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 Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 7:53 am
If Riker was any less stubborn, he might have realized that walking home after sustaining any kind of injury would probably be regretted about half way there. It took him just a few blocks to start feeling the weight of his exhaustion, especially as the adrenaline began to wane.
His injuries now were absolutely not the worst he’d ever had. Nothing could really outmatch almost dying after being stabbed by Yvoire’s own weapon just a year ago. Compared to that, shredded fingers from youma teeth and quills embedded in his chest (however temporarily) should have been tolerable. But the black of his hoodie (yes in the heat) was already soaking up blood, and he had to knot his sleeves around his hands just to keep the grocery bags from getting slippery.
The guilt was there too, of course, gnawing at him. Maybe he should have pushed harder to get Lisse to a hospital. But… no, the line of questioning had gotten too personal. Too uncomfortable. He knew that Lisse -- that Luke -- wasn’t dangerous. It wasn’t that he disliked him -- much less hated him -- it was just that… the guy was so much. And tonight, Riker hadn’t had it in him to carry that weight.
Riker fumbled with his keys, but somehow managed to get the right one into the lock. Stubborn. Bleeding. Exhausted. His chest throbbed, his fingers felt like they were on fire, and underneath it all, he was still irritated -- because what a stupid conversation to get tangled in! Love languages and snacks! Quilted capes! And who was more pink! Riker wanted to collapse, but he couldn’t help but offer Maxim a small, weary smile when he was greeted at the door.
“Hey,” he said, voice low so as not to disturb the rest of the house. He crouched down to give Maxim a rub (through his sleeve so he wouldn’t get blood on him), and ended up being unable to immediately stand back up. So he set the plastic bags beside him and kicked the door shut as gently as he could.
“I don’t suppose you can deliver this bag to the kitchen, can you? It’s got the heavy cream, mustard, tortillas…” His voice was tired, but fond. “Got some pepperoni just for you. I just can’t open the bag right now.”
He leaned against the wall for a moment, pale and trembling, pretending he only needed a breath. He was fine. Really. He just needed bandages -- and maybe, ironically, some juice after all.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:01 am
“Riker?” Evan called from the kitchen, and paused as he waited for a response. Riker took too long, because he very badly needed to know if some burglar had just wandered in. Maxim was useless, as the dog would have probably greeted either with the same enthusiasm. So, his head poked out from the kitchen promptly–and he immediately frowned.
“What happened?” Evan asked, not coldly, but with the intensity of someone who had already started to piece together the answer to a question they hadn’t wanted to ask.
He didn’t wait.
Riker was pale, and the way he was carrying himself was off. The way he was leaning against the wall made him look like he was going to go down any minute now, so Evan hurried.
Maxim’s tail had drooped low, so even though his tail wagged and he continued to press his nose against Riker’s hand, Evan could still see how the dog seemed so uncertain. Happy, but wary–maybe bordering fearful, even.
“Put the bags down,” Evan said, and when Riker didn’t move fast enough, he pried the plastic from his fingertips and dropped them to the floor. A lump in his throat made his voice tremble when he spoke. “Where are you hurt? I can smell the blood on you so don’t lie to me.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:03 am
“Hi mom,” he hummed in quiet amusement to himself as he let Evan help remove the bags that had been stuck in his grasp. Although his fond expression shifted into bewilderment when Evan said he could smell blood on him.
“Really? I wasn’t trying to keep things from you,” he promised, but before he pulled back his sleeves, he placed his arms lightly over Evan’s shoulders to give him a gentle hug. Maybe not just for comfort, but to keep himself fully upright. He was tired, and he could hear the worry in Evan’s voice, could see the way even Maxim was looking at him.
“There was a youma, that’s all. I’m… maybe a five out of ten. Tore up my hands though,” he admitted with a quiet hiss, only imagining how painful it would be to do schoolwork. Or play his guitar. “It had some sharp quills that got me in the chest, but they disappeared when it did. Was helping out a friend. He’s worse off than me, but heading to the hospital for a nasty bite.”
