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After the night of the explosion, Anika felt herself becoming more and more curious about her former best friend. She hadn’t thought of looking in the notebook that night but as time went on curiosity got the best of her. There wasn’t much to go on at first. At least that she could understand. There were tons of scribbles and notes about Arsene and other poison folk which she found strange, especially considering the writing style seemed so familiar.

Anika would never admit to reading books for fun, especially with the little downtime she had as a princess but there was one author whose stories she couldn’t put down. And the writing in the notebook was eerily similar. Artists copied each other’s styles all the time but this was… different. It was almost like they were the same person. But that was impossible because Gabriel was a runaway coward and Alain was… Well, she didn’t really know. But it couldn’t be the duke, could it?

Looking further into the notebook, she had more questions. There were random pages that had her name mentioned throughout. The princess wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be faltered or insulted. The way he wrote about her made her seem like some god-like entity, impossible to touch or speak to. But if that was the case, why did he approach her that night? The night when he was so close to breaking her that she had to leave. They hadn’t spoken much since but she knew she would have to make her presence known sooner or later.

The morning started like any other, getting breakfast with Nayeni while she chatted about classes. More of her talking at Nayeni but that was just that she hated the sound of her voice and signing was just so tedious while trying to eat. Thankfully at least one person was willing to submit to her demands and just listen for once. Nayeni, while being a haunting reminder of what she had to endure, was the closest thing she had to a friend now.

Looking across the dining hall her eyes landed on Gabriel, he looked miserable. The sun seemed to bring out the coward in his eyes. Her eyes continued to follow him as he started making his way out of the Dining Hall, there was still plenty of time before class started, so why was he so eager to leave? At least this meant he would be most likely alone which made for a good time for her to attackspeak to him. "I’m done, talk later love," she sputtered as she signed to her friend.

Quickly throwing away any remaining food and putting away her silverware, she followed after Gabriel. Did he always walk so slowly? Or did he know he was being followed? It wasn’t hard to catch up with him, almost as if he wanted to be caught. That or he was a slow walker. ” Well, don’t you look terrible this morning. I understand we can't all look as amazing as me but, that doesn't mean stop trying.” Anika called out to him, whipping her hair with her free hand as the other now held the notebook she had been safekeeping.

Staring him down once their paces had matched, it was hard to tell if her words affected him. It was possible comments about his appearance no longer had an effect on him anymore. Maybe she would have to dig deeper into the vault for this one. "So, I’ve been reading a new book lately; A real page-turner. His work reminds me so much of Alain Miranda’s, wouldn’t you agree?" A confident smirk covered her face as she pretended to flip through his notebook. This would be a real test to see what he had to say and if he was the coward she thought he was after all.




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It wasn’t much fun if he wasn’t going to put up much of a fight to hide his secret identity. Anika was hoping he would have spent some time denying it so that she could start displaying her wonderful detective work. Why did no one seem to want to fall into line? Of course, she hadn’t told him she was trying to toy with him but, leave it to the writer to be above all the games. If he was going to be a loyal servantfriend the least he could do now was offer to be of use to her.

But that never really was the nature of their relationship. Despite her higher status, she never treated Gabriel as lesser than before Utopia. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when he stayed away. Deep down she got it but it still hurt and not just mentally. If Anika closed her eyes, she could still hear the shrieking in her ears as she pleaded with them to stop. When she had offered to help distract the guards so Gabriel could make his escape, she never thought that she would receive consequences, did Gabriel know that she had? Was it even worth bringing up now? The last thing she wanted from anyone was pity.

"An autograph? You must be joking." Anika nearly slipped on her heel as she choked out a laugh, "Or drunk perhaps?" Looking at his tinted glasses and rags, some might call an outfit. Maybe there was some bite in him after all. Like she would want his autograph, he was dressed like a homeless person with a hangover. Given her previous observations maybe he was hungover. If he thought she of all people wanted an autograph from him, he had to be the littlest bit high or drunk. ' Bold to do so before class but who am I to judge for one’s vices.' Thinking back to her nights with her former fiancé who was now engaged to the bubblegum heiress.

Collecting herself before deciding on what she wanted to say back she looked him over, still surprised this really was him. It felt like there were so many ghosts haunting her at this school, maybe her father was right in saying it was better for her to be at the castle. All these feelings were of no use to her. Not if she was to take the throne soon. She knew it was only a matter of time before she was sent back and that she was living on borrowed time here. It didn't change the fact she was enjoying her stay. Not that she would say it to the poorly dressed dopehead, but she had missed him.

