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 Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:26 pm
Takes place after Running in circles. Vyn returned to the Vanguard house once he convinced himself he’d become annoying.
Lyndin hadn’t said so—the words “Vyn, you’re annoying” would probably never pass through his lips—but Vyn had convinced himself of it anyway. He couldn’t stay forever, even if a part of him wanted to. The Dark Kingdom was as frightening as its soldiers, but the house Lyndin kept for himself felt safe enough that Vyn could forget what lied beyond. It was calm and quiet, a welcome escape from the hustle and bustle of Destiny City, and the Vanguard house itself, which had the tendency to feel crowded by comparison, even when everyone scattered to attend to their own tasks.
(Plus, Lyndin was kind, and handsome, and brilliant, and he had a way of making Vyn feel better even when Vyn didn’t want to. Leaving, however voluntary, felt a bit like jumping back into the deep end of all the negative thoughts and feelings Vyn had been struggling with lately.
Fortunately, his improved mood persisted even after warping back.)
Vyn arrived in the same clothes he’d worn upon leaving. He could’ve just come back from a run, except his clothes were clean now and he looked a little less ragged overall—courtesy of several full meals and more restful sleep than he’d managed before.
Reinvigorated, Vyn thought first of heading back out. Caedus was still out there somewhere; perhaps Vyn would have more luck making a fresh start. Guilt stopped him as soon as he heard the shuffling of feet and the clattering of dishes in the kitchen.
Lyndin wasn’t the only one he’d been avoiding.
Vyn shuffled toward the noises. It could have been any of the others, but Vyn knew in his heart he would find Aliez there, either anxiously cleaning or obsessively cooking—resolved to take care of them all in whatever manner they would accept, whether that was healing, or food, or a listening ear.
“Good morning,” Vyn mumbled, shifting on his feet like a child who’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:28 pm
While Vyn was staying with the Commodore, Aliez didn’t interfere. He helped Lyndin in other ways, just as he promised he would. He stayed in contact with him through their ComTech. Met up with him in person to go over data that had been collected. Anything that needed a physical hand on something was delivered to him at the shared house they had with the other Vanguard, and he pushed full, already made meals into Lyndin’s hands with a request to not say it was his cooking. He asked about how Vyn was doing, of course. He was worried about his friend, but he was determined not to seem like he was trying to meddle.
So when Vyn showed up at the house in the same clothes he’d left in, Aliez was surprised. If anything, he thought Vyn would have given up the common house completely in favor of staying with Lyndin. He was immediately both relieved and worried, because he couldn’t help but wonder if something happened.
“Good morning,” Aliez said in return as he stood up after checking on the sheet pan of pancakes he was making for the house. They weren’t traditional pancakes, but it was definitely faster to make for a large number. A third was blueberry, a third chocolate, and a third plain.
“Pancakes will be ready in a few minutes if you want any. They’re better just out of the oven,” he explained, although that was probably obvious. He shuffled his feet a bit, not sure what to say. He was in his uniform, of course, but he had a plain apron over top to keep it from getting too messed up.
“Are you okay?” The question slipped out before he could stop it. He tried to keep his voice gentle, casual… but after being at Vyn’s side for nearly four years while on Earth, he could tell when something was off. Time apart didn’t erase that. And maybe he shouldn’t have admitted it so plainly, but he was relieved to see him standing there. He’d missed him, after all.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:28 pm
Vyn eyed Aliez’s uniform and again felt conspicuous without his own. He didn’t know when he would feel ready to wear it. Shame and disappointment still cut too deep. In his mind, their uniforms represented everything he’d once thought the Vanguard would be. He didn’t know how to reconcile that with what they seemed to have become here on Earth.
The shorts he wore instead were skin tight and stretchy and as easy to move in as his bodysuit. The t-shirt he wore overtop was loose enough to slide down one shoulder, exposing the strap of another, more fitted shirt beneath. His hair was more tidy than it had been the last time Aliez had seen him, but overgrown still, prone to fall into his face and sticking to his neck when damp from sweat or bathing. The running shoes he wore didn’t offer the same stability as his boots would have, but they hadn’t yet posed an impediment.
