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It had been a rough week with everything and he’d barely managed to make it upstairs to bed. Part of him missed his little cot and that small dark room he could hide away in. Something had been up with his youma, they’d been acting different and it was worrying. He’d gotten a set of earrings while working with them and ever since he’d given them a crystal to snack on after helping his sister in the Rift, they had started to change. Growing larger and speaking more than just clipped phrases. A voice he’d tried not to remember, warped with another that had been entangled with it as he’d run before. Thoughts of what had happened in the past were trying to creep in as he lay down, keeping quiet so as not to wake Liam up. The clock glowed faintly letting him know it was already three in the morning, he only had a few hours to sleep before he’d have to be up again for work. Reaching over, he set the alarm on it before curling up on his side, holding the earrings in his hand. They would help maybe, give them a way to see what was going on in his head. But he didn’t want to subject anyone to that all at once, especially not Liam.

Closing his eyes to rest, he fell right to sleep before putting the earrings on the nightstand. Exhaustion made quick work of things, and at first, it was fine. But in the darkness he saw the familiar flicker of a flame, he knew what this was. Knew that if he turned around he’d see something he didn’t want to see anymore. Stuck here, with smoky wisps drifting around him. The smell of burnt skin and feathers sent him reeling back and trying to run again. Running further until he couldn’t breathe, smoke choking him as he tried to get the words out. Even if it never listened, he still tried begging for it all to stop. It felt so real, so painful as he sunk down into the blackened earth. Clawed hands pulled him down, digging into him viciously. It was the same start, the same motions that he could never escape and he knew where it would go next. He wanted Liam here, to pull him out but nobody was ever here to help him in these nightmares. It didn’t even help that he knew that’s what they were anymore, it didn’t make it any better. It didn’t stop him from being afraid.

He felt something, like the whole thing was shaking and he woke up with a gasp. Jumping slightly from the shock of things, he sat up in bed and looked around. Heart beating quickly as he tried to take a few deep breaths to calm down, looking over at Liam and feeling bad for waking them. “Nightmare… sorry.” Holding a hand to his chest, he felt that tightness that always came after these things. It had been a while since the last one, he’d almost forgotten about it.

Feeling a p***k of metal, he opened his hand and looked at the earrings. He’d been so tired he’d forgotten to put them on the nightstand. Hesitating for a moment he showed them to Liam. “I think.. I can show you things with these. I got them while working on something, they are supposed to be able to let two people show images or things to each other. But neither of us have pierced ears.” He also wasn’t sure exactly how things worked either, he also realized that they were probably tired and none of this would really settle in.

Leaning into them he still just took a moment to calm down.

“I know, you woke me up before the worst part of it. I know that it was all in the past.” It still hurt though and he still didn’t like it coming out to shake him up like that. Taking a few more deep breaths he focused on them and tried to keep calming down.

“I got them from someone I was working within the Rift. Just a curiosity they gave me since I helped with some youma.” He’d gotten used to doing just that, leading people through the Rift to find what they were looking for and avoiding what youma they could. Pulling one of the earrings separate from the other he held it up for them to take. “You know a bit, from when things just fall out when I fall apart. I have no idea how to pierce an ear though but I want to do it. It might make it easier but you need to let me know if it is too much for you.” It was too much for him and he was the one who had experienced it all but it would be easier than getting himself to say the words.

“It can but luckily they have been less frequent since moving up here. I think it might just be the stress, I have one last final to run this morning and then I have a few months off from some of my responsibilities until the next semester starts. We can go before that or after?” Looking over at the clock, there were only another two hours before he’d have to wake back up, he was so tired and he could feel it all over.

“I wonder if I could get my TA to cover… So I could rest some more. Then I could have some tea and we could go back to sleep. I wonder if I should get both pierced, I think they have to be together to charge back up between uses. At least I can hide them with my hair.” Reaching up and ruffling Liam’s hair for a moment, he gently pulled a lock of hair down to see if it would cover their ear. “Hrm.. almost but not quite. I do like your hair this length though.”

“Okay, I can do that then. She should be fine, she has been really good at covering when I get run down or sick.” Reaching over and grabbing his phone, he shot off a few messages and made an excuse for illness from the weather. It was pretty well known at this point that he had lung troubles in winter, even if he still hated acknowledging it. Liam had cornered him over that and he was still conflicted on the whole thing. Settling back down against Liam, Aloysius kissed them softly. “Yes tea, I think there is still some chamomile to help me sleep.”