At least that was what he thought had been Lisse’s plan. That’s what they’d talked about.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:04 am
Even wanted to be reassured. He wanted to say, ‘Oh, is that all? Okay,’ and be done with it, but he couldn’t. It should have been him hugging Riker, but he found his arms hovering awkwardly to the side, half raised to hug but simply not knowing where was safe to touch.
Evan could smell the blood–or maybe he just thought he could, but it didn’t matter because he couldn’t see it. And the injuries to his fingers were absolutely not enough to be bleeding that much.
That dark jacket was doing Riker a lot of favors.
But, Riker had come a long way, even just in these past few months. It wasn’t so very long ago that he would have just lied and brushed Evan off.
“Okay,” Evan said, and took the briefest of moments to kiss Riker’s forehead. Better that than letting the panic flood through him, at least. Evan was calm–as calm as anyone could be when faced with a five out of ten, which was still pretty bad.
“Oh, your poor hands.” He wanted to see them, wanted to turn them over and examine them, wanted to hold them. Instead, Evan just hovered anxiously a few inches away, like his presence alone might somehow make things worse.
“Okay,” he repeated, and then, “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital? –No, of course you don't want to go to the hospital.”
If he had, he’d have gone with his friend. “How bad is your chest? Can we go to the bathroom, can you show me? I don’t want to crowd you but I don’t like chest injuries. If something–” pierced your chest it might puncture a lung? Yeah, okay, give Riker a complex. “...um, youma dust…could…infection?”
It was a lame suggestion. He didn’t sound confident at all. The groceries were all but forgotten–even Maxim was more interested in nudging Riker’s knee with his nose than going through them.
“...The point is, I want to make sure you’re okay. If your hands are hurt, I don’t know how well you’ll be able to do first aid.” But a five out of ten needed treatment.
Riker had been honest with him, so Evan trusted him. He caught his gaze and asked, “How do you want to do this, Riker? You’re home, you’re safe. Do you want me to get Julian? Zac? –Talia can heal,” he reminded, but regardless of whatever magic she could tap into, Evan was sure Riker wouldn’t be happy with several people crowded around him and fussing, regardless of what state of dress or undress he was in. Better to get the awkward things out of them way first. Better to make a plan and act instead of just keep throwing options at Riker.
Evan just wanted Riker to know that he had a say in this–and he had a house full of people that cared about him and were ready to help however possible.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:04 am
Riker did his best to indulge Evan, such as leaning down for the kiss on his forehead, even if he just wanted some pain medicine and to take a nap. He would probably regret refusing actual healing magic in the morning once the adrenaline had completely dissipated and the medicine had worn off, but he couldn’t bring himself to want to get others involved.
It was embarrassing! He could handle things on his own. He’d survived this long. Sure, the Code needed to magic up his friends to the Moon so he didn’t pass out from blood loss once. And there was the time, like, ten people tried to keep him alive -- and succeeded! So that was nice. He just didn’t want them to always be looking at him, expecting he would keel over.
His nose wrinkled in clear disapproval when Evan mentioned Zac -- and Talia as well.
“Oh, yeah, so Zac can critique me on how I should’ve been more careful, or not shove my hands in a youma’s mouth. Yeah, I get it. Lesson learned,” he huffed but shuffled his way toward the bathroom so Evan would stop worrying so much. He knew Evan was probably right in that he wouldn’t be able to do much with first aid on his own. Well, he probably could, but it wouldn’t be clean or neat.
As for Evan getting Julian, Riker’s expression smoothed out a bit, his voice a little softer now, even with the exhaustion. “I don’t know if I want him to see me cry. He’s just going to worry. It was his old roommate I was helping out. Creepy thing with teeth had his arm. I didn’t really think about it. I knew if I swung my sword I might’ve taken out his ribs, too. Or broken his arm. Or made the youma bite down harder and make the wound worse. I mean… when you’re stuck in a bear trap, you’re not supposed to rip your leg out, right?” That was just asking for torn muscle and possibly broken bones.
