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 Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 5:51 pm
Takes place after Next Steps on April 12, 2025
Jett really did take care of everything for them. All Orien had to do was walk Kaelan to their room and promise Jett that they would be okay. He made sure their phones were charged, and thanks to the hotel’s backup generators they didn’t have to worry about the power being out. Sure, there was no cell service, but Jett seemed confident that it would be working sooner than later.
With quiet words of embarrassed but deeply sincere thanks mumbled to Jett and the door closed behind him, Orien led Kaelan to the couch (the room was large enough that it had a whole extra seating area!) and helped him settle down with a kiss to his temple before running to the unnecessarily large bathroom and turning on the water in the bathtub.
“Here, let me--” he was quick to return, already dropping to his knees so he could help Kaelan out of his shoes and socks. “It looks like chicken and mashed potatoes. I’m just gonna bring it into the bath. I don’t care,” he insisted, concerned instead for Kaelan. “How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?”
He was doing better after their walk with Remarque through mirrorspace, but still terrified about what happened. If he’d lost Kaelan… No, he didn’t want to think about it.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 6:18 pm
Kaelan tried to trick himself out of blindness by keeping his eyes closed. He could pretend that it was by his own choice that he couldn’t see if he did that, but the truth was that it was complete darkness whether his eyes were open or not. It was terrifying. He was trying to think about anything but the endless darkness. He wanted to see Orien’s face.
He could hear him moving around, so he didn’t feel alone, but he’d held his breath while he listened for the whispers of sounds.
“I’m okay,” he said, a mantra on his lips. It didn’t matter if it was true or not. If he said it enough, it would be.
He moved to sit up on the couch, placing one hand on Orien’s shoulder to find his balance. With his second hand, he found Orien’s cheek, and brushed his fingers lightly over skin he knew so well.
“Are you?” he asked. His hand slid from Orien’s cheek to his neck so he could brush his thumb across Orien’s chin. His palm pressed gently against his neck, only close enough to feel his heartbeat. He tangled fingers in his hair, stroking at his nape.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 6:21 pm
Orien let himself breathe out a shaky sigh. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes, but only allowed himself a few moments before he reached up to gently take Kaelan’s hand from his neck.
He brought it to his mouth, kissed his palm, and then started pressing his fingers where the kiss had lingered. One, two, three, four, and his thumb. Then he repeated the same process with his other hand.
“I’m all in one piece,” he verified, but not until he was sure that Kaelan didn’t just believe him, but knew. Orien took his hand to place back on his shoulder, letting Kaelan feel down the length but-- oh, that wasn’t going to help him know he was okay. So Orien hastily tugged off his shirt and tried again, letting Kaelan feel his arms and his chest and ribs.
The water was still filling up in the bathtub, but it was a big tub. Orien wasn’t worried about it overflowing.
“I cried,” he admitted, taking Kaelan’s hand back so he could press it to his lips. “I begged for someone to help. Anyone. I thought you’d been--”
His own breath hitched as he stopped himself. He cleared his throat and carefully stood so he could offer his arms out to Kaelan.
“Let me help you into the bath. It’ll feel good.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 6:42 pm
Kaelan hadn’t expected the brutal honesty. Orien was emotional but it didn’t usually manifest in tears. Orien moved, so Kaelan did, too. Both of his hands found Orien’s face and he cradled it gently.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t like he had a choice. Kaelan liked to think he’d fought the good fight. He wanted to imagine that he’d been good enough, strong enough.
He hadn’t. There was so much about tonight that Kaelan didn’t understand. He was here, living–breathing–but he owed it to someone else. He didn’t want to start thinking about his own mortality. He doesn’t want to think about the fragility of life.
He can’t help it.
“Who helped? I don’t remember. What did they do? No, you don’t have to answer that.” He stroked his thumbs over Orien’s cheeks. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he said again. “I love you. I could never leave you.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 6:43 pm
Kaelan not wanting to leave him, or saying that he could never leave him, while that was obviously very much what they both wanted, the horrible reality was that it wasn’t a guarantee.
Something could happen. A car accident. A world ending event like a giant space serpent raining down lightning. Or even just Orien being lost to his own failing mind.
Sometimes he felt like his memories were getting better, or at least lasting longer. Other times it felt like he was being forced under the water’s surface and he was struggling to reach air to breathe.
