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— AMA —
With the tension of the harness gone, Teegan more or less crumpled forward and onto his side, facing away from Zebulon. At least, at first. He ran a hand roughly through his hair then dropped it to the mattress before pushing off with that hand and rolling over. He looked up at Zebulon again, the glassiness starting to fade but still present.

Pulling his knees just a bit closer to his chest, “…Water?” A blanket? He was freezing…

….Zebulon’s hand?


— SEI —
Teegan was in the fetal position.

"Yeah," water he could do. "Be right back."

That had gone too far by the end and Zebulon knew it. They had both gotten overly amped and maybe forgot that they hadn't gone this hard in a while, partially because they hadn't seen each other in a while. Zebulon got carried away. A double-stroke caning had probably been a bad plan from the start--

When he grabbed a cup from the cabinet, he turned the water on too quickly and splashed his hand. He dumped the cup and turned on the filter.

Tobias would kill him.

Zebulon returned with a glass of cold fresh water. His hand felt icy. "Here."


— AMA —
“Thanks.” Teegan propped himself up on one elbow, wincing a bit as he reached for the glass. He pulled it back to himself just to down half of it in one breath. He sipped at the rest of it, shifting to sit up as the ache in his back forbade him from continuing to prop himself up on his side like that any longer.

He did try to pull the blanket out from under him as he sipped at the rest of the water, trying to pull it over himself. He was shivering hard enough for the glass to shake in his hand.


— SEI —
"Don't worry about that," murmured Zebulon, nudging Teegan to lift his a** with one hand and pulling at the blanket himself with the other. He went a bit further than that, pulling the blanket over Teegan and also, to some degree, tucking him in.

He wasn't laying down, but.

"That help? Not quite snug as a bug in a rug level, but," by g-d he sounded Texan right now...


— AMA —
“Yeah. Thanks,” repeated Teegan, despite Zebulon’s telling him not to worry about it. He pulled the blanket further up his chest, pinning it to his chest with his arms. Then, he went back to sipping at his water.

Silently.


— SEI —
After the intensity of just ten minutes prior, this felt incredibly heavy.

What did he say? Usually after scenes with Tobias, he mainly wanted water, his staying nearby, and a kiss on the head. Diryas wanted to be bundled tightly, usually with a weighted blanket, and given snacks and water. He supposed he was already doing most of that.

So why did this feel so incredibly awkward? The silence was so thick he wasn't even quite sure the sharpest knife would cut it.

"Ya want a snack too?"


— AMA —
Teegan sighed quietly. Did he want a snack? “Sure. Something small, I guess. No crumbs in the bed, and all.” Dise would kill them for getting crumbs in the bed even if it was the guest bed. Though, who was he kidding? Dise would kill them regardless when he found out.


— SEI —
No crumbs in the bed, right. Good thing they knew what not to use if they were bringing food into the equation-- "Sure, be right back."

Again. He had to fix this somehow.

Zebulon had learned quickly when he had leaned so hard into the scene that it was important that he of all people involved understood aftercare. That was part of the deal, in some ways; if he could be allowed to do what he did, he better be ready to help in the aftermath.

Why did this aftermath feel so strange? Might've been his own fault, considering...

He picked out a package of seaweed snacks from the pantry and followed it up with a small doughnut. Not crumb-free, but at least unlikely to crumble.

Zebulon returned, holding both out to Teegan.


— AMA —
Teegan took the food offered to him and began to nibble on it. After all of this, it probably wasn’t poisoned, and Zebulon would’ve just poisoned the water anyway— “…Zebulon?”


— SEI —
Zebulon settled next to Teegan. Stay near him. "Teeg?"


— AMA —
The nickname made his chest hurt, and he almost didn’t dare to ask the question weighing on his mind. The question whose answer determined if Teegan was an idiot for showing up to Zebulon’s office. For daring to hope. “…Do you still love me?”


