[R] Know the past to understand the present [Waru/Aelius]

[Kolina]

Quote:

Takes place in early November

Aelius had been going through life. Did what was expected of him. Went to work. Followed through with his obligations and quotas. Put on a show for those around him that he was doing well enough despite the hole that left him feeling lost and alone. Even Waru’s presence in his apartment brought about little response. In fact, Aelius just didn’t bother to even show his displeasure with the man. Instead, letting him continue to sleep in a bed that had, at one point, been Aelius’s. Instead, he’d relegated himself to the couch. A couch that looked in dissaray with the throw pillows piled to one side and the throw blanket half spilling to the floor.

In fact, the apartment as a whole was left to be however it was left. The one tell-tale sign that he wasn’t alright. That things were too much. He couldn’t bring himself to expend the energy to keep up with keeping it perfectly clean and orderly. Even Waru’s messes in the kitchen were ignored.

None of it really mattered anymore.

As a result, Waru was likely the only one to see that Aelius wasn’t alright, considering he was the only one left in the dancers life to catch a glimpse into the facade that Aelius put on beyond the front door. But, Aelius couldn’t only extend himself so far and being out in the world, presenting himself as ok and put together left nothing for him to dredge up at home.

The young man stepped into the apartment. Keys tossed into the bowl on the counter. Tired and over the day, Aelius slipped out of his coat. Hanging it and his bag up by the door, he kicked off his shoes underneath the coat rack. Pausing, he reached into the bag and pulled out a small back notebook before walking over to the couch, grabbing the blanket and curling up in the corner of the grey piece of furniture. The throw he pulled up and over bent legs, hiding arms underneath to help stave off the cold of the apartment. He’d yet to turn the heat on despite the chill beginning with the onset of late fall.

Perching the book on his legs, Aelius began to write in the small book. The movement of pen on paper helped. Maybe it was the texture, sensation, or just the pure simplicity of it all, but Aelius found his small notebook useful the past month or so. He penned anything and everything in it. Thoughts. Opinions. Letters to others that would never see the light of day. It eased the continuous aches within him, if only temporarily.

A sound caught his attention. He paused mid sentence. Waru was here. Like a desperate secret, Aelius closed his little book and shoved it under the pillows behind him and into the crevice between the couch’s arm and cushion. The pen joined it.

“I thought you might be out on patrol.” Aelius spoke loudly enough that if Waru was here, he’d hear. It was late enough, after all. Darkness had fallen a few hours ago.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

“I thought I would be too…”

If any of this kept up much longer he’d have to call Hestia for the sake of keeping the place from becoming something fetid and abandoned in spite of two grown a** people living there. Scratch that, two men, one Bean (Aelius Mau if he’d ever get over himself enough to put a star on the cat's forehead!), Cerbs (whenever the bird popped through to pester him, not that Waru would ever tell Aelius!). So, like, nearly four people. It was a lot, the mess was sprawling, Aelius looked to be spiraling.

Waru was at a loss. For words, and thoughts, and to do anything other than peek out of the room through Aelius open door and find the steel to pad barefoot into the adjoining short hall, frumped up and dressed down and looking for all the world comphy in spite of the fact that he probably should’ve been out. The ******** could he go out though? Could he even allow himself that when the place was so cold he needed to wear layers indoors, when Aelius clearly didn’t own enough blankets to constitute living comfortably!

“But you know how it is, you get distracted by one thing and it leads to another and who knows where the ******** all the time goes after that….”

When everything he could imagine having tried had ultimately failed— Not a damn bit of it was fair to Aelius. There was no way he could just go out on patrol, at least, not tonight, as slow small ideas reared their ugly heads and curled into something bright enough to warm his movements. The way it took his brain far too long of seconds to realize that warmth was their news acquisition curling around his ankles and slipping past with faint, welcoming mewls.

Such a good cat—

“I think—Bean is going to kill me in my sleep if I don’t clean this place up some. You should’ve seen Haybaby those first few weeks, the way he had the run of the place when I wasn’t home. The amount of yellow jackets I went through – the washing machine broke – and then? I haven’t been able to own anything in that exact shade ever since, it brings back the thought of the smell. Don’t believe what Faustite said about that one – it’s a damned good color on me…” he winced as he spoke, felt the error of the words he wished to retract but decided that making a big deal out of saying Faustites name would only make it worse. He was tired of tip-toing over eggshells and hidden cookie crumbs in Aelius carpet while standing around him—

He wished–

Gods, he wished for a lot of things from Aelius specifically; for the rant to end all rants, for the five hours of vengeance against the ex level of speeches! If Aelius would cry, or scream, or move, or do anything other than exist like a ghost of the man that hated him on a bad day and was jealous of him on a good one. He would’ve really taken the ‘hating him’ part right about now, that would’ve at least felt like a cathartic sort of progress!