But what did it matter? Once she was queen it wasn’t like she could have friends. She barely had time for them when she was Princess. Nayeni had been carefully selected for her after Gabriel’s disappearance. Despite having the most power in the kingdom, she knew it was all image. She had no interest in politics, she never had. But Musique needed a queen and she was the rightful heir as her father had reminded her so many times before. No one else would be able to fill the spot. It was her duty.

But she still was here, talking with Gabe. Only the gods knew how many chances she would get to make things right. If that’s even what she wanted. She didn’t know what she wanted from the duke was it fair of him to be attacking him if she didn’t know? Was it bad if she didn’t care? "You’re not fun at all Gabe. I was expecting you to fight it just a little." A small smile crept onto her face. Was this happiness?

She didn’t stop her investigation there though. There were still so many questions. Many she already knew the answers to but wanted to hear from the man himself. It would be difficult for her to admit being a fan of his works but she truly was. It was hard to believe the brave war writer was the same person in front of her now. "Why even bother with a secret identity if you’re just going to give it up so quickly?" It was a good question. But an easy one. She would start here and see what he had to say. See if he really was a man of his word after all.





OOC:

Originally taken aback by his quip but then pleased that there was some bark in him after all her smile continued. Maybe there was still a chance for the two of them after all. Anika was still torn if she wanted him to pick up a racket and play with her or just fetch like a good little boy but she figured she would find her answer around the way. It was unfair for him to expect to her to know all the answers, after all, she was living on borrowed time here. It would only be a matter of time before her father called her back home, why couldn’t she have some fun first?

There was a short moment of silence after Anika’s question was finally answered. She wondered why there was a pause between his words. Was he struggling with what to do as well? Gabriel always seemed like the more put-together one out of the two of them when they were teenagers why did it now feel like the both of them were on the verge of a total collapse? What would it mean for Musique if they did? The princess still wondered about how her life would have turned out if she and Gabriel had managed to escape together all those years ago. But telling him that wouldn’t do anything now. She was the one who opted to be the distraction so he could go. Deep down she knew why he never reached out but it didn’t stop the pain she felt. Nothing did.

"It was never you that I was keeping my identity a secret from,"

More information Anika already knew the answer to. Why was she tormenting him anyway? It wasn’t like making him squirm now would change the past. Still, there was a louder voice in her head saying it was worth a try in doing so. Maybe if everyone hurt as much as she did, finally she would be heard. If he wasn’t trying to hide his identity from her then why not say something to her sooner? Gabriel was the one wanting honesty and she was the one being gracious enough to allow him another chance but it was getting to be tedious having to prod and pry for information when long ago she would have been the only person he told.

Maybe it was time that Anika started letting go of the rope. Reality often scared her but Gabriel used to be one of the only people she could be real with. Fantasy was much more fun but it didn’t seem like the duke was willing to play to her delusions, " I figured as much, it would be hard to hide your style from your first fan after all." Her prideful smile had been replaced with a much more serious one as her voice changed to a softer whisper.

"Looking back, there's a lot I wish I'd done differently. But for whatever it's worth, it's good to see you again, Ani. So do I get a turn to ask you anything at some point? I know I missed a lot, and...if you'd allow me, I'd like to know you again. Perhaps we could find somewhere to sit for a bit?"

… Was he being for real? Anika felt like she had been hit with another dose of reality and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it. But it wasn’t exactly up to her now. After all, she was the one that started the game to begin with. Gabriel was now coming to play and it was only fair that she let up a little bit if she was going to play fairly. Anika sighed, " I suppose. Is there a place you would like to go? Otherwise library is pretty empty in the mornings."

Normally she would chastise herself for being so forgiving but there was something in the water. So many things weren’t making sense, first Syena, then Gabriel. How many ghosts would it take to haunt her before she realized whether or not she was living in a dream or a nightmare? The night of the explosion she thought she might know the answer after hearing about the nightmare creatures but those were so quickly explained away she didn’t know what to think. Everyone seemed to have all the answers except her… and Gabriel. If she could help him with that then maybe he could help her as well. As much as the idea of asking for help from someone wearing servant garbs pained her, it seemed like he was a huge piece of the puzzle of where her heart had gone.

Anika didn’t give Gabriel much of a chance to debate on location, opting to just march over to the huge library doors. Opening the doors to the library, she hoped not to disturb the librarian. The brute was quite intimidating and not worth the trouble of explaining why they were here so early in the morning. Thankfully since it was so early in the morning most of the staff and students were in the dining hall, leaving just the two of them to… talk. " Did you know there’s a section for your works in here?" Anika teased a bit, still unsure whether or not she was ready to be vulnerable for the duke.