— SEI —
He supposed what they did hadn’t really resolved that question, and he swallowed around the reality of it. They hadn't really gotten to the point.

The answer was as obvious as breathing but it also was complicated. There was a lot Zebulon needed to work through, no matter what Tobias thought of the matter. And he had been trying. He had been texting Teegan fairly regularly now. They had all worked together fairly recently. For as odd as it felt, for as much as Imhotep was trying to beat out Emain Ablach almost the entire time, it had been progress.

Nothing had gotten deep in their conversations, though, and perhaps that was the problem. Mostly just silly TikTok videos, often thematic. Jokes about the Catholic and the Jewish best friends. The questions of how his day had been, how he was adjusting to the once-again-a-priest life. There was a reason why Teegan found him in his damn office.

He let out a deep breath.

Why did he have trouble? He knew it. He knew there was a reason why he had proposed ******** Teegan as the answer. There was a reason why he hadn't actually killed Teegan, and there had been a reason why he was so angry at Elliot to escalate to that in the first place. There was a reason why he spent months beyond what he should have trying to figure out what to do about Teegan's ******** placed a finger under Teegan's chin to beckon him closer. Where the ******** was he going with this? How did three husbands not quite teach him how to deal with-- "I love you," and that was that as he pulled Teegan in to kiss him hard.


— AMA —
The length of time it’d taken Zebulon to answer had started to worry him. Maybe he really was making a mistake, and there really were some sins that were unforgivable, in the end— Then Zebulon kissed him like that, and Teegan’s worries weren’t the only thing to melt. The ‘I love you’ made moisture well up in the corners of his eyes, but he refused to acknowledge it.


— SEI —
In a more normal circumstance, Zebulon might have teased Teegan for it.

This called for something else. This called for when Zebulon parted, to press his forehead to Teegan's and just ... breathe.

He closed his eyes.

He delighted in his closeness, in his heartbeat, in his scent.

"I'm sorry," and that was true. He was sorry for overstepping. He was sorry for pushing Teegan and Emain Ablach away. He was sorry for just sending silly memes and not digging further into Teegan's feelings. "This sucks. All of it. But I don't want to lose you."


— AMA —
It was a few moments before Teegan responded with, “I haven’t gone anywhere, really. Just been waiting on you and Dise.” His voice was soft, his eyes fixed on a point not quite Zebulon’s face. “But… thank you. And I’m sorry, too.” The whole situation was still, at the root, his fault after all. “It does suck, and I’m sorry for that.”


— SEI —
His chuckle was wry. "Suppose you have been waiting for us." Teegan hadn't had to wait on Tobias. Tobias had all but ran back to him. It was why Tobias issued an ultimatum and executed that.

It was honestly nice to hear him apologize, though. He didn't quite know the details, but Teegan did know enough to acknowledge that it sucked and apologize for his connection to it. Perhaps that would have to be enough. He would never know what drove Elliot to use sexuality to drain people. He would never know why Elliot had stayed for years.

He did know, now, he had put it all behind him and had nothing left as a ******** all this s**t, ya know? I just want to go back to before we knew about this worldwide soul-sucking s**t that’s not just capitalism and bigotry." Zebulon snorted. Felt like more normal problems at least. "I just want to be a professor and come home to three husbands."


— AMA —
There was a sound that left Teegan’s face that was probably intended to be a laugh. As it was, he cleared his throat after he made the noise. “The accommodations at the Bells aren’t too bad. Small. But I’d rather be home with three husbands, too.” Of course, there was a reason why Teegan wasn’t in the house at the moment, and that hung in the air between them.

Teegan knew that he just had to give it time. Diryas hadn’t tried to murder him on Cybele’s homeworld, which could only be a good thing. It was not knowing how much time that was the problem.


— SEI —
... Right. Teegan wasn't living with them. Almost felt like it did when he had moved up to Destiny City from San Antonio, and Elliot was the oddly frequent visitor to Diryas' place.

G-d, that was before Tobias lived there ******** Jason.

