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 Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 4:39 pm
Riker was fast, but Elliot had him in his sights, and he hoped he wasn’t serious about getting out of there. He was careful not to step on Lucien on the way out but he didn’t want to risk Riker disappearing from sight.
“Riker!” he called, speeding after him. “Hey, slow down! What’s the rush, hold up!”
He hoped Riker was willing to slow down, but Elliot had a lot of stamina and was willing to keep up as long as he needed to. He didn’t want to chase him away but he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Riker run from Cassidy.
He needed to figure out what all that was about.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 4:47 pm
It was stupid. He knew it was stupid. Cassidy was allowed to go wherever he wanted, and Riker was even glad that Cassidy was able to be around people that he knew again! He didn’t want him to be alone.
He wasn’t paying attention to where he was going -- an attempt to make it from Atticus’s house back to the Reid’s to get his borrowed bike (from Evan of course), and leave -- and tripped over his own feet, probably.
Riker hissed and cursed under his breath as he at least pushed himself up to sit on the ground, rubbing his dirty hands off on his pants, ignoring how they were shaking.
He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him. His heart was racing. He couldn’t breathe.
Why?? It wasn’t Cassidy’s fault. He was allowed to be there! It was Riker who showed up unannounced. It was his own fault for being caught off guard. Just like it was his fault for being so mean to the people he actually cared about.
He thought he heard Elliot calling from behind him, but did it really matter? Riker would just do something else to make things worse.
As this wasn’t the first panic attack Lucien had witnessed, he immediately knew the signs. So when Riker ended up on the ground, Lucien took the opportunity to basically ram his whole body against Riker’s side, and then turned around to do it again, akin to aggressively seeking pets.
He didn’t want to be caught by an overly nosey Cassidy, so he didn’t speak. Instead he hoped that the jostling would be enough to snap Riker out of whatever dark hole his thoughts had fallen into.
And if not that, surely Elliot would be able to get him to calm down. What triggered this surely couldn’t have been just seeing Cassidy.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 4:51 pm
There was a brief moment where Elliot wondered if Riker would think Lucien was attacking him. The Mauvian had barreled into him, and if Riker already wasn’t thinking clearly, he just wanted to make sure nobody got hurt.
He slowed a bit, moving from a trot, and then just walking the last few steps to catch up with Riker. He sat down next to him, but slowly, so he didn’t spook him.
Afraid that Riker might try to take off again, Elliot didn’t really get comfortable, he just wanted to be on the same level as Riker. Briefly, he caught Lucien’s eye, but he didn’t look at Riker directly. He pulled a fistful of grass out, looked at it for a few seconds, and then said, “When my dad has a hard time catching his breath, he does this thing where he counts while he’s breathing. You know, count to four in, count to four hold, count to four exhale, count to four hold, repeat. I gotta do it when I’m focusing sometimes. You wanna try? It’s like this,” he said, and drew in a breath while counting to four on his fingers so Riker could see if he wanted to.
He knew how to help with his dad’s panic attacks, and Atticus’, but with Atticus he could wrap an arm around him and whisper that he loved him and tell him stories. With Riker, he didn’t think that would do much but make it worse.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 4:52 pm
The jolt of Lucien running into him was startling, but he was able to focus on the shock instead of the numbness.
He knew it was ridiculous. He knew he didn’t have any right to be upset. He wasn’t even hurt! He shouldn’t be upset if he wasn’t even hurt.
Absently, he dug his fingers into his thigh, as though trying to make sure he had a reason to be upset. If he was hurting, then he could cry. That was allowed, in moderation.
Elliot was there, too. Riker hung his head in shame and used his free hand to hide what he could of his face. But he was able to see the way Elliot counted on his fingers, and with Lucien aggressively rubbing against him, and Elliot counting, Riker did his best to take slower, deeper breaths.
Not liking how Riker was trying to tear a hole into his pants with how sharp he was digging into his leg, Lucien abandoned rubbing up against his side, and climbed into his lap instead, nuzzling his head under his arm to force him to move his hand away.
He kept moving, and took a moment to bump his head against Elliot’s arm as well, before turning back to forcing his large furry body into Riker’s lap and making it really inconvenient to curl up on himself.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 4:58 pm
Atticus didn’t do that. His father didn’t do that.
It was something else entirely, and though Elliot didn’t really understand it, he nudged Riker’s elbow with his own. “Hey,” he said gently, “Pull out the grass instead. You don’t have to do that. Whatever you’re feeling is okay, just take a little extra time to work through it. It’s just me and you here. And Lucien. And if you don’t want us here or just want a little privacy, you can borrow my bedroom.”
