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 Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:03 pm
“You know, I just realized I’ve never been to your place? I don’t know what your rooms like, I barely know your hobbies—or—I know enough of them that if you *don't* leave me an excerpt that at least hints at the ending to your fictional series. I will be extremely cross with you…” he raised his eyes and fixed Matt with a look most pointedly, over the brim of a laptop and the reflective blue glow that made his slender features appear a bit more hollow and haunted than they had before the great reveal.
He didn’t know what the hell he was doing—if he approved—if his heart would survive Matt’s absence. He kept on typing away at an outline regardless of all his nagging woes…
“Livid, Matthew, love. I will be livid…tsk…I almost feel like we should pick out rings? Are promise rings silly? Pointless? I really can’t tell....should we just elope? I will be putting all of this down by the way.” To write things classically and by hand was certainly lovely as it was neat, but Syrus lacked the time for that, felt every minute of every moment tick by crushingly. It burdened him greatly to even consider making the monumental task they were undertaking even more challenging than it needed to be.
So— an encrypted file on laptop—a micro sd card that it would be copied to after the fact so that a hard copy did exist of the digital would exist in more than just the one form.
He wanted to ask Matt ‘what will you tell your family?’ He wanted to ask him if he was really, truly, absolutely sure. The parts of him that held doubts and loathing and small ounces of abandonment all melted together into one demon core center of a feeling. He thought he’d know the answers to those questions and he feared them all in equal measure. Better to just get on with all of this than spend another month marinating in each others presence and waiting on *everything* to align like planets and stars….
He wasn’t a mystic or superstitious in those regards. He also thought they needed more dill and chive chips, and that he maybe needed another beer—pear flavor being the only low grade barely alcoholic one he would tolerate. He didn’t need to be drunk for this, couldn’t be, but water didn’t quite cut through the saltiness in the same way.
“It’s your entire life after all filtered through a needle eyes view—who else are you telling besides me by the by?”
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:08 pm
"I live with my father," started Matthew, with a quiet laugh. It was as much of an explanation as it wasn't; he tried so determinedly to keep everything about being part of the Negaverse away from being a civilian that he kept Syrus away from Dad to perhaps a sad extent. By the same token, it did mean that they got considerably more privacy than they would have otherwise. "Still use the same room that I did as a boy, just modified. Still have some of the FOB posters I hung as a kid, though that band is still in. Not as much with Taking Back Sunday…"
Perhaps he should have introduced them to help with this mourning period. There was still time, admittedly; would that be smart, or would continuing to keep them apart help make sure he'd be able to immerse himself back in Syrus's life in some way without leading to suspicion when Syrus didn't seem sad enough? They knew he was dating someone. Or someones.
They would certainly be surprised if he was suddenly married.
The concept of eloping with Syrus brought a little smile to his face. Promise rings also did, admittedly; for as much as they got an interesting reputation considering their link to overly religious people and purity culture, perhaps they were promising each other here. Promising that they'd find each other again. Promising that they'd stay together. Promising that perhaps they would still be married. Rings would make that not quite engagement feel a bit more real.
"Would getting married right before I vanish seem a bit suspicious?" Matt glanced askance toward Syrus. "Promise rings could have a personal meaning, point out what we intend to do even when I'm over there. Cute. Something that could drive in what we are even if my memory is loose. I like it. But would that be equally as suspicious? A new ring that Waru doesn't have an explanation for?"
He supposed it would be less suspicious than getting married via eloping. That felt like the most suspicious.
This sucked.
He dramatically flopped back against the armrest of the sofa rather than wallowing again. "You and Nikki are the only two so far. I'll be telling my relatives right before I slip out to minimize their pain and their ability to stop me. My sister got kidnapped once–found, mind–and it already feels awful I'm going to be disappearing similarly."
Except more permanently. Orah at least returned once. Matt? He would be a ghost, never to be seen again. And he really couldn't reveal himself to them on the other side, could he? The Negaverse would probably be watching.
