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 Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:04 pm
He still couldn’t believe he’d done it, he hadn’t thought he’d corrupt anyone outside his family since Lorcan, but René was laying up in the guest bedroom recovering from both the attack and the corruption. It was only fair that he bring the other into his home so he could recover, and get a proper explanation of things, even as he wondered about his house topless and towel drying his hair as he meandered about the kitchen. He was preparing mentally for what he knew was to come, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy, he owed the other a lot and now it was even more than before.
The tv in the living room was on and showing models taking to the runway, he could hear the moody music in the kitchen as he went about grabbing things he needed for an early lunch. He needed to keep his body moving and doing something, otherwise he might run or go upstairs and plead his case. He wasn’t entirely certain what he’d do if left with nothing to do but wait. Alexandre was already getting himself worked up over what was to come, picturing all manner of scenario in his head.
He’d already sent a text to Fiona and Lorcan explaining that he would be absent from high tea. Lorcan got the whole story unlike his other beloved cousin, he wasn’t planning to tell her everything, so far he’d been avoiding his phone and whatever Lorcan had to say about things. Hudson would find out from Lorcan, no doubt, as his cousin had left the house earlier when he was still asleep. “This is a mess…an utter mess.” Of his own making. He was going to have to figure this out and he couldn’t do it alone, because he’d dragged René into his mess and made it worse.
Ruffling his hair further, leaving it a damp mess that he’d need to brush out, Alexandre shuffled his way about, taking a moment to peek into the living room and eye whatever was on the tv. “I’ve seen it before…two years back, or really similar.” How boring. Rolling his eyes as he vanished back into the kitchen as he got the espresso going, not that he needed the energy since he was running on an emotional fueled adrenaline rush, last night had been a late one and he was feeling it. Through some miracle he’d pulled himself together enough for a morning run and a shower, though he supposed it was all the energy he had fueling the run this morning, it hadn’t helped him a whole lot.
“I should really just check their websites to see if there is anything I want.” The words spoken in an almost bored manner as he eyed his phone, laying innocently on the counter top. He could just look things up and text the SA’s he knew at the shops he liked. It wouldn’t be that hard to do.
“And it’s snowing out today of all the things.” Which was why he should not be walking around as he was, he looked a bit too pale and gooseflesh was decorating his hairless arms. He was chilly, not too cold, and had the fireplace burning away under the tv. Maybe he should light a few candles as well, provide a bit more warmth to things, he wouldn’t mind it near sweltering really.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:07 pm
Everything hurt as he started to come around, flashes of time played in the darkness behind his closed eyes as he lay halfway between the sleeping and waking world. A hand in his chest, not once but twice, and a pain that had no pleasure to it. Like his soul was being tugged from his body and then blackness only to be woken up by more pain in his chest before finally falling back to darkness. Sleep shedding away he sat up with a start as he felt for the hole he thought remained in his chest. A shout came out before he caught himself and stopped, this wasn’t his apartment or his shop. Where was he? Pulling a hand to his head he tried to remember what had happened the night before, he’d been drinking and made it to his shop right?
Had someone snatched him after he had been beaten up last night? If so where was Alexandre, he thought he had heard their voice but had that just been wishful thinking? It had been over a month since he’d seen them since he’d heard their voice. It hurt almost as much as the pain in his head and chest. Head spinning he leaned into himself as he clicked the piercing on his tongue against his teeth. His clothes were gone too so had he ended up at someone else’s home after the bar? None of it made any sense as he felt the pounding in his head. Groaning as he folded forward even more, pressing his face into the bedding as he tried to will the fuzziness around his memories to go away. He noticed a pen in one of his hands as things started to become a bit clearer. “Hello?” Calling out as he looked at the thing, a name started to form in his mind again. What was it that had been said? Kafka? Shaking his head as the thought brought him more confusion, he breathed for a moment into the blankets.
Sitting back up and double-checking under his boxers that nothing had been messed with in case he had ended up somewhere and had done something, he called out again a bit louder. This room was too nice to be a place that someone at the bars he had gone to lived in. He felt so very rough though, like he’d gone on a bender and drank the entire stock of every bar in the city and bedded everyone that was in those bars. He couldn’t shake that phantom pain in his chest either, he felt like he’d been violated for the first time in a long time.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:07 pm
He’d heard the first scream, or shout perhaps was a better way to describe it, and set his food aside and his espresso and headed upstairs as dread ate at his stomach. He felt like he should be going to the bathroom, with how his stomach was reacting to his nerves, but he sucked it up and headed to the guest room on silent feet. It seemed René was awake and not doing so well, as was to be expected, though he was certain things would change once he came into the guest room. Rubbing at his temples he came to the doorway and stood there for a moment, watching, and trying to quell his nerves so he could do something - say something.
