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 Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 4:49 pm
Takes place the day after this is me trying. Énna arrived at school early the next day to get started on Riker’s locker.
He didn’t have to decorate it. Riker probably wouldn’t even appreciate it; he would grin and bear it to make up for his mistakes but hate it every time he opened the door, even if Énna put actual effort into making it look nice. It’d been a stupid idea among so many other stupid ideas, but Énna didn’t know what else to do to soothe his hurt feelings. He wanted to make a point, not humiliate Riker—except for the part of him that wanted Riker to feel bad. If Riker felt bad, it meant he really did regret it, and if he regretted it that much it meant he cared.
Or something like that. Énna was still working through it in his head. He was sixteen and stupid and still dealing with the disappointment of someone he’d really liked turning out to be someone he didn’t.
Then again, it wasn’t as if he hated Riker all that much anymore. Mostly he was sad and disappointed and confused and wished he could be angrier because at least anger made a little more sense sometimes (except for when it didn’t make any sense at all).
Énna finished decorating Riker’s locker during his lunch break, then waited for him there once the final bell rang at the end of the day. He leaned back against the metal door, fiddling with his nails and picking at a spot where the polish was starting to flake.
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 4:53 pm
Riker had been dreading the end of the day since he left school the day before. Énna was going to do something to his locker, had asked what his favorite color was, told him he might learn something about him that no one else knew.
Part of Riker wondered if he was just chasing the impossible. He’d broken the friendship he had as Reims with Yvoire by nature of being Riker. It was his own fault for the things he said and did, and he knew that while some people forgave him, he didn’t expect it from everyone.
He’d been tempted to ask for backup. Maybe Julian, just to make sure Énna couldn’t be too mean to him. But he also knew he probably deserved whatever it was Énna decided to do.
“Why do you paint your nails if you’re just going to pick it all off?” he asked as he approached Énna and his locker before he could think better of it. He grimaced, realizing that he probably sounded like a jerk for asking, and he quickly shook his head to try and make sure Énna wouldn’t just storm off.
“I just-- I mean, they’re pretty, and you obviously put a lot of time into them. Like, I mean, I get if it’s a nervous habit or whatever, but couldn’t you get, like, a fidget-- thing-- or something? I don’t know, I never get to see them when you just do them,” he shrugged dramatically, wondering if he was going to regret opening his mouth.
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 4:55 pm
Énna’s head snapped up. His heart skipped anxiously but he forced an irritated glare onto his face which, in his discomfort, ended up looking more apprehensive than truly irritated.
“Excuse me for being nervous,” he said.
At least he could be pleased by the strength of his voice. Until he wondered if he sounded too aggressive. Énna wasn’t trying to be aggressive; he was trying to be cool and confident—maybe a little haughty, like he was above this entire messed up situation, like it didn’t matter to him what Riker thought or what he chose to do from here on out, when it actually mattered a great deal. (He wished it didn’t. Things would be so much easier if it didn’t matter at all.)
“I paint them because I pick at them,” Énna explained. “I thought it’d help me stop, but it hasn’t so I’ll be trying something else. I don’t like fidget things. I don’t want to have to carry something else around and then forget it or lose it or have some a*****e at school steal it and then end up picking at my nails anyway. Not that it matters,” he continued. “Who cares. I’ll be redoing them soon.”
Énna turned away to face Riker’s locker instead, working on the combination. The first attempt failed because he was too nervous and missed one of the numbers. The second attempt failed for the same reason.
“If you want to see them so bad,” he said, voice falling into a grumble, because he didn’t really believe Riker wanted to, “I’ll send you a picture.”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 4:58 pm
The strange, irritated look he got had Riker holding up his hands in a show of surrender. He didn’t mean for Énna to be nervous. He was nervous about what he’d done to his locker!
“Sorry,” he mumbled awkwardly as he stepped closer to the locker, watching as Énna struggled with the combination. Not wanting him to struggle a third time, Riker reached over to gently place his hand on Énna’s to move it away. Just so he could turn the dial one way and then the other, letting the lock click open, but he didn’t lift the latch to the door yet.