“I’m—”
Vyn stopped himself before he could complete the oft-repeated I’m fine. It would be disingenuous, even if he felt better than he had before. He was not fine. He was not himself. He didn’t know whether or not he would ever be himself again.
“No,” he said instead, more honestly. His voice did not dip sadly or cut with anger. He presented it as a fact he suspected Aliez was already aware of. “But I’m trying to learn how to be. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve been unkind to you when you only wanted to help. I don’t know that I could have let you, but I should have been more considerate when I spoke to you. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:28 pm
Aliez’s shoulders softened the moment Vyn spoke. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been bracing himself until then. He was half expecting another deflection, Vyn shielding himself with words that said he was fine when everything else said otherwise. Hearing the truth, however small, was a relief.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Aliez said quietly. His voice was steady, but his hands fidgeted with the knot of the apron at his waist. “I should have given you more space instead of pushing when you weren’t ready. I just… didn’t like not knowing if you were okay. After so long being near you, it felt wrong to be kept away.” He hesitated, lowering his eyes to the counter before lifting them up at Vyn again.
“But I understand. I know sometimes it’s easier to hurt someone else than to say you’re hurting yourself.”
He didn’t want Vyn to think he was being accused. His tone stayed soft and even. He looked over Vyn’s tidier hair, cleaner clothes, standing a bit steadier than the last time he saw him, and Aliez let out a little breath to ease the tension in his chest.
“You look better than the last time I saw you. That’s enough for me, for now.” Because, of course, Lyndin would have made sure Vyn didn’t fall back into his old habits if he could help it.
He turned off the timer on the stove and turned off the oven before using an oven mit to pull out the sheet of pancakes and set it on the stovetop.
“Stay for breakfast, at least? You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Just… sit. Eat. Breathe,” he suggested as he took a large knife to cut the sheet of pancake into neat squares, grateful for the distraction so his own emotions wouldn’t overwhelm him. “That’s all I want.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:29 pm
Vyn frowned, more from guilt than sadness or disappointment. Of course he had expected Aliez to be diplomatic about it, but Vyn knew how upset Aliez had been the last time they’d spoken. It seemed in poor taste to diminish that, to accept it as acceptable.
Unsure how to effectively apologize for something Aliez didn’t seem intent on requiring an apology for, Vyn shifted uneasily. His eyes darted from Aliez to the pancakes, then to the floor, then to the cabinets over Aliez’s shoulder. The prospect of an escape still enticed Vyn toward the door. It took every bit of stubbornness in him to keep his feet rooted to the spot.
“Alright,” he said without being entirely sure which part he was agreeing to. Maybe some of it, maybe all of it. Accepting Aliez’s acceptance seemed easier than staging any sort of debate.
He didn’t want to argue. Maybe he didn’t want to talk either, but he felt like he had to—not because Aliez was making him, but because the guilt wouldn’t rest until he’d satisfied the sting of it.
So Vyn went to the table and sat. He liked sweets but hadn’t let himself enjoy them lately. Now that his stomach wasn’t quite so empty and rebellious, the pancakes were a temptation he saw no reason to deny.
He waited until Aliez had served him before saying anything else.
“I know you talked to Lyndin.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:29 pm
Aliez glanced up quickly when Vyn spoke, startled by the sudden shift in topic. He’d made a plate with a pancake slice for himself, but paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. He set it down slowly, as though buying himself time.
“...I did,” he admitted after a pause. His voice was quiet, tentative, not quite meeting Vyn’s eyes yet. “He found me the other night.”
Aliez smoothed his palms against his legs, as if giving himself an anchor by touch. “We didn’t talk about anything specific. Not--” he faltered, shaking his head. “Not about you. Not directly. He just… asked how I was doing. And I tried to say I was fine.” He paused, lips pressed together, guilt pulling at him. “But I don’t think he believed me.”