“Too loud, the neighbors will worry. Some of them don’t do anything aside from stay at home.” He didn’t like his neighbors, some of them tended to like to stick their noses into other peoples business, especially his, one day they’d learn not to do that. Today was not that day though. Today he had to deal with the mess he’d created, and had been actively avoiding and running from, till he’d decided to run right to it and he’d done so at the worst possible time…though he supposed it was the best time for René. Right…René.
Pointing to the end of the bed he nodded once. “I guessed your size and ordered clothing for delivery from a boutique. You might want to shower or take a bath first though.” He was planning to meander his way back downstairs so he could finish breakfast, or sort of lunch. He was planning to meander his way back downstairs so he could finish breakfast, or sort of lunch, as it would give him some time to consider just how he was going to tackle this whole thing. “I’ll explain things once you're downstairs, I owe you that.” And food…he did owe him food as well. He owed the other a lot actually and he knew it. This would be the tip of the iceberg and then maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to crash and get some sleep. He was considering his bed but it felt odd to do that in the middle of the day. So perhaps the living room couch, it was rather comfortable despite it being leather and not looking all that comfortable.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:08 pm
Blinking for a moment, everything seemed very…. Different? He rubbed at his eyes to make sure he was awake, that they were actually here and talking to him. How had they gotten him here and was this their home? He’d known they were rich but there were a lot of things he hadn’t known about them yet. Sliding towards the edge of the bed, looked over at the pile of clothing before looking around the room to see where the bathroom or shower might be. Maybe that would help clear his head. Before they made it out of the room, he had stumbled out of the bed and started to wander towards the other. He didn’t want them to go and disappear again but his head hurt so much that he could only nod and croak out a few words. “Alexandre… did I die? Are you really here?”
Rubbing his face as he walked towards the bathroom with the stack of clothing and that weird little pen in hand, he felt dazed still and maybe a bit faint.
Putting things on the counter he looked at himself in the mirror, face half sunken in with some bruising that he couldn't remember happening. It was like he’d been smashed into the ground which would explain why his jaw had a slight twinge of pain to it when he moved it. Getting into the shower he leaned his arm and face forward, bracing himself against the wall as he let the water wash over him. It felt good, easing some of his aches and pains as it washed away a bit more of the fog in his mind. His stomach was in knots over the fact that he was at Alexandre’s place, that they were back and he had ended up here somehow. Last night’s events still escaped him between the fog of his hangover and the pain from the a**-kicking he had received. He looked at the pen on the counter through the glass door of the shower. That name floated through his mind again but he couldn’t recognize the voice that said it as well as something else but he couldn’t really tell why it had been said.
Grabbing things to scrub and clean with, he long blinked through the rest of the shower not really having any sense of time before he stepped out and dried off. Pulling on clothing, he felt the pants a little tight in the crotch and just a little bit short on him. Maybe a size too small for the pants and one too big for the shirt. Picking up that pen again he looked over it as he walked down the stairs, nearly tripping as he came to the bottom because he’d been too focused to realize that he’d made it to the ground level.
He could smell food of some sort as he looked around this home, taking in all the furniture and decor around him. It wasn’t a small place and he could see that his original assumption that Alexandre was rich continued to prove true though the amount of richness kept going up each time they met it seemed. It reminded him of home in a way but without all the strings and chains he’d broken free from. Leaning against one of the walls, he took a moment as that dizziness hit him again. If he didn't know better he’d have thought he’d been hit by a truck or something. Whether or not that truck hit had left him dead or alive was still to be determined.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:09 pm
“I wouldn’t say that you died per se, you aren’t a zombie or a vampire after all, but you did come dangerously close.” He came as close as a person could come and live to tell the tale, it was too close for comfort for him, but he’s arrived in time. He hadn’t expected to come upon such a scene the evening before, it still hurt to think about. If she had vanished with that thing, or eaten it, he would have absolutely destroyed her - to hell with which side she was on. “However, it would seem that I was able to….fix things as it were.” Trailing off as he worded things carefully, and vaguely, he wasn’t aiming to tell him the whole truth just yet. It would come in time, perhaps over food.
