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 Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2025 6:05 pm
He knew he’d messed up. Riker knew he’d been selfish and unfair. He sought out Cassidy’s help, and then abandoned him, along with everyone else, with the foolish idea that if he left them first, they wouldn’t have to decide to abandon him later.
Riker knew what he did was wrong, but he’d been so self absorbed that he didn’t stop to think about how it would affect his friends. The people who actually cared about him.
Well… unless they decided he went too far or wasn’t actually someone they wanted to be friends with. Like Énna when he found out his identity.
He decided to stay home for the rest of the week. Not because he was physically ill, but because he was still working through everything that happened. Having a safe place to curl up and sleep all day without having to worry about being yelled at was nice. And Evan was super accommodating. Julian as well. They knew that even though he didn’t have a cold or the flu that he was still unwell and trying to heal.
Of course he’d asked Evan what he should do about Cassidy. He couldn’t just show up empty handed after disappearing!
So on Friday, just before school was being let out, Riker asked Evan to take him to the store so he could get a handful of things to use for groveling. He insisted that he would be okay waiting for Cassidy, and once he promised Evan that he would let him know if he needed anything, he waved as he drove away, hopefully to pick up Julian. It was still pretty cold out, but Riker had bundled up enough that he could wait (anxiously) outside by the front door in relative comfort.
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2025 10:00 am
Cassidy was trudging home after another disappointing day without Riker there. It shouldn’t be consuming his thoughts so much but how was he not supposed to worry? He went to school every day hoping that Riker would show up and disappointed himself every day. Twice this week he’d left early.
It wasn’t just that he was pining, he was worried. After everything that had happened with his mother, Cassidy worried that Riker had gone back to her, and he’d been so hurt the last time, if she was really mad at him, she might have-
Well, who knew? She was a crazy b***h! And his brother was worse! Or a monster might have gotten him!
All Cassidy knew was that no one knew where Riker was, and he had badgered them. He went after Julian first, because Riker was closest to him. Julian didn’t know. He went to Elliot next, because he seemed to know everything. He didn’t know. He was also probably a good liar, so Cassidy then turned his attention to Atticus, who probably knew as much as Elliot but couldn’t lie, and he didn’t know either.
He’d nagged his teachers, but the Reids wouldn’t give him anything and Mr. Gallo was as tight-lipped as expected.
So, a week had gone by, and he had no idea where Riker was. Maybe dead in a ditch. He’d have called the police if he wasn’t overthinking what Riker’s mom would do to him if he was there and the police came around.
He didn’t even know what else to do. Maybe he’d go out again later tonight to look for Riker, or some magical Knight who could tell him where Reims was. He’d promised before that he wouldn’t go out unnecessarily because it was dangerous but that hadn’t stopped him this week, even with the weird storms. What if Riker was out there, hurt? What if–
What if Riker was standing in front of his house?
Cassidy had zoned out while he walked, not even in the mood to play on his phone while he trudged home, and he had to double take when he saw Riker–or his doppelganger–standing right there.
He didn’t look any worse than the last time he’d seen him.
“Riker!” he called from the driveway, too surprised to feel anything more than hope as he hurried towards the front door. He straightened just before he got there and asked, “Where have you been?”
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2025 7:26 pm
Of course Riker saw Cassidy the moment he came into view down the street. He’d been looking for him, waiting to see if he noticed when Cassidy saw him and decided to turn around. Or, well, no that would be pretty horrible if he did that. Cassidy should at least get inside his house before ignoring him.
As he approached, Riker straightened up, suddenly feeling even more anxious than he had been. He knew he was in the wrong. And the last time that happened, well… Énna still hadn’t forgiven him.
Oh, but he’d gotten Cassidy stuff! So instead of immediately answering his question, Riker brandished the bouquet of white, cream, and pink flowers of all varieties.
“I’m sorry!” he quickly blurted out before he did something stupid like forget. “I uh-- these are for you. I was stupid and I didn’t mean to worry you. I-- oh, I got-- hold on take this--” he insisted, pushing the flowers into Cassidy’s arms so he could lean over and pick up the brown paper bag by its handles and rifle through it.