He risked a glance at Vyn then, searching his expression, uncertain if this was what Vyn wanted to hear.
“I didn’t mean to make things harder,” he added quickly, a bit anxiously. “I didn’t know what to say to him without saying too much. I was afraid if I opened my mouth, everything would come out all at once. So I didn’t.”
The confession felt heavy in his chest. His fingers curled into the fabric of his pants.
“I’m sorry, Vyn. I wasn’t trying to betray your trust. I just… I don’t always know what to do.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:29 pm
Vyn took a few bites of his pancakes while Aliez tried to figure out what he wanted to say. He seemed nervous still, like he thought Vyn would bolt if he said the wrong thing. Vyn couldn’t entirely blame him. He hadn’t made anything easy for Aliez lately. His friend was soft-hearted, maybe too much so. Vyn had been cruel to put so much distance between them, even if it had seemed imperative at the time. It still felt necessary. There were things Vyn simply couldn’t discuss with anyone, least of all someone so timid, with such a tender soul.
Aliez was a better cook now than he’d been when they took up residence in the Vanguard house. Vyn ate with gusto, taking a bite of each type of pancake in succession.
He stopped mid-chew as Aliez’s words began to filter through his brain.
“What do you mean?” Vyn asked.
He finished chewing his bite of blueberry pancake and swallowed. The lump sank slowly down his throat, which had gone dry and uncomfortable.
Aliez’s words made little sense to Vyn, who had known all along what Aliez would say to Lyndin. He was only surprised it had taken so long, that Lyndin had gone to find him instead of Aliez going to him for help. Anxious and overemotional, Aliez would have made everything seem worse than it was.
“You told him I’ve been gone,” Vyn said, like it was obvious. “You told him about my ears. You told him about the fight with that Senshi, and how I…”
Vyn didn’t know if he could say it again. He’d done enough confessing lately.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:29 pm
“Vyn--”
Aliez quickly shook his head, a little startled by the questions. “No. I didn’t. I would never…”
He trailed off, voice catching in his throat and he pressed a hand against his chest like he could ease his heart from the fluttering that erupted.
“I didn’t tell him anything about you. I said you’d been gone, but nothing more. I didn’t tell him about your ears. Or about… the fight. Or--” His voice cracked and he cut himself off before the words could keep tumbling out.
“I wanted to. Not the details. Just--... just to ask for help, because I didn’t know what to do. But I didn’t. I kept quiet so I wouldn’t spill everything. That’s why I stayed away.”
He swallowed hard, blinking away the sting of tears in his eyes that he didn’t want Vyn to see, his throat tight with shame.
“I’m sorry if you thought I’d betray you like that. I haven’t. I wouldn’t.” Not after causing so many problems the last time.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:29 pm
“What do you mean you’d never?”
The words came quickly, spoken low, hushed, like Vyn couldn’t bear to speak of it any louder. The healthy glow Vyn had only just regained quickly drained from his face, leaving him pale and sickly looking. He set his fork down with a clatter, wide eyes locked on Aliez across the table.
“When we were on Astraya, you—And after, you said—To him. You told him—”
Vyn’s stuttered words were less an accusation for the things Aliez had already said and more trying to make sense of what Aliez was saying now. Aliez had spoken to Lyndin after Lyndin went to find him. Aliez knew everything Vyn had been up to; it was enough to cause additional distress on top of everything Aliez had already been dealing with. Surely he would have been honest. Aliez was always honest. He said more than he needed to. More than he should. When Vyn told Aliez secrets, he knew they wouldn’t remain secrets forever. He had told Aliez what he’d been doing with the knowledge that Aliez would share it. Maybe Vyn had been ready for the intervention even if he hadn’t thought so at the time.
He’d gone to Lyndin assuming Lyndin already knew everything.
He’d spoken to Lyndin assuming nothing he said would be a surprise.
“You mean you—You didn’t… And I…”
Oh no.