He relaxed a little into Kaelan’s touch. He reached up with his own hands to rest lightly on Kaelan’s hips, then ran his palms comfortingly up and down his sides.
“Remarque knew them,” he said quietly, although he realized that was stupid because Remarque knew everyone in the court. “He called them over. Per-- something. I didn’t hear the other, I was too--”
He bit the inside of his cheek as if that would help recall what he wanted to say. Even now, details were fading, but he could remember the terror he felt while holding Kaelan’s unconscious body in his arms.
“There’s nothing you need to be sorry for,” he huffed finally. “That stupid snake thing zapped you with lightning. Nothing anyone could have done. Not even sure the magic the others tried on you worked. But… you woke up. And that’s all that matters.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 6:53 pm
“That’s all that matters,” Kaelan repeated, though the words swelled in his throat and he had to push them out. He cleared his throat to dislodge the emotion suffocating him.
Kaelan didn’t know if he’d died or not. It felt like it, sort of. But he was back, in one piece.
Well, mostly one piece. His eyes weren’t working and that was terrifying but he told himself that it was fine. They were just sore. Things would be fine in the morning. He lied to himself because he couldn’t hope strongly enough, and he loved Orien with all his heart but he knew Oreo could barely take care of himself.
He couldn’t take care of both of them.
“I’ll ask Jett who they were later.” They didn’t matter for tonight.
Kaelan had to rely on his hands to find Orien, and it wasn’t as easy to read someone’s face when you couldn’t see them. He could feel the tenseness in his muscles, the tightness in his movement.
Orien said he didn’t have to apologize but Kaelan didn’t know how to exist without apology. He drew close to Orien, hugged him. Kissed his cheek. He spoke sorry with action instead of words.
“Thank you for being so good to me,” he said, and pretended like he wasn’t scared that he was going to wake up tomorrow to a black room. He wasn’t ready to have seen Orien’s face for the last time. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to to navigate more hardship.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 6:59 pm
Orien could hear it. He could hear the emotion in Kaelan’s voice, he could feel it in his touch, in the way he wrapped his arms around him and held onto him like a lifeline.
He hated seeing Kaelan like this. Kaelan was his rock. His foundation. Everything he lived his life for. Everything he wanted to wake up for.
Carefully, because he knew Kaelan couldn’t see, and even as his hands trembled a little -- likely from exhaustion and the fading of adrenaline, Orien scooped Kaelan up into his arms. He pressed kisses against his face as he made his way to the bathroom.
Just as gently, he set Kaelan down on the side of the tub so he could help him undress. But he didn’t just go through the motions of taking off his clothes. He pressed soft, apologetic kisses everywhere he could reach. Against his brow, behind his ear, against his temple. A kiss to his hand, his shoulder. None of it was predatory or sexual in nature. Just full of love and tenderness and apology. A mask to hide the tears that made Orien’s eyes burn.
“Here, let me get you in, and then I’m gonna grab dinner,” he insisted, waiting for Kaelan to give him permission to help him into the tub. The water was high enough, so Orien turned off the water and kept his hand lightly on Kaelan’s arm. An offer was there to let him climb in on his own, just in case Kaelan wanted to feel like he still had some control.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:04 pm
It wasn’t that Kaelan assumed all of Orien’s kisses were going to be lecherous–even if they were usually accompanied with a certain hunger–but he kept waiting for the gentle, panicked kisses pressed across his skin to change into something different.
They didn’t.
Kaelan found himself peppered with kisses that were soft and full of love and sweetness. The corner of his lip twitched into a smile.
He held onto Orien as he inched into the tub, using his feet and free hand to judge where the boundaries were. Kaelan didn’t need the illusion of control. He favored the tender help instead. “Thank you,” he said, and when his back was pressed against the porcelain, he leaned over and kissed Orien’s cheek. He didn’t need eyes to find that; he knew Orien.
“I love you. Thank you, Orien.”
He wanted to say it would be okay. He wanted to say there was no reason to worry. He wanted to promise he wasn’t afraid.
He just didn’t want to lie.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:04 pm
“I love you, too,” he replied easily, but there was a certain weight to his voice. Like he was doing his best to think positively about their situation, as well as try to plan ahead for everything they hadn’t expected.
