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 Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2024 7:01 pm
Talia had been working towards today for a while. It was shopping day for her and Julian. She had listened to Zac…mostly. But the glow in the dark stars were on the ceiling, and there was a shelf filled with the softest blankets that she could find–several of them were halloween themed, and one was a deep, hunter green. And one was a light blue that almost matched Dering’s outfit.
Almost.
She didn’t buy any clothing, or any electronics…even though she definitely had her eye on a small television, and the idea to get some video games that they could play together…but that would be another day.
She came up the stairs, moving slowly and knocked softly on the door before poking her head into the attic room. “Hey kiddo. You ready to go shopping? I’ve got a few places on the list, mostly for like, shoes and clothes and bedclothes and things, but if there’s anything that you’re secretly dying for, please let me know. And if you have any food that you’re wanting to eat, let me know that too and we’ll find a place!”
Her eyes flickered upwards to the glow in the dark stars and she gave a slight, sheepish grin. “...I hope you don't mind them. They glow in the dark and I just…thought it would be nice for you. I don’t know. I think they’re neat…”
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2024 7:56 pm
Julian had been visiting Talia a bit more than usual over the last few weeks. The trip from Hillworth to her place wasn’t always easy but he liked getting out and walking around. Sometimes she came to pick him up, or sometimes he took the bus. It wasn’t much effort.
This time, she’d driven him from Hillworth. He’d been awkward, a little antsy on the ride over. It wasn’t because he was uncomfortable with her, it was just that change always came with great difficulties.
He’d been bringing some of his things from school over, bit by bit, with each trip.
Today, he’d moved out of Hillworth. He left an empty dorm behind, spotless and cleaned with more enthusiasm and care than the room had probably ever gotten.
Julian didn’t really love Hillworth, but he thought it wasn’t as bad as everyone said. Everyone else already said such horrible things about it, so he’d promised himself to remember it for the good things.
He hadn’t had a roommate during the summer semester so there was no one to say goodbye to. The teachers kept their distance and he hadn’t made any friends. He kept to himself and stayed out of trouble.
He still cried a little when he was looking at his empty room.
By the time Talia showed up, he was eager but found the idea of change to be daunting.
He’d been in the attic before, but now it had the stars she’d put on the ceiling, and some of the little things she’d picked out to try and make it feel like a place someone could live in. He hadn’t really sorted or unpacked anything he’d brought with him from today, but he was sitting on his bed and looking up at the ceiling when Talia came in.
“Oh! No, they’re nice. I used to think they were really cool when I was little. I didn’t know they still made them. Um, thank you. They look nice.”
He stood up quickly and brushed himself off.
“I don’t need anything,” he promised, and gestured to the stack of clothes he’d folded and set atop the trash bag he’d brought them over in. He was still wearing the new shoes she’d gotten him a few months ago. They were a little more scuffed but Julian was either very careful or tried to clean them up fairly often. He brushed himself off as if to show that his clothes were still perfectly usable.
Julian just didn’t think he needed that much to be happy so he didn’t want Talia to think she had to spend a fortune on him to buy him things that hadn’t fallen apart yet! Maybe when they needed to be replaced, but he could get at least a few months out of everything he had right now.
“Are you hungry for anything special?”
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2024 7:57 pm
“I don’t have anything in mind, maybe we’ll just visit the food court in the mall and see what tickles our fancies.” Talia gave a little smile and felt a small bit of pride that he didn’t simply say he hated the stars…she knew they were a good idea, and the few she had left over…she was thinking of putting on the ceiling of her and Zac’s bathroom…just for fun.
But, those were thoughts for another day.
“I know you don’t need anything…but Zac gave me the advice of not…just buying everything for you right away so you’d have some say in it…I have to admit, it was hard. I keep seeing dumb things. Like, silly little things. And they make me think of you. And I want to get it for you! And I just…I’m just so excited that this is really happening!”
Her eyes lingered on the trash bag, and she decided that she would get him a set of proper luggage at some point…when she figured out which color he fancied. Really liked. Not just…said it because he thought it was the right answer.
