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 Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:01 am
Zac was exhausted in a dozen different ways, and only half of them were physical. He’d had a long day of running around but he hadn’t really taken a slow day in a while. There was always a fire somewhere.
It wasn’t late enough to go to bed but it was early enough to get ready and waste some time decompressing in bed. He’d taken a shower–longer than he needed, but it wasn’t often that he got to waste time without worrying about someone else needing hot water. Not that Soleiyu hadn’t fixed the water heater up like it was some commercial monster, but old habits died hard.
At least this wasn’t a bad one. His skin was still pink from the heat but he was in his pajamas. Shorts, a t-shirt. He wasn’t dressing up. Wasn’t dressing down, either. He wasn’t thinking much about it, he already had too much on his mind.
When Talia came in, Zac was sitting on the edge of the bed, flipping through some papers like he was already sick of them, but he had a few dog-eared and a few pages highlighted. It wasn’t like him to take things so seriously, but when he looked up at her, he flashed a tired smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but Zac had a unique way of smiling that made it look more sarcastic than sincere.
He’d been like that for as long as Talia had known him.
“Hey,” he greeted. “Are you tired? I wanted to talk to you about something if you’ve got a few minutes. It’s nothing bad. Just,” he looked back at the papers then up to her. “Safety nets.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:08 am
Talia had the idea of getting a bath tonight. Maybe a bubble bath, or use one of the bath bombs that she kept for special occasions. She had a plate with a few salted caramel brownies that she had made and wanted to share with Zac when he came down and jumped slightly when he was already there.
“Oh! Hey, wow I was absolutely in my own world, you startled me, I’m not tired, I was just thinking of getting a bath and brought some brownies for us for later–or for now, if you’re interested! It’s a tweak on the salted caramel ones I did? I made the caramel a bit more runny so they’re kind of gooey in the best way possible?” She put the plate on the bedside table and tilted her head to the side, frowning slightly. “Safety nets? You said it’s not bad but that sounds kind of ominous, you planning on becoming a tightrope walker or something?”
Taila raised her hand and ran her thumbnail over her bottom lip, a nervous habit she had fallen into lately. It was something she did without realizing, but it was being done more and more often. “What’s up?” Sitting on the edge of the bed she tilted her head, looking at Zac with a small smile.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:08 am
“No,” he said quickly, and shook his head. He reached for a brownie out of instinct, because he’d noticed the way Talia had a sort of anxious look on her face these days when someone didn’t accept her gifts quickly enough. Like she held herself in the value she could give to others.
He took a small one, not because he doubted it would be delicious, but because he wanted to talk to her about this now, before she could worry herself worse. She was doing that thing with her thumb again, where she brushed her lip. He’d noticed her lips were red already, like maybe she’d been doing it while she was upstairs, too.
The brownie fit in his mouth in a single bite and he nodded approvingly, at first for show and then again because he seemed surprised by how much flavor she’d managed to pack into it. “How much have you been practicing since the last time you made those? That’s one of the best you’ve made yet.”
Zac didn’t even have a sweet tooth and he’d have gone for another if he hadn’t wanted to just answer her question with the seriousness it deserved.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. He didn’t hide the papers from her–adoption information.
“Evan’s told you,” he began, because he knew Evan had been juggling a lot of thoughts on the subject. It was always on his mind, of course he’d have talked to them about it. “About how he wants to adopt Riker. So we were looking at the paperwork. It’s a lot,” he said, and didn’t want to weigh the conversation down or delay it by picking at the specifics. “I’m worried Evan’s going to get in over his head. But I know he’s hellbent on doing this. So.”
Zac pressed his lips together tightly and then exhaled. It did nothing to relieve the pressure in his chest. “I was looking into second-parent adoption. I know I’m skipping the foreplay on this conversation but I don’t want to beat around the bush. I’ll explain myself, but I guess the meat of it is that I’ve been thinking, with this whole war going on–with what we’ve all seen and dealt with, I just don’t think it’s a bad idea to prepare for the worst. I was giving him a hard time about adoption, I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if he was taking it seriously or just idealizing the whole thing, we butted heads. He said something and it stuck with me. So,” he nodded to the pages in his hands.
