband to have a boy, because he is the LAST (well besides our daughter) and it DOES matter to him emotionally that the name dies with him if he only has girls. Some people think that it's stupid. I can understand. His dad probably won't live to see Lis get to kindergarten and then it's just William. I completely understand. Tetravus is the last male with the family name from his great-grandfather down. If that wasn't the case, I doubt he would care very much about having a boy. I'm willing to try up to four times, at this point. That may very well be amended after giving birth.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 6:20 pm
My first two kids were only 10 months and 3 weeks apart in age and my younger one of the two was overdue. He was 8'4 1/2 oz when he was born and had a full head of hair. It was like raising twins when they both were in their terrible two's. Thankfully my older daughter was potty trained by 15 months and walking at the age of 11 months.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 6:42 pm
First off, I want to assure you, it was not your post or your topic that had the abortion thread locked, it was other issues that came up that began to escalade, and we could forsee a problem forming. Your question was relevant, and if you have any more questions about it, feel free to PM any of the mods here, and we will be happy to eithor answer the questions to the best of our knowledge, or refer you to another mod, or member of the guild who would be suitable for answering.
And as to this topic.
I would love to have more children, when Im ready, when Ive finished school, Im on my own, and hopefully in a steady relationship minimum, or best situation married.
If your not ready right now, for a pregnancy again, talk to your doctor about your concerns, and how you feel about the depo shot. There are many other options that dont involve getting your tubes tied smile .
Thats one of the great things about having children, they are all different, and there is always more room to love. Yes there will be some favoring on both sides for different reasons, based on family dynamics, such as one child might be good at asking for things, making it easy to say yes, the other confrontational, but excels in safety, so you can trust them more going to the store for you when they are old enough.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. And in some ways, having a second child makes life harder and in other ways it makes life easier. You have another schedual to toss about, but you have another child to help you out. You have some experience, so its easier in that your not going to panic the first time your second gets a diaper rash or is colicky.
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 7:06 pm
Oh and if you are breastfeeding AND on the minipill still use a condom when you are having sex AS WELL if you are afraid. I mean he can b***h all he wants about the way it feels but screw that s**t, he didn't just pop out a kid.
use it until you are able to get on stronger birth control or feel that you are no longer freaked out.
If your partner balks tell him TS he can make do without sex.
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 5:17 am
We'd love another baby sometime soon.... not too soon, maybe next year. I hope Theo won't be too old by then, but I have a 4 and 6 year gap between my little brothers and myself and we always played together like a little brat pack. We fought, of course, still do- but I consider them friends, especially the older one. We are pretty similar.
Because I helped out taking care of them while my mum was sick, I feel like I understand boys more than girls... even though I am one! I was very out of sync with girls my age as a teenager and I confess I would be more nervous of having a teenage girl that a teenage boy. But parenting is a learning curve anyway, so what will be will be. I love our family and I'd love to grow it a little. I might not go they way of my Papa's mother- she had 14 eek or Brads grandmother- 10- but three sounds about right to me.
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:47 am
eek wow exactly what i was looking for heart
my parents are far from great...they are very immature...a lot of the time i feel like the parent. there are plenty of things i can b***h about my parents (specifically my mother confused ) but there's no need...just know my parents aren't exactly supportive...just...lending a hand in the shelter department while we save sweatdrop
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