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 Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 10:47 am
Takes place June 2025 It was quiet that night. The only real sound that could be heard was the low drone of the television in the living room, the snoring from their uncle on the couch, and the cicadas and crickets and the occasional owl. Teddy insisted that sleeping alone gave him nightmares, often enough that it wasn’t questioned when he climbed into his brother’s bed as soon as Cary suggested turning in for the night. It wasn’t so late that they should definitely be asleep, but late enough that Cary was probably getting ready to come to bed after working on his homework at his desk. Teddy watched him over the top of his sketchbook. Sometimes he drew him, hunched over his desk. He tried not to make him look too sad. Luckily, he was still young and didn’t know how to get expressions quite right. Still, something in the way he drew harsher lines for Cary’s back as he leaned over his work would likely make someone looking at Teddy’s drawings wonder if he understood the weight that Cary forced himself to bear for the both of them. He did, in a way. But he didn’t know how to articulate it, or what to do about it. It frustrated him, so he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want to burden Cary with more than he already had. Before he realized, Teddy’s eyes became heavy and he slumped against the pillows he’d nested against the corner of the bed and wall, glasses skewed and sketchbook left open against his chest.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:09 am
Cary really should have stayed up later. He was tired, but in the way where his body ached while his mind kept racing. Fueled by stress, he probably could have stayed up for a few more hours. But, the chair creaked when he moved. It was too loud. He cast a hesitant look at Teddy as if afraid he might have disturbed the peace.
He held his stiff position for a long moment before slowly easing out of the chair, cautiously tiptoeing around the room. He knew every sound in this room; he’d spent hours pacing and memorizing the room when they’d first gotten there.
Teddy was going to hurt his neck if he laid like that.
There was no need for careful precision; Cary moved with the expert skill that came with years of experience. He slipped Teddy’s glasses off of his face so cleanly that he hardly even disturbed a hair on his head. He folded Teddy’s glasses and set them on the bedside table.
Cary’s room was sparsely decorated. It had everything it needed but this was a house and not a home. He didn’t pour his heart into making it anything more than four walls and a roof. He kept a foggy white nightlight on his bedside and quietly clicked it on. It ate up three batteries a week but it was a worthwhile expense.
He and Teddy had already gotten ready for bed so he didn’t have to wake Teddy up to brush his teeth or change into his pajamas. He turned the lights off in the room and then began the careful process of extracting Teddy’s sketchbook from his arms.
Cary had tried not to peek; he didn’t often allow his eyes to wander where they had not been invited.
Teddy had been drawing some dark things lately. He couldn’t help but peek.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:23 am
Teddy didn’t stir when Cary removed his glasses. He could recognize the soft light of the nightlight, and the weight of his brother next to him. He knew it was Cary by how careful he was. How it felt as though he treated Teddy like he might break if he was allowed to carry any of the weight, himself.
So, for Cary’s sake, Teddy would have pretended that he was still mostly asleep. Except he could feel how Cary hesitated when he pulled his sketchbook away.
It wasn’t as though he could see much with his glasses off, but he finally opened his eyes to look up at the blurred line of his brother. He couldn’t see his expression, but he could sense the tension from him. Maybe some concerned curiosity.
“You’ve been quiet lately,” he said, barely a whisper. Not an accusation, just an observation. And it wasn’t in silence that Cary was quiet, but in presence. Like he was being squished into nothing, being held up only by the knowledge that Teddy needed him.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:24 am
Cary’s eyes darted to Teddy when he spoke. There was a split second where his breath caught in his lungs, like he was afraid he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.
The longer he stayed sill and silent, the more obvious it would have been that he’d been startled, so he was quick to move.
“Have I?” he asked breathlessly, sliding the sketchbook from Teddy’s arms. He closed it tenderly, like it was some great treasure, and patted the surface of the bed until he found the pencil, too. He placed them both on the shelf of the bedside table, safe and away but not quite out in the open.
While Teddy was already somewhat awake, Cary took the opportunity to scoop him up and guide him into a slightly more comfortable position. Cary wasn’t strong and Teddy was getting bigger. He wouldn’t be able to do this forever. Maybe he should try to work out so he could last a little longer.
Cary had a few pillows but only one of them was good; the others were lumpy and old. Cary didn’t mind. He made sure Teddy had the good one. He could have slept on his arm and wouldn’t have complained.
He climbed into the bed carefully, quietly, trying not to shift it too much, and pulled up the blanket to tuck Teddy in.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:25 am
He didn’t respond right away. Teddy listened for the way Cary was breathing, and he let himself be settled into a better place on the bed. The glow from the light was enough, although he always hated that he couldn’t see very well without his glasses. It meant he couldn’t study Cary’s expression like he wanted.