Smoothing their hair down with a few passes of his hands, he pushed a bit behind their ear. “I know you like it a bit shorter, I like the messy look. Though I know it may not match what people expect of an accountant.” It was a bit unfair but he understood, if he hadn’t kept his own appearance so prim and proper there wasn’t as much wiggle room to have his hair as long as it was. But being a teacher allowed for a lot more room than other professions.

“If you can get Mel to stop popping in unannounced, that would help a bit. Things have gotten better between us but I am still a bit wary that she will set me off again like last time. The fact that she just lets herself in is the biggest part of it, it is like I have no privacy in my own home.” He sighed and it turned into a yawn. Taking a moment to pull the ribbon from the end of his braid, he shook it out and smoothed what he could down. He was feeling mostly okay now, other than being dead tired. It was really nice to have them here to wake him and make sure he was okay.

Curling into himself a bit at the resurgence of the doctor topic, he felt bad. “The Rift sucks time away sometimes and I lose track, it is more often that I find myself only getting back late at night more often than being sick. I cannot really tell my TA that I am run down because of that though, can I? One thing at a time, please. We will find a doctor in time but after the holidays. I doubt there would be any openings anyway before the year rolls over.” Pushing it off just a bit more to give himself time to sort things out.

“I can clean just fine, we can do that today after things. I would rather not have a stranger rooting through my things. I know I need to fix up all the sheet music now that tutoring is over for the semester.” Waving away the topic his eyes drifted over to the nightstand and he thought about the pack of cigarettes in the drawer. “Not yet…please. Let me at least get through the packs I have before the upheaval. I have four packs left…” At least he thought he did, they were scattered through his home, offices, and one in subspace.

He looked up at them with a sad little look on his face as they got up. “Please give me just a bit of time, not just plunge into things like with the alcohol, I do not want to get sick again like then.” It had been so rough then, the vomiting and shakes he’d had for a month added to how he had felt like his emotions were going in all different directions for even longer after that. He wouldn’t have the luxury of having a few months off this time to handle it either.

“Not as much as I used to though, since I started eating more often.” Shifting slightly he pulled the blanket up and around himself. He ran a hand over his collarbone and down his chest, having to press in a bit to actually feel it and his ribs. It felt better, just one step at a time as he could manage things. He knew they were right but he wanted to take it slow, he couldn’t handle quick changes like this. “Maybe… we can convince Mel to do it? She is more likely to listen to you than me.” At least she was family and if she found anything he could maybe figure out a way to keep her from sharing things.

Pilling a few pillows behind his pack, he leaned back into them and relaxed a little bit. Seeing his phone light up with a notification that was just a thumbs-up symbol from his TA. He’d send her something for lunch later on for the help, she’d been a godsend this semester and he would have her for at least another semester if not another year.

“They might be too much for me..” Doing the math in his head, he figured he only smoked four or five a day except when things were really bad. He had never really cleared a whole pack in a day except for a few times, one of which Liam had seen the aftermath of. “I also… think it is more than the nicotine too but..” Trailing off as he shook the memory away before it formed completely. Taking the cup, he sipped it slowly as he watched them. Liam had been pushing more, trying to get him to do more. He wasn’t sure how to feel, he’d been comfortable in the day-in and day-out cycle of his life. It had changed a bit as it went from them just coming over to fully moving in after their lease had ended but otherwise, there had still been a schedule of sorts he’d stuck to. Something that he could just focus on and keep running through, leaning on the regularity like a crutch.

“Please be a bit more gentle with me though… at least in this.” He was a creature of habit if nothing else and shaking things up wouldn’t been fun. He was just so tired though, he really couldn’t fight back much it felt like. There was always so much to do but… rest sounded nice… maybe he deserved a bit of it. Just a few hours maybe before getting back to being productive.

“Thank you, I’m glad you’re able to get her to back off a bit. Nothing I say holds any weight to her, though she’s gotten past the point of throwing things at me in anger at least.” He’d done what he could to help her and it was starting to work out a bit at a time. At least she was able to use her magic now so he could worry a bit less about her and Benitoite had been taking care of her training as well.

Finishing up his tea, he reached over and set his cup next to their glass before sliding down to the bed. The pile of pillows he had built up getting thrown here and there as he pulled Liam in close. Fingers twisting around a lock of their hair as he got comfortable. “Yes, since I do not really fall into the heavy smoker category. I need it for more than the nicotine and those reasons cannot be solved with patches. We can figure it out, I know that is what the end goal is but it also does not have to be a race.”

Yawning a bit more, he settled against them and closed his eyes. “Just a little more rest then we can head out.” The words were drawn out and quiet as he started to pass back out, the little energy he had from being startled away had finally run out.