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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 9:05 am
Cassidy was feeling a number of emotions right now, but as long as Reims was there it was impossible to feel sorry for himself. And why should he! He did feel better! It wasn’t a perfect, magical, cure-all, fix up but he felt rejuvenated. His muscles weren’t aching. He liked to think that he felt like he was healing quicker.
…But he still couldn’t lift his arm up any more than he could this morning.
So Reims’ help was more than welcome. For more than just his aid, but his company as well.
He’d stopped to gather his bundle of clothes, careful not to get them wet as he carried them. For the entire trip back to the changing area, he seemed to have a little skip in his step, and a little smile on his face. It wasn’t until he peeled back the door and stepped into the little room that he half turned to Reims.
“Hey, Reims. You’re not squeamish, are you?”
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 9:20 am
“Squeamish about what? No?” he frowned as he crossed his arms and turned to watch what Cassidy was doing.
Being around Amarynthos and Ephesus wasn’t horrible, but he felt like he was being judged the whole time. He knew that wasn’t the case! They seemed to keep to themselves. But he was just so used to things going wrong that he couldn’t help but think maybe--
He knew it wasn’t fair to them. But after his meltdown in front of Elliot…
His stomach felt fluttery, and he wasn’t sure that he liked it. He didn’t think it was the time or place to think about how he felt about anyone, especially since they were there to help Cassidy.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 9:21 am
Cassidy laughed again, a light, fluttery sound. “Oh, good. Because some people are! I’m a little squeamish, myself. Some days I like to see how it’s healing, but some days I don’t even like to look in the mirror until I’ve got a shirt on. Haha, it’s a cool scar. Do you like gross things? I accidentally took a selfie while I was in the car waiting for them to get me out. I mean, the selfie was definitely on purpose, but I didn’t realize how bad my arm was until I saw the picture. I got flagged for putting it on my socials but I spent so long in the hospital that my suspension was over by the time I got on again.”
He laughed again, like maybe in some way that was actually funny to him.
“Don’t feel sorry for me when you see it. It’s a funny story. I didn’t realize it, but I was in shock at the time. So when I was pinned in the car, I knew I was stuck but I didn’t realize–are you sure you aren’t squeamish?–that my bone got a little adventurous and decided to pop out and see the world. And I couldn’t turn my head to see. Like, I knew it hurt but I couldn’t feel it. And then when I saw the picture it was like everything clicked. And then I passed out.”
Another laugh, and he shuffled into the little room completely but closed the door behind them when Reims was in. “I woke up to the sound of power tools, I was only out for a few minutes. You wanna see the picture? It’s super gross.”
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 9:25 am
Reims was quiet as he listened to Cassidy. Quiet as he thought about the crash, and what it must have been like to be trapped. To be in pain. To have to wait for rescue that might have been too late.
Did he want to see the picture? If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t. Cassidy was in one piece, right now, in front of him. Why would he want to be reminded of the time that he’d avoided seeing him?
And for what? Because he was a coward and didn’t think he could handle whatever emotions might have come with seeing his teammate broken?
“Sure,” he shrugged, and he’d even managed not to make a face at Cassidy going into more gruesome detail about what happened. He didn’t want Cassidy thinking he was getting cold feet.
He wasn’t. But his stomach was twisting for another reason.
And he had a feeling that Cassidy was laughing and making light of it because it was the only thing he could do to keep himself from breaking down. Then again… maybe he wasn’t giving Cassidy enough credit.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:13 am
Cassidy seemed amused, but surprised, at Reims’ response. “Oh, you are brave.”
It wasn’t the answer he’d expected and it showed. “Well, I’ll let you see the scar first and then you can tell me if you want to change your mind. I’m not chickening out. It’s a funny story,” he insisted, like that would make it more believable. “I’m mostly over it all now anyway.”
He set the clothes down on a little table. They were still all bunched up from how he’d discarded them but he wasn’t worried about it. Instead, he pinched the bottom of the shirt and tugged it up as far as he could get it. He’d been undressed in the locker room before, so was this really any different?
Even with his best efforts, with the shirt sticking to him he could only get it up to his chest before he was struggling. The fabric made a gross, wet sound as he tried to pry it off but he was quick to give up. So he didn’t hurt himself, of course.
“Ah, I’m afraid this is it for me. Can you just tug it up for me and I can try to wiggle out? I’ve gotta go left arm first, then my head, then pull it off over the right. You don’t have to look at the scar if you don’t want to. But you can. It would be weird if I was embarrassed of it, right? I mean, I lived and I’m still in one piece. Some people get awkward about it. On a good day, I think it’s pretty cool. It’ll look cooler when I can put on a little more mass but I have to take it easy for now. Too bad, I was really looking forward to getting swole.”