Wait, she wasn't supposed to know that. Anika was already showing too much of herself to him. Admitting she never stopped being a fan of his would ultimately end with him thinking less of her, she could hear her father yelling at her over and over in her mind. It was better for her to just focus on finding a quiet place for the two of them to talk, and quickly. Not wanting to seem too acquainted with the library, she pretended to bop around a moment before choosing the two lounge chairs near the fantasy section, her usual spot when she was here. " Uh. This will do I suppose." The princess pretended to dust off one of the chairs before sitting. Anika looked expectedly at Gabriel, " Come on now, I haven't got all day. If you have questions take a seat and ask them. her demanding tone returned in full force now.






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Despite wanting to seem calm and collected it was clear the princess was as tense as ever. Sure, she could lie and say everything was fine but he already knew that wasn’t the case. Did he know that Syena was here too? Would even care to hear about her long rants about him anymore. Gabriel seemed so put together, even now as he looked tired and worse for wear he seemed more with it than she. There was too much to unpack in the hour before class she didn’t know where to begin.

Clenching her fist as she held back tears she started to speak, " I think we both know the answer to that. I lost my love and my best friend in the course of a five years." It felt wrong to admit that. It was true but her father would penalize her for ever admitting she needed someone. Missing Gabriel was something she was never allowed to talk about, there was no need for friends when you were queen. Nayeni had been made an exception for fear of pissing off the duchess’ parents but were they ever truly friends if Anika could barely stand her voice?

Looking at the man’s eyes she started to see how sunken in they were. He was just as defeated as she was, what point was there in yelling at him anymore? Sure, the night of the explosion it felt good temporarily but it ultimately made her feel empty. All of this anger needed to be taken out on someone but there wasn’t anyone to take it out on. Anika thought Syena could be the fuel for her rage but even he was more level-headed than she was. She knew her feelings of abandonment were childish but she couldn’t seem to get over them.

His comments about plaid made her heart feel slightly more at ease, a small smile returning once more as she looked at him. He was a fashion disaster, that was a fact. But why wouldn't he change that about himself? It wasn't like he didn't have the resources. Unless he was trying to make some sort of political statement by dressing up like a lowly commoner. Thankfully, the comment and thinking about his lack of style instincts was enough to let her go a little. Her fingernails had fully dug into her palms, leaving marks as she released them, " As much as I would love to talk about the fashion mishaps I see before me, I want to try and be a better person. I owe it to the one person I trusted all those years ago." She wasn’t used to being so serious but she did owe Gabriel an explanation.

He made conversation seem so easy, maybe that was from all his interviews. The duke in front of her didn’t seem like the same boy who wrote her stories anymore but that didn’t matter. If her lessons with Syena had taught her anything it was that looks were only a small part of the disguise. The Windurian Prince was a master of faking kindness and niceties that sometimes scared her when his real side would come out. Still, Anika knew that her personality wasn't the greatest but it didn't matter when she had so many people telling her how beautiful and fair she was. It was something Anika focused too heavily on. Not that she planned on changing her habits anytime soon, but she could at least try and understand why Gabriel would want to dress and parade around like some commoner.

Her next sentence was probably the most terrifying to admit, " To be honest, I think I can say confidently that besides looking amazing, my life is far from perfect." It wasn't like it was her fault or that she wasn't imperfection. If it was up to her instead of fate she wouldn’t even be at this stupid academy but it was either here or the throne and she hoped this would be more of a vacation than the nightmare it was turning out to be. Of course, the Fates had a twisted sense of humor but she wished they would pick a different target. Hadn’t she had enough tragedy in life? Enough torment?

" I am only speaking to you because I know you won’t tell my father,” Anika was curious if Gabriel knew why she was saying that. Had the news hit all of Musique yet or was the royal family trying to keep it under wraps? It was still weird to think about. How now her mother was ruling Musique alone. Would her uncle be any better as an advisor than her father? She doubted it. " I’m curious, what have you heard when you were away? What brought you here?" She wondered if he had much of a choice in coming here like she had. Or if it was forced upon the dukes and duchesses. His return a few years ago was so surprising Anika never got the chance to speak to him. But he was here now. And Anika was left feeling unprepared for what to ask, leaving Gabriel to take the lead for once.





OOC:

Why was Anika always the one that had to be the strong one? The conversation had just begun and Gabriel was already in tears. The blubbering fool was going to get them kicked out if he continued to let his emotions get the better of him. Hadn’t the fall of Arioso taught him anything? Vulnerability led to weakness, and weakness led to destruction; Anika couldn’t risk anything else in her life destructing anymore.

