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 Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:33 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:34 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:35 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:38 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:39 pm
confused I suppose equally heart-wrenching would be to say Julian lost his TV remote control.
... xp He has a few... "issues."
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:40 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:41 pm
crying Anybody? The contest is tomorrow.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:42 pm
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 11:44 am
Allthough I had trouble understanding what the story is comong from, I wish you good luck.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 9:51 am
umm...that sounds like a...bizarre contest. Er, good luck.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:56 pm
Um...it's definitely disembodied...I'm not quite sure about the heart-wrenching part...
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:39 pm
that isn't disjointed or ornignal to my eyes...
myaybe I'm nutzo.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:22 pm
That seems really great, but I would suggest adding more details about the surroundings and feelings, expressions, textures, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
She sobbed in his arms, drenching him in sorrow. He merely stood there, comforting her with all he could, taking in her wailing sadness with every second. Time seemed to stop for the two as they stood there, sharing the pain.
Sorry, not the best example I guess. sweatdrop I'm sleepy.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 5:11 am
You could've killed a little puppy, too.
That makes any story the saddest.
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 7:42 pm
You should break up the middle sentence into more sentences to add more detail. It was kind of hard to follow in my opinion. She is crying about her mother dying, yes, but what about the other details, what is that all about?
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