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:29 pm
Aliez stared in silent alarm at the sharpness in Vyn’s voice, the blanching of his face making him flinch a little. He wasn’t sure if he should speak or stay silent. What would be worse at this point?
“No… I didn’t, Vyn,” he said after a few moments, his voice soft and hesitant. “I didn’t tell him any of that.” He swallowed hard, as though trying to slow the flow of words tumbling from his mouth, held back also by the fear that he might say the wrong thing.
“I--... I know I’ve said things before. I’ve always been… careless. I know that. I’ve been trying not to. I’ve been trying to keep things in, unless you want me to share them,” he quietly tried to explain. His gaze dropped down to the table, not able to look Vyn in the eye at the moment.
“I thought… I thought it wasn’t my place. I thought maybe--... maybe you didn’t want anyone else to know. So I kept it to myself, I promise, Vyn. I didn’t tell him anything about you. Not what you did, not who you--... Nothing.”
Aliez finally dared to glance back up, his eyes wide and earnest as he searched for some sign that Vyn believed him.
“I didn’t want to make it worse. Not for you… not after everything.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:30 pm
Quietly, weakly, Vyn said, “Oh no…”
He didn’t want to believe Aliez. Everything Vyn had said to Lyndin when he first went to the house in the Dark Kingdom had been said believing the opposite of what Aliez claimed now. But Aliez was insistent. He looked earnest. Vyn couldn’t even convince himself that Aliez might be lying, because Aliez was such a terrible liar.
But that meant—
“Oh no...” Vyn moaned in distress. He brought his hands to his face, pressing his palms into his eyes until the pressure hurt. “Oh no...”
Vyn had thought he had humiliated himself with his crying. It hadn’t even occurred to him that his honesty might humiliate him further after the fact.
“I told him,” Vyn choked out. He dragged his hands down his face. They stopped on his cheeks, squishing supple skin. Heat grew beneath his palms. “He asked what—And I told him. Twice. I said I had—” Vyn’s throat closed off. He stopped to swallow, then tried again when the first attempt stuck. “I told him everything. I thought he knew already. Oh no, what have I done?”
Green eyes widened with horror.
“I sat there and I told the Commodore I’d had sex.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:30 pm
Aliez’s cheeks flushed red the instant Vyn said it out loud. He focused his eyes on his plate, hoping it would keep him from reacting in a way that would embarrass either of them further. Private things like that weren’t words he ever wanted to imagine coming out of his mouth in front of the Commodore. Being in love with him was one thing! But… hearing Vyn confess to what he said…
“I-- Vyn--...” he sputtered, not knowing where to even start. His pointed ears felt like they were burning too.
Finally, he made himself look back up, determined despite the pink in his cheeks.
“He… he didn’t seem upset, did he? At least-- Lyndin wouldn’t-- he’s not like that. He won’t think less of you. He won’t,” he insisted as he fidgeted with the fork between his fingers until it slipped out of his grasp and clattered to the table. He winced and quickly gathered it back up.
“It’s--... it’s not a bad thing, you know. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re allowed to want things. To--...” His voice faltered again, stumbling helplessly over his words, but forced himself to continue. “To have whoever you want. That doesn’t make you weak, Vyn. It just makes you, well… you. So… maybe he knows now, but that’s okay. It’s not something you should be ashamed of.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:30 pm
“Of course he didn’t seem upset,” Vyn said, but the edge of hysteria did not yet leave his voice. “When does he ever seem upset? He was kind, like he always is. And understanding. Or accepting. I don’t know if he actually—”
Vyn paused, uncertain. It was never his intention to be unkind, even if he occasionally entertained unkind thoughts. The Commodore was many things. He was wise. He was accomplished. He was sharp and inventive. He was gentle and courteous and more tolerant than Vyn thought he should be. But to say that he truly understood…
Then again, how could he? Vyn didn’t always understand the swirl of emotions within him, or the thoughts which frequently raced through his head faster than he could process them. He couldn’t expect anyone else to make better sense of it than he could. The Commodore did his best in a situation he could not have adequately prepared himself for. How was he to know he’d be stuck on Earth managing an unknown number of emotional crises on top of the much more serious crisis facing their people?
