|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2024 1:37 pm
Quote: Prompt 2 (Holiday Blues): One day, in the very early morning hours, a strange, bluish fog rolls in. It floats low to the ground and is incredibly dense and incredibly cold. Anyone who inhales even a single breath from this fog will be met with a sudden, harsh sensation of sadness. It’s the worst part of the holidays—the Holiday Blues. The fog slowly spreads through the town and is gone by mid afternoon, but the sensation of sadness, loneliness, and nostalgia may linger for longer than that. Scientists are explaining the bluish tint as just being a natural phenomenon, but in Destiny City, ‘natural’ isn’t really something anyone should expect. Today would have been a good day to stay inside.
Huanxi had not, previously, thought of himself as someone that was particularly in need of physical affection. Perhaps, though, that had simply been the result of a life generally without it--because now that it was regularly on offer, it felt as necessary as food or water after starving and thirsting, and it felt...right, to seek it, when he had found himself so overwhelmed by the ache of loss.
Besides that, Lianli's physical presence was a reminder that not all was lost. There was still someone who cared for him. Who called him zhiyin, who wanted him, loved him.
Their bedroom was quiet, and dark, and it seemed that Huanxi had been successful in not waking his partner--or at least that Lianli was still in bed. Good. That meant he could slide back under the covers himself, and cuddle close.
"Lianli?"
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2024 2:00 pm
Normally, yes, Liánlí was both an early riser and a creature of routines. For as much as his natural disposition lent itself so easily to a certain amount of “creative chaos,” he often found that he needed routines to undergird that chaos in order to maintain his best and most ideal sense of balance. Even so, every rule had exceptions, and sometimes, one needed to extend oneself some extra grace in one way or another. Such as by allowing oneself to sleep a little bit late sometimes.
Peacefully giving himself that chance for some extra rest, Liánlí had indeed not roused at all when Huanxi had first slipped out. Even when Huanxi slid back into bed and nestled closer to him, Liánlí remained largely unaware—until hearing his name cut through the sleep-haze. Summoned back to the realm of the mostly cognizant, Liánlí gave a soft little groan—very much a simple sound of waking up, rather than any indication of genuine discomfort—and drawn immediately to his zhiyin’s touch, he rolled over to face Huanxi.
……It was a bit of an artless process, Liánlí rolling over. But he hoped that leaning up for a gentle forehead nudge made up for that.
“Mmmn, morning, Huan-ge,” he mumbled, slithering his arms up and around Huanxi’s shoulders. “Sleep okay? Did you?”
(Táotáo, over in her own bed by the window, perked up briefly at the sound of Her People being active, after a fashion……but since Liánlí and Huanxi remained in bed for the moment, she quickly surrendered herself back to snoozing.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2024 2:17 pm
There was something immediately reassuring about Lianli's warmth, his presence, the feel of him in Huanxi's arms. Even if the melancholy that had wrapped itself around him in the fog still clung, there was at least some lightness in the knowledge that whatever else was in the world, he had this.
The question, however, made the corners of his mouth dip down in a small frown. He debated with himself, for a moment--was it worth it, to confess? Would he be burdening Lianli unnecessarily? But he had to believe that he was not a burden to his beloved; that Lianli would rather know.
"Not so well, no," he confessed, and he nuzzled at Lianli's hair, briefly. "Too caught up in my own thoughts. Went outside, hoped to clear my head...did not have good results." A quiet sigh of displeasure. "Very foggy." He paused, briefly, and considered.
"...Fog is not normally blue, is it?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2024 2:57 pm
Cuddles with Huan-ge had a certain magic about them, where they could be either perfect for calming down and falling asleep, or perfect for rousing and waking up, depending on the context that surrounded them on any given day. This morning, it proved to be the latter situation. Even before Huanxi admitted that he hadn’t slept well and confessed what had kept him from doing so—a revelation that made Liánlí coo in sympathy and start gently petting his hair, being very careful of Huan-ge’s highly sensitive antlers—Liánlí found himself waking right up so he could better appreciate this time with his zhiyin.