But that meant it felt like it had rewound by years. Maybe a decade. Probably more. Teegan had done something terrible. There was no getting around that. He was still bitter. That didn't mean there wasn't a hole.

... He just wanted to come home to three husbands. "Feels wrong without ya." Zebulon swallowed hard. "I can't pretend I'm over it. But I also can't pretend I haven't reflected that it's weird you're back but not with us."

He did also try to murder him. This was a g-ddamn mess.


— AMA —
Teegan rubbed the back of his neck. “…I don’t suppose there’s anything else I can do. Something else to prove I’m extra sincere, or something.” Something other than purify, anyway… That had been pretty serious. Giving up nearly his entire life. Assuming he’d be giving up absolutely his entire life and doing it anyway.


— SEI —
Was there anything else, really?

It was a complex question that didn't have any good answers. Was there something else Teegan could do? Zebulon had to admit until they got too into it, everything from before had been thrilling, but that didn't really feel like forgiveness so much as a return to something of an awkward norm. He had purified, which showed that what he said about leaving it wasn't a lie. Teegan was living in the basement of some other family and wasn't actively protesting it until he had shown up at Professor Castaneda's office, and even that had been months. What else was there?

He was silent for what felt like too long before he finally admitted, "I don't think there's a magical solution." Even if they were magic, their emotions weren't. But once Tobias had issued his ultimatum, he and Diryas had talked a bit. Diryas was frustrated. Very.

Zebulon wished he hadn't been backed into a wall.

"But it's getting easier. I think the answer is just to keep doing what you're doing. And, hell, you know Diryas well enough. You arguably met him before me." Zebulon's laugh was fond. "Stubborn as a dang mule. But he's coming around. Just give it time."


— AMA —
Give it time? How much time? Teegan tried not to show how much that answer frustrated him. He swallowed that down and took a deep breath.

Alright.

Fine.

“I’m trying. And I know that I can’t ask anything more of you two.” He paused to think over his next words, brows furrowing. “But it’s hard. It’s been a long time. What if he doesn’t come around?” What if Diryas just stayed angry forever, or—worse—cooled to an icy indifference?

Hell, he hadn’t thought Zebulon would give him an avenue back, and even then it still seemed so fragile, so nebulous. What if Zeb, ultimately, didn’t come around?


— SEI —
What if he didn't?

Zebulon didn't think that was a possibility, but he also understood that those words would sound empty at this point. And it would be fair to think so. Teegan had purified back in ... May, was it? Certainly more than just a couple of weeks ago. It was ******** March now. What could he say that would really be reassuring under the pressure of time moving but Diryas not?

"He will." Zebulon shifted where he sat, seemingly unintentionally bringing himself closer to Teegan. "He's been very ... Remissive to talk about it very much. After the whole fiasco, we had a couple brief conversations about it, but then he did as he always does and stopped talking about it."

Diryas' preference had taken Zebulon a bit to get used to when he had moved up from San Antonio. He wouldn't necessarily say that Diryas was chatty, but he was certainly a lot vocal online. That didn't necessarily carry in-person. Zebulon didn't mind it as time went on and he adjusted to it, and sometimes, it had its benefits.

Such as making it easier for him to pick up when a change in conversation patterns happened.

"He brings it up more now, though. The fiasco. You. Opens the conversation himself too, or doesn't necessarily shut down when I try to bring it up. Was especially chatty after we worked with you on Cybele’s, honestly. Had a bit to say about the fact I sat near you but it wasn’t necessarily negative.” Positive was questionable, but that was beside the point– “It's a slow process, but it is changing."


— AMA —
Was it bad that he enjoyed Zebulon being closer to him? It was probably an accident. He didn’t need to look too far into it. Maybe it was better if he didn’t look too far into it. So Teegan shifted where he sat, and it was not an accident that it brought himself further away from Zebulon.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be close to Zeb. He very much did, even with tension and wariness still lingering in the back of his mind after the cane had broken. But maybe it really was only an accident that Zebulon had gotten that close, and it would be wrong of Teegan to enjoy it. And kinder to himself not to—

“He’s not going to trust me again, even if he convinces himself to like me again.”