He could smuggle him in pretty easily. It wasn’t like his parents were going to mind, and maybe it would be easier for Riker to calm down if he wasn’t worried about anyone else popping up. Elliot didn’t mind any of it, he just wanted Riker to be comfortable.
He didn’t want to push him too hard, so he took a break to just repeat the same breathing he’d encouraged Riker to try, and he continued to count it out on his fingers.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 4:58 pm
He hated this. He didn’t even think he could get a word out without losing control of himself, and he absolutely didn’t want to do that where anyone could just walk over and see him. Nosey neighbors. Cassidy wanting to see if he really ran away. Atticus coming out to cry about something.
He didn’t want to be at the mercy of Elliot or Lucien, who was getting really ******** annoying with keeping him from --
What was he doing? It was habit. He didn’t even know. Or he did, but he didn’t want to admit to what it was. He just knew it was so ingrained that he couldn’t just push it aside. Grass wouldn’t help. He wouldn’t be able to feel the grass as it broke apart.
Feeling like he had no other option, he nodded a few times in quick succession. Okay. Going to Elliot’s room and hiding there. He could do that. It would at least be safe from Cassidy overseeing.
He forced himself to stand up and not shove Lucien off of him. He hopped off on his own. Riker still couldn’t breath very easily, but he was holding himself together.
Lucien knew he was being aggressive in a way that would probably incite retaliation, but it turned out that Riker didn’t even push him away. For a teenager with so many scars and so much anger, justified a lot of the time, but not so much others, Riker was surprisingly gentle, even if he was clearly annoyed.
Since it seemed as though Elliot had things under control, Lucien nodded to him and swished his tail as he turned to head back to his home. He would just scratch on the door until he was let in.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:03 pm
Elliot didn’t allow himself a sigh of relief because it didn’t really feel like there was much to be happy about. He nodded to Lucien but moved towards his house with Riker, easily keeping pace with him.
He was safe there at least, and it was private.
Asher was still in the front yard, and Oliver was doing something in the kitchen. Elliot didn’t even know if he heard them come in, but he led Riker to his bedroom and opened the door.
It was mostly clean, except for his pajamas on the ground and a few things scattered around. He picked them up but he didn’t really think it was going to make much of a difference to Riker how the room looked.
Finally, he turned to face him. “...Hey, Riker? I don’t want to crowd you or anything, but…do you want company?”
Elliot didn’t need him to speak or anything, he was watching closely to try and get a read on it. He didn’t want to leave Riker alone if he would have been better off just sharing a space with someone, but he didn’t want to pressure him into bottling things up because he had unwanted company.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:04 pm
He needed to calm down. This was ridiculous. He needed to figure out what was going on and just… stop freaking out. Riker followed Elliot to his room, but he couldn’t tell him what he saw from the yard to the bed. He felt guilty about sitting on Elliot’s bed, so he lowered himself to the floor instead.
He didn’t care how the bedroom looked. He’d been in there recently enough, anyway. He’d slept there for a full night and well into the morning when he’d been injured. Besides, anything was better than sitting out in the dirt.
Did he want company…?
He didn’t know. Did he want to be alone? No. Did he want anyone to see him like this? Also no.
Riker still felt out of breath, and not sure what he was doing. He glanced up at Elliot, maybe more helplessly than he intended and gave him a single nod.
He just wanted to hide away, but he didn’t want to be forgotten or left behind. It was stupid and complicated when he knew it didn’t have to be.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:05 pm
Elliot’s smile was kind but there was nothing pitying about it. He didn’t give Riker too much attention because he felt like a lot of this was walking on thin ice. He didn’t want Riker to feel awkward or push away further.
So he grabbed two things off of his shelf and sat down next to him.
The first, a stress ball. Because, if Riker needed to squeeze out his emotions, that was a safer option than tearing into his leg.
The second, a disorganized Rubik's Cube. He gave it a few twists, like he might have intended to fidget with it, but he passed that over with the stress ball.
Just something to do, busy work. Something to pour his focus into if he needed a distraction. Elliot picked up the remote for the television and turned it on. He turned the volume down so it was next to nothing, just a distant, soft noise with some moving light, and pretended to busy himself by scrolling to see what was on.
He continued to count up to four and back down again on his fingers, with his hand in plain sight just in case Riker was still working on his breathing.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:05 pm
Riker didn’t pay too much attention to what Elliot was doing, although he was a little surprised that he would sit down with him. He’d agreed to company, but he thought Elliot might choose to sit farther away from him.
He glanced over at the stress ball that was handed to him for a couple moments before taking it. The Rubik’s Cube as well. Along with the tapping fingers.