The question from Huanxi made him hum thoughtfully and shake his head. “Not usually blue, no,” he confirmed, nuzzling gently at Huanxi. “Doesn’t preclude Destiny City from throwing something like that together, though.… Which could be like—very sort of blinded by one leaf—oh, wait. Wait, no.” Wrinkling his nose like a frustrated bunny, Liánlí shook his head again, this time hoping more to clear his own thoughts. “Yī yè zhàng mù—wrong adage for right now. Better description of my attention span around Huan-ge than the fog thing. Literally means ‘a single leaf blocking the eyes,’ but we use it to say ‘distracted.’ Lot of people say it to mean ‘distracted by superficial things’ specifically, but—I don’t know? Being distracted by the beauty of nature like in the saying doesn’t seem so superficial to me?”
With a couple deep breaths, Liánlí steadied himself and his mind, then said, “Yī yè zhī qiū, ‘s what I meant to say. ‘The falling of one leaf heralds autumn’—or, more generally, single incidents can be part of larger threads.…… Trends, I mean.…… Like, maybe, the blue fog is part of something else going on, but maybe it’s Destiny City strangeness?”
Liánlí gently squeezed Huanxi around the shoulders. “The blue fog made Huan-ge’s thoughts foggy too?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2024 3:08 pm
There was a sort of simple delight in listening to Lianli speak. He talked so much, filled every void with his voice, and it felt a natural complement to Huanxi's own quiet reticence. As if they were meant to fill two halves of a conversation, and listening to Lianli muse his way through which idiom he meant to invoke, all the while stroking Huanxi's hair in a way that could not be anything but soothing, was already helping ground him from the sticky, cold sorrow that seemed to refuse to leave him.
And it was always a little charming to be reminded of the distracting affect he had on his beloved, which...if he was honest, was also true for him.
"Mm. Also find it hard to focus on other things when Lianli is around. Would much rather pay sole attention to him, regardless of other circumstances." Still, the rest of the explanation made sense, too. And the other saying--the one Lianli was actually looking for--felt...very applicable. Yes, there was often something small that heralded something larger, in this city. But he hoped that the fog was not such a thing.
"Mm. Yes, foggy is...one description. Have found myself wasting far too many thoughts on the past, and not enough on the present. Missing those who are lost, and preparing for..." He sighed, quietly. "Things that may or may not come. Grieving losses that may or may not have happened."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2024 6:37 pm
“Thoughts like that don’t sound wasted to me,” Liánlí countered gently, leaning up to press a soft kiss to Huanxi’s cheek, maybe a bit close to the corner of his mouth. His first impulse had, indeed, been to kiss Huan-ge’s mouth, but Liánlí didn’t trust himself not to get too lost in kisses right now. And at the specific moment, it felt like his mouth might be better used for reassuring Huanxi in other ways.
They could kiss later. Knowing them, they definitely would.
“Maybe it feels like a waste because those thoughts are sad, and not here in the moment,” Liánlí went on, trying to explain his thought processes. “But it’s like some of the things I’ve been talking about with Dr. Mjoli, when I go to her office for our sessions? Just because the past is over doesn’t mean it’s really past. I don’t really know? If human and Helenian memory work in the exact same way? With humans, though, sure, it makes us more comfortable to see time as a linear progression forward, except it’s not really how our brains work. There’s actually been some evidence in our scientific studies in the past few years, about how traumatic experiences can change our brains on even structural and chemical levels.
“So, even though we might be in one moment in the present, and feel so safe and happy overall, it might still hit us, that grief for what we lost, or who we used to be, or who we could’ve been without all the things in our lives that hurt us. Or the absence of people we love. Or, like……”
Liánlí hesitated briefly, wondering whether or not he should bring up the thing that he was thinking about. On one hand, the thought of doing so felt like he might detract from the very real pain that Huanxi was in now, some of which might have been created by the strange blue fog. On the other hand, though……maybe it would help Huanxi to know that he wasn’t alone.