Jett would help them. Orien was forcing himself to believe that Jett wouldn’t turn his back on them now. It was hard. A distrust that had been buried deep into his bones. Slowly, they were working on building up their trust in Jett, but it wasn’t something that could happen in a day, or months, or years. Not when Orien and Kaelan had spent most of their lives expecting the worst, and usually receiving the worst.
Orien let his hand settle along Kaelan’s jaw, caressing his cheek with his fingers as he stared into the star filled void of his eyes.
It terrified him. He wondered how much of that was out of selfishness and how much was genuinely for Kaelan’s sake. Both, maybe. But perhaps that was also because they were so codependent on each other. Well, he was more dependent on Kaelan, at least physically, but emotionally he knew how much Kaelan loved him.
“Stay right here, I’m going to get our food,” he promised, pressing one more kiss to Kaelan’s forehead, and then jumping up to retrieve what had been sent for them. He worked quickly, returning to Kaelan’s side in record time. The chicken was so tender that it was easy to cut with just a fork.
“Here, I’m going to give you a bite. It’s chicken and some kind of lemon sauce,” he told him, already chewing on a bite for himself. He needed to make sure he could describe it for Kaelan! He placed his free hand along Kaelan’s jaw once more, hoping to give him a means of determining where things were by his touch. He held the fork out, ready to place it in Kaelan’s mouth once he had the chance.
“You’ll have to let me know if you’re thirsty. Or if you want some of these potatoes next. I can wash your hair for you if you’d like. Oh, but you should eat first,” he insisted, clearly frazzled by everything.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:06 pm
Orien was gone for so brief a time that Kaelan hardly managed to let one rattly sigh from his breath. His body was tense from the effort of trying to keep the storm inside of him at bay. His skin felt like a thin sheet, hardly strong enough to trap the anxious winds whipping at his insides. He heard Orien’s foot steps and forced the smile back in place.
He couldn’t tell if his heart was in his chest or his stomach or his throat or somewhere else entirely.
In the dark void of space, where endless nothingness stretched so far that you forgot there was ever anything else at all.
Something warm was on his lips and he opened his mouth before he smelled the chicken. He blinked, like it would clear the darkness. It didn’t.
He wanted to tell Orien that he couldn’t see, not that he was helpless. But this wasn’t about Kaelan. Orien needed to feel useful. He needed to feel in control of something, probably.
After what happened earlier, Kaelan didn’t blame him. So, he opened his mouth. He let Orien feed him. He’d let him get the drinks, let him wash his hair, let him take care of him.
“Thank you, Orien,” he said, chewing around the food.
It tasted like real food, good food. Things they wouldn’t have afforded themselves. He wanted to tell Orien it was okay to take a minute to himself. To relax. To breathe.
He didn’t, not because he wanted to be spoiled, but because he knew Orien needed something to ground himself.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:06 pm
Orien settled more comfortably against the side of the tub. He whispered quiet reassurances that Kaelan didn’t have to thank him. That everything was okay. That they would figure things out later, but for right now they just needed to rest.
He was terrified. Tears kept threatening to fill his eyes, especially now that Kaelan couldn’t see them. He didn’t need to hold himself back, didn’t need to hide his expression. He just needed to make sure he was smiling when he spoke. Maybe if he acted the part, it would come through in his voice.
They’d been through so much that this was not going to cripple them. They might need some adjustments, but Jett would help them. Maybe other people from the Court. They just needed to take a breath and not worry too much.
Except Orien worried about all of his health issues. He worried about Kaelan’s schooling. He could probably go with him, copy notes for him, help him through his classes when he couldn’t see. Surely there had to be some kind of accommodation for things like that. Jett would let him. He would just have to work double time to make up for anything that was missed.
And as Orien fed him, he pressed little kisses to Kaelan’s temple. Mumbled encouragement. Tried joking about how they really needed to ask Jett to spoil them more. He paused to take quiet breaths to settle himself, to rub his face with the back of his hand, to make sure Kaelan could hear the food in his mouth when he talked to him -- proof that he was eating, too. It wasn’t as though Orien was known for being very polite with stuff like that, anyway.
When it came time to ease Kaelan into the water so he could wash his hair, he did just that. He used his hands to gently scoop water over his head, making sure to cup his other hand over his face so he didn’t get water in his eyes.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. He didn’t need to whisper, but the bathroom already echoed, and he didn’t want to share his thoughts with the world. Only Kaelan.