Once again, Cary gave him the good pillow. He knew there was a huge difference between the two. He knew what Cary had sacrificed for him. Everything he did for him. The weight of it was sometimes crushing, even if he knew Cary was trying to prevent that from being the case.
“You’re worried. More than usual,” he surmised, but he felt like he knew his brother enough to know when something was bothering him. He settled close, but not too close. It was a warm night, but he still reached for Cary’s arm.
“I’m going to be strong enough to take care of you, one day,” he decided to share. It didn’t sound like a sudden thought he’d had, but something that had been quietly growing inside him until he just couldn’t keep it to himself any longer.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:31 am
Cary tilted his head as he settled into bed, close enough to Teddy that he could throw a protective arm around him. He disguised it as a hug but he’d gotten used to sleeping like this, like he was afraid some monster was going to try and drag Teddy away in the night.
He couldn’t deny that he was more worried than usual. Teddy was too shrewd. Even if his sleepiness might have worked in Cary’s favor, he doubted he could have given his brother a convincing lie. He didn’t want to burden him with the truth so it was better to just avoid the topic.
Cary had been poring over books he’d borrowed from the library. Things he kept hidden, not quite from Teddy but certainly from everyone else, like he was afraid if they knew where his mind was, it would ruin everything he was working for. Every week he had a new collection of books–life skills, personal finance, health and nutrition, home maintenance, civics and law. He wasn’t smart enough for any of this so he had to work twice as hard to both learn it and understand it.
He had a few months before school started up again so he couldn’t really afford to slack off this summer. If he wasn’t working, he needed to be studying. He needed to be doing everything he could to be better.
“You want to take care of me?” Cary asked. There was something soft in his voice, but never any doubt. He thought Teddy could do anything he put his heart into, and he’d always been determined to support him in any way he could. But, Cary had been taking care of Teddy for as long as he could remember. He remembered the day Teddy had come home from the hospital, just a tiny little thing that looked too squishy for the world.
Cary had always wanted to protect him. He couldn’t remember if his parents had told him it was his job or if he’d figured that out on his own. Sometimes, he didn’t think he knew what he was supposed to do with his life if he wasn’t trying to look after Teddy.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:39 am
Once again, Teddy didn’t answer right away. He let his thoughts settle. He was trying to decide how to convince Cary that he really would be reliable one day. Not just a child that Cary had to take care of. He gripped the sleeve of Cary’s pajama shirt, as though Cary might drift away if he didn’t. Not physically, but he was always so lost in thought, always caring about him, and forgetting about himself.
“Yeah,” he said quietly, but there was a steadiness to his voice. “I think about it a lot.”
He tipped his head back, just enough to look up at his brother. He couldn’t see him very well, but he could feel the shape of him. Stable and constant.
“Not yet,” he admitted, because he knew there was not much he could do right now. “But one day when I’m big enough. When I know what to do. Like you do.”
There’d been no pressure in his tone, no expectation. Just the simple truth that had been slowly growing inside him. A quiet promise. It was the only way he knew how to love Cary back when he’d already given him everything he had, and more.
He’d seen the way Cary studied every day, seen the different books he’d collected from the library. He knew how hard his brother worked to get money for them, not just for himself. It was never about Cary. It was always about him.
Because Cary loved him. He knew it in every gentle squeeze, in every quiet look, in every sleepless night where Cary would stay up studying, or running himself ragged to work just another hour for a slightly larger paycheck. The way he would watch Teddy from the window of the Gallo’s house. Never engaging, just always quietly observing.
“I want you to have the good pillow, too, one day.”
He was quiet again for a few seconds after the words left his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit. At least not out loud.
“I mean…” he mumbled quickly, tensing now that he’d been too honest. “I just think you should get nice things when you work so hard.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:45 am
Teddy was going to be someone amazing when he grew up. Cary thought it now, but he wasn’t blind to his bias. He’d loved his brother since he was a tiny, nasty, loud little thing, hardly even human yet. He saw so much. Felt so much.
Someone would call it an old soul. He’d heard the word before, he’d looked it up. Teddy was beyond his years. Maybe even beyond Cary’s, but he didn’t know. Cary didn’t have time for introspection like that. He wasn’t smart enough for it, either. He didn’t have high hopes for himself but he did for Teddy.
He’d work himself to the bone if it meant he could give him the chance to be all that he could.
“I have nice things,” he promised, squeezing Teddy in a gentle hug.