While René went to wash, and pull on clothing, Alexandre had headed back downstairs and decided to deal with his phone and the messages from his cousins. It seemed a few of them wanted to know just what was going on so he did tell them each as much as he could, more going to Lorcan. Lorcan, who seemed to favor the idea of him and René over other options, got all the information and told to pass it along to Hudson. He was certain he wouldn’t be happy with a corrupted senshi in Alexandre’s home but it was René so Lorcan might not be that upset, it was the best option for him, and he did remind his cousin of this while texting him that he’d made his choice - René. He would have him in this war, as a corrupt senshi, and now he needed to explain and apologize. Setting his phone down, slowly, he finished plating breakfast for René and went to make him a drink.
He needed to busy himself to keep calm, he had to be calm for this, he had to pace himself and be mindful of the damage he’d done to René. The fashion show continued and Alexandre finished the food plating and came into the living room and spied the other, finally downstairs.. “Come sit, I made espresso but I can get you something else - whatever you want..” He’d gone for egg whites, little cucumber sandwiches, a small light little salad, and some sort of bacon as well. It was an odd mix but given that it was between lunch and breakfast he figured it was fitting.
“I’ll explain things but questions first - I owe you that and so much more.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:09 pm
Sitting down on the couch, he just stared at the food for a moment. “Kafka and Consumption, I keep… hearing those words in my mind when I look at this. What is it? My head is killing me, I feel like I was partying and then ended up being stomped by the bootheels of the police who broke things up.” Rubbing the bruise on his face as he spoke he barely registered the noise on the TV. He still wasn’t sure that this was even real as he looked at Alexandre, he was half scared if he blinked too hard the other would disappear again.
“Maybe an espresso shot, plain.” Looking over at them he could tell they looked just as worn out but there were marks on them… ones he hadn’t left. They couldn’t have been from him, not after all this time and it made him feel worse as he tried to focus on what little he could remember. “There.. was a hand in my chest wasn’t there and it wasn’t just once? Everything is fuzzy between two blips of blackness. I thought I was dead, what happened?” Part of him wanted to ask the why as well but he was nervous to find out, especially given how they’d left him behind and looked like they had found someone that managed to keep an arrangement with no strings. Internally he cursed, wanting to say something, do something to plead a case he was sure was already lost. He felt hollow as he sat there, wanting to say something but not really able to even though he was sure it was written all over his face.
He kept pulling his shirt open to check his chest, feeling like if he blinked he’d see a hole in it between his eyelashes. Almost like a single frame in a video having that hidden image that could only be seen when you weren’t trying to see it. Leaning back after confirming no gaping wound, he rubbed his face again. Still not letting go of the pen as he went, it felt too important to let go of for long right now even if he couldn’t remember what it was.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:10 pm
Pinching the bridge of his nose as he moved back into the kitchen, to make the other a single shot of espresso, he settled himself for this conversation he’d be needing to have. Returning to the living room he sat himself on the floor, ignoring how he was in just a small towel, he’d worry about getting dressed once this was over with. He needed to get his nerves settled and for that to happen this talk needed to happen. “A hand in your chest…yes that did happen twice last night, it’s mostly the second time which caused such pain but that tends to happen. It is because of the second that you keep hearing a name - Kafka. It’s why you keep thinking consumption, your sphere, those are things which belong to you….and always have and always will.” Because he was a senshi, whether reborn or not it was something which he owned. There could not be another Kafka if he didn’t want it…he didn’t get to pass it on to someone else.
“The first time a hand was in your chest was an attempt on your life, as well as your ability of ever being reborn. I handled her, for now.” Not that he cared as much for that, not really, once you died you didn’t remember the previous life when reborn. At least not in most cases so it didn’t matter. With knights, senshi, even the Negaverse and dark mirror he supposed, there was that chance for memories and flashes of the past. But once you were dead you didn’t know so how could you miss not being reborn if you weren’t able to think because you were dead? He supposed others cared though…because they couldn’t reunite in the next life. It wasn’t something he thought about really.