— SEI —
Zebulon caught Teegan's shift and lifted a brow slightly, but didn't speak the confusion aloud, focusing instead on the statement. He could see why it would seem that way, honestly. Not a situation that they were terribly familiar with from any perspective. "Same thing, actually."

His smile was warm.

"Dise doesn't let people into his life easily, and he doesn't let them back into his life easily, either. If he's progressed to the stage where he likes you enough to let you back in, that's a universal thing. Part of why it's a slow thing. He needs to get to the stage where he's comfortable trusting you again, too."


— AMA —
Teegan was quiet while he mulled this over. “I guess,” was his concession afterward. “I don’t know how to get to that point.” His brow furrowed as he turned the now-empty mug over and over in his hands. “I just keep getting told to wait. And wait. And keep waiting.”


— SEI —
Perhaps that was the issue. There wasn't a magical solution that would make the whole situation easier. All Zebulon could really think of would be drastic, and it might upset Diryas more than help the balance of things. Life was strange at the moment, though. A quartet was down to a couple, and perhaps a drastic thing was needed.

Though, the last thing he wanted to do was introduce a fire into an already volatile situation. "I hate to say it, but what you're doing is probably your best move. You're doing what you said you would and keeping your distance, giving Dise space to process. You're not jumping into things, trying to give it time to develop. You're showing that you can be trusted -- didn't even come to the house at all until I told you to." And even that was a violation of Diryas' specifications. He'd owned that, and he fully expected Diryas to give him hell for it, but one thing at a time. “Let me just … anyway.”

He let out a deep breath. Did he say it? Did he admit to it? "It feels uncomfortable to have the house as empty as it is, honestly." What the hell would be the point of lying? "I spec Dise notices that too. Just another thing that only became obvious with time."


— AMA —
“I can leave,” Teegan quietly pointed out. “I don’t have to be here.” But he supposed Zebulon had a point. He was doing everything he’d been told to do, for the most part. He’d only come to the house because he’d been told to. Teegan was not the type to do as he was told, but he was also not an idiot. Diryas wasn’t the only person learning to trust him again. He glanced around as Zebulon spoke. “…I’m sorry Tobias left. I didn’t tell him to do that.”

Tobias had invited Teegan to move in with him in the month-to-month apartment he’d found, but Teegan had turned him down, which he knew had frustrated Tobias. He supposed that didn’t help things on Tobias’ end, but Tobias had told him he understood Teegan’s reasons. But Tobias had told Teegan his ultimatum to the other two, and Teegan could only hope that the unstoppable force of Tobias’ determination didn’t crash and burn against the immovable object that was Diryas’ obstinance.

Tobias had been friends with Diryas since middle school. Maybe that would count for something.

— SEI —
"You don't, no." Zebulon could make an argument that he had to be, but then again, did he have to be? Zeb had been trying to make sure a private conversation couldn't potentially fall on Negaverse ears, and also give the two of them space that was private to themselves, but they could probably move the conversation to the Bells' place. Probably could tell him to go and he'd meet him there.

Zebulon didn't move.

He let out a quiet sigh. "Didn't think you did, admittedly." Tobias was far from the most stubborn of the four of them, but that didn't quite change how he acted when he was set on a mission. He felt Diryas and Zebulon were taking too long and it was frustrating him. So, he acted. "For one, noticed you didn't go with him."

Tobias hadn't hidden yet another thing about the whole situation that had frustrated him, too.

"He was determined to leave either way. Tobias will come back once we're put back as we were."

By g-d, though, it was unexpectedly lonely to only be two.


— AMA —
How was he supposed to tell Zebulon that he hadn’t gone with Tobias because he felt like it was letting Teegan off easy? The invitation had never gone away of course. Tobias had just said, ‘well, when you change your mind’. That, well, here was his address and Teegan was free to visit whenever.