He didn’t purposefully keep secrets from Julian, but he did feel guilty about making him worry so much all the time. He wanted to see Julian, to go ahead and reassure him that he was fine, just a little torn up, and that he might need help with a few things until he sucked it up and got a healer involved. A few tears from pain was normal, and Riker would do his best to suck it up and bite back the response.
But if Julian was busy, or if he was resting, then it was better to give him a few more moments of peace.
In the bathroom, Riker struggled with the hoodie. He needed Evan to help tug on the sleeves so he could pull his arms out, and then carefully lifted the fabric up and over his head. He whimpered pathetically, despite his effort at remaining silent. He only had a teeshirt under the hoodie, but despite the dark fabric, it was already stained through with dots of blood.
“Can youma dust really cause infection?” he forced a frown instead of a grimace, blinking back the wetness in his eyes as he maneuvered his arms out of those sleeves. He wasn’t looking forward to putting his hands under the water in the sink. Or peeling away the shirt. “I don’t think it’s that bad. More superficial.” He didn’t have to remind Evan that he would definitely know the difference between too deep and just surface deep, what with the scar on his abdomen.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:05 am
Though Evan had briefly huffed when Riker rejected Zac, Evan had bit back the urge to insist that Zac had no room to criticize. Especially after Riker explained himself. He had solid reasoning. Sounded like something Zac might say, too. But with fewer expletives. And it was a bit more honest. And with significantly less snark.
Maybe there would have been some comfort in taking time to tease about Zac but Evan had quickly honed in on every new point brought up in the conversation.
He didn't close the bathroom door all the way, mostly because Maxim wouldn’t give them any peace if he thought he was being shut out, but it was closed enough that someone would have to hit Evan with the door before they could get it open enough to see anything.
Evan grimaced as he looked at the injuries but–
Maybe it was more superficial. Maybe. Evan thought it was too much damage no matter what. Riker’s little whine of pain had said plenty about it. “I don’t think youma dust can cause infections,” he said, dropping to his knees to pull the first aid kit from below the sink. A third of the supplies were missing since he’d last checked. Briefly, he looked at Riker, but Zac was probably the most likely culprit.
The kit still had everything he needed.
“That was really smart of you–to handle the youma like that, Riker? Good job, I’m proud of you. You can move a little slower now that you’re here, you don’t have to rush. It’s okay if you cry a little, that’s how the body processes pain. It’s a good stress relief. And it’s got all those endorphins. I don’t think you should be ashamed of it. And don’t let Zac tell you otherwise, he’s so stupid. You should be proud of your body for trying to help itself heal quickly,” he said, incredibly biased because he’d already had his own teenage angst about the frequency of his own tears.
Now, he cried whenever he felt like he needed to. He wanted those endorphins.
“I’ve got some disinfectant spray. I don’t know if it’ll help your chest but it might help your hands. It’s got lidocaine–topical numbing. It’ll make it hurt less, but I don’t want you to think that means you’re safe to be using them normally. I want you to take it easy.”
He didn’t press about much, instead electing to just be as effective as possible to make sure Riker was treated quickly. Evan didn’t want to see him suffer. “Go ahead and sit down,” he said, but already offered his arm to help him down. “I’ll go as fast as possible. We don’t have to tell Julian if you don’t want to. He was folding laundry, I think. Maxim can keep him busy.”
There wasn’t a snout trying to push open the door so Evan could only assume that Maxim was either checking in with someone else, digging through the bags, or guarding the hallway for them.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:05 am
Riker scoffed under his breath, then immediately winced when the motion pulled at his chest. He didn’t say it out loud, but he thought about being second guessed before. About why he hadn’t handled the youma differently. But Lisse had also suggested his brother do things differently as well, so maybe it was just a Lisse thing. Still, it was hard not to doubt himself after he thought he’d done something right. Evan calling it smart helped more than he’d admit.