“You have my number so yeah,” he shrugged, not thinking it would be that big of a deal to see Énna’s nails when they were freshly done. “You spent time on them. Might as well show them off. Do you post anything online? Ah, I’m just… just starting to figure out social media and all that. Mom would stalk me but I guess it’s good that she doesn’t care any more.”
He glanced from Énna to his locker and took in a deep breath.
Then a quick exhale -- “It’s not going to, like… have a jump scare, is it?” He grimaced, really hoping there wasn’t a snake-in-a-can type deal.
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:03 pm
“No, I don’t post anything online,” Énna continued to grumble.
He held onto the hand Riker had only recently touched, rubbing his thumb into the palm in an effort to stay away from his nails. It didn’t work. Énna went back to picking at this thumb seconds later. He stopped as soon as he realized, forcing himself to separate his hands.
Fortunately, he had a locker to open, so he didn’t have to figure out how to occupy them for long.
“And, no, there’s no jump scare. Unless you’re scared of glitter.”
Énna yanked open the door.
The inside of the door and each wall of the locker itself sparkled with glittery paper in a red to black ombre, kept in place by strategically placed magnets: a few cats; the number 13; an equally glittery guitar; and a red scarf. Other magnets showcased song lyrics: We’re made of starlight, and I might be okay, but I’m not fine at all, and I knew you were trouble when you walked in, and All I know since yesterday is everything has changed, and Right there where we stood was holy ground, and It was rare, I was there, I remember it. He’d added an extra shelf for Riker to better organize his books. There was a mirror on the door, and a pencil holder stocked with fresh pencils, pens, and highlighters. Other containers remained empty, ready to hold whatever Riker chose to store. Énna had added a hook just below the mirror, from which hung a baseball cap Riker had inadvertently left behind. Another hook on one of the locker walls awaited the hanging of a coat.
“So… anyway…” Énna shrugged. He forced himself not to duck his head but kept his back to Riker so he wouldn’t have to see his initial reaction. “You have to keep it like this for the rest of the school year. And… if you’re not a d**k about it, maybe next year I’ll help you decorate it however you like.” Then, quieter, like he was making a confession, “Red’s one of my favorite Taylor Swift albums.”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:09 pm
Unless he was scared of glitter??
“A little!” Riker practically yelped in distress, expecting a cloud of glitter to explode the moment the door was opened. Which Énna yanked open right then!
Riker was ready to jump back to avoid the worst of the glitter bomb but--
There was no explosion. There was no crazy thing falling out on him. Instead, it was a very well decorated locker. It was nothing he would have ever thought to do for himself, but…
He stared for a few moments before stepping closer. He just looked for a little while, then reached out to touch some of the magnets. He let his fingers brush under the lyrics that Énna added as his stomach twisted into knots.
Maybe they were just random lyrics, but Énna had taken so much time to put this together for him. He doubted they didn’t mean something. If not for them, then at least for Énna.
And maybe this was Énna telling him that he knew him better than he thought. He knew Reims. Maybe he really was going to give Riker a chance.
He pulled his eyes away from the locker when Énna spoke again, a little surprised to hear that it was one of his favorite albums. Ah, then that made sense.
“Thank you, Ey,” he said as he turned to him more fully. He wanted to reach out to give him a hug. He would have, as Reims.
He wasn’t just Reims, though. He never would be.
“I don’t know how we’re going to top this. You did a really amazing job. I mean… you could probably charge a lot of money to do this for others. Just saying. Taylor Swift, huh? Do you have a favorite song?”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:11 pm
“Just Énna,” Énna countered the nickname. When he thought he might have sounded too harsh, he hastened to mumble, “Please.”