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:11 pm
“You might — I might have you add their personal details after, full names, age, ect. I don’t intend to pry for more than is necessary, but? In case you ever want it after. Like invisible ink to my own eyes—” He took the rest of it all down, quick little bursts of fingers over keys, eyes casting above the glow occasionally, a smile for one interest or another — a frown for hearing he had a sister who had been kidnapped. Poor thing — there he was bitching about his loss and what if Matt’s family? Their love and their needs.
If only he’d been born a less selfish soul.
“And? I’ve decided I don’t actually care if it’s even the slightest bit suspicious. I absolutely do want a ring—“ and he wasn’t sure if he’d seemed serious enough before when he’d fiddled with those words. Syrus didn’t falter now though, as he said it, seemed to gain confidence as he fidgeted with a loose strand of blond that had slipped from its tie and into his periphery.
He’d need a haircut once more, maybe soon? He wasn’t even sure if he could go to Aramis for these simple sorts of things anymore — not now — not since one more inevitable piece of impossible changes had befallen them. He shouldn’t have been surprised that everyone who lived in Warus outer orbit ended up sucked to the center at some point or another. It was a wonder Lina had managed to escape that pull…
But she had her own deep well of a world so far down and separate from theirs. He was sure none of this would’ve phased the woman. She might even have delighted in it rather uniquely.
“No, let me rephrase. I want to exchange rings, so that’s at least two rings isn’t it? We’ll have to work out the details of that before you flit off into obscurity and the great as to me unknown. Colors - shapes - sizes — I can pull up a catalog once we’ve got most of the particulars of this drafted up. I want— we need to ensure that your writings are saved, I don’t care if your memories fail you, your talents shouldn’t. Any creative endeavors should be thoroughly preserved—-“
“Also? I’ll pay—-“ and the smile for that, a soft pin against the board. A threat as much as a promise, he wanted his security blanket. Wanted it wrapped in silver and swaddled in sapphire — diamonds were a girl's best friend, but he didn’t need them as a centerpiece around his finger. He did need reassurance though, the kind he could hold in Matt’s absence and keep as more than words he’d have to mostly omit from his own mind and hide once he’d committed to the once he cared most for. “—I’m serious about this. Order can have your starseed and cosmos can have your mind and Niki, bless her stunning pink soul — she can have your *body*. But this is going to be mine. An exchange of hearts…it seems poetic enough that even Faustite might weep for it. I hear he likes those kinds of things—poetry—lovers…“ a shrug to hide how ill he felt at losing the closest thing he had ever felt to that same sort of poetically eternal love.
He could tell himself it wasn’t fair a thousand times over, it changed nothing, the world spun on.
“If I need to play something off..there was..and I meant to mention this before…but—-“ a moment of frustration, of being flustered at himself, because this — this was about Matt and he was asking Matt questions!!! “There was a mission, small little slight of a thing done out of boredom and ease and—there was a very hot professor though. I’ve never been more glad to *not* be a student there, of science at least. I’d never show up to class for the sake of avoiding that man’s eyes.” And the name briefly escaped him, but the vibe? It was almost as though — as if his dearest friend Waru had exactly as much brain as he did brawn, Syrus found the combination devastating in a way. Not nearly as devastating as losing one of the few rare souls he felt he could truly be himself around! B u t!! He scrubbed his face with his palms as if it’d kill the innate and deep desire to distract himself from the reality on the screen in front of him — the one sprawled close enough to touch while feeling so far gone.
“I am also going to need — for my sanity — a very vague deadline. I’m sure you’ve been thinking about one the last few days, about which thing will tip your scales in one direction or another. It means I should meet with Nikki again sometime soon….maybe at the library again? Gods—is this what it feels like to be Waru, suddenly there is no time and only now do I have all the words in the world to say to you! What is wrong with me.” and he was almost terse sounding, with himself, as ironically upset as he was realizing Nikki would be his one and only contact once Matt fell into the dark – ah ‘the light’.
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:13 pm
It was funny how many words Syrus had now considering that the two of them were usually content in their silence, but perhaps it fit their overarching rhythm better than anything else had. Their quiet around others led to their whispers to each other and boisterous drinks over wines that Syrus had been aging for years. This incident lacked the jocularity, but it was much the same, wasn’t it? It was still … them, and it was still Syrus, scraping for whatever he could, scraping for a semblance of normality and perhaps at least solidifying what they had been proposing to each other all-along.
