|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 7:56 pm
"..just a lot of inquisitive idiots." I have a friend who is very dear to me, but he just doesn't understand asexuality at all. It's not that he's the type to go mess around with any girl that's willing, it's more like the whole, "you're not like me, you must be sick in some way" sort of thing. And, due to his fascination with psychology that I now find excrutiatingly annoying, he's convinced that he's figured out why I'm asexual. According to him, because my mother taught me about sex at a young age(we asked her where babies came from when my brother and I were like 3 or 4, and she's always believed that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know.). However, he completely ignores me when I try to say HOW she taught us. It's not like she's some kind of perverted-freak-*****. She carefully explained what things were for, how it worked, and that it was something very special that you could only do with someone you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. Granted, because the explaination involved "potty parts", it was immediately rebuted by several obnoxious variations of "eeewwwwiiiiieeee", but it's one of the few things I still remember from when I was that young, and a treasured example about how much she cared for us. Even my brother, who's heterosexual, still firmly believes the things she said that day- even if she had to repeat it a few times to let the message sink in over the years. So, you can imagine how ticked off I was when he suggested that(I punched him >_<). He didn't care that it wasn't done Hollywood-esque with a bad parent abusing innocent children. He wanted to believe it was that way because he needed something to goog over. He's still my friend, we still talk, but he's constantly quizzing me on things and trying to convince me to think the exact same way he thinks, which'll never fly, because I'm not Catholic, not sheltered, and sure as Hell am not convinced that anything I don't understand is "evil" or "sinful". The other day, he was asking me obtrusive and annoying questions as usual: (Him)"So, how do you feel about flowers?" (Me)"Flowers?" "Yeah, like if someone gave you some." "Well, I'm allergic to them, and the only time I ever get them is when I'm having a cyst attack and am stuck in the hospital, so either way I'd think they were trying to kill me." (laughter) (Him)"What if they gave you plastic flowers?" "Why would I want plastic flowers?" "Just answer the question." "I'd think that they'd laid a hit on me and felt bad, because of what I said about the hospital thing." By then he was immediately convinced that I wasn't aromantic because he could convince me to start dating... which was just oodles of fun. Fortunately, it ended when my other friends ganged up and threatened to report him to the principal for harrassment, but he still bothers and quizzes me. Any of your friends put you in a predicament like this, or just don't understand?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:11 pm
Well, I can't exactly tell you that the talk stimulated my psych in any way, since I had my talk when I was 13, revised version when I came home with a boy instead of a girl at the age of 15. I discovered that I was asexual when I was 17. I had gone around in 2 years wondering why I loved my boyfriend, but never felt anything sexual for him. We were never taught about this in school. The world is very unforgiving for this. And the fact that just like homosexuality, they believe that it's 'unnatural'.
In many ways; I've received a lot of odd comments;
-"Are you scared of guys or what?"
-"You're just a prude."
-"Are you sure that you're gay?"
-"Are you sure? You just haven't met the right man."
and there's always the more cocky version of thats...
-"Are you sure? You just haven't met me yet."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 8:12 pm
Telamond Well, I can't exactly tell you that the talk stimulated my psych in any way, since I had my talk when I was 13, revised version when I came home with a boy instead of a girl at the age of 15. I discovered that I was asexual when I was 17. I had gone around in 2 years wondering why I loved my boyfriend, but never felt anything sexual for him. We were never taught about this in school. The world is very unforgiving for this. And the fact that just like homosexuality, they believe that it's 'unnatural'. In many ways; I've received a lot of odd comments; -"Are you scared of guys or what?" -"You're just a prude." -"Are you sure that you're gay?" -"Are you sure? You just haven't met the right man." and there's always the more cocky version of thats... -"Are you sure? You just haven't met me yet." D}X I'm so sorry to hear that. With all the s**t I get just for being asexual, I can't imagine having it doubled from being gay in addition. Someone needs to make a very large pit to throw all these intolerant bigots in...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 10:29 pm
I don't think I've ever had the talk with my parents. Most of what I've been able to determine about sex came from those stupid health classes and all those stick-in-the-hole references that my elementary friends made. I mean, I didn't even know what female pee holes looked like then.