“I can assure you that she will find out that angering me is not a good idea, I hold far more power than she does.” And he knew how to use that power. That darkness in his eyes looked the other over, watched as he touched his chest. “She will learn and if need be I’ll speak with whoever is acting as her commander.” She would learn to take his orders and back down when he said to - no questions asked. She had not done as he’d told her to last night and that was not something he’d tolerate, especially considering who she’d been trying to kill. His hands fisting in his lap, knuckles white, he was already feeling the anger boiling in him. But he needed to tamp it down, he’d deal with it later.
“You did surprise me however…it would seem you aren’t as normal as you seemed. People are reborn, as I said, but some people are a bit more special than that. I had to call in for a bit of help in giving you a bit of power, which is rightfully yours, that would be the second time a hand was in your chest. I made a choice, on your behalf, which I shouldn’t have but it was the better option available last night. The other ones were less than optimal.” He did not want to see the other become a white moon senshi, especially since he’d been on his way to the others home to apologize and seek his acceptance. “I couldn’t allow for someone else to give you that power…not when I was on my way to you…I couldn’t.” Shaking his head as he bit down on his bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood, he found himself speaking slowly, softly.
“I needed to see you and explain…to apologize. I tried…” He’d tried to get over it, tried to deny it, he’d tried a lot of things and had failed at it all. “I’ll explain that all…but this is more pressing I think.” And he really should have gotten dressed. Looking over towards the kitchen, where he heard some noise, he spied Katya and mouthed something to her. He needed her to cover his energy signature, because he needed some damn clothing. Powering up he he settled on removing his cape and his coat so he was more comfortable as he sat there staring at the other. “You don’t need to participate…this war doesn’t need to be yours. But I couldn’t risk you being on the other side either…not if I had any hope of making up for leaving you as I had.” Not if he’d wanted to give into the temptation of a relationship. He couldn’t with a senshi…it would do worse than fail.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:11 pm
Closing his eyes he focused on what they were saying as he tried working his way through the fog. More bits of what had happened slowly came out of the haze as they spoke. “Thank you… for… coming back for me...” It felt a bit awkward as things started to settle in. He’d normally thank them maybe similarly as he’d done before but everything still hurt and his heart ached still from how long they had left him behind. Remembering more now he groaned, that woman had her heel on his face as things had started to go black. “I mean I never thought of myself quite so normal but I guess this is different. A planet though? Like stars in the sky?” It sounded magical and a bit too whimsical for the blonde that sat next to him.
Turning the pen over in his hands as they got up and went to make his espresso, he decided to start working on a bit of the food. He hadn't had someone make him breakfast or anything like this since he’d been a kid. The small sandwich he grabbed tasted good and helped bring a bit more focus to things as he ate. Blinking as Alexandre changed in front of him, his mouth hung open just a bit. It was a good look, one that had fit all the defiance and pushiness he’d seen in things. Maybe a bit royal or posh looking but he thought it fit them.
Something pricked up his spine though at that word, war. That wasn’t just a string but a chain and maybe even a collar. Food went sour in his mouth as he turned to look at them after picking up the cup they’d left for him. It tasted good, if not a bit bitter, but that he felt wasn’t because of the pull quality on the shot. “A war…” It felt like poison in his mouth and like the cruel wheel of fate had brought his family’s history to him. He wanted to be mad, to yell at them for it but he’d never talked about it and how could he say that he’d prefer to be dead or without them? It would be a lie anyway, there was too much to experience and he was still horribly torn up over them even if they had left without a trace. They had come back though, and saved him from whatever that witch of a woman had tried doing to him.
Finishing his drink, he moved over and pulled them into a hug carefully. He went so very slowly, still afraid they might run again but he wanted to hold them as his breath hitched in his throat. He knew he was shaking, knew that he probably looked desperate but he had missed them so much. They had come back for him and to apologize but he couldn’t quite believe it, not after what had happened. He wanted to though, wanted things to be okay and back to normal. But that sinking feeling was still there, that what had happened roped him into something he wasn’t prepared to be signed up for.
Exhaling, he looked at Alexandre. “Never in my wildest stories would I have thought of something like this. You’ve known about this all and for a while?” Clicking his piercing against his teeth as he thought about things. “That wasn’t a spectre haunting my shop, was it and you did something to fix it?” It had been more than just a blessing brought randomly, there had been intent and even then they had still left him.
