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 Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2024 6:06 pm
It was finally time for a camping trip up to Lisse, and honestly, he was more excited than he could admit, though worked to hide it, making himself comfortable in one of the camp chairs he had brought. The tent was set up, with two sleeping bags nestled inside on top of the air mattress he had bought as well. Sure it had been a pain to bring up…but he had done it over the course of a few weeks and was very pleased with the result.
There was a metal fire pit which he had carefully lit, and the cheerful flames providing a nice warmth that flowed over both Knights.
“I brought marshmallows and things for smores, hotdogs too…I couldn’t really think of anything else to roast over a fire, not that would keep well up here? But the hot dogs should keep with the ice packs I have in the cooler, so we shouldn't have to worry about them going bad or anything.”
He looked at Dering and gave a happy, excited grin. “It’s pretty up here, and I’m so happy to spend the night with you! It’ll be like back at school only so much better!”
Since there weren’t any rules up here. And they were safe and there was no chance of anyone spying on them.
“How are things going for you? You’re still working on moving things to Talia’s, yeah? Are you getting excited?”
He held out a long metal fork and slid the cooler between their two chairs. “Help yourself! The fire should be hot enough to cook on now.”
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Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2024 6:06 pm
Dering didn’t really know what to expect when it came to camping but he could tell that he was in good hands with how prepared Lisse was. He’d settled into the chair and stretched out his legs. His lute was nearby, out of habit, but he had it resting gently on the ground so it was out of the way.
The warm glow of the fire was captivated, and he found himself lost in the flickering lights. It wasn’t even a particularly cool evening but the warmth still drew him in.
He didn’t have to comment that he’d never roasted any of those things over a fire, but when Lisse mentioned it, he was clearly interested in learning. If they had to eat a pack of hot dogs before they went home, he was sure they could manage.
Without knowing what to expect, he’d looked up a bit of information on camping. Lisse didn’t seem to have the same bug problem that the internet had warned about, nor did he seem to have any bears or other predators they needed to watch out for. Hopefully.
“Um, I’m excited! A little nervous, though.” Such was his natural state, though. Even now as he accepted the long metal fork Lisse offered, he just held it carefully so he could see what Lisse was doing with his own, first.
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Posted: Sun Sep 01, 2024 8:20 pm
“I’m not gonna say don’t be nervous, cause I get it! But, I can tell you I’ve never seen anything…scary up here, so I don’t think we have anything to really worry about.” Bears, honestly. He was thinking of bears…but…so far…there had been a few cute critters, and a very large rabbit, but nothing scary.
“I hope that I can show you the rabbit tomorrow. It’s huge. Like easily the size of a really big cat? And it’s ears! Julian, the rabbit’s ears!.”
He gave a happy sigh and opened the hotdog package, slipping one of the slimy wieners onto his own fork and one onto Derings. “Here, keep it over the fire, but not too close…I did it once and the outside of my dog was like…charred black and the inside was still cold…that. That was disgusting, and I don’t want it to happen to either of us! We deserve delicious hotdogs, not…”
Lisse gave a slight shudder and inched himself closer to the fire, holding his skewer overtop of it. “Not cold ones that will leave us feeling gross.” He paused and looked to Dering. “Unless you like cold hotdogs, which no shame! And I’m sorry for saying something mean about it!”
Cold hotdogs were just…bologna…but slimy. And nobody should like that.
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 11:24 am
He was excited to see the bunny Lisse had mentioned, but he was trying to stay focused and follow instructions. He held his fork over the fire, making his best effort to imitate what his friend was doing. “Oh, um–well, I think they’d be better warm, so I’ll do my best, thank you.”
He was a little overcautious, and rolled the hot dog more often than he needed to, and it seemed like he was still trying to find a good distance from the flame.
“But, no, um–I’m not nervous about being up here with you! No, I feel safe up here. I know you wouldn’t take me anywhere dangerous.” And even if it wasn’t totally safe, he and Lisse were both Knights. They’d have each other’s back.
“I mean, um–well, you asked about things with Talia, that’s what I meant. Things are good! Just, you know, I mean–it’s a lot. I am excited though. It’s just a lot of change and I’m not always so good with that. I keep finding things to worry about and, um, I wish I could turn that all off because there’s a lot I’m looking forward to, I think.”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 5:29 pm
“Emotions are great when they’re not like, trying to make everything seem awful.” Lisse nodded with some enthusiasm as Julian turned the hotdog and continued to do the same with his own. “Is there anything in particular that’s really worrying you? Maybe we can like…talk it through or something? Figure out ways to prove your mind and emotions wrong?”
He still hadn’t met Talia, but his brother had, and obviously Julian had and from all he had heard, she seemed nice! And seemed to have it together.