It was pretty obvious what Elliot was doing. Riker wasn’t sure if he was annoyed about it or appreciated it. Or maybe he was just too tired to really care.
Squeezing a ball and fiddling with a game wasn’t the same, but he’d been jostled out of his thoughts enough that he was able to avoid trying to mess with his leg again. At least for now.
Being reminded how to breathe made him feel pathetic, but he was trying.
“He really could have died,” Riker finally said after sitting in silence, save for the faint sound of the television, for a few minutes. His voice sounded hollow, as though any emotion was a drop in a too full glass of water, struggling to hold onto the surface tension.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:06 pm
When Riker spoke, Elliot pulled his gaze from the television.
He didn’t rush to answer Riker. He didn’t want to seem too eager or too flippant.
Riker was talking about Cassidy, it was the only thing that made total sense. He’d always been a little weird about him but Elliot had never been one to judge. Cassidy had a loud personality and was practically unshakeable in anything. He never really seemed to take much seriously, but then, sometimes that just meant it was hard to take him seriously, too.
It was strange to see Riker having this reaction, but–as with many things–Elliot suspected Riker just kept a lot of his thoughts hidden. There was probably more to this than he knew.
“Yeah,” Elliot finally said. “It was a pretty bad crash. But he’s been getting better.”
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:07 pm
Riker swallowed thickly, as though trying to contain whatever thoughts he had from getting too big. He squeezed the stress ball a few times. Maybe too aggressively. Hard enough for his hand to hurt.
He licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry, the thought of Cassidy trapped in that car, with only a piece of leather keeping him from bleeding out--
“I didn’t even get to see him--... I don’t know why I didn’t go with you-- with the rest of the team.”
No… he did know why he didn’t go.
“I was afraid. I was a coward because I didn’t know what I’d do if I saw him and that was the last--”
He didn’t know how he’d feel if he saw Cassidy. In a hospital bed. Dying. A teammate who always teased him, but-- if Riker thought about it, he’d never been cruel about it.
He squeezed the ball harder, once again trying to remember how to breathe.
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:10 pm
“It’s okay,” Elliot said gently. He moved his fingers again, one, two, three, four, balled his fist, four, three, two, one. His hand was resting on his knee, in his own space but within easy sight of Riker.
“The hospital was really crowded with all of us, the nurses didn’t let us stay for very long. And…”
Elliot let his voice drift off for a minute. He pressed his lips together and looked at a spot on the wall across from him. “Honestly, it was really hard to see him like that, anyway. I think he was glad for the company but you know how he is when he doesn’t look his best.”
It wasn't really a light hearted conversation so he didn’t want to be too playful. It was already hard enough to get Riker to open up. He chewed on the inside of his cheek while he thought.
“I didn’t know that you didn’t get to see him, though. You saw him since he’s been back, what’s going on now that’s different?”
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:11 pm
There was a part of him that wanted to snap at Elliot. To tell him off for being too-- thoughtful? Considerate? Mindful of those around him? Riker didn’t know, but his annoyance -- which probably wasn’t even annoyance at Elliot, but at himself -- puttered out as he focused on Elliot’s stupid hand doing the stupid counting for him.
He hated that Elliot knew that he needed the help. He also appreciated it, but didn’t know how to express that.
“He was being stalked by a ******** youma,” he blurted out, because there was really no point in beating around the bush on the topic. “The other night. I was trying to get the youma to change its target, but I never saw it in the shadows. He knew something was out there, and was making such a fuss about telling whoever was stalking him off that I had to--”
Riker sighed heavily and lifted his free hand to rub at his face.
“I didn’t tell him who I was. Just Reims. Couldn’t think of what else to do to get out of that situation. Didn’t want him getting hurt again, so I took him to Ganymede to wait it out. Did you know the only thing stopping him from bleeding out was that stupid wallet he found and kept talking about how it was lucky??”
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Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2024 5:16 pm
Though surprise briefly flashed across Elliot’s face, he didn’t seem taken aback. It was new information, but some of it wasn’t totally unexpected.
“No, he didn’t mention anything about his wallet. Except that he was hoping Atticus could help him fix it up some, but…”
Cassidy had always talked about his lucky wallet. Elliot hadn’t realized it was actually lucky. He hadn’t mentioned its role in the crash so he wondered how much Cassidy had talked to Reims about things.
So maybe that was why he was so shaken about all of this.
“He was asking us some questions about the weird things in Destiny City. It wasn’t anything, you know, overt. But Atticus and I wondered if something had happened. I’m really glad you were there, Riker. He mentioned he was going to be careful so whatever you said to him must have stuck with him. Were you okay? You didn’t get hurt by the youma, did you?”
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