“Whatever–you look…You look miserable, okay? S’got me thinking I should cook us something. Yes, cat you too. You know she’s never gonna become a proper Mau just loafing around like this! Just lookit that face–” if he could’ve tucked the kitten into Aelius rib cage until she evolved a magical star and then granted him eternal wings with the power of love, claws, and Metallia’s influence! ******** knew he would’ve! As everything stood, the most he could do was gently scruff bean off the kitchen counter where she certainly didn’t belong – that spot was reserved for unruly husbands, ex-husbands, and mopey Aelius’s – and gently lay her atop Aelius bundled, trundled, throw-blanketed form.

“Dinner, for us, for her, and then? I think we need to talk—and before you piss yourself in a panic! It’s not about anything serious, okay? Well–not serious to you at least. It might be serious for me! Your place is seriously devoid of ‘you’ and we need to fix that. We need to fix it for Bean, Aelius. We can all do it together, right bean? *Thats right Waru–*” he unashamedly put on a ‘cat voice’ even as he gave the two his back and started his own version of cleaning.

The pillows got thrown back on the couch where Aelius laid, the counter crumbs and cooking trash got scooped into his hands – and then he realized it was easier to just get the trash can out from under the sink and use a rag – it was at least a valid attempt at a start!!
 

[Kolina]

Right. Distracted. It was an easy thing to happen. Happened far too often for Aelius anymore. His distractions were for engrossing himself in ‘projects’ to try and fill time. Keep his mind wandering to far less appealing thoughts. It didn’t help. Not well enough, but he trudged on.

“Her name is Odette, not Bean.” The rebuke was half hearted. No bite or true chastisement. He’d be lying if Waru didn’t have him calling the little tortie he’d unexpectently adopted, Bean. It was such a dull, plain name, but the little girl responded to it. Aelius could only assume that it was similar to the name her old family had given her. “And I am sure she doesn’t care about how clean the place is. She’s just a cat.”

At the mention of Faustite, Aelius shifted under the blanket, drawing it closer around his shoulders as he wiggled himself further into the comfort of the couch. With how much time he’d been spending on the thing the cushions had finally begun to break in, making it a bit more enjoyable to sit and sleep on. Still, it screamed ‘cheap couch’.

He ignored the miserable comment.

“I am not really hungry.” He replied. “Thanks for the offer.” As Bean was deposited into his lap, Aelius untucked his arms from under the blanket to scratch the feline’s chin. Her greens eyes closed as whiskers pushed forward and she stretched her chin out for better access. The purring began to vibrate her little body, the soft sound oddly relaxing.

An audible groan escaped the man. One thing Aelius wasn’t interested in was talking. His social meter for the day had hit empty. He had been hoping Waru wasn’t home so he could enjoy some much needed quiet time, but alas, here he was about to get his ear talked off. The worst part was knowing he’d have to navigate the winding paths that were Waru’s train of thoughts. “Fine.” He sighed out heavily. “But I don’t understand this obsession you have with the apartment decor.” It all functioned. Mind, some things were more enjoyable to use than others, but the place was decently furnished and passed muster. When it was clean, of course. Right now it would be an embarrassment to have anyone visit and see the place in the state it was. “And I am sure Bean has no idea what would constitute ‘me’.” A roll of his eyes. “She’s probably just happy enough to have a roof over her head and steady meals.” And pets. The cat thrived on pets.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

“She’s just happy to survive—but we want more for her than that, don’t we? We wanna *thrive*, Aelius! And thriving requires a damn sight more than living like you’re trying out-sad the barracks ....” Waru rolled his eyes as he got down into it, into picking missed crumbs and embedded shells outta cracks in tile he’d lamented missing before. Groaned while he did something with his hair in a variation of ******** up and out of his face – and got to work replacing just plain ******** grease with grease of the elbow variety.

“In this house? We’re not tryna out-sad the barracks, okay? That place is ******** dismal, I’d live in a yo-rat infested trap-den before I’d live down there. I’d eat roaches outta an abandoned gas-mart…Don’t make poor Bean miss the roaches…fulla protein as they are? A place with some personality to it is a sight better!”

If everything that came outta the other man’s mouth sounded to him like gray, boring, blah—Then he ignored it, shook out all the ‘I don’t cares’ into the dust bin, scrubbed off all the ‘just leave me be’s’ like they’d offended him personally. The appreciation was nice n all, but what he really wanted? Was some action! Some conversation! Everything that Aelius seemed to down, drained, dead to give up just then. Waru never needed anyone to actually respond to him to have a decent discourse though, he had enough plans, there were things coming up, events to tend to. Exciting s**t—and then of course everything he dreaded and trying to walk that glass shard covered path to get there.