So you put two and two together.
Ishrie, I'd hate to deal with people like your friend. It's the stubbornness that gets to me. I think it's your friend's refusal to accept that you're different that's preventing him from understanding and sympathizing with you. In fact, I think this applies to everyone else who finds the idea of asexuality implausible. My friend doesn't believe that anyone can be asexual, but yet she is astounded by my lack of testosterone. I guess I go against the constantly-horny male stereotype. But then again, I'm a nerd, so I don't know about that.
Another one of my friends finds this incredulous. After asking me about this and that ("Do you have any crushes? Do you think about girls? Do you wish that you were in a relationship?"), he believed me. He admitted that he envied my inherent ability to not get horny or excited over the opposite gender. He finds it difficult to stop thinking about girls. I find it difficult to stop thinking about homework.
I don't think that school could be a cause for asexuality. Even though I might have loads of homework to prevent me from thinking about other trivialities, I feel as if something is impeding the functioning of my hormones. 'Tis intrinsic, unaffected by external causes such as homework and bitchy teachers.
Maybe throwing all the ignorant people into a giant pit would help. They would go away and all the people who do care or tolerate it would be left. And there would also be enough sex to go around to procreate, so we wouldn't need to worry about losing our population. Besides, it's not like the population will go down or anything, provided that there won't be any epidemics. That stupid bird flu better not turn into something nasty.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 3:37 am
Xumbra
Maybe throwing all the ignorant people into a giant pit would help. They would go away and all the people who do care or tolerate it would be left. And there would also be enough sex to go around to procreate, so we wouldn't need to worry about losing our population. Besides, it's not like the population will go down or anything, provided that there won't be any epidemics. That stupid bird flu better not turn into something nasty.
Cool!
Hey, we'll survive the bird flu, maybe not all of us, but we are like billions here on Earth. No need to worry. We would survive even if 50% where asexual... well, even 100%. There are other ways to get babies.
And the world doesn't need human anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 7:44 pm
gyyyyaaaaaahhhh! *whcaks forehead into wall* there's this guy up on campus, who just won't leave me alone. I gave him all of the information On asexuality I could, and he still seems to be after me. Once, in a email he sent me, he said that I was 'near perfect' and I only had a 'few character flaws' One was that I tear myself down too much. ( it was for an essay I was doing, And the question was 'what do you want to change about yourself?' my answer? my posture, 'cause I slouch.) the other reason? 'you're asexual' I told him I'd beat the crap out of him if he ever said anything to that effect again. anyways, he claims that he's trying to 'put the feelings away' but he keeps trying to snuggle me and all this garbage...Oh! Just remembered another thing he asked me! 'if you ever stopped being asexual, would you go out with me?" *SMACK!* (does anyone know how I can get him to leave me alone, other than telling my dad, the ex-marine martial arts 'destroy the person who's harassing my daughter'kind of guy?)
People can be so random/rude about it too. Another 'friend' asked ma about a girl I know, what she was like. Told him I didn't know.
Me: ah well. i don't really care about dating and stuffs.
Him: i know you don't which is why i aks ed you about her smile ) (actually cut from the conversation, that's why the spellings so bad.)
Now not only do I see this as rude, It also seems to not have any logic to it at all. Anyone else agree?
Some of my non-idiotic friends are still learning about the whole asexual thing, like the thought patterns, and what I will do, and what I won't, but they're not rude about it, more suprised really.
I'm still gathering my courage to tell my parents, and to have the knowlegde to be able to fend off any of the annoying questions when they come.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:48 pm
Riot_Maker People can be so random/rude about it too. Another 'friend' asked ma about a girl I know, what she was like. Told him I didn't know. Me: ah well. i don't really care about dating and stuffs. Him: i know you don't which is why i aks ed you about her smile ) (actually cut from the conversation, that's why the spellings so bad.) Now not only do I see this as rude, It also seems to not have any logic to it at all. Anyone else agree? I think I can see where this friend is coming from. I might be seeing it wrong, but it seems to me that he is asking you to get an unbiased opinion. If you don't care about dating and such, then you would have a very honest opinion to give him that was not clouded by views of relationships.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:56 pm
himitsudane Riot_Maker People can be so random/rude about it too. Another 'friend' asked ma about a girl I know, what she was like. Told him I didn't know. Me: ah well. i don't really care about dating and stuffs. Him: i know you don't which is why i aks ed you about her smile ) (actually cut from the conversation, that's why the spellings so bad.) Now not only do I see this as rude, It also seems to not have any logic to it at all. Anyone else agree? I think I can see where this friend is coming from. I might be seeing it wrong, but it seems to me that he is asking you to get an unbiased opinion. If you don't care about dating and such, then you would have a very honest opinion to give him that was not clouded by views of relationships. I think that by asking you for an opinion because you don't care about dating and such, he acknowledges the fact that you really don't care, which in a way is better than those who denies asexuality.
