Welcome to Gaia! ::

He shouldn't've had to write his own damn upgrade proposal--but when dealing with Waru? When asking him to be the bearer of this torch to their ever-flaming figurehead of a team-lead? It was best to type up his own missive, to make the words clean, precise, bullet-point outlined and detailed with neat little paragraphs. To include proper headers, footnotes, details in the margins.

He wanted to highlight his every ounce of his own participation in furthering their endeavors after all! Events of which his friend hadn't always present for. Most importantly? He wanted to ensure it was glaringly clear exactly how much effort he'd put into the little things; detail oriented work, aiding other Generals, making listings in the database for Mu Arae, etc, etc.

Self serving as he often was? He could also be a team player. Had been a team player. Gods he swore he'd tried---

So he believed that if he made it glaringly clear that what he lacked in power he made up for in other more nebulous areas, and clearer still that with power he could do infinitely more than be a glorified secretary running fetch quests and handling the most blasé civilian affairs?

Well--

Syrus hoped those things shown through, and then he waited. The waiting had left him uncharacteristically nervous, the nebulous unknown that hung in the balance and someone else's hands. A issue with things being so utterly out of his own control unraveling at speed. It was out of his hands and he had to accept that this particular aspect of his fate lay in the black clawed, spiderlike digits of anothers---

In Faustite's hands.

Or Tama's paws--- apparently?

And his relief for learning, ultimately, some indeterminate amount of time later that Tama would be handling things. It was so great that it was practically tangible, exuded off him in waves like the melting of a permafrost come spring. He shouldn't've been so relieved--

And yet?

All cat, right there, in the office that would never be his. He thought it best to borrow Albites for the purpose, thought he looked good perched in all his blacks on the half-moon desk and facing great doors that had seen as much denting from rough usage as the desk in question saw chips in it's lacquer and cracks along it's sides from that same treatment.

He'd expected Tama to find him eventually, but ******** just how silent a cat could be on their feet! He thought they must've been perfect stalking, killing machines, even those of the magical space variety. He wondered what that meant for Senshi and how they were supposed to be? Now, an age ago, to be paired with such creatures --

To have been entirely dependent on them, once upon a time.

It was a question for later, for after.

"You know? This whole thing started with me being told that I needed to be--" his long nails restless in their staccato dance along the edge which he perched, "Ready, that is." re-crossing his legs with a sigh, with a pout on his lips, because of all the people worth lying to? Tama was not one of them. Tama who he respected, admired. Who he wanted to tease about the kiss he'd finally had with their General King and ask if anything had come of the party that came *after* the party they'd thrown over the murder of a Princess.

"And I was so reticent of being told, oh, absolutely anything? I don't particularly like being bossed around you know. Not by people who've no right to be bossing me about things that absolutely aren't their damn business---" the pause lingered, he unscrewed his face, smoothed the useless black bit of sash that left absolutely nothing to the imagination--

"Do you think I am?"

Asked Tama seriously. Met his gaze and sized him up as though he was far larger than the form that contained him presently.

"And please be honest with me. Just because I finally felt the urge to push for this doesn't really mean s**t in the end. You're the Mau here, and this is your field of expertise more than it'll ever be mine or anyone elses."

And I trust you -- those words left unsaid, a step too far for the moment, but he exuded the sentiment obviously enough that they need not be spoken at all.

Tama had it on the nose, Cryolite had never been more grateful to have a sympathetic ear, to know someone who understood with such clarity how hard it was to deal with tethering down a floating mind to Earth, especially one that would've preferred to treat all the universes problems with base animal instincts, rather than take the time necessary to think them through.

"As you should--it seems like one of those indelible joys of being a Mau, if I thought I had any chance of being reborn as one in my next life? Well...as a Senshi, I can dream, can't I?" wistful wanting and accompanying sigh, the slightest widening of his eyes for the words that came next from the Mau's lips; the dilation of excitement, of nerves, followed by a quieting deluge of 'what if's'. How all of them up in the air and prickling at his flesh until now. Faced with Tamas solemn, solid, confirmation. What more could he deny to himself of virtue, of worth? It was moments like these where Syrus thought instincts had their place, right here, right now-- in the way Tama regarded him slow and measured him up, giving him the answer he hoped and dreaded in equal measure. Regardless of whether he hoped or dreaded it!