Ida had said she couldn’t tell him what the right decision was, but agreed that having a fiancé would absolutely make things more complicated. It did. It absolutely ******** did. His family was complex enough. Syrus understood why Matt needed to leave–but Syrus was also willingly stepping into the breach.
“Avoid seeking them out, if I give you that much info. It’ll have to be invisible ink to you and to anyone around you. I’d hate for them to be hunted down. I was recruited because of who I knew, and that includes them.” He fidgeted.
Dad would hate not knowing who Matt’s apparent fiancé was. Perhaps it wouldn’t matter.
Fiancé apparent. Wild.
His laughter was quiet and soft as he glanced to the side, having trouble keeping eye contact even as much as he wanted to lose himself in the ice and sanguine. “I mean, I’m not protesting. I know what we said in those initial hours and I’m not interested in walking it back. Just surprised you’d want to commit yourself to me like that when we’re in this situation – and yes, babe, I know you’re a ride-or-die b***h. It’s just the whole principle of the thing.” The concept of Nectaris getting his body also drew a quiet laugh–if he meant for cuddles, maybe–but it was the principle of the thing. It was the concept, the reality he was swirling around.
Wait–he met a professor? His lips upturned.
Sounded about right.
“You are quite attracted to brains. Even Waru’s sharper than he seems, just not with books.” Unfortunate for Fulgurite, really. Albite was the one who had sniffed him out before betrayal of any sort was even a thought in his head. “You should tell me more about the professor. Maybe you could make him seem all poetic too if that’s what you’re going for with us.” Was Syrus going to blame Matt going missing on some foolish attraction, or a distraction that caused Syrus to miss something happening to him?
Honestly, Fulgurite would have to trust his plan. What else did he have at this point? Laying himself down and waiting for the guillotine blade to fall on his neck? Perhaps even in a more gruesome spot–
The timeline. Right.
“Don’t know, really. I feel like I should get out of here as fast as possible, but is some point too fast? And how soon should I tell my family? Do I want to give myself some lead time to craft the perfect meeting or just go the family tie equal of cold turkey? Do I need to get back in contact with a princess first? There’s Ida, and there’s Cybele, at least – I’ve talked with Ida at length because something about her seems like someone I should talk to –”
Shut up, Matt.
“By Metallia,” god, “I’m babbling. I’m not sure. It’s complicated. This all is. Can we take this one step at a time?”
Storytime. Then rings. Then crying until he truly was the Kool-Aid man filled with tears–
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:29 pm
“I’d love to take this one step at a time, but what you’ve proposed to me – with no less than three days time to *prep* – Oh, love…There’s no control herein, save for how ready you are when the time comes. It is all or nothing. You could set your personal ‘slipping free the chaos noose’ for three months from now, only to find the veritable ax coming down on your head tomorrow….” he sympathized immediately, immensely, would’ve rather sat and gossiped and gone on about the slightly older man he’d run into at the college; well built, bold, sure of himself around chemistry books. Nearly overconfident, actually, but he liked that in all his men. Liked that same character about Nikki, too. For all that they clearly had differing tastes in room aesthetics and color pallets, she was honest and true to a fault and that was oh so very appealing.
He almost wished he could’ve had her here now, to cut through to the bone and marrow of things, to rid the fat and cook off the meat of the matter into digestible parts. He might’ve been going overboard, knew that Matt might’ve found his requests too much and too fast for all the anarchy that was going on right now. It took effort to rein that in, just enough, at least, to set the laptop aside and give Matt an unobstructed view of himself, as a whole, instead of behind a barrier of a screen.