“Oh! Or Chinese food honestly sounds good, there’s a new place by the mall, do you like Chinese?” It was a dim sum restaurant, and honestly…nothing she had really tried…but there had been a few advertisements that had come while she was scrolling the internet, and it had rave reviews.
“Sorry, I’m a bit scatterbrained when I’m excited, I hope you don’t mind too much. But…” Talia looked at him, eyes warm and happy. “If you’re ready, we can head out, Jules.”
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2024 8:04 pm
“I don’t think you’re scatterbrained,” Julian promised. He smiled, though he had to mentally backtrack to make sure he didn’t miss something she’d said. “I don’t know if I like Chinese. I think I must! But, um. I don’t really know what any of it is. I can’t remember the last time I had it. But I’d try it!”
He wasn’t picky, and Talia seemed so excited! About all of this.
She still seemed to be glowing just from the stars alone, so Julian’s smile held as he crossed the room to join her by the door.
“I didn’t mean to make things hard for you. I don’t want to be a burden or anything. I’m just happy that you’re letting me stay. Um, should we–is it too early to talk about the house rules or anything? That was always one of the first things we went over at a new place. House rules and expectations. I don’t want to um, I don’t want to mess up. It’s really important to me.”
He’d been here as a guest before but now it was different–he lived here. So he wanted to follow their rules and make sure they didn’t regret inviting him over.
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2024 8:16 pm
“Oh honey, I promise, you’re not making anything hard for me, I just…want to go all out, and at the same time I’m afraid of scaring you off if I do go all out.” Talia liked his smile, and hoped to be able to see more of it. “And, heck, we’ll try the Chinese, it’ll be a food adventure for us both…and if we decide we don’t like it, we’ll just stop and get burgers or something else that’s safe and familiar.”
Though…a soft, pillowy bun filled with pork…
Yeah no, that sounded good.
“There’s…really not too many rules? Like, we have a board downstairs on the fridge? I like writing down when I go out patrolling, I…” The smile faded from Talia’s face slightly and she gave a half shudder. “I know what can happen to those of us who are Princesses. And I don’t…like the idea of nobody knowing that I’ve gone on a patrol, just in case. You don’t have to use it! I don’t want to micromanage your life or like, tell you what to do, but it’s there, and it’s my little safety net. I know you’re more than capable of handling yourself, I have no doubt of that. Um…take your shoes off when you come inside? But you do that already…try not to overfeed Maxim table scraps? It’s…always horribly tempting…and I end up doing it but…he’s…Julian he’s getting so round. It’s super cute, but try to resist the overwhelming temptation!”
Her voice was earnest, and there was some guilt in it. “...and please….don’t tell Zac that it’s been me sneaking him the food…I have really been trying to stop…but…Maxim is the master of the puppy dog face! I can’t help myself! I don’t think it’s only me either! But…you know.” She winked, hoping to let him know that she was confiding in him, and that it wasn’t really a real lie. Just a funny secret.
“This is your home. Honestly, anything you want to do? Just let me know and we’ll do our best to make it work. This…is absolutely a house of misfits. And we make it work. It’s home.”
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2024 8:41 pm
Julian couldn’t imagine going out to eat and then going out again just because you didn’t like it! He’d just eat his plate and know not to get it next time!
He nodded along with everything else, though–take off his shoes, don’t overfeed Maxim, don’t tell Zac that Talia was the one overfeeding him…
Those things were easy enough.
The lack of rules was…
Maybe more stressful than if there were no rules at all. Maybe there really weren’t, or everyone just knew the unspoken rules so well that she couldn’t think of any to share. He knew of the people in the house but he didn’t really know them. He hadn’t even met some of them! A thousand questions popped into his head and he suddenly wanted to ask all of them at once, but Talia had just said that he wasn’t making things hard for her.
He wondered if he’d scare her off if he bombarded her with them all now.
The idea of living in a place without any structure, without any rules, was intimidating. He’d come from Hillworth, he’d come from a foster home, he’d come from–
Well, it didn’t matter.
He had to live in the present, not the past. Maybe he could just make some rules for himself and run them by her.