And he had visited. More than once. But never stayed more than a night, always leaving while Tobias was still asleep no matter how much he knew it would sadden Tobias when he woke up.

“I didn’t go with him, no.” The many reasons were boiled down to, “didn’t feel right.” Teegan sighed, running a hand through his hair and tousling it. “What about you?”


— SEI —
Didn't feel right.

Something felt honest about that, even if it was a glossing of the details. Of course it didn't feel right. When had Teegan lived with just Tobias, ever? But there was more to it than that, more than just the awkwardness of the arrangement being off. It spoke to the reason why Zebulon bore his soul to a damn bartender about his situationship in front of gossipy students.

He was still getting asked about his arrangement from the student who he swore must have run the school’s gossip TikTok, no matter how much he said it was fine and it was consensual and just drop it, please--

Him? What about him? Zebulon leaned forward, trying to puzzle out how to respond to such a loaded question.

"I don't know. When I moved in, you and Toby were both already frequent visitors. Now y'all both are gone somewhere else. Odd."

But Zebulon didn't quite stop talking.

"Hell, the fact that we're chatting at a distance in this guest room? I'd be loading up if I said it felt right." Tobias did have a point. As he had gotten more used to the concept of Teegan versus Elliot and what Elliot had done, and what Elliot had functionally died to become, other elements started to become stronger. Nothing was right. Everything was wrong.


— AMA —
Teegan looked him over, then nodded silently at first as Zebulon spoke. “I figured you didn’t want me too close.” A vague gesture between them. “Because, you know…”


— SEI —
Zebulon's eyes traced from Teegan's face to Teegan's hands. "Well," his voice was light, "kinda hard to ******** you if I keep my distance, right?"


— AMA —
An odd expression crossed Teegan’s face. “That’s not what I meant.”


— SEI —
“Said what I said, though.”

Zebulon pushed himself just slightly closer.

“This isn’t what we are, right? We’re not supposed to be six feet apart because we’re not gay or some other bullshit.” He glanced up to the ceiling as he pondered how to toss over what he was trying to express. Perhaps he had gotten his catharsis. Perhaps he didn’t find the deepest part of that anger worth hanging onto anymore. “You’re right. This feels wrong. Not this, but the distance. I know I don’t tend to trust again once that trust has been betrayed, but,”

The ******** else could he do?

“Just like you can’t ask us to do anything else, don’t think I can ask you to do anything else.”


— AMA —
Teegan didn’t move away this time. “I would do anything. You know this.”


— SEI —
“Then answer me this.”

Zebulon let out a breath that felt oddly laboured. Was Teegan just trying to win him over as a way to seek out forgiveness? Did Teegan truly want to be welcomed back into this mess for normality, or was it because of something else?

Was it for them? For him?

“Do you still love me?”


— AMA —
It may have taken Zebulon a second or two to formulate the question, but it took only one for Teegan to formulate the answer. Did he still love Zebulon?

”Yes. Yes. Christ, Zeb.” A tired, wry chuckle, and he finally let himself lean toward Zebulon. There wasn’t a point to reminding Zeb that Teegan was aromantic the way they used to joke. Zebulon knew, and it didn’t lessen the impact of his question, nor—Teegan hoped—would it lessen the impact of Teegan’s answer.

He scooted himself close enough to Zebulon to tentatively offer his hand to him. “Even I’m not this much of a glutton for punishment.”

Teegan didn’t get to find out if Zebulon would have taken his hand or not. There was shouting, then, at the front of the house, and the front door first slammed open, then shut. Teegan recognized those voices, and he lost the colour in his face for the second time that day.

There was no time to react before the next door slammed open was the door to the guest bedroom. Teegan jumped nearly to the ceiling, frozen in place as his eyes met Diryas’. He didn’t even see Tobias behind Diryas, trying to get himself between Diryas and the other two.

“Ah.”