“So whatever you’re going to do, whatever we’re going to do? We’re going to do it right now, so that when the time comes – because you’ve removed all ‘if’s from this scenario– *when* it happens, you’ll be as ready as you need to be. Your family will know, your work’s will be safe, the parts of you you’d hate to lose. I won’t panic unnecessarily if one day I call and find I can’t reach you anymore. If someone higher up than, oh, Waru – rings your bell and finds no one is home.” He wanted to smile, to match Matts uneasy laugh with one of his own, to be able to drag levity into the situation instead of being oh so sincerely severe – he wanted more to be able to pick one of the spinning moods off his two toned color wheel of emotions and stick to it. The way everything flipped one way and flopped another.
He’d never expected something like this to be so hard. Oh, logically, yes, he knew – but emotionally?
“You take that princess plunge whenever it feels right to you, I’ve no argument against that, but? You don’t wait until then to finish all of this – you have your affairs ready – settled – and then you take all the time you need once that’s done. You enjoy your leisurely beach strolls and gentle dates past midnight as you please, because you’ll be ready to jump when the itch hits you…” emotionally it was draining to unknown degrees and he sighed between bouts of speaking, between inhales of one feeling and exhales of another, he talked – he felt - more than he had in a lifetime. Enough for two lifetimes. His and Matts own. The one he had now and the future he was possibly giving up by going along with this. Though being acknowledged as a ride or die certainly bolstered that soft little spark of pride that sat ever at his own iced-blue center.
“You make sure whichever princess is doing this is ready too. I’ll not see you blamed and maimed because whoever it is just so happened to be sleeping in the second you needed her…” he didn’t know the particulars, didn’t want to, wasn’t about to ask. There were names his lover was going on about and he forgot them as quickly as they were mentioned, pulled an outright ‘Waru’ and cut those names down to the ‘purple flower girl’ and ‘the deer one’ – not that it mattered since there were only so many princesses and all of them were likely known. Lysithea, for one. It wasn’t any of his business which one Matt went to, so long as it was handled in such a way he’d not need to be worried about him finding them at all.
He was sure Nikki was a go between, a contact somehow, one other name no more dangerous to know than all the others lining the gold embossed wanted list.
“Still–you’re right. One topic at a time, right now. Theres no hounds at our door and I shouldn’t be lecturing you like there are some! Honestly I’m being a bit ridiculous—maybe as a reward for all our hard work, if we get through enough of this in order? I’ll try my hand at waxing poetic about the man who absolutely schooled me—I’ve still pictures actually! It’ll be our little treat.” acquiescing to the one while setting the topic of rings aside, for the moment, his sudden desperation to commit formally. If it was fear of loss and longing, if it was something he needed to examine within himself a while more before settling on ‘why’ – oh, that pressing why that demanded here, and now of all things, without further thought, without any thought at all if he could help it. Maybe he wouldn’t wear the thing? Maybe he’d keep it in a drawer, a lock box, at a bank that wasn’t currently ashes in the center of the city. Only to occasionally pull it out to admire what could have been, if the worst case scenario occurred and no amount of backed up data could ever bring the Matt he’d once known back. If he couldn’t win Matt back after some amount of his memories were gone…
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:32 pm
Syrus was reminding him of the nausea and the panic deep down, and he wasn't wrong for that. He was absolutely correct for that. But it sure did make him swallow hard when Syrus gave him the oh honey, and the reminders that they were doing this all and doing this right. He had given three days for a reason. Three days.
Three goddamn more.
But the route that he was proposing sounded a little bit less scary than what he was trying to reinforce initially. Matt thought he had to break and run right away, but perhaps he didn't have to. They didn't have suspicion of him now, and they may not have suspicion of him for a while. Getting all of his affairs in order so he can jet when he needed to was probably the best decision.
Thinking the word jet brought fear to his mind.
Right. That was the guy behind the beheading he was most familiar with. The beheading of another person interpreted to be betraying.
Who was betraying. Who had been drenched in the chaos just a few minutes prior. If he wasn’t careful, that could be him next, and it was part of why he was relieved Syrus was so ride-or-die. Matt could be reckless more often than he cared to admit, for as meticulous some of the plots he wove textually were. He knew Syrus. And maybe agreeing to practically wed himself to someone who had to betray his entire faction was a reckless decision, but Syrus himself wasn’t. He had no doubt in his mind that Syrus would make sure Matt had every single affair in order that he could.