With nothing to occupy his hands again, Énna went back to twiddling his fingers and rubbing at his palms and picking at his nails. He ducked behind his hair, which he’d left loose for the day specifically because he’d known he would want it as a shield. His heart quivered nervously and his stomach twisted. He felt for a moment like he couldn’t breathe, stifled by the restless energy coursing through him.
Riker wasn’t cruel about the locker, but then Énna hadn’t expected him to be. He had believed Riker’s apologies, he simply hadn’t known how to accept them when the hurt was still fresh.
“And you can’t expect me to pick a single song out of over two hundred and seventy,” he continued. Énna forced himself to turn around. Then he forced himself to look up at Riker, but found he couldn’t quite look Riker in the eye and stared at a lock of dyed hair instead. “It changes depending on my mood, but right now it’s probably Holy Ground, which is from Red,” he pointed at one of the lyric magnets, “or You’re On Your Own, Kid, which is from—you know what, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be a thing. It’s not like I ever talk about being a Sw—Whatever. Now you know something else about me and you can make fun of my extremely basic taste in music, except if you actually listened to it you’d—”
Énna stopped to breathe. He wasn’t going to go on a tangent. That wasn’t the point of this.
“Anyway, I… I don’t know if we can be… like we were.” Whatever they’d been when all they’d known of one another was Reims and Yvoire. “But I forgive you. Or, well, maybe I don’t forgive you so much as I accept your apology and I’d like to try and be friends again, even if I can’t promise I won’t get defensive or that my feelings aren’t easy to hurt.”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:12 pm
Riker blinked for a moment, and then realized what he’d said and felt his ears burn again.
“Ah, sorry,” he mumbled, lifting a hand to awkwardly rub at the back of his neck. “Just Énna,” he agreed with a small nod.
He tilted his head curiously when Énna started talking. About his current favorite songs. About how he knew something no one else knew.
“I’m not going to make fun of you,” he said, his voice quiet. A gentle promise as his shoulders slumped a little with regret.
He hadn’t expected things to be like they were. He’d ruined that the moment he started harassing Énna. If he’d known him before… if he’d known him as Reims -- if he’d been Reims before all of this…
Maybe he wouldn’t have done the things he did.
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. Thanks for… you know. Accepting my apology,” he shrugged awkwardly. “Oh… I’m staying with Julian. In case you wondered or cared about the whole being kicked out thing.” He didn’t know if Énna had already found out, but it wasn’t like they stopped to talk to each other much.
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:12 pm
Énna couldn’t tell if Riker was being sarcastic and trying to get a dig in. In case you wondered or cared. Of course he wondered and cared, but Riker was back in school so Énna had assumed the situation with him being kicked out had been resolved. Énna knew Ganymede had brought supplies up to Reims. He assumed Atticus’ dad would’ve gotten involved at some point, at least as far as Riker being able to afford Azure without parental support. Énna would’ve asked once the initial awkwardness faded away. The middle of a hallway at school hadn’t seemed like the right place to talk about it.
But if Riker was going to bring it up…
“Oh,” Énna said. “I hadn’t heard. But I’m glad you have somewhere—” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. In an effort to stop himself from picking at his nails, Énna began fiddling with a lock of his loose hair.
Maybe that explained Riker’s lockscreen. If Julian gave him a place to stay…
“I didn’t realize you and Julian were so close. I mean, I knew you were friendly. Or… that he’d forgiven you. So that’s why you were so—I mean, you seemed comfortable with them. When we were—” Teal eyes drifted up and down the hallway, making sure no one else was close enough to overhear. “You know, the thingy. The storm. The ones who came over to us. He said they were his family. It’s good. I’m glad you’re okay.”
Nervously, Énna glanced up again. “I was worried. When you said you’d been kicked out. Even if I was still mad, I was—I mean, I still care. I never… I never really stopped caring. I was hurt, but… I still wanted you to be okay.”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:13 pm
Or that he’d forgiven you.
The reminder hurt more than Riker cared to admit. Even though Julian was too kind and naive to even think that Riker was being mean to him, Riker knew that had been his intention.