No, he wasn’t. Cassidy had never wanted to get too beefy. He was just teasing again, probably doing his best to keep talking so Reims didn’t have to feel weird about helping him undress.
Beneath the shirt, Cassidy was pale. It wasn’t just ‘didn’t see the sun’ pale, but a sort of sickly color, like his body was still doing its best to make up for all that it had lost. Sure, he had enough blood pumping through his veins, and he was taking all his medicines and eating all his fruits and vegetables and supplements, but this was all just a process. Thank goodness his skin had gotten a little pinker thanks to the warmth of the springs but it wasn’t really enough to worry that he’d gotten overheated.
Part of the scar was already peeking out under the hem of his shirt. It was a dark, angry color. The skin had puckered in some places and raised in others. In some places, it was clear to see where the skin had been stitched back together. It wasn’t pretty by any means, and it looked like someone had needed to fight to even piece him back together. It stretched from under his shoulder blade to a few inches under his armpit, and over his back and shoulder completely. The scar stretched from nearly his neck to his upper arm, and spread from his back to his chest. The skin looked too tight, and was mottled with yellow and purple bruises.
Cassidy just looked at the wall while he waited for Reims, and he was already sucking in another breath to keep talking.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:14 am
He wasn’t brave, and he knew it. It wasn’t even that he was trying to be brave. He just wanted to know. Maybe then he’d be able to help Cassidy out easier. If he knew where his injuries were, then he could keep a closer eye on when he was in pain.
But why? Why did he care? It was Cassidy. He was just another teammate. He teased Riker relentlessly, made him feel panicky and nervous just by being around.
And yet… Cassidy said he didn’t want to disappoint him. He made him a pie. He’d practiced making him a pie. He was always laughing off anything uncomfortable or what might be strange, and maybe that was what bothered Riker, because so much of his own life was complicated and awkward. How could someone just laugh off things that hurt them so easily?
Reims moved closer to help as directed. Helping Cassidy out of his shirt didn’t bother him. It was just his shirt. But seeing the scar kept him silent. Seeing how pale Cassidy was under the shirt made his chest tighten.
He gently tugged at the wet fabric, giving Cassidy enough room to pull out his arm. Then over his head. He didn’t think he was needed to help with his other arm, which was probably good because he was too distracted by imagining how Cassidy got his scars.
He felt sick to his stomach, even as he absently reached out to touch the part of the scar closest to Cassidy’s neck. And he knew these weren’t even the only scars, since his wallet had kept him from bleeding out, having been pinned to his thigh.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:17 am
There was a fleeting second where Cassidy paused, startled by the touch, but he quickly resumed carefully peeling off the last of the sleeve while Reims inspected the scar. He tossed the wet shirt onto a nearby surface and snagged the towel to dry off his face first. His hair was wet but that was another problem; it was at least tied up for now.
“It’s gnarly, right?”
He hadn’t turned to face Reims and busied himself with patting his face dry. He worked at his neck, his chest, his hands. Cassidy was trying to make sure Reims didn’t feel awkward about him standing there half dressed for too long.
“It’s not as bad as it looks right now. Which probably sounds like I’m lying a little bit,” because he was, “but the bruising is just the physical therapy. The price of recovery, right?”
He held out his arm so he could better inspect his bruised, scarred shoulder and then seemed genuinely surprised with the discoloration. “Oh. Actually that’s a lot better than it was this morning. All that magic and the springs must have helped. That quickly? I’ll have to tell Ephesus.”
Cassidy immediately poked one of the darker bruises and though he made a face, he looked at Reims over his shoulder and grinned. “That’s so cool. Hey–thanks for helping me get out of my shirt. Like, for real. I was having a really hard time getting it on earlier but I didn’t want to say anything. So this is a huge help. Are you okay? You look a little green.” He was talking in that tone that wasn’t quite serious but his eyes hadn’t strayed from Reims’ face and he was still grinning. “What do you think, no tank tops in my future or should I go for scarring the children?”
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:30 am
He knew he was staring. He knew he needed to not. His thoughts were busy swirling, a heavy weight that felt like it was pressing down on his senses.
There were a lot of things he regretted doing in his life. His desire for companionship and affection from those who had no intention of ever returning it. The things he did to try and convince them otherwise. Thankfully, following in their footsteps was too nauseating, but walking alongside them -- copying their actions -- might as well have been just as bad.
Reims knew there was only so much he could do. He didn’t have enough money saved up to find a place of his own, and he felt guilty about crashing with Evan and Julian all the time. Elliot had offered as well. He had Reims. He had the Moon. But what about school? What about being able to take care of himself? Was the risk of being kicked out, or worse, worth it to be honest with himself about how he felt?
He looked up to Cassidy’s face, his smile, when he asked if he was okay. Frowned a little at the question, the grin making it obvious he was teasing. Cassidy was always teasing. It was probably easier than facing the truth.