“Um, I also got you some candles. Just-- you know, if you want them. If-- oh, is that weird? I didn’t really think about-- I mean I did think. I think you’ll like these, but if that’s weird then just forget I did. Um, I was going to get you chocolate too, but the place with the chocolates at the store was making me really itchy. I mean, it’s really dumb. I think someone might have just been handling-- um, no, it’s not important. Do you like cheese? I brought a cho-- uh… chocute--? Cute-ary? No, uh. The thing with the cheese and meat and, like, olives. Do you like olives? There’s like, three or four kinds of olives--”
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2025 4:34 pm
Cassidy reached out to accept the flowers before it had really kicked in, and his face kept switching emotions. He was excited, happy, confused–
There was an expression on his face that kept shifting, like he couldn’t quite make up his mind between all the other thoughts in his head.
“I don’t want to hear about olives!” he blurted, not quite angry but certainly a little frantic. “I want to hear about you! You didn’t answer me, where were you? I looked everywhere!”
Cassidy’s face was a little red now, and his brows were furrowed and his eyes were intently on Riker because he wasn’t going to miss any little microexpression. He hugged the flowers to his chest with one arm and made no move to open the door. His keys were out and he clutched them tightly in his other hand but he couldn’t focus on anything but Riker.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 5:19 pm
Riker froze when Cassidy-- didn’t quite snap at him, but he definitely forgot that he was rambling. His shoulders deflated a bit as he lowered his head and the bag in shame and embarrassment. His ears were already burning, but now his cheeks were as well.
“I was safe, just… I left town for a bit,” he mumbled awkwardly as he stared at Cassidy’s shoes.
“I’m really, really sorry. It won’t happen again. Uh… Evan found me. Said I can stay with them. Like. As a permanent thing. So that’s nice.”
He paused for just a moment, then glanced up at Cassidy in horrified surprise.
“You looked everywhere--? Cass… I didn’t-- I wasn’t thinking--”
Or rather, he hadn’t been thinking in a way that benefited himself. He was thinking in the same way his mother had taught him how to think. To always put himself below anyone because he wasn’t worth the time or effort.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 5:23 pm
“I looked everywhere,” Cassidy repeated. His brows were knitted tightly and a muscle in his jaw twitched. He was breathing in short, shallow breaths.
“I posted online, I called hospitals, I asked everyone I could think of. But not your mom. I almost called the police. But I was afraid you were with her. I thought I might get you in trouble if I did..”
The plastic from the flowers was pressing into his neck and thin red lines were forming where they crinkled against him but he hadn’t noticed. His eyes hadn’t left Riker’s face. He wanted to be happy that he was safe. He wanted to be glad it wouldn’t happen again. Wanted to celebrate that he had somewhere safe to stay.
“I thought you were dead.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 5:27 pm
Riker’s breath caught in his throat as Cassidy spoke. He really had been selfish. More than that, he’d been cruel to the people who cared about him. It was no wonder why Énna hated him. And now he feared Cassidy would, too.
He didn’t apologize again. He didn’t think he had the right to. He also didn’t feel like he had any right to cry or be upset--
Except Cassidy had told him, on his birthday after being kicked out, that he had the right to cry. He wanted to ask if that included self pity. Because that seemed like it was a bit much, or not in the rules.
“What can I do? To make it up to you?” he asked, his voice cracking with the emotion he was stubbornly holding back.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 5:31 pm
Cassidy was quiet for a few seconds before he looked away. His throat was burning and he wanted to be mad at Riker! What a d**k! He just ran away? He let Cassidy think he was dead?
Riker’s voice cracked and Cassidy didn’t trust that his wouldn’t so he didn’t say anything at first. They couldn’t just stand out here on the doorstep, it was cold.
“Get a phone,” he muttered, but there was no venom in his voice. He had to slowly, painfully, uncurl his fingers so he could get his keys. Everything felt stiff but he did his best to play it off, even if he was having a hard time getting the key in the lock. “And don’t ditch me like that again. I couldn’t sleep, I kept waiting to hear a pebble on my window. I was too scared that something happened to you. I was afraid you were out there and hurt and needed help or something and no one was going to find you in time. You’re not mad at me, right? You didn’t leave because I said something that freaked you out, did you?”