Julian deserved better than that. Énna deserved better. They all did. He wanted to be better, especially to make it up to them.
It was strange seeing Énna act so nervous and struggling with his words. It didn’t take much for Riker to realize he must have said something that bothered him. But that he cared was enough to make Riker’s ears burn, and he awkwardly tugged on the adjustment straps of his backpack for something to fiddle with.
No… that wasn’t fair to Énna. The Yvoire he knew would have cared, at least about Reims. For Riker? Ah, well… he was at least passed Énna being actively angry with him, although he deserved it if he was.
“I know you were,” he nodded in agreement. “I saw that look you gave me when you found out.” On Ganymede. When he was trying to hide away from everyone. “Julian… I guess he’s like me in a lot of ways,” he shrugged, but then cringed because that wasn’t really what he meant.
“I mean, he’s definitely not a jerk, but he tends to suffer in silence a lot.”
Ah, that probably made things weird. Riker made another face at himself, clearly disgusted by admitting things so easily. “I’m not suffering right now,” he quickly insisted, because wow, way to make things awkward.
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:13 pm
Énna shot Riker a disbelieving look. He saw no similarities between Julian and Riker. Julian was quiet and sweet and tentative. Riker was loud and brash and reckless. They couldn’t have been more dissimilar if they’d tried.
Then again, Énna couldn’t claim to know everything about either one of them. He still felt distant from his friends, like he didn’t quite fit in, even if he cared about them and knew they cared about him in return. Maybe Julian and Riker had found some common ground while Énna was busy being aloof and depressed.
Énna shifted again. He glanced away, nervous, but tried to cover his unease by pretending he was looking around for eavesdroppers.
“Good,” he said. It was inadequate, considering what he did know about Riker, and all the ways he could be suffering, or had suffered before, but Énna hadn’t known what the right thing to say was for months now. That wouldn’t suddenly change just because they were talking again. If anything, he knew even less than he had before.
“Um… So… I guess I should go…” Teal eyes flicked up quickly, then away again. “I have a dance class in a little while, but… I’ll see you. Here, or… We could go to—you know… Soon, maybe. To clean up some more. If you want.”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:13 pm
There was a part of him that mourned the loss of their old friendship. It was a product of half truths, of dishonesty and desperation. Riker felt deeply for Énna in ways he couldn’t understand. Different than how he felt about Julian, or about Dawn or Cassidy. But he knew he’d ruined it, and it was something he would have to live with.
After all, Énna himself said that he accepted his apology but that he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t get defensive. That was fine. He was allowed to have feelings. And Riker would do his best to make amends.
He tilted his head curiously when Énna suggested cleaning up more. Of course it was something he wanted to do. Even if it wasn’t the same as before.
“Of course. There’s bound to be more secrets we can uncover,” he said with a small smile. “Thanks for what you did. It looks nice. Really. Text me when you’re available,” he decided and lifted a hand in a goodbye gesture. “See you.”
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Posted: Sun May 18, 2025 5:14 pm
Énna held back a grimace. He wasn’t sure he wanted to uncover any more secrets, but he also wasn’t sure he had much of a choice.
He swallowed nervously and dropped the piece of hair he’d been playing with, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders. It felt awkward to leave, but even more awkward to linger. Part of him wanted to stay and talk, even if he didn’t know what to talk about. He wondered if it would get easier, if time would help. He wondered if he was making a mistake, if this attempt at reconciliation would bite him in the a**. Trust was hard to rebuild even with intent.
“Sure, yeah,” he said. “Okay.”
He hated how uncertain his voice sounded. He hated the awkward shift of his feet. He hated how hard it was to look Riker in the eye for a prolonged period of time. He hated the doubts that still ate at him—not because he thought Riker was going to disappoint him again, but because he couldn’t control any of the things he felt, or even understand why he felt them.
Énna ducked his head and shuffled away.
He didn’t know if he felt much better, but at least it was a start.
Fin!
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