|
|
|
|
|
|
The MoUsY spell-checker Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:09 am
Mikusagi Hey, we'll survive the bird flu, maybe not all of us, but we are like billions here on Earth. No need to worry. We would survive even if 50% where asexual... well, even 100%. There are other ways to get babies.
And the world doesn't need human anyway. Artificial Insemination has had great successes. ~~~~~ I agree with the last two posts. My best friend is always asking me for my input. I personally, cant see how relationships can be so confusing. Although, I'm glad that i don't have to worry about that. It's not like i rack my brain for answers. I just tell her what I honestly think. Just common sense, when common sense seems like madness to the one involved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:45 am
Oh man, I know. I've always felt like I should act honestly and rationally in my dealings with people, and especially be careful to see things from others' perspectives before acting against it.
One of my roommates is having some "guy trouble", and it bothers me that she (and my other roommate who helps her through) can get so angry at the guy behind his back without really being considerate of his point of view or trying to explain herself honestly to him. It seems like a very wrong way to go about doing things, but I'm not about to butt in. =x
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 12:48 pm
same here. It just avoids so many sticky messes that could have been, because, instead of gossip and lies, its just the clear and unaltered truth. It makes you feel good, because you know that you said what you meant regardless of what would've been the "thing to do." Honesty truly in a virtue. Especially in a world where it is "ok" to lie and the like just to step on someone else's head to get above them.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like, when I give her my honest advice when she asks for it, we end up having an all-out flaming session. No, I mean, venting is good sometimes because its a whole lot better than bottling it up. They just have to make sure to not be attacking him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:33 am
Oh don't get me started on relationships. I get so confused about them...I've sworn off dating (easy enough, 'cause I'm so close to my friends anyway).
I've never really gone into the asexuality thing to any depth with anyone. I don't dare because I'm still so unsure.
But...there's this one person I'm really, really close to. We tell each other practically everything. I mentioned asexuality to him...and he was like 'But surely that's a mindset - you can think that, but surely you can't change the way your body responds to sexual attraction without serious mental or physical defects.' I'd said asexuality was 'a sexuality whereby one experiences no sexual attraction'.
I can't argue with him. I want to. But... I've never experienced any desire to have sex. I don't know what 'sexual attraction' is.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 7:20 am
There is a strong like-li-hood that you are, then, but don't take what I said as fact, I'm just pointing out the significant probability. It is very hard to get someone of of that mindset. Either they accept asexuality as valid, or they just,for some odd reason, can't bring themselves to believe it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 2:23 pm
Thanks. I've pretty much accepted the fact I'm asexual now (I still prefer the term bi-platonic-romantic though). Still, I'll wait a good few years before accepting it as a finality. God I hope I am though...
And he's accepted asexuality exists now too. I knew it wouldn't take much to convince him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:43 pm
Yoder There is a strong like-li-hood that you are, then, but don't take what I said as fact, I'm just pointing out the significant probability. It is very hard to get someone of of that mindset. Either they accept asexuality as valid, or they just,for some odd reason, can't bring themselves to believe it.
A simple refusal, if paired with an explanation, may not be enough. Humans are perpetually searching for ways to explain the unknown. Maybe asexuality stems from a hormone imbalance in the brain. Maybe asexuality stems from surviving a traumatic incident. Maybe asexuality stems from sexual aversion disorder. These explanations seem to show us how we are in the wrong, but really, I don't think it's that important. They should just accept who we are and not care about why we are this way.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