“I’m just looking into it. Doesn't mean anything’ll come of it. But. I wanted to talk to you about it.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:15 am
“Oh! Yeah I’ve been practicing a bit…just want them to be perfect, and they have to fit my standards so…” Talia gave a little laugh as he pulled her closer to him and took a moment to just enjoy the feeling. It wasn’t difficult. But, when he started talking again, she fell quiet, nodding. “Oh, yeah. I understand him though. Wanting to adopt. It. It’s sweet.”
She didn’t know Riker well, he was always so aloof but Evan and Julian and Zac really seemed to care about him so…
“Second parent adoption? What’s that?” It wasn’t really something that she was familiar with but.
“...Would…that mean you would also adopt Riker? He…” Talia broke off and worried her thumb on her lip again, expression growing rather distant. “What did he say that stuck with you?”
Maybe that would make things easier to understand. Or at least. Easier to stomach.
The contents of hers right now were churning quite uncomfortably.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:15 am
Zac didn’t know where to start. It wasn’t like he was making a pitch to redo the driveway or retiling the floor or something. As expected, Talia was worrying more; her lower lip was puffy and red. His eyes lingered there for a second, but not for long enough to draw attention. He didn’t want to announce how obvious her tell was, not when it felt like it was the only honest thing, sometimes.
“When Evan and I were looking at papers, I told him to have a plan in case something happened to him. Obviously you and I and Tobias aren’t going to let anything happen to him,” he insisted, but–
No, it was best not to dwell on that right now. There was so much to unpack there. He didn’t want Talia to start thinking about all the ways things could fall apart.
“...But if something happened, I wanted him to have a backup. He got defensive. We butted heads. He told me if I cared so much, I should do something about it. And–it’s Evan,” he said, a distant weight in his voice. “...I can’t not worry about him.”
He couldn’t not look after him. He had so much to make up for, even now.
If something happened to Evan, Tobias was going to need to be with him. And in this war, any number of things could go wrong. Death? Abduction? Maiming? Memory loss? Zac clenched his jaw.
“...So I started thinking about it. About how if Evan got in over his head, I’d want to be able to drag him back up.” And, yeah. Maybe Zac had a control problem. Maybe. But he’d been looking after everyone in this house–everyone–for so long that he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do but stick his neck out for them.
Again.
“Riker’s not bad to have around,” he said, because he was an annoying brat who was really good at helping with the backyard, and even Zac was honest with himself, he liked having someone to butt heads with. Pushing Riker’s buttons was fun. “...But you know he’s Evan’s. I just want to make sure that in a worst-case-scenario, they’re both looked after. I don’t think anything would change, really. They’re just papers that give me the ability to take over, legally, if something happens. So, yeah. It’s adoption. But only if he wants it. And he might not.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:20 am
“Is…Tobias not going to be a part of this adoption too? I mean…I.” Talia drew in a breath and shrugged, and closed her eyes and hummed softly, drawing in a few more slow breaths.
“Why you? Is it just you? Or is it me too? I. I understand. I absolutely understand the need for the backup, it makes perfect sense to have a backup–if Julian…” Talia broke off and bit down on her thumbnail. There was a small tear in it and she had the nail torn off before she really thought about it.
“I suppose, I just don’t understand why it’s you when there’s Tobias. That. Sounds awful, I’m sorry. I just.”
Obviously she didn’t deserve to care for a child. Adopt a child. She couldn’t even keep one of her Pages safe. It made perfect sense that she wouldn’t be trusted for this with Riker. They had hardly ever spoken for goodness sakes it just.
“I support you, I’m not trying to say that! I support you and I think it’s great that you want to help Evan. I think it’s great!”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:21 am
Zac tilted his head just slightly, and something shifted in his demeanor because it was obviously not fine. Who was she even kidding? Her whole expression had changed. Her voice had changed.
She was hurting herself.
It made him think of Evan, when he slipped into a panic and was too rough with himself, like he couldn’t remember how to be gentle or kind.
Zac took Talia’s hand and moved it away from her mouth. He laid the papers on the bed next to him and cradled her hand between his own even as he felt fire in his stomach, his throat, his mouth.
She said ‘great’ but she didn’t mean it. She was saying it like if she repeated it, maybe she would. The muscle in his jaw twitched so he gritted his teeth until it relaxed.