Brushing hair out of his face he settled back into the couch more, closer to them as he thought about the bits and pieces of a story he’d been trying to puzzle out about them with each meeting. “Maybe too many questions now, my head still hurts. Do I have to leave now that I am awake?” He didn’t want to go though, he wanted to stay and maybe lay down with them. Try to wrap a few strings around and work more on changing their mind about things. He’d started to wonder about it as well, everyone else had started to feel more flat and less worthwhile until it ended up that he was only after them. It felt a bit nerve-wracking as the idea of maybe committing to something was creeping up more and more.
He had known how he had felt over the course of the month and how painful it had been without them but now that they were here he was scared still, he wanted to grasp for strings, for something to tie him to them again but he didn’t quite know if there was anything left. They said one thing but there were signs on their skin that told him otherwise and it made him ache, even if they were hidden under that uniform they were wearing now. Even now they were focusing on the seriousness of things and not why they had left, or what made them decide to come back to apologize.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:11 pm
Yelping as he was unexpectedly pulled into the other's hold, he just managed to keep from powering down, as he looked up at the other and nodded his head. “Yes, like the stars. Senshi, like yourself, each have a different star name…that star and its power is yours and only yours. Knights take power from a planet, someone else's planet, they serve that planet and a part of it more specifically. Officers like myself are neither of those options, though we could become knights if we joined the other side of things.” A breath from him, deep and slowly taken and even more slowly let out. “Since I was sixteen I’ve known this world.” So many years….nearly thirteen years, nearly half his life. “The Negaverse gathers energy from other people, primarily anyway. Someone had trapped your door, likely before you moved into that shop, to gather energy. It’s smart but also lazy.” Speaking of which he went and pulled an orb from his subspace, where he always kept at least one, and pressed it to the others lips. “This should help some of the injuries from that one.” He still did not look pleased with the corrupt who had tried to kill René, and he wasn’t, he would be following up with things.
“You can choose to fight or you can ignore it. It isn’t something to take lightly, as you can see.” Gesturing to himself, to the scars which René knew were hidden under his uniform, the other had seen them all many times and now had an answer for them. He’d collected a lot of scars and then added ink to it, not to cover them up though, after the first few he stopped caring about his marked up flesh. He accepted it and even began to embrace it.
He knew the other didn’t like chains or anything more than strings, that had been the biggest part of what they had going on between them. The Negaverse, the war, it was no little string for most involved it was a ball and chain. It was a weight on the shoulders which some carried and some fell under the weight of. Others embraced it, such as himself, while others ignored it and shirked it off entirely. He did wonder which category the other would fall into.
Shifting in the other's hold he pitched forward so he could get some food for himself, something to nibble on, as he settled back into the other's lap with his drink in his own hand and sandwich in the other. “I won’t force you to make one choice or the other but depending on the choice I’ll wind up having to give you a crash course in things.” As best he could because there was a lot to take in, and he didn’t want to over do things, he had to go slow with all the information. It wouldn’t be fair to overwhelm the other.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:11 pm
It was a lot, a whole lot to take in as he sat there. Sighing for a moment, moving away from the orb of whatever it was they were trying to feed him. “You made a choice last night as well, for me.” At least he couldn’t remember if he’d asked for all this. It settled into his chest as he went over things before placing the pen on the table. It was all so serious now and he felt caged in, rubbing his shoulder as he felt that scar with his thumb. If he ran this time there was a lot more to lose, he didn’t have the same fallback plan or place to go. He also didn’t want to run from Alexandre, a war maybe but not them. Not after they’d run from him and come back just in time to save him. It hurt still though and he didn’t know how to feel, he was glad they were here but he was so hurt still over what they’d done to him.
A bitter laugh came out as he picked up another of the small sandwiches. “Fate always seems to catch up to me, wars run in my family whether or not we fight in them or provide the bullets to shed blood with.” He could feel that old and heavy chain, the one that had been part of him before he had even breathed his first breath. It was unforgiving and unslippable. Taking a bite, it still felt like ash against his tongue.
“Maybe I will get to find a bit more about you, those things you wouldn’t say? Something to keep you from leaving me behind again…” It was a bit hopeful if not tired as he set the food down. “Though I guess I can’t keep dodging fate with it thrown at me like this. I will fight and take up arms again.” Until he hung by that chain of his at the gallows, maybe if they could see him being serious about something like this they would stay.