“Yeah… that’s good,” he mumbled when told Julian would be fine being kept busy. His shoulders drooped a bit, perhaps in disappointment, but he quickly straightened up. It was better if Julian didn’t have to drop everything for him. He’d had enough people hovering when he was at his worst. He didn’t need that all over again. Riker didn’t have to be selfish for attention all of the time.
He let Evan guide him down to sit, hands heavy and aching in his lap. He tried to focus on even breaths, but every shallow inhale made the sore spots on his chest hurt worse.
“If you think it’ll help, I can try it,” he agreed, nodding toward the disinfectant spray. He grimaced faintly. “Just don’t laugh if I make any noises. I’m not trying to be dramatic. It just… hurts.”
He glanced to the side for the moment, avoiding Evan’s face.
“And I know… about the crying thing. You’re right, it’s normal. I just…” he rubbed the back of his wrist against his temple, trying not to smear blood. “I hate giving anyone another reason to think I can’t handle myself. You, Julian, Zac… even Maxim. I want you to trust me not to fall apart all the time.”
The words felt heavier than he’d meant them to, so he cleared his throat and forced a small, half smile.
“But I’ll take the endorphins if they come with it. Just don’t tell Zac I said that.”
He offered Evan one of his wrists first, fingers twitching slightly with pain.
“Thanks, by the way,” he mumbled, his voice soft with weariness. “For not… you know, making this a bigger deal than it already feels like in my head.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:05 am
“Well, if I freak out, you’ll try to hide it more,” Evan hummed. He twisted the cap off of the spray with slight difficulty, sprayed it in the air like it was perfume, and then looked like he’d confused even himself. He shook his head and said, “It’ll feel a little cool. Just let it sit for a minute and let me know how it’s feeling, okay? I used this the last time I cut myself and I couldn’t feel anything in like two minutes. We’ll see. I’m not a professional so don’t judge me if I’m doing it wrong. I just want it to be numb-ish before we do the peroxide. But this part won’t hurt,” he promised–and aside from the change in temperature, there was nothing particularly notable about the mist. Except, maybe, how excessively Evan sprayed it on Riker’s hand.
The instructions said to clean the injury first, but–what was the point of numbing something if it was just going to hurt? He’d just spray more on later. “I guess I should have gotten you some medicine first so it could start working. Sorry, I’m all over the place,” Evan said, which might have been the only indication that he might have actually been flustered.
He was making his best effort.
“I won’t tell Zac anything, make whatever noises you want. A youma tried to eat you,” he pointed out, “I’m not going to think you’re being dramatic–Riker,” he looked at him quickly, just to impress upon him the earnestness of his words. “Of course it hurts, you don’t have to pretend like it doesn’t. You’re not a robot. You’re very strong, Riker–stronger than most of the people I know. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I think very highly of you. Trust me, crying is not one of those things that would make me think you couldn’t handle yourself. I already told you, I think it’s very healthy.”
But, a long time ago, someone else had planted the seed of doubt and sprinkled shame in the soil of Riker’s heart. Someone else told him it was bad, so Riker grew up thinking he deny himself the luxury, as if it weren’t simply something human.
“I think people are more likely to fall apart if they don’t have a healthy outlet.” Evan was talking too much, maybe just to fill the silence as he flitted from one injury to the next, trying to take care of all of them in tandem–oh, the medicine, he needed to get that. But he didn’t want to leave Riker alone. He needed to get water for him. Needed to–
Needed to stay focused–needed to stay on task.
“Even if you did fall apart, it wouldn’t change anything. No one would love you any less. Just so you know. You wouldn’t be any less strong, either. And–you’re just talking about pain, anyway. I bet that was scary, too.”