“It’s like why I don’t do well with silence,” he said, gently resting a hand……somewhere in the sprawl of Perfect Face that sort of encompassed Huan-ge’s cheek, jaw, and a little bit of his neck. “Obviously not the exact same as Huan-ge’s situation, not at all, but……when I was growing up, silence was a punishment. Step out of line, you’d get locked somewhere quiet and dark, and then you’d get ignored. And if you made any noise, even if you needed something, that would only make it so much worse for you, make the punishment last longer and mean you had even more responsibilities to attend to later, when you finally got out. They even……”
With a soft, miserable sigh, Liánlí looked down. “My grandfather had a chain of little local markets in my old hometown, right? And he liked to stay on good terms with city law enforcement, in case anybody started trouble in or around his shops. He’d have his friends over to the house sometimes, and the cops in Boston—the ones in Destiny City, too—one of the things they’re supposed to be on the lookout for is people mistreating kids. There were a lot of times when I’d be getting punished, and just pray that something would fall, and break, and they’d open the door and find me……but I couldn’t get myself to just make a sound that might have saved me because it felt like……what if it didn’t? What if I just got punished more for it? What if Huang Zhìmíng decided me making noise meant punishing me was useless, so he took it out on one of my siblings instead?
“And, y’know, the last time that happened was over a decade ago? Happened hundreds of miles away. I moved here with Hayden when we finished school and I made a new life for myself, and it’s a good life, and I’m happy. Every moment I get to spend being my true self, living this amazing life, it’s a blessing that I’m so grateful for—even more so since getting to learn about being Kaifeng of Saturn, and getting to meet you. That’s why I always try so hard to see the bright side and celebrate the good things, right? But……”
As Liánlí’s voice hitched ever so briefly, he realized that his vision had started blurring with tears. Even so, he looked back up to meet Huan-ge’s eyes. He felt very strongly about what he was going to say, and he wanted Huan-ge to know that he meant it all so earnestly.
“But the bad things did still happen. Whether it’s everything that happened to Helene, and everything you lost, or every reason why, if I wanted to keep living, I had to get out of Boston and every reason why too much quiet makes me anxious, those bad things happened. They affected us. And the scars from experiences like that don’t fade so easily. And……Dr. Mjoli calls me out on this a lot, actually? Even grounding oneself in happier things, it’s better not to ignore thoughts like that, even when they hurt.” Gently, he reached up to tuck some of Huanxi’s hair behind his ear. “Feeling hurt, and sad, and grieving things that came before doesn’t cheapen the good things that you have now. Doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate them, or that they don’t mean anything. It just means that you’ve survived, and that sometimes, you’re not always strong, or not always okay. Letting yourself feel that is scary, and difficult, but it’s better than trying to cut yourself off from those feelings or pretending that they’re not happening.
“It’s okay, Huan-ge,” he promised, leaning up to once more press their foreheads together. “It’s okay for you to not be okay, or to share the pain and lean on somebody. This zhiyin won’t run scared from anything like that. And—I don’t have solutions for things that might or might not happen? But whenever we find the truth of them, I’ll be here for you. We can weather them together, no matter what happens.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2024 3:52 pm
The moment Lianli offered his words, Huanxi was glad that he had decided to share his burdens. The soft touch of lips to his cheek was reassurance, and he returned a brief kiss in kind, which was an act of willpower--he wanted to kiss Lianli breathless in thanks, but they had plenty of time for that.
So instead, he listened, and nodded along as Lianli explained--and when Lianli's hand came up to rest on his face, he moved his own to rest on top of it, a little extra point of contact between them while Lianli explained his fear of silence.
There was a rush of range in his chest at the description of the abuse Lianli used to suffer--a rush that he carefully shoved down, and expressed only by gently squeezing Lianli's hand. There was no way for him to undo the hurts that had been done to his Knight in the past, only to help ensure he had a better life in the future. something, it seemed, they could do for each other.
To that end, he turned and kissed the heel of Lianli's palm, when he noticed the tears welling in his eyes.
"Thank you," he said, quietly. "I will...try to take this to heart. Remember it, and remember that there is someone I can trust to share such burdens with."
And in case there was any doubt about who that was, he leaned forward to press their lips together for a kiss.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