He knew the cat was honest, always, especially now. Shifting sideways, palm braced against the table, across his own thigh, so he could lean over conspiratorial like. Letting the Mau have his fill of the view--

Letting his words be for Tama only.

"At first? It was just checking boxes, earning trinkets, collecting charms--I was doing the barest minimum, and most importantly? I was doing what I was told insomuch as I cared to...My superior is Albite after all, the burden to bear under him is neither heavy nor great, so long as I show up for the big stuff." there was the urge to reach for the cat, abortive as it was in his mind, to offer Tama the chance to slather his useless black garb in fluffy white furs. To offer his nails--magic acquired, and surely cat approved! He was never sure the Maus got enough of what they deserved in any measure, in praise, in thanks, in treats? Was certainly sure they deserved more for all they had to put up with. For all the Senshi bullshittery they had to endure..

"And believe me, I have shown. But in showing up? I've also learned that I am so very often terrified--" splaying his nails, clawlike, dark, swatting at insecurities he'd rather have seen pinned down beneath a sword and left to die. Invisible things. Fears that even the layers of thick ice he coated himself would couldn't keep out--if anything? It felt like the magic trapped them there, beneath flesh, and bone, and soul.

Trapped them there to rot and leave his very blood stagnate--

But here lay an out! Beautifully designed, full of purpose! Space-cat approved.

"I will never be the bravest, or the strongest, but? Recently I've found that --tsk...An oh-so nobly growing desire, to at least be able to be more useful to those I care about. In a far more protective fashion than I am at present. I mean, look at everything I am! And yet? I can only ever protect myself. What good does that even do..." high praise and loathsome pitfalls, Cryolite hissed for feeling suddenly held back, when before he'd wanted nothing at all to do with moving forwards! He realized in his stubbornness, that he could never be pushed further than he wanted to go, it had to be on his terms, his timeline, his desires...

He had so many reasons to desire more power now, to need use of it. Had garnered enough experience in the realm of being weak baggage to tote around? That here, in this, desiring change was such an evident thing that he should've been sporting full body bruises by how hard the obvious of it all had hit him.

But that would've meant telling Albite he was right, and Syrus would personally rather eat cat s**t---sooo...

"Not that I'm intending to amass a cult that worships ice; to feed, house, marry, and ******** any time soon? No offense to our glorious, blazing king, but? But---if it's just three or four people I care for deeply..." he waived it all off, tease and innuendo, in-jokes and fun. Smoothed the pinched line of his mouth too near to a scowl into something far more passive while still being a mile short of a true smile. Something thoughtful entering his eyes, cinching together across his features.

"Mmnnh..I think, maybe it's the act of admitting I care at all? It's new, it's solid, and I want to seize hold of it and turn it into something worthwhile before the roughness of this world calcifies it over with callouses anew..."

"If that's enough to make me worthy now, when none of the rest did? To make me believe I am, at least. Because I think I finally might."

Syrus thought there might’ve been quite a few fine points to being a Mauvian; that he could’ve counted them all on each slender finger, on every toe that lay tucked away into a magic-spun heel. That he would’ve run out of digits before he ran out of ‘pros to being a cat’ —

The world's least mundane, most magical, grandeur of a quasi-cosmic semi-deity. That the pros only grew with each passing second of further consideration.

Maybe in my next life?

A warm balm of a concept that sat light on his mind, that he took to as easily as preening under Tamas gaze. It was subconscious, nearly. To enjoy a gentler sort of admiring as he took in everything the Mau had to say.
Found new boxes to tick off, new marks to ace: desire, reason, ability beyond pure animal instinct. His own knowing, secretive smile for those words. The kind that touched his eyes and stayed there.

Until a stillness took him—

The snap-frazzle second of processing what he’d yet to face himself. Questions he’d dared not asked quite yet. Ones that Tama already seemed to instinctively know the answers to —

That the Mau threw at his feet effortlessly.