Riker’s shoulders still seemed to be drooping. Evan hadn’t missed the way he’d folded into himself just slightly, as if he were disappointed that Julian was somewhere else. Riker had a tendency to deny himself simple kindnesses, like he didn’t think he was worth the effort. Or maybe he was just worried that someone would resent him for asking.
Sometimes he needed someone to offer it to him to know it was okay. Evan just didn’t want to be pushy. He didn’t want Riker to feel like he ever had to accept something he didn’t want.
“Julian would say the same thing,” he said, before he’d really thought about it. “So you know it’s not just me thinking it. But I’m sure you’ll hear it from him later. He’ll probably notice your hands.” Maybe not the chest, but Evan couldn’t imagine leaving his hands unbandaged, and it wasn’t like Riker could wear gloves or hide in pockets the whole time, either. “...But, I can tell him not to ask, if you don’t want to talk about it.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:06 am
Riker huffed quietly when Evan said the youma had tried to eat him, but there was no weight behind the sound.
“Didn’t really try to,” he mumbled, his voice soft and weary with fatigue. “I was the one who put my hands in its mouth. Not exactly the same thing.” Still, he didn’t pull away when Evan misted his skin down like a houseplant in summer. He could put up with the peroxide. He could put up with anything, if it was Evan helping.
The cool sting settled and dulled, and he flexed his bloody, torn fingers carefully, although they still throbbed with an ache that was impossible to ignore.
“You’re not doing it wrong,” he added after a moment, as if Evan needed the reassurance more than he did. “You’re doing fine. Better than fine. I trust you.”
It was strange, in a way, how little hesitation he felt with Evan. He trusted him. The same way he trusted Julian. It hadn’t always been like that, of course. He’d been cautious. He’d pushed them away. He tried running, but… They hadn’t left. They never demanded he be something else. He couldn’t explain if he was asked, or at least not in a way that would make sense.
“...I don’t mind if Julian asks,” he said finally, shoulders lifting in a small shrug. “I’d rather he knew. I mean, it’s better than him wondering.” He wasn’t going to brag about it, but hiding things always seemed worse. Julian was… different. He didn’t know how to explain why Julian mattered so much, or why it felt different with him. Or how Evan -- forever patient and kind -- had already stepped into a place that had been empty his whole life. Just how Zac had relented and was trying to fill another hole.
He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. So he swallowed and tried again.
“You’re a better mom than I ever had.”
It was both easy to admit and difficult to say in a way that he almost flinched at his own honestly. Of course Evan knew that was how he felt. This wasn’t the first time she’d been brought up. But for Evan to think he was doing anything wrong? Impossible.
“That woman--...” he said, voice low with a bitter growl. “She was nothing. She never cared if I came home bleeding. Never cared if she caused me to bleed. Did it on purpose, more times than I can count. I was a convenient punching bag, desperate for her to love me, so of course I let her. I never fought back.” He moved his fingers again, looking at how shredded they looked, and yet he couldn’t help but think about how he would have just had to endure it, if he was still with her. “But you’re here, and Julian’s here. You’ve both given me more than any mom or brother ever could.”
He stopped, his breathing too shallow, his eyes hot but his face still dry. He wasn’t crying, or at least he wasn’t crying yet. But he felt raw and vulnerable, walls stripped down to nothing while in Evan’s care.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:06 am
Evan smiled at Riker’s soft reassurance, but it was short-lived no matter how hard he tried to keep it pressed in place.
For a moment, it was quiet. The only sound in the room was the low hum of the lightbulbs over the sink, and the sudden, steady thump of Maxim’s wagging tail against the door.
“It’s not tough competition,” Evan said apologetically, though he wished it were. Riker was navigating heavy emotions. He didn’t want to push him in any direction; he let the emotions settle. Let Riker process them as they came to him.
Gave him a safe space to feel whatever he needed to feel. To say whatever he needed to say.
Evan forced himself to keep working on Riker’s injuries, but in his haste he never sacrificed tenderness, or diligence.