“Um, okay. I can do that, thank you. I won’t overfeed Maxim. He is very good at begging,” he agreed, but he seemed happy enough with pets and scratches, too. Maybe he could offer to run around with him some outside to help him lose some weight.
Julian didn’t know the first thing about asking for what he could do. Communication wasn’t his forte, even if he trusted Talia–and everyone in the house. If she trusted them, that was enough. Even as he moved into the hallway, ready to go, he cast a glance up at her.
He’d seen how she shuddered at the mention of what can happen to princesses. He didn’t really know. There wasn’t time for a silence to grow between them but quietly, almost as if ready to have the question ignored, he asked, “Are you okay? …I know you’ve been through a lot, but um. You have people to back you up when you go out to patrol, don’t you? In case someone tries to give you trouble?”
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Posted: Wed Aug 28, 2024 7:16 pm
Talia nodded, glad that Julian understood her absolute weakness to Maxim. He was far too good at begging, the little scamp. She gave a little smile, but froze slightly with his question. “I’m. I’m okay. Nothing’s happened to me, but…I had been trying so hard to keep it quiet…I mean. Hard to do with all of my little Knights running around, but…that could have just been seen as a fluke, right? Maybe.”
That wasn’t answering his question, not to the way he had asked. “When I was still…corrupted. There was a Princess who was caught. And I was brought in to help heal her and keep her alive, mostly. It…I regret that I didn’t just get her out of there. But. I didn’t. Like a fool. It’s bothered me since then, and even though her and I have met and talked about things…I don’t know. Getting captured is kind of a mildly…somewhat irrational fear of mine. I don’t really. Talk about it all that much but. You and I are having a very good heart to heart, and I’m not holding anything back from you…and It’s going to be a lot for me to really…answer you…”
She reached up and rubbed her face slightly. “I do! I have so many people who will patrol with me, and I appreciate every one of them, but I can’t keep letting fear rule me…but then again, on that note…Julian, this isn’t a rule, but it is a warning…if you ever come across someone who is in the Negaverse…and is on…on fire? Get out of there. As quickly as you can. Don’t worry about being rude, or looking weak. His name is Faustite, and he is trouble. There’s.”
All traces of her good mood were gone as she thought of her former brother. “There’s no saving him. Not anymore. And with Chaos…you can’t save them unless they want it anyway so. He’s a lost cause. And he’s trouble. And he hates me. So…there’s that too.”
She shook her head and made a burbling noise before the smile started to creep back onto her face. “He’s a super bad apple. And you know how hard I try to help people. But. Yikes. He’s a big no from me, now. But! I hope that answers your question…I’m a fraidy cat, and am terrified about getting caught up in Chaos again. I’m protected by my transcendence and I need to start trusting that a bit more, but! It’s a process!”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 4:37 pm
Julian frowned as he considered the gravity of her words. He listened intently to everything she said. He didn’t push or prod, but he stood quietly while she spoke. He didn’t try to rush her or interrupt, he just nodded along quietly and gave her time to sift through her thoughts and speak them.
By the end of it, he nodded.
He waited a few extra seconds but when her eyes were on him expectantly, he flashed an apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry, Talia. That sounds like a lot to go through. I didn’t know that having Lysithea Knights running around could bring you that sort of problem. I’m sorry. I try to keep a low profile, um. I’ll keep trying.” Although, it seemed like there wasn’t any undoing the flood of knowledge; if the Negaverse already knew it wasn’t like anything he did could make them forget. He just didn’t want to bring her any extra trouble.
“I don’t think getting captured is an irrational fear. Um, I think it’s actually really responsible to want to have a plan to make sure something like that doesn’t happen to you. It sounds really scary. Um, I’m not worried about looking weak.” He was a little worried about being rude but he understood that the Negaverse was dangerous and it was better to be safe than sorry. “If I run into anyone like that, I’ll be careful and get away as fast as I can. I think my friends ran into him before. They got hurt but, um, they’re okay now.”
She wasn’t really the sort to give up on anyone but hearing the way she spoke about Faustite left little room for doubt–if she didn’t think he could be saved, Julian understood. He didn’t want to think that there was no salvation for someone, but he knew he couldn’t do more for someone than Talia could. If she couldn’t help him…
Julian knew he couldn’t.
