For Sakura Gojo, ignoring ones feelings and burying them deep deep down inside was a go to plan lately. She had no time for things like guilt or remorse or sadness, no time for dwelling on such frivolities. So why, she wondered, did these feelings keep bubbling up lately?

As the hum of a sewing machine came to a stop, Sakura sighed and leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling of her apartment. She had taken on a decent amount of projects lately, and it had served as a decent distraction for her while her mind was occupied on measurements and alterations. But now that the project before her was ready and waiting for a fitting, she found herself once again thinking of her brother, the person who chased her across lifetimes it seemed. Akito had gotten himself involved in the Negaverse, in the cosmic war between her faction and the one that called itself "order" for the sake of finding her even after the person he knew ceased to exist. The guilt that tried to gnaw away at her was easy to push down most days, especially when she was able to keep herself occupied, but in times like this, times where her hands and mind were idle, it threatened to drown her. He had sold his soul to chaos, as far as she saw it, just to find his sister. She had dragged him into this with her, knowingly or not, and it was her fault, and now her responsibility. Not that Akito would ever say as much, nor would he even think in that manner with as painfully cheerful and optimistic as he seemed to be.

While she often put up a front of being irritated or annoyed by the man, Sakura truly did care for him. Little memories remained within her, of times he greeted her as Ako before her defection. Him grinning as he held out a water bottle to her, his brows knitting together as he put a bandaid on her scraped knee after a fight despite her insistence that it wasn't needed, that she was far more resilient as a senshi than he was as a civilian. Little snippets of a life that no longer existed, could never exist again as far as she was concerned. They circled her mind and threatened to choke her. Would he come to resent her eventually for this? For having to go to such lengths to find her? She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to shut the hollow ache out as she thought of yet another person who loved her coming to resent her. How much more could she lose at this point? How much more until she broke? Somehow, she didn't think it would take all that much more. That there would only have to be one more significant loss before all that held her together would finally shatter. And when it happened, she knew she would burn out for good this time.

Sighing again, she sat back up in her chair properly and rubbed her hands over her face, as if trying to wipe the thoughts away. It was why she went out and partied like she had been. Why she didn't mind the dates with the reddest flag of a man she had ever met. Because even if some of it was awful, even if she woke up with pounding headaches from drinking, at least she was feeling something other than despair. At least it would keep the self loathing thoughts at bay, her brain too fuzzy to think of anything other than each moment as it happened. She knew it wasn't healthy, that it was a downward spiral growing quickly ever steeper, but at least going down it was her choice, she told herself. At least she was the one making the decision to swan dive into the deep end of bad decisions. As long as Aloysius didn't know just how far she had already fallen, she would be fine. As long as Akito didn't catch on to how far she was slipping, it would be okay. The last thing she needed was looks of disappointment, disapproval, and pity. So as long as the people whose opinions mattered to her never knew how she was only just barely keeping her head above water, just barely holding on and keeping it together, it would be fine.

Shaking her head, she stood from her chair and worked on turning the garment on her table right side out before gently putting it onto the mannequin to display it. Taking a few steps back, she tilted her head as she looked over her work. It was a gift for Noa, the woman who had somehow managed to worm her way into Sakura's heart without even trying or even realizing. A stunning dress with a plunging neckline and a silhouette that would hug her in all of the right ways, made of deep black silky fabric. She deserved something wonderful after the hell she had been through after giving birth to her twins, and Sakura was determined to make her smile as much as possible. After all, that was what friends were for weren't they? At least, that was what she saw on tv or in books. Noa was, Sakura realized, truly one of her only friends outside of Aloysius, Desiree, and Liam. While it didn't bother her to not have a large circle, it did however surprise her to actually realize just how small her circle truly was.

Shaking her head once again as if to clear the thoughts, she folded her arms over her chest as she examined the dress. It was missing something, though she couldn't put a finger on it. As it was, it felt far too plain for the vibrant breath of fresh air that was Naoko. Far too bland and boring for such a vivid person. Looking around at her supplies, she grinned as her eyes landed on sheer black fabric, an idea taking form in her head as she grabbed it and began draping. Sleeves. Large, dramatic bell sleeves. She would have to get Noa's measurements just to be sure, or at least get a decent look at her to estimate, but this was exactly what it needed. Grinning as she pinned the fabric into place, the spiral of negative thoughts became quickly pushed back to the depths of her mind once more.