“Besides! She’s your future bonded baby, so of course she wants to know the real you! She’s gotta see you shine outta every surface, in the bed ruffles, on the mugs—We’re having stir fry!”

Fast, easy, and if it used up some things in the fridge that damn well needed using? Waru decided he’d get it done, shoved the chicken in the microwave on defrost, pulled out the last half of an onion and a few remaining sweet peppers. Let Aelius have his back while he settled into dicing things fine enough to his own liking, there was something soothing about a knife going over the grain of a chopping board. Of being able to throw all the dirty stuff out of the sink and into the dish washer and finally find a clean pan to heat some – ******** did they have oil? Butter? There were the dregs of vegetables – some chili flakes – some soy – it’d be enough to ensure things didn’t stick at least! Now if only they had fresh ginger—Whatever, he’d make due with what they had.

“It ******** boggles me, yanno? Why you don’t wanna look like ‘you’ live here, even Syrus looks like he lives in his place. Takes some digging, but at the end of the day, beneath those ikea catalog whites n enough starch to stiffen jello–It’s him. He’s him. He lives like a cat that doesn’t want to be petted by anyone save, like, three other dudes I know of and maybe a girl or two? But he does *live* there, and anyone who sees it knows he took real time picking all that bland s**t out-–”

He wondered if he should’ve tried to hook Aelius up with any of his friends, actually? If not Sy, then Aramis? He still wasn’t sure if it was ******** up that the man hadn’t met any of the people that used to be outside parts of his other life before his dumb a** had dragged them in.

He wondered how Bean liked her chicken? If he could get her to do a trick for it!
 

[Kolina]

“She's just a cat, Waru. Not every cat in the world is a future Mau.” He sighed heavily. Why was the man so insistent on this? Couldn't he just accept Bean for what she was? A cat? A plain, not magical, cat.

A hand rose to rub at his eyes before concentrating the circular motion on the bridge of his nose. Between Waru talking and the sound of cleaning and cooking happening, it was a lot of noise all at once. And all of it was from just one person. Aelius lamented his delusional fantasy of having a quiet apartment to himself to decompress in.

“Sometimes surviving is good enough.” He said softly as he dropped his hand. Green eyes look up at him questioningly, and the young man realized he'd abandoned scratching the cats chin to tend to the mild ache behind his eyes. He resumed his duty to the feline, and she returned to imitating a motor boat.

“And explain to me what you think would make this place more me? Did it ever occur to you that maybe plain functionality -is- me?” It was a half-hearted retort, but honestly Aelius saw no issues with the state of decor in the apartment. There was a color scheme of blue and gray going on. Some basic art he'd found at thrift store or cheaper stores like Home Goods. He did use to have a case but that got broken awhile ago in one of his temper fits and honestly had no desire to replace it. It usually sat empty anyway.

It was all fine, honestly.

As Waru went about cooking, Aelius continued to listen to the clatter of cooking sounds sprinkled with Waru's opinions and thoughts on things. “It smells good.” He commented from his spot on the couch as a small rumble began in his stomach. Obviously, his words a moment ago about not being hungry were a flat out lie. Having a home cooked meal was a treat these days. Grabbing food while it had become the norm and his poor wallet was not doing well because of it. The absolute slump he was in though made it hard to want to do much of anything for himself. Some mornings, his only reason to get up was because Bean would stare him down all day long if he didn't get her breakfast. She was a decent enough motivator.

It was both interesting and annoying how easily Waru spoke about his friends. How many he actually had and the relationships he's managed to cultivate. If there was enough of him to care, Aelius probably would have felt a jealousy at the ease of which Waru just got along with others. Instead, be felt more hollow for it. More upset with himself and his lack of ability to genuinely connect.

Hed once been the social butterfly himself. Flirting from one group of friends to another with ease. No care in the world beyond the immediate future. Was it all a case of growing up? His training? Something else? He had no idea, and felt all the more miserable because of it. Because it was a him issue. Deep down he knew that, but acknowledging it and actually knowing how to tackle it were two entirely different things.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

“And not every average person is a Senshi either…but on the off chance that any of them could be? They should all be treated like they can be—” huffed insistence and hope, a flurry of shifting focus as he spoke; to look back over his shoulder at the pair, to look at what he was doing, adjusting what was in the pan for added garlic, want for kimchi, consider the cupboards that needed a thorough re-stocking for rice – or hell - he’d take ramen at this point, even the cup kind! Did cup noodles make a good side dish? Hell, maybe! If he made it on the side—

So he did just that, believing in his heart that Bean could become whatever the hell she wanted to be: a person, a Mau, Aelius’s bonded baby whether the other man ever intended for such a thing or not!! That – that was the magical nature of cats as a whole – who knew if she’d stay a small little tortie or one day grow stars, stripes, n become a princess of a Mau!