“I have you,” he pointed out, because Teddy had been the best thing in his life for a very long time. He might have had a favorite toy or game before Teddy, but everything had changed when he came home. Maybe there was a brief period of time, when he was very young himself, that he hadn’t liked Teddy. He remembered it distantly but it hadn’t been Teddy’s fault. He was just a baby with a big voice, and Cary had sensitive ears and a bleeding heart.
Their parents had a surprising capacity for apathy. They’d let Teddy cry until his little voice came out hoarse and ragged. Cary couldn’t do it. Where they were absent, he filled the void. He got used to listening for Teddy’s little hiccups, or the way his breath shuddered before the cries started. He stayed close to Teddy, not just for that. He was afraid he’d get lost in the house. Afraid his parents would put him down somewhere and lose him.
Teddy was a good baby. He was just small, in a big house, full of scary things.
Cary had never blamed him. He’d been scared too, even after he got used to it.
He carved out a space wherever, whenever, he could. There was never enough room, and as soon as he made a little pocket for himself–for them–it was immediately filled with more stuff. Any space he made was taken, until he learned to deal with the junk. He laid on it so Teddy could lay on him.
He didn’t mind the bad pillow.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:45 am
The gentle squeeze was welcome and warm. It soothed him in a way that only hugs from Cary could. But there was something that still fluttered uncomfortably in his chest.
He knew Cary meant it. He believed him, and believed that it was what Cary believed. But even at nine, Teddy understood that having him wasn’t the same as having a full night’s sleep, or peace, or a moment to just sit and think and not worry. A moment to spend with Ethan and not have to wonder what to do about his little brother tagging along, or what he’d have to do if Ethan decided to not want Teddy to join them, wherever they went to hang out.
“...Okay,” he said, voice quiet still. It wasn’t said with uncertainty, but he wondered if Cary could hear the unspoken things in his voice. How he believed him, but still wished Cary had more.
Teddy curled up against his brother, pressing his forehead to Cary’s shoulder. Even without his glasses on, he knew Cary’s shape in the faint light of the room, and knew he was safe.
“Just don’t forget, okay?” he yawned, letting himself close his eyes. “When I’m big enough, I’m going to get you a really good pillow. Like… you’ll think you’re sleeping on clouds, good.”
He paused for a moment, pressing his lips together.
“...maybe with birds on it.”
His cheeks flushed a bit. Not really because he was embarrassed about liking birds, but because he felt like he was making it too obvious that he cared so much and felt helpless when it came to taking care of Cary as much as he took care of him in return.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:51 am
Teddy was too young to worry about those things but Cary could feel the weight of his words. It didn’t occur to Cary to think about how young he’d been when he first decided he was going to take care of his little brother. It wasn’t that he thought his parents were useless–they’d raised him, hadn’t they?
He couldn’t remember. Had they left him in a dirty crib and hoped he’d cry himself to sleep, too? Or had Cary just been such an exhausting child that they didn’t have anything left for Teddy?
Maybe it had been his fault. A lot of things were.
But he’d known Teddy his whole life and couldn’t think of a single thing that had ever been his fault.
Cary tucked his chin over Teddy’s head and closed his eyes.
“Yeah,” Cary said on a wistful exhale. “That sounds nice. I bet they make a lot of pretty pillowcases. Maybe we should look at some when we go to the library. Want to go with me tomorrow?”
They went to the library often; Cary had to devour what felt like an infinite stream of information, and he wanted Teddy to have something to do for all those long hours he was at the rink with him. He knew how boring it must be for Teddy to have to tag along with him, but it was better than being here. Better than being alone.
He hoped.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2025 11:55 am
Teddy gave the smallest nod. Not enough to jostle Cary, but enough so he could feel it where Cary’s chin touched his head.
“Okay,” he whispered. “We can look at the bird ones.”
The idea made his chest feel a bit lighter. He knew they had a long way to go before they’d be able to afford a really nice pillow, but a pillow case could make up for that in the meantime.
“We can get one for both of us so they’ll match,” he said tiredly, his voice getting heavier as sleep threatened to pull him under.
Teddy yawned, his fingers curling around the edge of Cary’s shirt again. A thread of safety and comfort. He wasn’t trying to cling, he just needed to know Cary was there.
“I like going with you,” he said, the words almost being lost to the softness of sleep. “Even when you think I’m bored. I’m not.”
Cary didn’t have to say it out loud for him to know what his brother worried about. He could hear it in his voice, and see it in his expression. The tension of his shoulders as he hugged him. And Teddy would do everything he could to help him worry a little less.
Fin!
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