“I want to see the picture,” he said instead, knowing it was probably rude of him to basically ignore Cassidy’s other questions but… it was important.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:32 am
“Oh, for real? I thought I might scare you off. Okay, one minute.”
He wrapped the towel around his chest, more to dry off than try to hide anything. He didn’t have to move far from Reims to reach his clothes, and it took him only a few seconds of digging around to find his phone.
“You know, you don’t have to. I won’t think less of you or anything if you don’t want to see it.”
He wasn’t chickening out of showing Reims! He just really didn’t want him to force himself to look because he thought that was what Cassidy expected of him. Even if he’d only been teasing when he offered, he hadn’t been insincere. He wasn’t against showing him.
Maybe Reims wasn’t squeamish or liked horror movies and wanted to see how things stacked up, but even as Cassidy scrolled through his phone, he found himself scrolling a little slower.
He was almost there.
“It’s not even a good picture. It’s my bad side, so if you want to see better pictures of me, I’ve got plenty of those too.”
He stopped scrolling and his lips pressed together like he was thinking deeply. His eyes hadn’t left the screen of his phone but he turned to Reims and passed it over, screen down. Reims still had a chance to change his mind.
Cassidy looked resilient, like he’d stood up straight and puffed out his chest a little bit. The scar stretched below his collarbone and covered part of his chest, but the rest of it disappeared beneath the towel.
He’d seen the photograph a hundred times, like if he scrutinized it enough he could go back in time and change something. He wasn’t even taking the accident seriously at the time; he looked like he was blowing a kiss in the picture, holding the phone at an awkward angle because that was all he could reach. He’d scrutinized the crumpled metal and broken glass. He’d searched obsessively for every speck of blood as if he’d been doing some ‘Where’s Waldo’ puzzle. He’d avoided looking at the grotesqueness of the shoulder as much as possible, and thankfully there was shadow and blood enough to cover the worst of it, but once he’d seen it the first time, he kept coming back to it.
It looked wrong, like a prank, or some bad filter. It wasn’t really like anyone could say that he was faking the injury. He had scratches on his face from the glass, and parts of him were already swelling in the photograph. The crunched metal was clearly prodding him uncomfortably. It was just him in the car, with metal crinkled above him so much that he had to keep his head dipped low.
He’d been in the back seat of the car when it happened. His father had been driving. It wasn’t his fault, someone ran into them. His dad made it out with some bumps and scrapes, but he was still seeing a chiropractor, too.
Whether or not Reims took the phone and looked at the picture, Cassidy watched him curiously.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:33 am
Reims didn’t think of it as being brave. Looking at the photo wasn’t for him. And he knew Cassidy was being honest when he said he wouldn’t think less of him if he didn’t look at it.
But it wasn’t about him. It wasn’t to punish himself, either. For essentially abandoning Cassidy in his time of need.
How was it that he could be so cruel and insensitive, and yet Cassidy still wanted to impress him -- impress Riker?
There was no hesitation when he took the phone, but he was careful with handling it. He didn’t want to drop it and add one more broken thing to Cassidy’s list.
He’d expected the selfie of course. He could see it clearly how Cassidy would have tried to laugh off something like this because it was easier than actually dealing with it.
He knew it would have been bad. He knew to expect the blood and gore. It didn’t bother him. He’d seen enough to know. Felt enough to be able to imagine the sheer agony being numbed by adrenaline.
Reims held the phone in his hand as he looked. As he studied the image. And then--
He took a couple steps backwards so he could sit down on the bench in the little changing room. He hid his face behind his hand, trying to keep himself from getting too worked up by the knowledge of his own cowardice.
Cassidy would have been terrified. In pain. The least-- absolute least he could have done was show up with the rest of the team and wished him a quick recovery.
He hadn’t. Not until he worked through whatever stupid feelings he had and by then it was too late.
Reims knew Cassidy was doing his best. Knew he was holding things together better than anyone could expect him to. And all Reims could do was wallow over how much he regretted so many things.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:33 am
The silence wasn’t exactly uncomfortable but the longer it went on, the more uncertain Cassidy was. He didn’t mind that Reims was studying the picture–he’d offered it so he could see.
Reims looked upset. Not disgusted, not grossed out. Just, upset.
Cassidy shifted his weight from one foot to another, and though he kept his eyes on Reims, he busied himself by adjusting the towel. He still hadn’t made any effort to get dressed.
It took a moment for him to decide he wasn’t going to just stand around. He tiptoed across the small room and carefully slid into the empty space on the bench next to Reims. He didn’t quite lean into him but he was close enough that their shoulders were nearly touching. As he sat, he stretched out his legs a little, and crossed his feet at the ankles.