Why you?
Of course, he couldn’t blame Talia. Did she think Zac was unreliable? Unstable? Did she think he’d mess that up, too? He’d probably die before the rest of them with the way he carried on.
He’d told her, when she wanted to bring Julian and Brooklyn under her care, that he didn’t think he was father material.
That wasn’t what this was, not exactly. It was just paperwork.
Just legalities.
Just a safety net.
I just don’t understand why it’s you.
The words settled in his mind like hot lead, burning their way deeper through him.
She was right, it did sound awful. But he didn’t say that.
His face displayed nothing but concern for what she was doing to her fingernails. He looked at them and not her face, and brushed his fingers lightly over hers as if to apologize on her behalf.
“...Why don’t you tell me what you really think instead?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:25 am
Talia swallowed and looked down at her hand cradled in his and for a long moment she couldn’t seem to speak.
“I know I don’t deserve to be a mother. I get that. It’s. I can’t keep my own Knights safe from Faustite. I just. Why do you…” No. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to lay this on him. He was just trying to help Evan. But Evan had Tobias. Evan could have had anyone help him.
But now Zac got everything she wanted and it made sense. He was more responsible. Had all of his mind. Had all of his s**t together. He could protect people. He knew who he was.
“It’s stupid, but I’m just so jealous that you get to legally be a father. It doesn’t feel fair. I’m jealous that Evan gets to adopt Riker. I’m just. I feel like such an absolute failure and I don’t. Think there’s a way out of it.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:25 am
What?
Zac’s eyes narrowed briefly, at first in shock and then confusion. His grip on her hands tightened softly, the first indication that he’d heard what she said.
“Talia,” he said slowly, as it dawned on him that they were at the crossroads of four different conversations that had collided into a brutal mess. He had to wade through the tangle of emotions just to pick apart the heaviest things she’d said. He wasn’t even sure he knew where to start.
“What did Faustite do, what are you talking about? –What does he have to do with you being a mother?”
He could pick through the rest later but he was so ******** tired of Faustite, with his deep ******** claws in her. Like they’d pulled her out of the Negaverse but still couldn’t get his hooks out of her.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:26 am
“It was months ago. It shouldn’t really matter anymore. He just. There was a Page that I was there when they awakened and Faustite ended up corrupting them in front of me and another one of my Knights. One that I already think had a low opinion of me. I don’t know. I’m utterly useless. I know that. Julian doesn't want me to adopt him. Evan gets to have Riker. You get to have Riker, which, I’m glad! You are just so good Zac. You’re so put together. So strong and just. So amazing. I get it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Julian wanted you to adopt him too! I know Brooklyn has her heart set on that other person and I’ve known that. I’m cool with that. I’m just glad she lets us take care of her in some capacity. I just.”
Talia wanted to pull her hands away. Wanted to bite at her cuticles. Wanted to pick at them. Wanted to do something.
“You don’t need to hear all of this. I’m sorry. I am so happy and so, so supportive of you. Nothing will happen to Evan but you will be so good for Riker if anything does. I know it.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:26 am
Zac’s eyes narrowed, not in anger but because he suddenly had a whole mess of things to think about in addition to this. He didn’t release her hands; he couldn’t trust that she wouldn’t start hurting herself again. He smoothed his thumbs over her, trying to give her something else to focus on–something to ground herself.
“Hold on,” he said slowly. She was going too quickly. She was glossing over everything, like she had to say it as quickly as possible to get it out, but she wasn’t giving anything the attention it deserved.
“Months ago? Why didn’t you tell me?” No, that wasn’t exactly what he meant. He corrected, “Why did you keep that to yourself?”
He knew Talia, knew the way she metaphorically lashed herself for even the most minor of issues. Was this what she’d kept bottled up? It had been eating her alive, hadn’t it? And all those times he’d asked if she was okay, or what she was thinking about, and she’d dismissed him with a smile?
…Was there more than this?
How many other secrets was she keeping? And why?
He was hypocritical, sure. He had his own slew of secrets. But he’d gotten good at burying them and carrying on.
This? This was tearing her apart.