“So very wise—“ soft as trickling meltwater, and he shifted slightly, found an easier repose to take; perched as they both were on someone else’s desk? It felt right to get his boots up there. To use the whole of the space as if he owned it — as if a certain Martial Maid of a Senshi wouldn’t be by, at god's knew which, mysterious hours. To cleanse every boot-scrape and paw-print from the place entirely.

“Honestly, Tama? If I didn’t think it’d inflate your sense of self to some level beyond godhood. I’d accuse you of being a mind-reader, too…” the tease good natured, full of fondness, and he did finally dare to bridge that gap, to indulge his own desire to reach out and offer admiring scritches of his own. “Though— maybe you are? Mmhh…” the tilt of his head coy, his lashes long as they fluttered in thought.

“No. You definitely are. That’s just one more fact I’ll have to contend with, isn’t it? That — and acknowledging my chances of being hurt are as possible as my chances of being reborn as a magical cat in some distant timeline…“

“I’ll let you guess which one I’d prefer? Besides becoming a super in this life, that is.”

He was more than glad to have done something so simple as flatter the cat. To have batted his lashes and showered Tama with the sorts of praise Syrus thought he oft deserved, and quite possibly rarely received; given the massive flux of the team the Mau so readily served on.

Thought it was good to feel as though he'd at least paid some quarter of his dues forwards--

Considering all that he asked of the cat; of planets, alignments, upgrades to trinkets. Upgrades to his own form. More. Always something more. Just as greedy as the rest of them, no different from Albite, or Adam, or any other teammate. How little he sometimes felt he had to offer in return while mad-dash scrabbling for his own safe purchase atop the rickety pile of people beneath him.

In his civilian life---

Here. Now.

He promised himself he'd make use of this---

That Tama's efforts would be well spent and he'd make his icy-exterior unbreakable! Claw with his own brittle, human nails for the kind of prowess necessary to heal any and every wound. So that even if he did suffer harm in this life? The marks wouldn't shamefully show for all the world to see. He could hide them. Bury them deep. Set them under the same thick layers of ice that his mother moon was so ominously encased in.

It was an absolutely cracked plan, he knew. More holy than a colander run through with buckshot; but as Syrus dragged his Henshin Pen from subspace and presented it like a long abandoned participation trophy. He figured he'd seen worse plans pulled off, and in far more dire circumstances, too.

This was what he needed. This would be more than enough. More than fine.

And so would he---

Watching Tama's face blur beautifully. First into an array of melting colors, then into pitch black, then into nothing at all; just eyes, teeth, and a grin that told him how utterly silly and hopelessly young he was---

Not quite a fool. Still very easy on the eyes.

I'll always be pretty, wont I? That counts, doesn't it? I can use that too. Being this wane, pale, faye of a thing. As cool as the other side of the pillow--waspish---regal---

His looks, his threadbare connections, and the small world he'd built around them. The ways he'd made them work to fill the gaps where his intelligence lacked, and the voids where courage wouldn't come to conquer whatever willfull, spiked walls stood in his way. All of that. And the power he'd agreed partake of back when Faustite's hand was burning in his chest. That he'd continued to agree to when his dearest friend replaced the blazing monsters knife-like digits with his own far thicker ones in some wild-eyed Sovereigns borderline-terrifying venue.

'I can take everything they give me and use it as I please. Because it's mine. It was always meant to be mine!'

'And I'm going to take it.'

'Because I've earned it.'

'And it belongs to me.'

What did he care who granted the wish? A genie, a cat guised as one? Who really cared 'what' greater being he was required to serve in order to gain so much. When the point was in having, when the having made him whole, when every goal he'd ever imagined could be met by simply giving in--

And giving up the parts of himself that didn't matter nearly as much as the ones that mattered to those he cared most for.

For their sakes, he could do this.

And maybe just a little bit?

For his own.

It made it that much easier to let Tama work his magic. Falling headlong into fresh claws of darkness; the rake of them agonizing as a deep-sea plunge. Emerging from those same frigid depths breathlessly, shivering from the ache of it all---




----but remade anew!