(In his distress, Vyn could not think of him as Lyndin. He had been the Commodore to Vyn before he had been just Lyndin. He would always be the Commodore. No amount of becoming better acquainted with one another would change that.)
“Oh no. I told him. And then I looked him in the eye after. Oh no...”
Vyn couldn’t sit still a moment longer. He rose to his feet; the chair made a dreadful scraping sound against the floor, but Vyn was too distraught to notice. He left the table to pace around, face burning beneath his hands.
“He must think I’m—I must have seemed so promiscuous,” Vyn said. “And now I—If I write any reports about—He’ll know who it was. What if he’s disappointed in me? He didn’t seem—But then he was trying to comfort me, so of course he wouldn’t… What if he’s not disappointed? Do you think he cares? What if he doesn’t care? I don’t know which is worse. What am I talking about? It doesn’t matter. Of course it doesn’t matter.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:30 pm
“Vyn--”
Aliez jumped a little at the scrape of chair legs. He thought about reaching out to Vyn, but he was already too far away from him. He gripped his fork tighter instead.
“You’re not promiscuous,” he blurted out, his voice higher than usual with panic at the very idea. His cheeks burned hotter. “You’re not. You don’t even look at people like that. And even if you did, it’s not--” He cut himself off, stumbling over the right words to say.
“It’s not a crime, Vyn,” he said after a moment, after taking a breath. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And the Commodore -- he doesn’t think like that. He wouldn’t be disappointed. Not in you.”
Aliez tried swallowing, hoping it would ease the tightness in his throat.
“If anything, he probably just wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s what he does. That’s who he is. You could tell him anything and he’d still care about you. That’s not going to change.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the guilt creeping into his voice.
“I know I’ve made things worse before by saying too much. But… if you want me to, I can tell him it’s not like that. That you’re not--” He paused with a wince, realizing halfway through how it might sound to Vyn and that he didn’t mean for it to sound bad or judging or anything like that. So it was better if he didn’t say anything.
“Just… don’t panic, okay? You just being here and being okay is enough.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2025 6:31 pm
“Oh no. No no no no. You can’t say anything to him about it,” Vyn said, face flaming hotter. “That would make it worse! He can’t know I’m humiliated again. Then I’d be even more humiliated!”
Hurried steps carried Vyn across the kitchen, then around and back again. He was being ridiculous. He knew that. More than likely the Commodore hadn’t thought anything of it, nor would he now that Vyn had left. Why would he? It wouldn’t distract Vyn from their mission. Vyn had spent the last few months wholly committing himself to it. He might not have gone about it the best way, nor had he found any success to speak of, but his focus hadn’t wavered.
He would find Caedus. Velenia would be revived. They would have a home.
A quick little fling was hardly much of a distraction.
“No, I have to pretend like it doesn’t matter. Because it doesn’t,” Vyn continued. He turned again and stopped near the table, wide eyes locked on Aliez, face still misshapen behind his hands. “I’m an adult. It’s not like I’ve never—Before. Back home. I might be stupid, but I’m not—” Maybe he’d been a bit airheaded before Earth, but he hadn’t been totally naive. “No, we’re going to pretend this conversation never happened. When I see him again—I told him I’d help him with his research. Or he asked me to. Or he said he wanted me to. But does he really want me to, or did he only say that to make me feel better?
“Stop,” he said, more to himself than to Aliez. He felt insane. Aliez probably thought he’d lost it. “No, it’s fine. I said I would. I was there for days. And he was—”
Vy groaned and found his chair again. He collapsed onto it and pushed his plate aside so he could slump against the table, head pillowed on his arms.
“Aliez. He’s so…” Amazing. Perfect. Handsome. “And I’m…” Stupid. Immature. Strange. Softly, he mumbled, “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
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