“Why would that not matter, Talia. That sounds like trauma. The kind of s**t that you shouldn’t be carrying alone.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:31 am
“It didn’t matter. It wasn’t anyone that any of you had gotten to know yet…and then just. Everything else was falling apart. Evan was so busy with Riker, then there was the whole end of the world s**t…my one failure wasn’t…important. It wasn’t important. It’s still not important.”
The feeling of his hands on hers was soothing. She enjoyed the feeling of his thumbs. They were warm. They were somewhat rough but…they were wonderful. Talia had always liked Zac’s hands. They were safe.
Drawing in another long, slow breath she shrugged. “There were more important things going on, that’s all. And there was nothing that could have been done…it was pointless to just bring it up. I don’t want people to have to worry about me.”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:32 am
Zac’s eyes narrowed again, now in disbelief, but he had to forcibly relax his face because he knew how it looked and he didn’t want her to see that.
“It doesn’t matter if nobody knew them, it matters because if it hurt you. I don’t care if the world’s falling apart, you don’t have to compete with every other disaster. It’s not a competition for what's ‘most deserving’ to be upset about. If something’s bothering you, tell me. Don’t hide things like that. I won’t know how to help you if I don’t know what’s going on.”
Was there anything he could do? Maybe not. Probably not.
Even if he couldn’t go back and save that page, or drag them from the clutches of the Negaverse, he could have at least helped her carry this weight.
Talia wasn’t made to bury things deep. Look what it did to her.
It was a poison, rotting her out slowly.
Did she even know? Could she even see?
“I don’t care if you stub your toe or get a papercut, if you’re hurt, tell me. If something’s bothering you, tell me. I don’t want you to be a martyr, Talia.”
…If she buried those thoughts too deep, if they festered for too long, who knew how long it might take for Chaos to take hold? It could seek those things out. Manipulate them. Empower them.
He couldn’t lose her again. Not to something as stupid as pride or self-sacrifice or whatever this was.
“You don’t get to decide who or how people worry about you. That’s just what happens when they care. That’s just what happens when you’re a good person, and you are. I’ve known something was wrong for months, was it this? You started acting weird. I thought you’d tell me when you were ready but I didn’t want to press it. Is there more that you’ve been bottling up?”
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:34 am
“I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to be a martyr…I just.” She just what. Talia let out a frustrated breath and shrugged. “I can’t stand it. When I can’t do something to fix it. I can’t stand feeling so helpless. I don’t. I didn’t want to be the cause of that for someone else. There is no fix for this. I just have to get over it. Get past it. You would have just worried. Been angry at Faustite, and I don’t blame you! He’s a monster. He. I’m pretty sure it was only done to spite me. But it’s not.” It couldn't be helped.
“I haven’t really been. I mean.’ He wanted to know. He was asking to know. He was frustrated with her but. “I’ve been spending more of my time at shelters. A lot of woman’s shelters. It’s been good to find something that I can do. I bake all the time there. It’s nice.”
Talia was quiet for a moment and then looked up at Zac. “Your hands are nice too. Just so you know. I like them.”
Was she deflecting? Maybe. Was she trying to? No. There just. Wasn’t any more to say, really.
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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2025 11:34 am
“Yes,” Zac said simply. “I would have been worried. I would have been angry. So what? You wouldn’t have been alone. How many times have you cried by yourself because you were trying to be ‘strong’? How many times did you tear yourself apart because you thought it’s what you deserved? Because the only voice you can hear is the one in your head telling you that you’re not good enough? You should have told me, Talia. What he did can’t be helped but you dealing with it could be helped.”
He wasn’t mad at her, he was just–
Stressed.
She wasn’t supposed to be the one keeping secrets. There was so much of her that he felt like he didn’t know.
Zac drew in a slow, calming breath. It didn’t help, but he tried.
“...Not knowing what’s going on with you won’t make me worry any less,” he finally said, a bit softer. “...I’ve known something was off for months. You know how things build up. Sometimes it’s not any one thing. It’s one thing and another and another, and then suddenly they’re all crashing down. Let me help you deconstruct the mess before it falls down on you. That’s all I’m asking.”
He couldn’t tell how much of her emotions from tonight were because of adopting Riker--or something else. He knew he had to circle back to some of the other things she’d said, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her with questions.
He just wanted to understand what was going on.
And, if he could, fix it.
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