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 Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:01 am
Takes place December 2024 The salmon was nearly done by the time Orien opened the door. The broccoli, too. Undoubtedly, there was dark chocolate and blueberries waiting for dessert. It wasn’t an uncommon meal; it was supposed to improve memory and focus, and if Kaelan was going to splurge on anything, it was Orien’s well-being.
But the salmon was the least exciting part of coming home.
Kaelan was standing by the door–not hard to do when the kitchen was right there–but he seemed like he’d been waiting to greet Orien.
Christmas music was playing from his computer on the little table in the other room, and the half-tree pressed against the wall was decorated and lit up.
Kaelan had wrapped a few presents and tucked them under the tree.
He’d noticed the snow had started to fall so he figured Orien would be chilly. The space heater was on so the apartment was already a comfortable temperature. Just in case, Kaelan had hung a sweater on the oven so it could toast a bit while the salmon cooked.
“Don’t be mad,” he urged, because he didn’t want Orien to think he’d gone crazy with gifts! Kaelan was very frugal and very practical! But Orien hadn’t gotten to have a lot of good Christmas experiences. Kaelan had to make up for a lot of missed time.
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:02 am
It was difficult not to be frustrated. He didn’t know how many tests he’d taken, or how many trials he applied for that he didn’t get in. He felt like he was wasting Jett’s money every time they tried something new and it didn’t work. He knew he should be patient, and that it would take time for things to improve or change.
Nothing was helping with the way his hands -- his whole body -- trembled. It was something he’d gotten used to, but it was still annoying especially when he dropped things because of it. He couldn’t use anything other than plastic to eat from, for fear of breaking it. His memory fluctuated. Sometimes he could remember the whole day. Other times he could barely process getting out of the apartment and to work.
He didn’t want to let Jett down. He didn’t want to let Kaelan down, who he knew was working so hard. Even if he couldn’t remember all of the details, he did his best to at least remember what Kaelan was doing. With school, with his new hobby, with work. A journal only helped so much, especially when all he could write was how he didn’t feel any better than the day before. At least from what he could remember.
But Kaelan was a constant. And he was pure and good and deserved all wonderful things. Which was why when Orien opened the apartment door, it was only a few moments that he allowed himself to be shocked by how festive everything was.
“I could never--” he said a bit dumbfounded as he eyed the tree and the gifts and then Kaelan and--
Orien immediately relaxed and shut the door behind him so he could offer his boyfriend a warm smile in greeting.
“It smells good in here. Looks nice too. I don’t know how you find the time to do all the things you do, Kay.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:03 am
Kaelan laughed nervously, because Orien probably knew that he was fueled by a constant state of panic. “I wish I could do a lot more,” he admitted. A smile exchanged between them wasn’t enough so he hurried over to wrap his arms around his boyfriend.
“But you’re my inspiration so just thinking about you gives me a lot of energy.”
Truly, Kaelan was exhausted. He was often scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of energy but he didn’t know what else to do except keep going.
He did it for himself and he did it for Orien. He’d work himself to the bone if it meant giving Orien any chance at a better life. He deserved it, more than anyone else.
“Besides, we haven’t gotten to do anything really special for a while. I thought it would be nice. You’ve been working so hard, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you. And we were good this year, I thought we deserved to celebrate?”
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:03 am
Orien swelled with delight when Kaelan rushed over to him. Naturally, Orien wrapped his arms around him in return and gave him a squeeze -- and lifted him off the ground a bit in greeting.
Oh, and of course the kisses, too. He peppered the side of Kaelan’s face with kisses. And then the other side. And then his nose and forehead and lips.
“We definitely deserve to celebrate,” he agreed, already teasingly tugging at the hem of Kaelan’s shirt so he could stick his admittedly cold hands up his back.
Even with everything going on, Kaelan was always the light in the darkness, guiding him to a safe place.
“I’m your inspiration, huh?” he hummed, pressing another kiss to Kaelan’s cheek. “You’re mine, too. You deserve to be appreciated too, and I can tell you all the ways I can do that -- before showing you, of course.”
It was teasing, but there was also a promise in his voice. He took a moment to break from the kissing so he could admire the half tree and all of the work Kaelan put into making things look festive.
“Have you thought of doing videos of your decorating? I bet people would watch that, too.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:05 am
Kaelan laughed, light and without the burden of worry or doubt, while he was in Orien’s arms. He even laughed when Orien put his cold hands on his back, though. “You’re so cold!” he said, and though he found the cold hands very uncomfortable, he wanted Orien to warm up quickly so he stayed put.