He didn’t look up from the door when he asked because he knew it was stupid but it was difficult to navigate the sudden wave of emotions he was feeling. The important thing was that Riker was okay, he’d just spent so long preparing for the worst that he was trying to un-numb himself from the bad news he’d started to expect.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 5:32 pm
It was clear to Riker how much he’d hurt Cassidy. After all that talk about how he felt horrible for not visiting him in the hospital, and he still ended up abandoning him again.
He watched as Cassidy fumbled with the keys, standing quietly by as he told him how he couldn’t sleep. How he was scared something would happen to him. Asked if Riker was mad at him.
Riker took a cautious step closer and reached out to place his hand on Cassidy’s, gently adjusting the key for him so he could get the door unlocked easier.
“I think that’s my line. I was going to ask you if you were mad at me,” he said quietly, reaching behind Cassidy with his other arm so he could still cautiously place it over his shoulders, pulling him a little closer to him. It was something of an awkward side hug with how Cassidy was still holding onto the flowers and trying to get the door open. Riker had the handles of the bag around his wrist, but that was fine.
He expected Cassidy to shove him away, to tell him he lost his chance.
He pressed his forehead against Cassidy’s hair, taking a few moments to just breathe in the smell of his shampoo and feel its softness against his skin.
“I know I ******** up. I was stupid. I panicked. It was wrong of me to put you through all that. I’m sorry, Cass. You don’t have to forgive me, but you should know how sorry I am for hurting you.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 6:09 pm
Cassidy wasn’t proud to need help but he didn’t try to push away from Riker. He didn’t say as much but he was grateful for the help. The door unlocked with a loud click so he pushed it open.
With Riker so close, he didn’t move. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, just that he wanted the hug. There was a distant part of him that suspected this might be a dream or a hallucination but if he’d been imagining it, Riker would have shown up with a few more buttons undone.
“Of course I’m mad at you,” he mumbled petulantly. “I thought, for sure, we were close enough that you wouldn’t just ghost me while you were in the middle of a crisis. So I made myself sick thinking about all the bad things that could be happening to you. A monster could have eaten you. Someone could have kidnapped you. Maybe you got hit by a bus and got amnesia. Maybe you got struck by lightning and were unconscious in a ditch. I spent so many–so many hours–worrying about you. And you were safe the whole time?”
Finally, he looked at Riker. His eyes were wet, not so much that it looked like he was going to cry but enough still that he was obviously grappling with a few layers of emotions.
“And you’re trying to win me over with olives?”
He drew in a deep, shuddery breath and–oh, the flowers smelled nice. He paused and smelled them again.
“...Well, maybe it’s working,” he muttered. “A little. I am glad you’re safe. And I’m glad you’re staying with Evan. I want to hear about it. Are you going to come in and tell me while we try out this charcuterie board?”
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 6:11 pm
Oh… Riker didn’t know what to do with Cassidy looking like he was about to cry. He barely knew what to do with himself when he got too emotional to function. Not that he thought that was the case for Cassidy, but it was clear that he’d spent a long time worrying about him.
It wasn’t a good excuse, and he knew he’d have to get used to it sooner than later, but having people worry about him enough to lose sleep? It was extending to people faster than he realized it would. His friends were so supportive that sometimes it seemed like he was being tricked.
He pulled back a little when Cassidy invited him inside, but took a moment to mouth to himself the word he’d clearly butchered. He was grateful that Cassidy wasn’t just telling him to eat dirt or kicking him off his property. Riker didn’t know how he would have handled another rejection like that. Probably poorly, but it would have been deserved after how he behaved.
With the door shut and locked behind him, he quickly reached out to hold onto the back of Cassidy’s backpack. Not to rip it off of him or make Cassidy feel like he was trapped, but to lighten the weight of it so he could slip his arms out easier. Especially his injured arm. And he was holding the bouquet of flowers so it was probably difficult to manipulate anyway.
“I wanted to reach out,” he admitted, although he supposed it didn’t really matter now. “If I had a phone then… but I did think about how I was letting you down and how you’ll probably hate me. I’m sorry, I didn’t think you might think I’d been hurt. Which… yeah that was pretty stupid of me. I mean, I was safe enough with all these storms and such…” he frowned, glancing back outside for a moment. It seemed to be relatively clear for now, but now that he knew what was going on…
“Uh, I have a new phone now. We just got it. I wanted to see if you’d like to pick a photo for your contact. I mean. It’s kind of weird that I won’t have to worry about someone trying to take it from me.”
