Welcome to Gaia! ::

Alex read over the letter again as if the words on the slip of paper might have somehow changed since the last time he had read them or the time before that, but no such luck. After the attack from the Windurians and the realization that protecting Ivy was more important to him than even living, the duke had a hard conversation with himself. And then he had written a letter asking for Ivy’s hand in marriage. He’d almost choked on how unready he felt, but the truth was that she was in him now and he didn’t want it any other way. He needed her, he wanted to marry her. He was in love with her.

And she was already engaged to someone else.

The words were plain on the page and Alex’s gaze unfocused a bit as he read them again. Already promised to another. Did she even know? Alex wasn’t too sure that she did. Ivy wasn’t exactly great at keeping secrets and this was a pretty big one to keep. ********. It didn’t exactly sound like her parents were open to negotiation, either. He was still going to respond and give it a try, but… ******** wanted to be angry. Not at Ivy, of course; even if she had known, he didn’t think he could hold it against her. He could hold it against her parents easily enough, though. Or hell, maybe he’d hold it against the whole damned universe. He finally found one thing, one good thing, that he wanted to keep and he couldn’t have her. But instead of anger, he just felt… beaten. And that was way ******** worse.

So he did the only thing he could do. He told Ivy to meet him here, in the art room, after their classes. Way to ******** nostalgia bait himself; it was here that he first really talked to Ivy. And she was wearing that really cute but ridiculous dress and heels to paint in. Then she dropped her brush and got paint right on her boob; lucky ******** paint brush got to touch her before he did. Not that his stupid a** had realized that he even could touch her; she had to spell that out for him. Alex smiled a little at the memory despite the weight of the single sheet of paper in his hand.

Well, whatever. It wasn’t like he was going to stop seeing her. At least, not unless she wanted him to. That was a risk, but it was one he had to take. Ivy had the right to know if her future had already been sold to some p***k from Shahiti. At least it was a better course of action than finding that guy and punching him right in the wedding tackle.

Leave it to Ivy to show up wearing all white like it was her wedding. Also leave it to Ivy to somehow be wearing so little actual dress that it was more like the wedding night after all the guests were kicked out. It made him smile a little, even as his stomach felt sick over it. He’d be lucky if he was one of the wedding guests; some other a*****e was walking away with the prize. Who even was this guy? Did he really know Ivy at all or was it just the usual political bullshit? Would he care about her paintings? Feed the ducks with her? Rail her in undisclosed locations around the school, alright he’d be an idiot if he didn’t do that one. Or a eunuch. Gay, maybe.

Ivy could tell something was up, not that Alex was surprised. Even he could tell that his smile wasn’t as wide as it usually was, especially with Ivy around. He was down and there was no denying it. He’d hoped to at least greet her properly and ease into the bad news, but maybe it was better this way. If she knew something was wrong, he could just spill it without making things too awkward.

She took his hands in her smaller ones and Alex’s smile grew three sizes or some s**t. It was hard not to get his heart all warmed up when she was swinging their arms and just being too ******** cute for words. The last thing he wanted to do was burst his own bubble and talk about something as shitty as her going off to marry some a*****e who probably wouldn’t even want to do random cute s**t with her. ******** d**k.

”Hey. Sorry; guess my stupid face gave it away, huh? Not sure how to say it really, so I’ll just let it drop. So… you’re engaged. Just found out in a letter from your parents and I didn’t think you’d know yet. You should’ve been the first to ******** know, but whatever; at least I’m telling you now.” Alex looked like he might say more, but nothing came out. What does this mean for us now? He needed to know, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want anything to change. Well, he did… of course he did. He wanted to marry her, but he ******** couldn’t. So at the very least he didn’t want anything to change between them unless it had to. Could he ask her for that? Would she agree to it?

Alex watched Ivy puzzle out what he was saying, her nose scrunched up like she did whenever she was thinking or didn’t quite understand something. It was ******** cute; usually that expression alone was enough to make him smile. Normally he liked explaining stuff to her, but this time he didn’t even want to have to understand it. The swinging of their hands slowed before Ivy asked if she was engaged to him. It was heart breaking, even more so when those words made him think she would have been happier if he could have said yes. They would have both been happier.