The promise of sealed lips was something she had heard before. Something that normally led to her reprogramming. But the sad, sorrowful look in his eyes and the low whisper of his voice made her want to go against her better judgment. The princess found herself wanting to stay, even if just to prove a point that she was the one who had. If she was to walk away from this conversation how did that make her any better than those who had left her as many had?

Anika pursed her lips in response to his comments about his arrival. She had hoped he would say something about how he had come to rectify his friendship with her but knew all too well those were feelings of a teenager, not a future queen. With Nayeni at her side, there wasn’t a need for his services anymore. Why bother with someone who wasn’t completely devoted to making her life happy by any means? It was better to have yes-men, wasn’t it?

"- And...if I'm being honest, this was the push I needed to finally try and speak to you again. "

The sound of her heart dropping was so loud that Anika was sure the duke had heard it. Her lip twitched as she attempted to hide the smile forming as her dark heart faded for the new one to form. He was good. No wonder his book had done so well, given how well-spoken he had become. Anika wondered if the hobo looks, and nervous ticks were just a persona like hers but knew she was the only one with something to hide.

The urge to run or to start rebuilding the wall between them was strong as she felt he had just removed one small brick and the whole thing was starting to fall apart. Maybe it was just because it felt like with her life lately. Up was down, left was right, and the people she criminalized were just… human. She gave them so much power over her failures and missteps but there was none. Gabriel didn’t know what he had done when he left. There was no way he knew what would happen when he left. It was her idea to stage her disappearance after all. But she had been blaming him all this time… why? "Because he told me friends were a waste of my energy. They led to my own destruction"

"How have things been in regards to your father? Has he...treated you alright as of late? And your mother? How has her condition been?"

Anika tried to not look totally shaken by the question but was sure the surprised look on her face lasted long enough for the man to take notice. Was Gabriel a mind reader now? There was her father’s voice telling her it was a trap. That he was only asking because he already knew what had become of her father, he was a writer after all. What would be a better story than the downfall of a corrupt and unjust king? But his voice, his nervous hand movements, they were so familiar, Gabriel had changed yes but there were still the signs of the soft gentle boy from her childhood who would listen to her rants and rambles until the Sun went down.

Not quite willing to give everything up just yet, she cocked her head to side slighting, trying to assess his true motives but couldn’t see any malicious intent. Her father would have told her it was her emotions getting the better of her, but she wanted to try and listen to her heart once more. " My father?" She croaked out, unsure how to phrase her next sentence knew she would have to start practicing dodging this question as more and more people would start to ask, " We haven’t spoken much since my arrival. His priority was taking care of our queen after all," she felt herself dissociating from her own body as she spoke. Anika rarely spoke of her mother as she barely saw her due to her condition. Her father felt as though being around her and her siblings was too much for Her Majesty to bear most days.

It was like word vomit was she started talking about it. Especially with Gabriel, some habits never died. " Her condition has worsened as of late. There have been talks about me returning to Musique to help the transition." She bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself from tearing up at the thought. She didn’t want to go but if her mother passed there wasn’t any choice. She had already started doing some duties from the comforts of Syena’s side but knew it wasn’t enough. If her father was still alive it might have been another story for her to rule secretly from Utopia but there was no line of communication for what was happening in Musique as her mother’s condition worsened after her father’s sudden passing.

Maybe it was better to switch the playing field. This conversation was already starting to make her heart race more and more. As much as listening pained her it was potentially better for her well-being if she gave it a try, " And you? Have you been able to connect with the Montgomery's since your return?" As she thought more about it, Anika hadn’t seen Gabriel’s mother much since his disappearance but blamed that on her father accusing Gabriel of her disobedience.





OOC:

Shell-shocked couldn’t even begin to explain how Anika was feeling about learning Gabriel’s mother's passing. Why had no one told her? Anika was supposed to be the future queen, why were so many secrets being kept from her? The past few years she had blamed the duke’s lack of presence due to his inability to admit his wrongdoings but he truly had been busy. Why had her father not told her? What other secrets had the king been hiding from her in order to keep her in line?

Flooded with thoughts of irrationality, she felt her eyes start to water once again. Looking at the crestfallen duke only cemented her inability to no longer hold them in. The more he spoke the harder it was to look at him, his sincerity wasn’t something Anika had heard often from men in Musique. The only honest man she could think of was… Syena. And the mysteries surrounding him were taking up most of her compartmentalization. Now her father’s death and Gabriel’s confession… How many burdens had the gods wanted her to bear? It was simply… " Unfair." Not realizing the last of her thoughts had escaped her along with a stream of tears.