Which, honestly, was important.
“If you would rather though, we can talk about what you’re most looking forward to? We have all night, so we can talk about anything that we want to!”
There was a strange hooting sound and Lisse paused looking around. Was there an owl here? Did he have owls?
The thought made him terribly excited.
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 5:37 pm
Though Dering was ready to answer, Lisse’s reaction made him pause. He immediately glanced up from his hot dog when he heard the strange hooting noise. It sounded like an owl, which wasn’t surprising in itself–he’d heard owls hoot before.
Lisse just hadn’t mentioned them being here on his Wonder–and he looked surprised.
Not spooked, so it wasn’t worth worrying about, Dering was just curious.
It was hard to focus on himself when Luke seemed like he’d found something interesting. His voice softened and he leaned forward a bit, careful not to get too close to the fire. “Is that new?”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 5:48 pm
“Yeah, or…maybe not? I’ve never been up here at night for very long, but it sounds neat!”
He wanted to keep talking, wanted to listen to Julian, but he had gotten distracted, and now he shook his head, sitting back and turning his hotdog again.
“Anyway! I didn’t mean to pull your attention!” Maybe they could go for a little walk after eating, and see if they could find the critter…it would be nice if it just sounded like an owl but was something…
Well. Cuddly.
He wanted to ask other questions too, about if Dering had found any animals on his Wonder yet but, he looked towards the other Knight and nodded, smiling softly at him. “If you don’t want to talk about anything too, that’s perfectly fine!”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 6:30 pm
Dering listened for a few seconds more and then nodded. “Oh, no. I can talk. You just seemed really interested, I didn’t want to make noise if you were listening.”
He flashed a quick, apologetic smile. He didn’t want to talk over a noise Lisse was listening for, but when there wasn’t another hoot for a few more seconds, he turned his hot dog, cleared his throat, and settled back into his seat.
“Um, for things that I’m worried about…it’s hard to explain. It’s–have you only ever lived with your mother? Um, but imagine that one day you have to go live with people you don’t know. And, um–it’s not bad! But they do everything really differently, so you have to learn all of their rules, and how people are in public isn’t always the same as how they are in private, and–you know, that’s okay! But, um, it’s just sometimes a lot to learn. And when you’re already out of your comfort zone, it can be hard. And then you become a burden, or mess up their house–their safe haven!–and you’re suddenly taking up space of theirs, and–well, I mean, Talia has always been really nice. But she has a lot of other people living in her house, too. And I only know some of them, I’ve never even met the others. So I’m a little nervous that I won’t fit in. Um, I don’t do so well with large groups of people, and I get kind of stressed out when it’s loud. Even if everyone is great! It’s just that my ears start to hurt and I start to feel dizzy and my heart goes crazy and sometimes I feel like I’m going to throw up or pass out. So I’m just worried a little bit because I don’t want to mess up what they have.”
The hot dog was starting to blacken a little so he rolled it to get a different side closer to the flames.
“I’m afraid, um–if I eat too much and they think I’m greedy. Or if I don’t say the right thing so they get mad. Or if I’m too loud! Or if it’s a problem for me to get to and from school. Or if I break something. Or if they don’t like my friends. Or if I get hurt while I’m patrolling. Or if my parents come back. Or if they decide they don’t want me around anymore. Or if I start failing school. Or if Talia finds someone else who needs help more than me. Or–I’m sorry, I’m talking a lot. But I know some of those things are just silly. But I don’t know what will happen, so I get worried. I don’t like change. Even if it’s, um, good. And I know there’s a lot of good! Talia’s already shown me some of the work they’ve done for the room I can stay in. So I am excited about that. And other things, but it’s hard to not feel…I mean, I don’t know what I can bring to the table? They’re doing so much for me, I don’t know what I can do for them. I want to…”
His voice drifted off. “I don’t know how to word it. ‘Earn my keep’ isn’t really right, but I guess it’s kind of like that. I want to help out. I want to be useful. I want to make their lives easier.”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 6:51 pm
Lisse looked over at Dering and hesitated for a moment before pulling his hotdog away from the flames, it had begun to blister and he hoped that it was warm on the inside, honestly, he would put it back over when he was done listening to what Julian was saying and figuring out how best to reply.