To be honest, perhaps some would consider it reckless once more that he was trusting a Negaverse corrupted senshi with this. Perhaps there was a deep down part of him that knew that there were very few people he could trust as much as Syrus. Perhaps an even deeper part of him knew that this couldn’t be the end.
It couldn’t.
“I’d like to see them,” Matt’s eyes sparkled as he attempted to make himself look forward to something else to get through the worst of it. But was this really the worst? The worst would likely be that moment he felt so much of himself just leak away. For all that Order spoke of saving people, and considering what the Negaverse did perhaps they were, it came at a severe price. But if he even wanted a chance at living–
How long could he delay in general? When would General-King Faustite come knocking? Would the fact that he hadn’t done any of his assigned mission beyond the preliminary give him away before they ever realized the bank affair? He already knew from Syrus they were seeking out the mole and that was likely the test–
Why did he do this to himself? Matt really only had himself to blame for any of this, didn’t he?
“Then maybe we can look at some rings. Just … something very light first. Distracting from this. I do like admiring hot people of all genders.” He fidgeted. “But you’re right. If I’m going to be uncertain about when to actually move forward, everything needs to be ******** set for when I do need to break for it. Or hopefully it can just happen as much as we can plan for when we’re on the other side of the apocalypse.”
Matt resisted humming to himself. It worked, mostly, but exposed that he definitely was still a Fall Out Boy fan–
“But. Where should we start with this, then?”
He paused.
“Well, wait,” he took the fact that Syrus was facing him fully for a moment to press a finger under his chin and beckon his head downward so their lips could meet.
After a minute and a quiet sigh, he continued, “Now.”
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2024 9:38 pm
“Now–” the kiss soothed his sharper edges, wore down that outer ice, he melted for it somewhat softly, wanting more than just a minute, but? The hands of time were ticking away, seconds eating minutes and hours down into nothing— so he shoved that want aside. Licked it off his lips, and got right back to typing. To disseminate the more important parts of Matt’s life, to pair them down and parcel them out into the parts he’d care for most.
To find that oh so frayed starting point and nail it down. It wasn’t easy, at all, those first few hours, plucking at Matt’s mind for what he was comfortable with giving up or keeping aside. Asking after snapshots of moments of memories, how Syrus argued that pure data had its uses, its purposes, but the core of a person was encapsulated in the feel of his most important times. Syrus found himself wanting to know more than just Matt’s family's surnames, heritage, legacy, and whether the man's mother was still alive and in the picture or not.
“How you felt when you were forced to join, if you ever went to prom, your regrets…I assume for my own peace of minds sake that *someone* will be there to rebuild you on the other side. I’ll assume that’s Nikki for the ease of it all, but? Chaos is oh so very seductive…and you’re a writer…I look at everything we’re taking down and I feel like the narrative of the emotions in this would speak to you more than the bare facts…” he wondered how Nikki felt that she couldn’t remember anything, for all that Waru had wound on and on about her sameness at her core, clearly there were parts of herself that were different! That maybe she wouldn’t want to remember, or have been immortalized, or…
“The facts will be a very nice foundation to lay those feelings on, if at all it matters for you to remember them in the aftermath of this. Mnnh..it’s very much as close to writing a bibliography as it is a memoir isn't it? A very brief, succinct, mix of the two…it’s almost difficult to choose what to leave in and what to leave out of the outline,” he stole Matt’s space, his side, left the laptop perched between them for lines to be added, for dialogue to be poured in around the bones of a man he was getting to know while realizing this little bit would never be enough to slake his thirst of him.
He finally broke out his phone when he felt the need for a break coming on, for that urge to pause because it hurt knowing Matt had suffered, struggled, would struggle more, most likely and he had to trust in unseen others to ease all of that, because he was a coward in some ways for not going with him *now*— He just had to keep telling himself Nikki would have it as she had long before he’d arrived and he had nothing to worry about in doing this.
“Apparently his name is professor Castaneda, forgive me – Dr. Castaneda…we can look him up, if you want to take five?”
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