Of course, he was trying to make the misery of his life into some joke. All of the Musique royal had been taught that they needed to keep their hearts hidden but the sullen look on his face, combined with the hot tears falling down her own face, it was clear the two of them were broken. Anika hoped this hadn’t been Gabe’s intention when he had wanted to speak to her but thinking about how much she had trusted her father after she felt everyone else had abandoned her it was hard to tell.

Fidgeting with her bracelet as he spoke more about her mother’s strength, Anika felt herself cracking a smile. " He’s trying to comfort me over my mother who is still alive after I was so intent on holding a grudge I didn’t even know his had passed. Is this what strength is supposed to feel like?" she wondered, pushing the heart of her gold-plated bracelet into her skin before looking back at him. It was never this hard to make eye contact with a man before coming here but now all of these… feelings made it impossible to look him in the eye.

Blotting her eyes, she looked at the boy’s hand. " A pinky promise… I haven’t done one of those since he left." She stared at the boy’s finger a bit longer, unsure how to process everything that had been said to her. Looking at her hands they were shaking, her whole body was, how was he smiling after everything he had gone through? Why wasn’t he angry like she was? He was supposed to hate her, she had hated him all these years. " I never break my promises." Extending her pinky and interlocking it with his, she attempted to smile through the sniffles, " Don’t tell anyone you saw me cry." She forced a laugh before tugging the boy’s hand and wrapping her free arm around him, pulling him on top of her into a hug. " And don’t please leave me again." she whispered.

Her heart tightened as she pressed her face into Gabriel's shoulder, this was nice. It had been so long since the two of them had hugged. Since he told her his final goodbyes when she expected to never see him again. Anika longed to go back to that time when she didn't feel this hole in her heart, telling her that he would soon leave. She wanted to trust the feeling of his body pressed against hers. Her father was incredibly wrong, it was her that didn't deserve to have him in her life.





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Taking the duke’s arm, Anika wasn’t sure where Gabriel would lead her. She hoped it was back to her room so she could freshen up before class but knew that was probably not that case. It had been so long since she had allowed herself to cry like this she didn’t know what to do with herself. All she could do was trust that Gabriel wouldn’t use her weakness against her like her father told her most men would. Like her father had used against her. Could she still claim to be strong if she let the tears still continue to flow down her face?

Looking at her own section was something that Anika was guilty of doing the first week of school just impressed to see how much there was. But hearing that Gabriel had a collection of his own, before the invasion of Arioso, was too sweet. All the time she had spent hating him for abandoning her he had never let her go. She had been so wrong. " I am sorry Gabriel, the kingdom had no idea Corthyr was planning something so… Distasteful. But I am sure that was the whole point." She muttered the last part more softly as she attempted to calm herself.

The fall of Arioso was one of the worst things that had happened to Musique and Anika had never forgiven herself for not visiting afterward just because she was still caught up on her own issues. She had promised to look out for Gabriel’s mother but instead sent others in her stead and couldn’t help but blame herself for the downfall of the nation. An apology meant nothing when what she should have been doing was begging for forgiveness but she could barely look at him for the “I’m sorry” The idea of her getting on her knees was a joke.

Grabbing one of the albums of the shelves she looked at the fiery girl on the cover, wondering where the fire went. It was still there but not the same burning flame that hurt everything it touched. Gabriel was giving her too much grace because he couldn’t forgive himself either, the least she could do was give him something. He had lost almost as much as she had at this point, whatever he wanted she would give him. Showing the man the album, " You know one of the songs on here is about you. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which considering you’re such a fan after all." She chuckled as she handed it to him before thinking more about what he had said.

Anika knew she had fans but here at Utopia? It had to be one of the servants. But they didn’t have library access. Or did they? Her attempt to make everything not about herself was not working well. In all fairness, he had taken her to a section dedicated to her but still. " A secret admirer? Anyone who was truly my admirer would know I am not much for secrets. It would be better if the coward would just come out and ask for an autograph." She scoffed at the idea of some nobody from Thah planning to propose to her. Originally the idea of someone admiring her from afar would have been something she would have dreamed about growing up but now she only wanted the eyes of one person but she would have to wait for those dreams to come true.

" Speaking of admirers, how many people know about Alain Miranda?" Since they were in a library her voice was already low but sensing this was a more sensitive topic for him she attempted to lower her voice even more. She still was surprised he had given up his secret up to her so quickly but if he was being honest about wanting them to start fresh it was better for her to get all the facts so she didn’t cause him any trouble. Anika was used to the spotlight, and thrived under it, but knew that wasn’t the case for everyone. Especially Gabriel who dressed more like he was the one pointing the stage lights.



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