“I can understand all of that, it really is a lot, you’re not wrong. I know that I can help with a few of those, especially the worries about you being a bad–loud person. You are–were an amazing roommate. You’re courteous, sweet, thoughtful. Shy, but you do listen. You care about your space. Your things. You care about the people you’re with, which, yeah was just me but…I can’t see anyone being upset with you living anywhere. Though, I get it. It is really hard to adjust, it was hard for me at Hillworth, especially when they didn’t put me with my brother. I wasn’t expecting that at all…but I got lucky as anything having you. I can tell you that you’re not going to fail school, I’ll still be there to help you study, we can get through things together, and I will never let you fail classes if I can help it. And I’m sure that Talia will be the same. But I’m not going anywhere, and I’m going to go to the same school as you, so we’ll at least be classmates again, if not roommates. Study sessions whenever we need! Owls included if we want to do them up here!”
He hesitated and leaned towards Dering, hesitating and putting his hand lightly on the arm of his chair. “Also, I know you…want to bring things to the table, I understand that too…but. And this might just be my opinion…but Julian, you’re enough just on your own. You’re an amazing person and friend…and you just…you made my life so much better just by being you. I’m sure that your new family will think the same. You don’t have to be any more than you are, Julian…when people care about you, you’re always enough. At least…I’ve thought so.”
The part about his parents returning, he wasn’t sure what to think about that but…at the very least…Julian was almost old enough that…it shouldn’t matter…if they weren’t…good news…Well. Lisse would protect him. And he knew if worst came to worst his mom would allow Julian to move in with them…and if she didn’t…well.
He’d figure some other way to help.
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 7:26 pm
Dering drew in a breath and held it for a moment as he considered Lisse’s words. He flashed a quick smile, so he’d know he heard and appreciated them, but in the dim light it looked like his hot dog had browned. It was smoking some, and it smelled done, so Dering drew it closer.
“Um,” he said, his most common placeholder. “Thank you, you said a lot of really nice things.”
Which he appreciated! It meant a lot to him that Lisse thought so highly of him. It took Dering a little while to process it, and he felt like a full cup overflowing. The compliments weren’t lost on him, he just wasn’t the best at handling so many kind words, especially not when he was fixed on potential issues. Lisse was sweet, though. Dering was glad they'd been roommates. He was glad they were both Knights, too.
“You have so much faith in, um. I guess the good side of things. Which I like! But, um. Do you have things that stress you out that you can’t explain why? That, um. Even knowing that things will be okay, you still get anxious? Oh! Like the dentist, I mean. Or getting a shot. Or giving a presentation in front of the class?”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 7:37 pm
Lisse returned the smile and then stuck his hotdog back towards the fire once again, thinking things over.
“I mean, yeah. I was stressed out about moving here. It was a huge change, and…when mom put us in Hillworth, me and my brother found out that it was the bad school while we were shopping. We both thought that Mom was trying to get rid of us…it was a lot of change all at once, and yeah i’m getting a little anxious with going to another new school…I don’t know. I was used to Hillworth. It wasn’t great but…it was stability. Something that had become familiar. I hate the dentist too though, now that you mention it. I’m always afraid I’m going to have a dozen cavities and one day he’s just going to give up on me and tell me to get them out and get dentures. I dream of my teeth falling out way more than I want to…”
He withdrew his hotdog from the heat again and reached down, pulling up a small pack of rolls and hotdog toppings. “Here, if yours is ready to eat, I brought the goods.”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 8:02 pm
“Oh, thank you,” Dering said; he took one of the buns and carefully removed the hot dog from the fork so that it could rest inside. He didn’t seem like he was in any rush to make his hot dog; he seemed like he was still waiting to follow Lisse’s lead.
“Those dreams sound really scary. Um, I guess, what I feel is a lot like those things. I just, I get all clammy and it’s hard to breathe, sometimes. Like it’s just so much. I don’t know, maybe I’m just dramatic.”
He said it quietly, like he didn’t want Lisse to agree–but Lisse made everything sound so easy. Dering tried to cling to the reassuring words, tried to hold onto them and make himself believe in them in the same way that Lisse seemed to.
“I just keep imagining all the things that can go wrong. It’s like my mind only wants to replay those thoughts. So I’m worried. But I’m sure that as soon as I move in, um, they’ll go away.” He hoped. Dering knew himself, though. He knew he had silly little things that put him on edge. It wasn’t easy to explain them to someone who didn’t have a list of silly little things, but he was trying. Luke had always been kind to him. He always tried to understand.
They were just on very different wavelengths.
Which was okay! It was good, really. Dering liked how upbeat and cheerful Luke was, and how close he was with his brother, and his mother, and his cousin. Julian liked hearing stories about them. They sounded like a happy family.
“I know it’s just worrying. I just can’t turn it off. I don’t, um. I guess I don’t talk about the things I worry about often because I know they sound silly. It’s like knowing that clowns aren’t even but still being scared of them. If I’m being totally rational, I can kind of make it make sense in my head. But my heart’s got a different plan. Like…even though Hillworth has a bad reputation, um. I liked the stability, too. I got comfortable there. And now I have to do that all over again, but in a new house, with new people. I’m sorry. I wish I could explain it better. It’s not a big deal! Um. Yeah, let me–we can focus on what I’m excited about instead. That’ll probably make more sense.”