Watching them he reached out just a bit before pulling back. This wasn’t the time and he wasn’t sure exactly what would happen next. “I want to stay for a bit, it’s nice here. Reminds me of home without all the bad memories though.” Just a little more slipping out, he’d held back a lot of things as well. He knew of their scars, and thought up all manner of tales to explain what might have happened. But as he sat there looking at them and how detached they almost seemed from everything, he couldn’t help but feel worse. They may be sitting in his lap but it was back to the way things had been, at least it sounded like it. An exchange, a choice to be made, whatever Alexandre was calling it but it felt like the line was still drawn for him to stay behind and it was killing him not knowing.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:12 pm
“You aren’t wrong.” He whispered before smiling up at the other. “I chose for you to live…because she wouldn’t have let you live had I not done something. Had you not had the potential you did, had I not made the choice I did to give that power a nudge, she would have ended you forever.” No more life and no rebirth, the corrupt senshi would have finished René off in the most permanent manner possible.
“I chose this war, young as I was, but I chose it for you. You can choose if you want to participate - you do not need to. Plenty of officers have vanished…simply stopped turning up. Some perhaps died but more than likely they went to continue on living a normal life - away from all this. I however have embraced it and let it become my life…something I breathe in and drink from a chalice.” Blood which he painted with and ran the streets red with, he dreamed of murder and magic. He had long since allowed it to seep into his normal life and blur the lines so thoroughly it was hard to tell where Alexandre and Benitoite changed.
“You do not want strings you once said, and while that may have changed, I doubt you want the ball and chain that this would be. Standing on the edge…wondering in which fight you may lose your life.” It was not a good way to live and yet he had for so many nights, for years, it was the path he’d been walking with the occasional person by his side but always for a short time. Looking down and towards his own lap as he stood slowly, slipping from the others lap, he headed towards the kitchen to get a drink, as his was empty suddenly it seemed. When he’d finished it he didn’t know, he’d just been taking small sips…just a lot of them he supposed. Oh well, another espresso would do no harm; not really.
“Tell me though, what do you mean by taking up arms again? You’ve fought no war and killed no people, I don’t see it when I look into your eyes. I do not see a killer…I see no person who has watched the life of another slip away.” Speaking softly as he leaned in the doorway between the rooms, waiting for his next espresso to finish making. “Your name has blood on it’s hands but you do not, not as I do.” Certainly not. He was do deep in it he might as well be drowning in it…and yet he still drew breath - it had not strangled and choked him yet.
Nodding his head he smiled softly, gently, even as one arm wrapped itself about his midsection. “I owe you a lot, I do not know what you see in me, I will not turn you out. I owe you for last night as well, you are still recovering from what happened…but you should take the energy I offer - it will help you recover a bit.” Looking at the orb which was still in his one hand. He made an approach, slow, and offered it once more to the other. “Let me help…even if only a little.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:13 pm
More seriousness, he didn’t like it as it felt constricting in his chest. Talking about war and loss, things that made no sense. It kept going back to that singular question in his head. Why? Why had they come back? It kept bubbling up as he listened to them, kept eating him alive as he they walked away from him and kept talking about the bigger picture. His head was spinning from it all as he leaned his face forward into his hands and tried to wrap his head around things.
They were right, at least in part. He hadn’t gotten into things wanting chains or strings attached but he’d fallen for them, for the niceties and the promises they had made to him. That angelic face of theirs and all the stories he’d thought up about the scars and tattoos he’d seen on them. Blessing after blessing, save after save, they’d kept coming back and he’d been falling so hard. He wanted more with them and he’d slipped up and let that show, tangled in by their words and actions when it hadn’t been mutual.
Push after push, he felt like he was getting backed into a corner by them now, being pushed back behind a line while they teased an opening he wasn’t confident even existed. And that smile… that face that drew him in, he couldn’t take it and slapped the orb out of their hand as he started to shake and feel that tightness in his chest choking him.
“s**t this is more than you just getting papers signed and delivered. Why now when you left me behind for trying to get close? You promised me you would visit more often and you just left me instead… and now you want to help me? I didn’t even know enough to find a way to see you, to apologize for whatever I did wrong.” Broken words passed through as he curled away from them into the cushions of the couch.