“...You’re such a good boy, Riker. I hate what you had to live through. It wasn’t fair to you, you deserved so much more.” Not that any child deserved a family that hated him like that, but with Riker, it was more personal. Riker was his son, and as such, the cruelty inflicted on him was of the most vile sort, and was a particularly heinous brand of injustice.
“I don’t know how anyone could have been so awful to you. I really don’t. And I don’t know how you came out of that so good, either. You have such a good heart, Riker. They never deserved you. Or your love.” But, that was still hard to say to a kid. Or, maybe, hard for a kid to hear, when it was something they wanted so much.
Even now, Evan had fleeting thoughts of what he’d do if his parents ever called him. He kept the same phone number for a reason. Published his real name on his website, on interviews, just in case they searched. Posted a picture or two, if they just wanted to see that he was alive and well.
They hadn’t called. Maybe the wanting never went away.
But maybe it could be quieted. Maybe it wasn’t gone for good, but being gone sometimes was better than living with a gaping hole in your heart.
“You tried so hard, Riker. You gave them so much and they couldn’t give anything back. I’m so glad you’re here with me, now. But I’m sorry you had to live through them first.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:06 am
Riker shook his head slowly, a frown settling on his lips.
“I’m not that good,” he muttered, as if even letting Evan think that made it somehow dishonest. “I’ve done plenty of bad things. I… let my brother do whatever he wanted. Didn’t stop him when he picked on people. When he harassed them and hurt them. I tried copying him-- like, maybe if I acted mean enough, he’d finally notice me.”
Evan probably didn’t need Riker telling him all of this. They’d met when Beckett was bullying him, after all.
“I was awful at it, but that didn’t mean what I did hurt any less. I’d say stupid things about how people looked, or what they were doing. Just to try to get his or his friends' attention. Just to matter. He hated me anyway. And now the people I bullied hated me too.”
His fingers twitched a little in Evan’s careful hands, and he stared down at them, because it was easier to focus on that than realize how blurry his vision was getting.
“I was even mean to Julian. Not… I mean, it could have been a lot worse, but it still happened,” he said, the words getting caught in his throat as it tightened. “He’s too nice to see it, or maybe he just… forgave me without me deserving it. That’s just what he does. Lets people walk all over him. He never sticks up for himself. I don’t get how Lisse could think that Julian’s ever been unhappy with him or anyone. Julian wouldn’t tell me if he was.”
The thought made his stomach twist. Because he knew how gentle and kind Julian was. Always looking out for everyone else. Never wanting anything in return.
“So I’ll be the one who stands up for him,” he shared, but it had been something he’d decided long ago. “Someone who makes sure no one hurts him. Because he wouldn’t even know how to protect himself, even with a shield.” Even in fights, Dering’s shield was always focused on everyone else.
“Julian deserves better than that. Better than me, probably,” he said, his voice cracking a little, thin and raw. “But I’m not letting him go. Ever. He’s--” Riker’s breath caught in his throat, and he lifted the hand Evan wasn’t working on to rub the back against his face, smearing dampness he hadn’t realized had fallen.
“He’s my best friend. I don’t even know if he realizes how much he means to me. And you’re both two of the best people in my life. I can’t believe I even get to--... to have your names. It makes it feel like I belong to you. I don’t--” He took a moment to swallow hard. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t want to know.”
His expression crumpled, any fight left in him completely gone, and he pressed his sleeve to his eyes, as if that could hide anything from Evan when it clearly couldn’t.
“I’m just… grateful. For chances I don’t deserve. To you and Julian… Zac. Maxim. You’re my family. My real family. And I don’t care if I never had one before, because I do now.” The words were muffled, broken between shallow breaths, but they were there, completely unguarded.
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:06 am
“Are you saying that you’re not that good because you think–what, you’re not? Are you trying to lower my expectations for you? It won’t work,” Evan insisted, softly but with great conviction, as if nothing in this world could change his perception of Riker.