How could he move anyway, when he was getting gifted with so many kisses?
He was sure Orien was teasing him but he was too elated to think much about what he might have in mind. “I don’t think anyone would watch that, it was mostly me panicking and tripping over myself the whole time. I had to watch other people just to make sure I was wrapping the presents correctly. If I was going to make videos of me decorating, it would just be for you, I know you wouldn’t judge me for being silly. You have to live with it. But you didn’t miss much if that’s what you were worried about. I left some ornaments so you could help me finish decorating the tree if you wanted. I thought, maybe we could make a tradition of it?”
It was phrased as a question and he tried not to sound too attached to the idea; he was always eager to set aside his own wants to accommodate those around him–Orien, most of all, but in every suggestion he made he seemed more prepared for rejection than approval.
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:06 am
“I don’t know,” Orien hummed as he teasingly nibbled anywhere he could reach of Kaelan’s face and jaw and ear. “I think you’re pretty cute even when you’re panicking and tripping over yourself. People might like to see something relatable and not more of that super pristine bullshit. But I would support you no matter what,” he insisted with another kiss.
He had his hands still on Kaelan’s back, except while one inched higher to keep Kaelan from wiggling away, the other went to dip beneath the waistband of his pants. If he happened to get enough in his hand to squeeze, it wasn’t his fault! He was just trying to warm up!
But even with his teasing, he still paused a little when Kaelan mentioned the ornaments.
“Really? You saved some for me?” he blinked, not sure why he was surprised. Maybe because he expected Kaelan to want to hurry up and get everything done with, but instead, he’d saved some for them to do together.
“Uh… yeah. I’d like that. Other than with you, I haven’t had any traditions, so… yeah it would be nice. Thank you.” He just hoped he could remember it when it came to continuing their tradition next year.
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:07 am
Kaelan squirmed and laughed at every little touch Orien graced him with, though his heart hadn’t really been in it. By the time Orien slowed, his face was red and he’d nearly made himself dizzy.
It made it easy to melt into his arms.
“I’d like that, too.” He had traditions, old traditions. From a life that didn’t feel like his own anymore. He was nostalgic, he pined for the past. But it revolted him, too.
Kaelan lived in constant turmoil, grappling with such vastly contrasting emotions.
“I want to make new traditions with you.”
Traditions that filled the hole in his heart.
“And if I make any video about decorating, I want it to be with you. But for us. I know–I know you might think it’s cute, what with me panicking and tripping, but–well, I’m not pristine, I don’t pretend to be.” He had no aspirations to try, either. He made educational videos; they were methodical with little performative effort. “I think we should just do it and have fun.”
And he loved Orien so much. Under the guise of a hug and first, he rubbed his hands over his back and arms to try and warm him up a little, too.
He kissed him a few times, too. That was always the fastest way to warm Orien up, anyway.
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:08 am
Orien kept his arms around Kaelan, holding him close with his hands under his shirt, even as Kaelan rubbed his back in return. The kisses were welcome, but they didn’t pull Orien out of the thoughts that flickered into his mind.
“I want to make videos with you, yeah,” he decided, looking back from the decorations so he could look into Kaelan’s eyes. “I want to make sure I don’t forget any of it.”
It was difficult some days, and Kaelan obviously knew this. Their apartment had been covered in notes and schedules and reminders to help Orien out as he navigated some kind of resolution to his memory problems. There were other problems, of course. But not being able to remember everything he enjoyed about his life was worse than the physical difficulties.
“I want to have traditions with you. And plan for the future. You make me feel like it’s possible to even have a future. So… yeah, I’d like to decorate with you, and maybe we can… I don’t know. Build gingerbread houses or something every year. I don’t care what it is, as long as it’s with you, Kay.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2025 7:13 am
Kaelan nodded along with everything Orien said, even if he hadn’t exactly thought deeply about all that it could entail. The important thing was that Orien wanted to participate. He wanted to do things together.
It was all Kaelan wanted, too.
“We will have a future,” he insisted. “A long one. We should pick up a gingerbread house kit later, I think that’s a cute tradition. I’ve never made one.”
Were you supposed to eat it? Could you eat it? If it was gingerbread–
Oh, that’s what the internet was for. They could figure it out later.
There were plenty of memories they could make together, now.
“Go get comfortable, I’ll get dinner finished and then I’ll set up the camera so we can finish up the tree. I love you.” Immensely, consumingly. His face was flushed and he didn’t know how better to express himself than by peppering Orien with kisses.
Just, not too many, not too passionately. They had to eat dinner first.
Then, he’d make it up to Orien for being as patient as he had been already.
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