“I remember when I first saw you. I thought you were gorgeous. I knew you’d be in trouble. I wish I had more control over things back then. I wish I could have kept you safe.”
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:07 pm
Kaelan didn’t think he was beautiful. He hadn’t ever, really. Except when Orien told him. When he looked in the mirror, he just saw someone barely scraping by. A guy who was doing his best but couldn’t quite get a foot up. If he looked at his reflection for too long, he’d find an impossible list of imperfections.
He didn’t know what Orien saw when he looked at him but he knew it was kinder than what he saw when he looked at himself.
“You did,” he promised, voice just as soft as Orien’s. He ran his fingers across the bottom of the bathtub until he found Orien’s hand, and laced fingers with him. He wanted to ask why Orien was thinking about back then, why he was dragging up bad memories. Hadn’t he had enough for one night?
Kaelan stroked a finger across the back of Orien’s hand. For a second, he seemed amused. “You thought I’d be trouble? I was on my best behavior.” He always was. Always had been.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:07 pm
“Yeah, but you looked like you’d be an easy target,” he huffed, squeezing Kaelan’s hand in the water.
“You’ve always been too… good. You didn’t deserve being there. I didn’t know you then, but I felt like something was wrong. You can tell about a person by just looking at them after a while. At least there you can.”
He didn’t want to think about the horrible things they’d experienced, but it made them who they were. It brought them closer together. And if they could overcome that hell, then they could overcome anything.
“You’re so good to me. I wish this happened to me instead of you. Ah, not that I would want you worrying about me. But…”
Orien knew he caused problems. That he needed to be taken care of. That he had to be treated carefully so he wouldn’t react poorly to any given situation. Kaelan didn’t deserve to be in this position any more than he deserved having someone like him for a boyfriend. Someone who caused him nothing but trouble.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:08 pm
“No,” Kaelan said. There was no admonition in his voice but there was a gentle insistence. “I’m okay.”
He wasn’t, not really, but he was better equipped to handle this than Orien. He had enough on his plate. Kaelan wasn’t ready to throw in the towel yet, and intermingled with his fears of a dark tomorrow was still the hope of a bright dawn.
He was afraid but he wasn’t willing to let himself get lost in the fear of permanence.
“I’m not glad it happened to me,” he said, “But you’re not supposed to be a pincushion for all the bad things in our lives. Sometimes things just happen. I don’t want you to get hurt any more than you want me to get hurt.”
Kaelan didn’t have much to say about the time they spent together as children. He knew he’d looked like an easy target when he was younger. Sometimes he still did. Kaelan tried to be good. It didn’t matter whether or not he deserved to be there– he had been. Just like how he’d been in the wrong spot and gotten zapped into darkness earlier tonight.
Sometimes you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Leaning closer, Kaelan pressed his forehead to Orien’s as soon as he found it. Orien wasn’t as discrete about his emotions as he thought he was; Kaelan could hear the slight sniffle. The quiver of his breath. The tremble in his voice.
Kaelan let him have the illusion that he was, in some way, successful in keeping those things to himself.
“You’re so good for me, Orien. We’ll figure this out together. As long as I’ve got you, I can handle anything. I promise. It’s okay. Please don’t beat yourself up about this. Or anything else. Okay?”
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2025 7:08 pm
Orien closed his eyes with their foreheads pressed together. He wanted to wrap his arms around Kaelan, to hold him, to reassure him everything was okay. He didn’t agree that he shouldn’t be a pincushion for all the bad things that happened to them. It was easier if he was. If he could take on the burden, then that was one less thing to make Kaelan suffer.
“You’ll always have me,” he promised, his voice shaking slightly but he quickly cleared his throat. He knew it was a lie, but he didn’t care. He knew there was a very high chance that he and Jett wouldn’t be able to find enough doctors to help him.
They weren’t even sure of the extent of the damage to his body that he was living with, but he knew it was a lot. And he didn’t want to be told things that couldn’t be fixed right away. Or at least as soon as possible with very real results.
“What can I do for you? Would you like a massage? Would you like me to wrap you up and hold you while I brush out your hair? You can sleep while I do that,” he offered, desperate to give Kaelan at least a few moments of peace.
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