“I’m not going to pretend like the things you did were great–you made mistakes. But part of growing up is knowing when you did something wrong and trying to do better–and Riker, when was the last time you tried to hurt anyone? Well–anyone that wasn’t an enemy, but you know what I mean.” He hoped.
“You were a kid and you were hurting.” Riker had done things, but out of a desperate need to be acknowledged, to be loved.
Evan had been a teenager once. He remembered being a child.
He remembered how quick his father was to turn from him, and how eager his mother had been to be anywhere else. He remembered how easy it had been to seek attention from anyone, for anything, just to make him feel like somoene saw him.
To make him feel like someone wanted him.
“One day, you’ll look back at what happened and forgive yourself,” Evan said, and hoped more than anything that it was true. “Besides–the people who matter understand.” And Riker had been working so hard to make up for things he’d done before. Not everyone was going to forgive him, but he didn’t have to carve himself open in penance
“Making mistakes doesn’t mean you don’t deserve kindness and care, Riker. Just remember that.” Riker had struggled with it for as long as Evan had known him and he hadn’t really made much progress in shifting his world views on that yet. But, after seventeen years of thinking he deserved every bad thing that happened to him, Evan didn’t hold it against him. He’d find some way to get Riker to understand that he wasn’t the problem–even if it took seventeen more years just to undo what his family had done to him.
“You’re allowed to care about the people you had in your life before. And you’re allowed to be mad at them. And you’re allowed to cry,” Evan said again. He moved Riker’s hands away from his face, gently back to his lap, and tugged down his own sleeve. Evan’s sweater was soft, clean. He wiped Riker’s cheeks and dabbed at his eyes tenderly.
Evan knew how much he cared–and even if he’d doubted the capacity of Riker’s compassion, listening to him talk about Julian like he did would have chased away those thoughts. No, everything Riker did just further cemented Evan’s faith in him.
“You don’t have to explain it or justify it or anything. You’re allowed to say it hurts. But don’t say you don’t ‘deserve’ a chance to be happy. That’s so unfair to you. Life’s already been so unkind to you, Riker. Don’t make it harder on yourself. You’re not a bully–so don’t bully yourself, either. You’re my son. You have a family here that loves you very much. And we’re so happy to have you here. I’m grateful you’re here. And so is Maxim,” whose tail had wagged intermittently while they spoke, and which once again thumped against the door when he’d heard his name, “And Zac. And Julian. You don’t have to be ‘perfect’ for any of us. None of us are. Well–Maxim is–but the rest of us, I’m sure we’ve all got things we’d change about ourselves if we could. But I like you how you are. And I like you how you’ll be. You’re still growing up, Riker. You don’t have to have all the answers, you just have to have a safe place to figure them out. So that’s here with me, and the rest of us. Because we want you here. Now and forever, I promise.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:07 am
Riker’s breath hitched a little in his throat, and he lowered his head a little in his lingering shame as he watched the blur of his tended hands in Evan’s.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be good at that,” he admitted, his voice low and a bit wobbly. “At letting things go. Or believing I deserve better than what I had. But… I’m trying. Even if I don’t always know how,” he promised, blinking quickly to clear his vision, but his lashes were already damp.
He let Evan pull his hands down and didn’t resist when his cheeks were wiped. Even if his ears burned at how tender and patient Evan was with him. He felt young. Small. But also safe.
“I don’t think I’d make it without you,” he mumbled, voice still thick with emotion. “Or without Julian. You both make me feel like I can keep going. Like maybe I don’t have to be scared all the time. Or hate myself so much.”