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 6:49 pm
Unwilling to offer a word of thanks, which he did appreciate, Cassidy pouted the whole time Riker helped him remove his backpack.
“I don’t hate you, Riker, I’m just mad at you for disappearing like that. I’m having emotional whiplash.”
Like–okay, yeah, fine, Riker didn’t have his phone, Cassidy already knew that. And he didn’t know Cassidy’s phone number by heart so how was he going to call? But that didn’t count because he shouldn’t have left at all! He could have stayed here and been comfortable and pampered!
With his backpack off, he was able to hold the flowers with both hands and he helped himself to another sniff and–well, to be fair to Riker, he did get a good selection. They were pretty and fragrant, and Cassidy rested his face in the bouquet. The petals were cool and soft and felt nice against his skin so he closed his eyes and stood there for a moment.
“Yeah, I want to pick a photo for my contact. I don’t look so great right now or I’d let you take a new picture. Maybe after we eat. Does this mean I can text you more now?” he asked, but maybe he already knew the answer so he added, “Do you have a curfew now, or are you still going to be able to stay over?”
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 6:52 pm
“You can text me whenever you want,” he promised, even if he wondered if he would regret what he was agreeing to. “And I can probably get on social media now but, uh… I might need help figuring out how to get everything set up. If you’re not too busy,” he added, hoping that it would help placate Cassidy some more.
“I think as long as I let him know where I am, Evan is okay with that. Uh… I mean, we haven’t really talked about curfew and all that yet, but he worries a lot too.”
To which Riker cringed, because he really did make the people he cared about worry. He felt bad. Enough that he was determined not to do it again. He’d been used to running off on his own. To find a hole to curl up in and lick his wounds until he could limp back to his abuser.
He didn’t want to go back. Even if his heart ached, he didn’t want to see those people again.
“Do you have a vase? Uh… wow, sorry, I should have thought about buying one,” he sighed defeatedly. There were a lot of things he should have done. Or shouldn’t have done.
“I missed you,” he dared to say after a few more moments, once his shoes had been removed and his jacket hung up. He stood by waiting to help Cassidy with whatever he needed, trying to anticipate what he might want help with.
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 7:50 pm
Riker knew Cassidy more than he gave himself credit for because Cassidy had decided to pull his face out of the bouquet so he could mull it over. His lips were pressed together and he pinched his cheek between his canines. He’d been belligerently finding corners to stare into so he could avoid looking at Riker but he lost his battle with himself.
“Well, okay,” he relented. His eyes weren’t misty anymore so he must have reeled in whatever emotions he’d been juggling with. “I missed you, too. Obviously. You didn’t have to buy me apology gifts.”
He was quiet for a few seconds and then added, “But I like them. So, thank you.”
Drawing in a deep breath, Cassidy finally glanced at the bag Riker was holding and then nodded for him to follow him to the kitchen. “I’ve got a vase, I’ll get these taken care of. They’re really pretty. I want you to stay over for a while, you owe me at least a few hours. But if Evan needs you to come home, I guess I can share. Especially since now I know where to find you and I will come over if you ghost me. How long has Julian known you’ve been back? He didn’t tell me you were here, he let me worry all day. All week? How long have you been back for?”
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2025 8:04 pm
“Not much longer,” he admitted, but still felt guilty about it. “I asked him not to say anything. I didn’t want to upset you and I didn’t want to just, you know, show up at school after being gone. Especially since we’re gonna have to figure out everything with, uh. You know, tuition and stuff. I thought about dropping out but Evan won’t let me.”
And he was sure others wouldn’t want him to, either.
“I won’t ghost you again. Not intentionally,” he winced, because he wasn’t sure what would happen, and he didn’t want Cassidy thinking he was doing it on purpose.
He set the bag on the counter in the kitchen and pulled out the tray of random cheeses and meats and other vegetables and fruits to snack on. He put the two candles he bought as well. Sandalwood and another was supposed to smell like a spring day. Probably something with vanilla.
“I didn’t want to upset you at school,” he continued, hoping Cassidy would understand his decision to wait. “And it’s the weekend, so, like… it’s not like I have any plans. Other than trying to make it up to you for being a jerk.”
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