She probably forced that smile onto her face. Her tone shifted. She was being too light about it.
He could tell it was something that bothered her immensely, and it was obviously something she hadn’t really gotten over yet. He didn’t blame her.
“For what it’s worth, though…I don’t think you’re a fraidy cat,” he added, not quite as an afterthought but as something he wanted her to know. “I think you’ve been through a lot. I might not understand or know about all of it, but I know that everything you feel about it is valid. You don’t have to minimize it. Thank you for telling me. I promise I’ll be careful. And I’ll do anything I can to help you feel safer, too. If I can.”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:02 pm
“Oh heavens! Julian! Sweetheart, no! Having my Knights running about is actually…I love it. It makes me smile…but prior to all of that, I had been trying to keep myself hidden. But…” She drew in a breath and shook her head. “Faustite had asked for help. Asked to be purified. And it was nothing more than a trap. Anyway. He had asked for a Princess to help him and I outed myself. And there were like, two others nearby and it was just a mess. It still bothers me. And then! Get this kid. I thought he died! Hah! So not only did I out myself. And went against my self proclaimed boundaries of taking people up to Lysithea to help them…but. He didn’t even die. He got stronger so now he’s a Guy who’s always on fire and can literally take away those I love!”
It was something that bothered her. Clearly, and now that she was talking about it…it. Felt worse. “I appreciate you. All of you. My…and not to brag! I’m going to brag…but I think that my Knights are the very best out there. I’m so glad that I get to know you, talk to you and just…do my best to keep you all safe. And…” She hesitated and rocked on her heels for a second. “...If you’re up for a hug, I would love one right now, but no pressure! I just. I’m so happy to have you here. For so many reasons. I’m getting all stupid and emotional right now but…you mean the world to me, Julian.”
Her arms moved up, and then fell back to her sides. “But! My biggest rule is just…stay safe. And I know that’s not something you can always manage, but…Bah! It’s the most important thing to me. I haven’t lost one of you yet, and I absolutely don’t intend to…not if I can help it.”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:05 pm
Once more, Julian nodded along as Talia spoke. He didn’t know if he was reading too much into things, or if he was missing anything obvious, but he was trying to take everything into account. He cared about what she was saying but he really didn’t want to push her beyond what she was comfortable with.
Even now, he wasn’t sure that talking about it had done anything but hurt her. When she asked for a hug, he immediately stepped forward. “I can do that,” he said, and opened his arms up for her. He didn’t think she was getting stupid, and emotions were normal. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to justify any of those feelings, and he didn’t think poorly of her for talking about things honestly. He was just afraid of saying the wrong thing, or making her dwell further on topics that obviously hurt her. So, if he couldn’t say it with words, he hoped he could say it in the hug.
“I’ll be safe. I have a couple of friends–some are Lysithea Knights, too–and when we go out on patrols, or whenever something is going on, we always look after each other. We do our best to be safe,” he promised. “I’m in really good hands with my friends. They’re stronger and more experienced than I am.” Oh, but he supposed he was a Knight now. He didn’t really think of himself as one, not when he felt like he still had such a long way to go.
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:07 pm
“Good!” Talia wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head, giving a gentle squeeze and then seeming to relax. “Your friends are always welcome here. Don’t ever feel shy about bringing someone over. This is your home, not just a place where you’re living. I know…it might sound silly when I say that…but I mean it. This will be the last move you have to make. There will be a home here for you until you choose to move out. If you choose to move out. But for now, I’m so happy to have you.”
She meant every word and then kissed the boy’s forehead once before pulling away, swiftly wiping at her suddenly dewy eyes before smiling again. “That….was a whole lot, and I hope I haven’t scared you away! I’m sorry for getting so real it just…kept tumbling out. Thank you for listening.”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:10 pm
“I’m not scared,” Julian promised. He stayed close to her when she withdrew from the hug but looked at her a bit curiously. If inclined to describe Julian, one might say that there was something kind about him. Without much effort, he seemed gentle and unobtrusive. He didn’t have much of a presence in any room, and it was fairly easy for him to slip in or out unnoticed. He was forgettable, but in the most convenient of ways.