Their hands had stopped moving and Alex lifted hers to his mouth to press a kiss to her knuckles. He could barely look at her as he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. She asked again, but it was clear from her damp eyes, still hoping but knowing better, that she knew his answer already.

”That’s what I wanted, but I was too ******** late. It’s some ********… some prince from Shahiti. They didn’t give me his name.” That was probably the smartest choice Ivy’s parents had made since Alex was in the mood to cause an international incident. Not that it would have done him any good; Ivy would still be marrying the a*****e. But hell, maybe he’d get his a** caved in and be too high on pain meds to think about it for a while.

Alex drew Ivy into his arms, kissed her hair and ran a hand over her back. ”I’m sorry. It’s really shitty you had to find out like this and hear it from me, but you needed to know. God, I’m a ******** piece of s**t; I’ve never even told you… I never said I love you. Not until now, when I’ve got to lose you. ********. I’m so ******** stupid.” No, none of that was helping. He shouldn’t be feeling sorry for himself, at least not right then with Ivy there.

”I know this isn’t easy to hear, but whatever I can do to take the sting out of it, I’m here. If you need to yell or cry or hit something, I’m right here. Whatever you need.” Okay, so punching things was more his forte, but s**t, maybe it would still help. He knew he was going to take his frustration out on one unlucky punching bag later himself, for sure. Less satisfying than punching a Shahiti prince, but it would have to do.

Ivy wasn’t wrong; it didn’t make sense for him to apologize for the actions of her dead parents but he was still sorry. He hated being the bearer of bad news, especially this bad news. He was barely handling it himself. He didn’t even know what to do except hold her while she cried. And he wasn’t supposed to do that; she was engaged to someone else. Not that it would stop him, but how long could he just ignore it? How long could he just hold onto Ivy and pretend that she was his? How long would she let him do that?

This was normal for them. Those words made Alex angry; so angry that he nearly snapped out a response before he could swallow it down. They weren’t here; if Alex spit venom just now, the only person who would be poisoned by it was Ivy. And that was the one kind of poison she wasn’t immune to. He released his breath in a controlled sigh and gave Ivy a tight squeeze. ”Well, they’re ******** wrong. Arranging a marriage is pretty normal, but it’s ******** crazy that I knew before you did.” The words were nasty, but at least he had managed to calm his tone drastically. He didn’t want to shout at Ivy because her parents were assholes.

Ivy looked up at him and asked if this meant they couldn’t see each other any more. And a part of Alex wanted to imagine he could just tell her it was fine, that nothing had to change, but that was a lie. He didn’t even lie to people he didn’t like without a damned good reason; he wasn’t going to lie to the woman he loved. Not even when it hurt to tell the truth.

”He’s not going to want you to see me. Don’t know much about Shahiti, but in a lot of places, you’re expected to marry that one person and be with that one person. That’s it, forever. Hell, it’s pretty normal not to go ******** anybody before that. But I don’t want that, either.” Alex hesitated as he thought about what he wanted to say. Even with telling her the truth about it, he wasn’t sure it was fair to ask her to still be with him. He was most of what she’d ******** known up to now and that was going to affect any decision she made here; he wasn’t being fair at all. But he didn’t think he could let her go without her knowing how he felt about it.

Alex looked down into pale, damp eyes ringed in streaked mascara as he said what he had to, consequences be damned. ”Listen, Ivy… I’m a selfish a*****e for saying this, but I gotta say it. I don’t want to stop seeing you and I’m not ******** going to unless you tell me to back off. You’re going to get married to some a*****e and he’ll for sure take you far away from me, but it won’t be today. I don’t want to let you go until he ******** rips you right out of my arms. You don’t have to say anything right now. I want you to think about it, cause I’m asking a lot. Your fiance’s going to be ******** pissed I’m hanging around his future wife. I don’t care, but you’ve got a right to decide if you do. Alright?”