He wasn’t upset by the picture, or the memory. Some days were better than others, that was just the way it went. Yeah, it was uncomfortable to look at. He didn’t like to remember being stuck in that moment, or any of the ones before or after.
But that was months ago, and now he was on a whole other planet, soaking up healing magic.
Reims was trying so hard to look after him and to take care of him. He didn’t like seeing the Knight so worked up.
He didn’t look at the phone. Instead, he found a mark on the wall across from them and locked in on that.
“...Are you okay?”
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:34 am
The irony of Cassidy asking him if he was okay was not lost on him. Cassidy had been the one to be gravely injured. Cassidy had been the one to have people he cared about not even bother to show up at the hospital. Cassidy was the one who had to suffer every day, missing out on things like baseball and being able to take clothes on and off easily.
Reims was aware that he seemed pretty pathetic when someone so strong was sitting so close to him. His heart was fluttering uncomfortably. Not because of Cassidy, but because Reims knew he could have done better. He could have been a better friend, a better teammate.
“...Yeah,” he said after a few moments, rubbing his face and handing the phone back to Cassidy. “It’s just-- you deserved better.”
Maybe that was part of the reason why he was trying so hard to take care of him. Maybe that was why he was actually taking a step back and trying to understand Cassidy.
And the more he took a moment to step back and see things in a different light, the more he concluded that he was just an a*****e.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:36 am
“Huh?”
Cassidy took his phone back and swiped to a few pictures earlier so he wouldn’t get jumpscared when he opened his phone again.
“Oh, it’s okay. It’s got nothing to do with ‘deserved’, it was just bad luck. Wrong place, wrong time. I’m kind of making that my whole thing now, you know? Good thing you were there to save me last time. Hey, it’s okay. You look really stressed about all of this. Your friends aren’t here so I’m going to do something, don’t get jumpy.”
He’d deliberately chosen to sit with his good side to Reims, and even if he’d just spent that time drying off, he still wrapped an arm around Reims’ shoulder so he could give him a half hug.
“You’re letting something eat you up, aren’t you? I can see it all over your face. Did you lose someone in a car accident or something?”
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:38 am
Reims tensed for only a moment, but once Cassidy had his arm around him he relaxed a bit. He was right -- Amarynthos and Ephesus weren’t there. And he really didn’t mind the contact if he was being honest.
In fact, he rather enjoyed it. Be it a kiss on the cheek from Yvoire or a hug from Julian, he was happy with the closeness. It was something he’d never had and didn’t realize he was missing.
“What?” he responded in kind, equally confused by Cassidy’s response. “No, I just didn’t--”
He wasn’t Riker right now.
Cassidy didn’t know he was Riker. Of course he had no idea why he would think he deserved better when he wasn’t the jerk who abandoned his teammate and friend.
Red colored his ears and he shook his head.
“No, nothing like that. It’s just difficult to imagine, you know? It just really sucks. But you better not be making me save you from things just to hang out. We can do that anyway.”
He’d said it without really thinking about it. It was the truth, though. He didn’t mind hanging out with Cassidy. He liked it. He didn’t have to look over his shoulder as much when they were alone like this.
After another moment, Reims lifted his arm to put around Cassidy as well.
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Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2024 10:39 am
“Oh, you’re sweet. I like that about you, Reims. You’re like the whole package.” Cassidy was smiling and even managed not to look too smug about it, but it wasn’t hard to just tuck his head away so he didn’t have to worry about Reims getting the wrong idea. “But you know, if it’s difficult to imagine, you don’t have to. Don’t give yourself nightmares or think so hard that it keeps you up at night. Most people make it through life only dealing with like, fender benders. Do you drive yet? Just be safe.”
He was comfortable like this, and if anyone had asked he would have declared that he fit quite well in Reims’ arm. He had no issue making himself comfortable, and after a few seconds he just tucked himself in next to him.
Reims had strong shoulders, of course he couldn’t help but rest his head on it. Just for a minute.
“Just for you, I’ll do my best to be safe, too. I won’t run into traffic, or go into any dark, creepy forests by myself just to make you come rescue me. Although, I did like you carrying me. I’m not teasing, that was very heroic. I felt really safe. Like, I didn’t even question it. I was just like, ‘yeah, this feels right.’ Maybe I was born to be a damsel in distress.” He laughed, a little facetiously but mostly good naturedly. “Just kidding but only about that last part, everything else was true. And hope you like this tomato pie, I worked hard on it. Some of my good friends taste-tested it for me so I used their feedback to make it the best that I could. My friend Riker, he was the most honest about it, so I hope you like how it came out. You know, I didn’t even think I’d like cooking, but when I thought about making it for people I care about, it was a lot more interesting. I hope you let me cook for you. I hope my friends don’t get tired of me making them test it first.”
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