“After an entire month… how do I know you won’t just vanish again when you find someone who actually sticks to an arrangement?” Looking up, his face was a mess between the bruises and tears that were working their way down his face. He hadn’t done any better, he’d only been out that night because he’d been drinking and sleeping around to try and move on. It hadn’t worked, if anything it made him feel even worse about everything. “You say you owe me, say you won’t turn me out but I don’t know… you said so much on New Year’s Eve… and then gone.” It was quiet, so very quiet as he clicked that piercing of his against his teeth.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:13 pm
Flinching as the other slapped the energy orb from his hand, and slapped his hand as well, he brought his hand back while ignoring the orb rolling across the floor…a tiny little orb of softly glowing light. Stepping back, the backlash of his knees hitting the coffee table, he watched as the other shook and seemed to fall apart in front of him.
Sinking to his knees Alexandre was hesitant as he reached out, set his hands gently on the others knees, and stared up at him. “You were too close, you wanted more than I wanted or even could give. I still don’t know if I can. I thought a break would solve the problem…would put an end to whatever feelings were growing.” But it hadn’t, clearly, and it had only made things worse for himself as well. He’d messed things up so terribly, but he’d never been good with people it seemed.
Deciding what to do, even as he brought his hands up to cup the others face between them. “I won’t vanish…and I will explain my reasons, even if they may not be the best.” Standing he went to grasp one of the others hands. “Come, I’d rather not have this conversation down here. My cousin may come home and I’d rather not upset him.” Hudson was already protective over him and he didn’t care to worry his elder cousin. “I made a lot of promises and I broke a lot also. It was out of fear. Fear of repeating the past, because I seem to keep repeating it over and over, no matter what I try. I wanted to avoid it this time…and it seemed to come for me and I ran.” Tugging gently he hoped the other would come upstairs so he could explain and the other could get some rest - could lay down as he likely needed.
“There is a lot for me to say and I want you to be comfortable while I do so, as well as to avoid my cousin.”
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:15 pm
He almost pulled away again as they told him what he already knew, he’d known they hadn’t wanted strings attached and he’d crossed that line. Just that twist in his guts as they confirmed they weren’t sure if they could let those strings happen. It felt even worse knowing he’d been on the other side of this and not terribly long ago in the grand scheme of things.
Then they held his face, pouring out more promises and he wanted to believe them, wanted to drown in them and go back as if nothing had happened. It was a blessing, but it felt like a curse too as he let them pull him along and away from the couch. Everything was fading to the background as he followed them, a ringing in his ears as he felt that throbbing pulse of his in the side of his face where he’d been slammed and stomped.
“I... just want you to let me try…” Whispering the words as he followed, more to himself than them when it came down to it. Squeezing their hand a bit, he rubbed his face and tried to pull himself together. He’d wanted them to come back and they had, they were here now and wanted to explain. Everything was so rough though and he half wondered if maybe he should just go back to sleep to hide from the hangover and pain in his head. But he wanted to be near them again, maybe try to weasel a string around them again if he could even if he was afraid they would disappear.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2024 4:15 pm
The trek up to his room was slow, he wasn’t going to push the other to move too fast, he’d taken a hell of a beating. He really wished he’d arrived earlier in order to deal with that corrupt, and to stop the attack sooner, he had no doubt the other had gotten a concussion and yet René was trying to keep conscious and talk and think.
If René had thought the guest room was impressive his own was beyond that, done in a stormy dark blue color with silver and brushed bronze accenting, the room was filled with dark heavy woods and expensive fabrics including silk and faux fur. The lights were off, as it was morning and they were indeed, with antique silver candelabras situated here and there. But he ignored all that as he headed for the bed and climbed up and drew the other onto his bed with him. Against the pillows he sat himself up and motioned for the other to rest, to lay down.
“I’ll explain while you rest, you need it.” The ashen blond explained gently. “If when I’m done you still want to take a risk and date me….I won’t fight it. We can see what will come.” because he felt his own poor dating history would scare the other off, wouldn’t it scare someone off? It made him not want to try dating any more.
“What you want, a relationship, I’ve wanted for years. I’ve sought it out and tried for it…held it in my hands multiple times. But I’ve always been left. I gave up hope and stopped wanting a serious relationship. I was willing to accept what I could get…to just aim for a no strings attached relationship. When I finally accepted what felt like my fate was, that I wasn’t destined to have any sort of proper relationship, you came into my life and it seemed to be what i wanted..then you wanted what I had once wanted and was running from.” It had been a shock and upsetting for him, he was scared to try again and have it all fail again.
“No matter who I’ve dated in the past it’s never worked.”
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