It took a lot of effort to make himself known in a space, but it also meant that Julian had the freedom to simply exist peacefully without drawing much attention to himself.
One on one conversations made that more difficult, but he didn’t feel uncomfortable with Talia right now, nor did he feel the urge to slip into the background like he usually might.
The idea of having his friends over was exciting, but all of this was still a bit nerve-wracking. It was just new. He was learning, and adapting, quickly. He’d lived a very different life for so long that it was taking time to adjust.
He couldn’t imagine turning his back on the kindness she had shown in making sure he had a space here. He didn’t want Talia to regret anything.
Julian’s voice was gentle, tentative. He didn’t want to intrude. He didn’t mind listening to her; he could have stood there and nodded for hours while she spoke. There was probably a lot she still hadn’t said, and he couldn’t help but ask, “Was it scary for you to talk about?”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:24 pm
Talia gave a little smile and reached out, tucking a strand of Julian’s hair behind his ear. “...Not…in the sense that the subject scares me. But. I’m always afraid that whoever I’m talking to will be…uncomfortable. Or think less of me, I suppose. It’s…scary in that I feel like I should have kept it to myself. That you’ll want to change your mind and run away from here since I have this…plague...”
She closed her eyes for a moment and gave a soft chuckle that sounded…almost flat. “I put on a great front, Julian but…sometimes I’m not as strong as I pretend to be. And I hate when I realize it. It’s the worst feeling. One of the worst feelings but…”
Talia tucked her own hair behind her ear and shrugged. “I’m working on it. Trying to.”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:25 pm
Nodding once more, it was clear that Julian understood. He didn’t judge her for it, or anything. Everyone was on different paths and it was impossible to see what someone was struggling with. Especially when they didn’t open up.
But, there were a lot of reasons why someone might want to keep their troubles to themselves–he understood that.
So, it was easy for him to understand that if she wanted to put on a front, he could respect that. But he could also be there for him if she ever wanted to let the facade melt away.
“It sounds like it’s been really hard on you. Just, um. Remember to be kind to yourself, please. I don’t think what you said is uncomfortable. And I don’t think less of you. I think there’s a lot of different types of strengths and it wouldn’t be fair to think someone’s weak just because they’re having a hard time. Um. Sorry, maybe I’m saying too much. I just mean, you don’t have to be strong all the time. No one really is. No matter how much they try to convince themselves, or anyone. Bad days are normal. And sometimes it’s more than just one bad day, sometimes it’s a whole lot of bad days. And it’s okay to ask your friends for help if you need it. Um, sorry, you probably already know this. But.”
He chewed on his lip and looked down at the ground for a moment as he collected his thoughts. It only took a few seconds.
“I just mean, I know you’re strong. But it’s okay to feel like you aren’t strong, too. It’s okay to have a hard time, and it’s okay to talk about it, or ask for help if you’re feeling really brave. But it’s okay if you can’t, too. Um, I just mean…you don’t have to pretend all the time with me. I promise, I’m not going to run away. I understand.”
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Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2024 7:27 pm
“If you want to run away though…” Talia’s smile became something far more genuine as she let his words wash over her and felt…better for it. “Tell me, and you and I can run away together. Go take a vacation, go to Disney or something. Just the two of us having an adventure.” Her eyes began to sparkle once again as she thought of it. “Okay, maybe Brooklyn too, but…just something fun!”
Her mood was lifted again and she gently nudged him. “You’re wise beyond your years, Julian. Thank you. And I hope…you know it’s okay to talk to me, too. I am always here to listen if you ever have unhappy thoughts or anything uncomfortable. Nothing you say is ever going to make me run away either. I want to be a safe space for you…and I’m very glad that you’re one for me too. Thank you.”
She felt better. It hadn’t been planned to unload on him like that…but…maybe it would make him feel easier talking to her if he ever wanted to. If not…that was okay. She was just happy that he was here. Happy that she had the chance to make his life better from this point on. She couldn’t fix the past. Not for either of them…but the future was absolutely fair game.
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