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Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2024 8:19 pm
“You’re not dramatic.” The words came out of his mouth before he could stop himself, but he meant them. He always meant everything he said to Julian. He had learned though to take his time with talking, but when it was something silly like that…he couldn't stop himself from refuting it.
“Your worries are valid, and I get them. I understand…and I’m glad that you can trust me enough to talk about your worries…that’s…that makes me happy to know that I’ve been a good friend to you…”
Lisse looked back at Dering and then put his hotdog into one of the rolls. “I can see why the sudden lack of structure will be hard…have you thought about like…it’s not the same, but have you thought of maybe writing yourself like…a planner schedule? Make your own structure until you’ve gotten used to whatever things are like at her place?”
It wasn’t…a full answer, but it was something that would help Julian get some sort of feeling of control back…it made sense to him. “Worrying about things like this…is a good way to keep yourself safe. I get it. I’m happy to try and brainstorm solutions with you, if you want, or if you want to talk about excited things, that’s good too. This is our night. And the our is half you, Julian!” He squeezed some mustard onto his dog and then took a bite. “I like talking with you! No matter what it’s about, and I’m happy to just listen if that’s what you need too!” His mouth was full of dog, but he gave a little grin, regardless.
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Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2024 3:51 pm
“Um, yeah,” Dering said, nodding at Lisse’s suggestion. When left to his own devices, Julian always made himself his own little structure. He didn’t like too much freedom; there was too much space for things to go wrong.
It was just one of those things that he couldn’t even start preparing for until he knew what he had to work with, so it was another thing that he could mark off his worry list later.
But it was okay. Later was quickly becoming ‘soon’, and he’d be out of Hillworth and moved in with Talia and he could figure things out from there. He was sure that Talia must have some rules in the house–no running, no screaming, take your shoes off, don’t touch the thermostat, be back by curfew, no television until after homework was done–normal things that any teenager should expect. He just knew that he came from places that were maybe just a little more strict than the average household.
Or maybe they weren’t. It was hard to compare what he knew and what he saw on television and what was real but he was ready to learn and ready to do whatever he could to fit into Talia’s life.
Lisse knew him well enough to know that Dering was very good at following rules and fitting into ‘structure’, he just had to know what was expected of him, first.
When Lisse was done with the mustard, Julian used a small bit, and then a little ketchup, too. He took a bite and was pleased to find that the skin had a nice crisp and the inside was warm. What more could he have asked for?
“Mm,” he said immediately, and leaned forward. He raised a hand to cover his mouth. “It tastes different. I mean, good! I like–is that the smoke that makes it taste like that? I really like it,” he said, and hastily took a second bite, and then–
There was no rush. He was with Lisse. He could take time to chew, to appreciate the food. To talk. He could make another one.
They had all night, didn’t they?
“I, um. I think I’ll have a better idea about things I need to figure out solutions for once I’m there. It’s a lot of energy to worry this much! I try not to but I just can’t turn it off. Like a leaky faucet.”
He sighed heavily. “But I am looking forward to, um. Well, having my own room. And not having to deal with random checks at Hillworth. And being close to people I know I can trust. Um, I don’t know. I am really excited to go to Azure and be with friends! Some of my other friends have been telling me about it. I hope you’ll get to be good friends with them, too. I’ve talked about you a lot with them. Only good things,” he promised. But then, he always had stories about his other friends that he shared with Lisse, too. Only ever good things; he never had anything bad to say about anyone or anything.
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Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2024 6:17 pm
Had he said the wrong thing? He wasn’t sure what the um yeah was referring to, but still smiled, taking another bite of his own hotdog. “I think so. And like, the whole…cooking over wood aspect? I don’t know, but honestly, campfire hotdogs are far superior to any other kind. Grilled…like, on an outside grill are okay, but that’s pretty much almost the same thing as a camp fire, just…in a box.” Lisse chuckled and nodded.
“Like I said, when you figure out things, you can always give me a call or write me a note. I won’t be far away if you need me. But, I’m excited for Azure too…the uniforms are kind of cute. I’m a little bummed that their orchestra isn’t the best, but maybe my brother and I can help change that!” He gave Julian a sidelong look, wanting to add that he could as well if he was wanting to, but keeping that to himself.
“I like your friends, and I hope that they can become mine too, one day. I like everyone who makes you feel safe and happy. It makes me happy, you being happy. Just in case you didn’t know.”
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