But it wasn’t just them, and he knew that. As he sat there with Evan, other faces and voices appeared in his head, reminding him that he was worth being given another chance. Énna didn’t have to speak to him ever again, but he did. And they often worked at their Wonders together. Elliot had always been a good teammate who gave him the benefit of the doubt. Atticus showed kindness. Cassidy made him laugh, even when he didn’t want to. Dawn had always been there to offer gentle support. Even Maisie wasn’t that horrible. Other adults too. Zac, of course, had agreed to something he probably never expected for him. Atticus’s parents. Elliot’s parents. Even Ganymede gave him more grace than he probably deserved.
The corners of his mouth twitched, a small smile that faltered from the emotions that didn’t seem to want to lessen.
“I don’t know what I did to get you, but I’m glad I did. I don’t want anywhere else to be home,” he said, and then shifted slightly, carefully leaning closer to rest against Evan’s shoulder. He felt weary, and his voice was thick from exhaustion and too much honesty.
“I love you. And Julian. And Maxim. And even Zac, but don’t tell him I said that, he’ll probably freak out about it,” he added with a small huff that almost sounded like a laugh. “You’re my family. I don’t want anyone else.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:07 am
“Oh, Riker.” Evan’s voice was softer, more gentle, than usual.
“I love you, too. We all do. Evan Zac.” Who might not even know how to say the word ‘love’, but certainly knew how to feel it. In his own way. “This will be your home for now and forever. Even when you grow up and move out and start your own family, this will always be home. And we’ll always be your family.”
And one day, Riker wouldn’t have to stop and think about if it was true or not. One day, he’d know. One day, he wouldn’t have to doubt.
“You’re still learning. And it’s not just your mind, it’s your body, too. Does that sound weird? I looked it up a while ago. I was trying to be a responsible parent. Wish someone would have told me when I was your age. But, and I might get this a little wrong, I’m paraphrasing–but you’re body’s been programmed for something else for a long time. That switch doesn’t just flip off because you’re safe now. It’s like, um. Hormones, and chemicals in your brain, and your nervous system stuff.” Evan didn’t pay much attention in biology, so he wasn’t exactly sure, but he had the general idea: “You were living a very specific way for a very long time. And you need some time to catch up. Your body’s getting used to being safe. And it’s going to take some time for it to figure out that you don’t have to be on high alert anymore, right? You won’t be scared forever. But it’s okay that you’re still scared. And Julian and I are going to be here for you, no matter what. If you ever get scared, you come find me. I’ll protect you.”
It wasn’t an empty promise, either. Evan would have dropped anything to help Riker. Like a parent was supposed to do.
“I wish I could love you enough that you forgot how to hate yourself. Maybe I can. I’m going to try, at least. But please don’t be so hard on yourself, Riker. Please. You’ve been through so much, that’s not fair to you. I know it’s hard to let things go, or to think you deserve better than what you had. I know you’re trying. So please try to be kinder to yourself, too. You don’t deserve to be hated–by anyone. Least of all yourself.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2025 8:07 am
Riker made a quiet, shaky sound that might’ve sounded like a laugh if it wasn’t so close to a sob.
“You really do sound like you know what you’re talking about,” he said, but there was no teasing in his voice, just quiet awe. “You went and researched all of this? For me?”
He shifted again, just enough so he could be a little more comfortable with his forehead against Evan’s shoulder. It was a little awkward with how they were both sitting, but he preferred the closeness.
“I don’t know how to stop being scared. It’s like my whole body’s built around it. Like if I stop I’ll…” He paused and let out a shaky breath, slowly shaking his head, which was more like rubbing his face against Evan’s shoulder. “...I don’t even know. But when you say it like that, it doesn’t feel so hopeless. Like, maybe one day I’ll wake up and it won’t be the first thing in my head anymore,” he said quietly, letting the words linger for a moment, just resting and grounding himself.
“You already love me enough to make me forget a little,” he said softly after another breath. And then he forced out a wobbly huff. “And if you really want me to be kinder to myself, I’ll try. But you’ll have to teach me because I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ll keep trying because you’re here, and Julian’s here, and I don’t want to keep being the person I was before. Thank you for looking all that up for me. And for not giving up on me.”
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