“I considered it, yeah. For all of five seconds–” he smiled softly for the memory, how he’d considered maybe Aelius was just too strung out to have done more in the time he’d lived there. Waru had also considered the idea that the place he was living in with Aleius was a reflection of Aelius’s truest self! Only to immediately reject all those notions not five minutes later. “Typically? F’ah person’s living a certain way it’s always for a reason, sometimes it’s personality – sure – but you tell me where in this whole damn place your personality is,” testing softness of the leftover veg while whisking the sauce in a small cup on the side while the chicken simmered — it’d need honey and cornstarch to thicken it enough to taste good on the mix!

“Nothing about you,” and he finally did set a timer as he turned to face Aelius honestly, waving his spoon like a wand that could solve all the world's problems if he pointed it hard enough. “Matches any of *this*. But if you wanna deprive Beanie-baby of meeting the Aelius only you know—” the compliment caught him off guard enough that he stumbled in picking out the next words, that his smile took on pride and knowing, even as he managed to turn his own voice down volumes enough to listen to the sizzle of everything behind him. “I think you’re demanding – precise – ******** flexible, too. You’re also a dancer, Aelius, an artist! Course, I don’t know the first thing you should add, but maybe we can figure that out together, yeah?”

He shrugged and found a lid for the pan, dropped that nine to a three, let everything simmer low while he rambled on mindlessly, the words coming easy as the thoughts didn’t. Would’ve come faster, but the narrative in his head took time to piece together and eek out – needed a fixed anchor of a point lest he lost the end he was aiming for.

”At least when my place looked like it was half abandoned. It was because of, I mean, between my lack of a paycheck and teleportation perks? N then the fact that I spent more time everywhere else save that place? There were reasons, yanno! Then things changed, I improved it so people could stay over—” When it wasn’t busy being haunted by ghosts of christmas nopes or infested by backyard spiders the size of a house or —

“We can do that here too–whenever you’re ready. M’thinking as I get to know you *more* it’ll be easier, right? N’doing a little apartment up-thrifting might un-rut your slump too! Can’t hurt to try—seven minutes till dinner Bean!”
 

[Kolina]

Bean whipped her tail, offering a content mew to Waru.

Aelius sighed heavily. It seemed Waru wasn't going to let any of this go. Why? It aggravated Aelius because he had thought the apartment was furnished well enough. It had all of the necessities without being cluttered. To be honest, until recently, he'd spent very little time in the apartment as he flitted from gig to gig and dance classes. So there hasn't been a need for anything beyond the necessities. “I don't like clutter, Waru.” He finally said, fingers slowly scratching behind a feline ear.

“The only thing I would want to add I don't have the space or budget for. Not to mention getting it up here would be a logistic nightmare. Pianos aren't apartment friendly.” In so many ways they were vet much not the instrument for people with small spaces. The thought of having to squeeze around an instrument of that size was very unappealing to the dancer.

“Half of the stuff I have here is thrifts. Moving from one country to another isn't cheap.” Aelius conceded. “But I am content with it. There's nothing here that doesn't have a specific purpose.”

In fact, there were no pictures to be found of him or anyone else except within his bedroom. His bedroom had been the only place he felt comfortable enough to have a small 5x7 frame with one of the pictures he'd gotten from Trey. The picture he'd chosen had been one of the two of them when they were probably 17. Something had happened to cause them both to be laughing when the photo was snapped. A peak into a carefree time of his life.

“I don't particularly consider my apartment as a place that anyone wants to visit.” He's never been really close enough to anyone to really even contemplate visitors. “Its one of the reasons I got a small place.” That and budget but Aelius assumed that was a given.

His stomach vocalized again, and the young man shifted under the blankets much to Beans dismay. She vocalize her own thoughts on him shifting her in his lap in the process. As if to rebel, the tortie hopped down.

“And how, do tell, do you intend to get know me more. I would think living with me is enough. You seem intent on coming up with your own narrative for things as it is, anyway.”

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

“ “Hey, m’not knocking your decorative prowess here—but maybe you’re right, yeah? Maybe I’m a clutter-whore who's being pushy for no damn reason…” He wanted to argue, wanted to pour forth positive affirmations and long winded suggestions– To soundboard and problem solve for issues that maybe only he saw, with solutions that, he realized slowly, might have sounded more accusatory than he wanted to come off as just then. He wanted the rooms to be full of Aelius’s colors, of softness, of things that screamed of the man's presence as Waru saw him; bright, passionate, fluidity, rather than cheaply cobbled together bargain grabs snatched out of necessity.

He wanted to argue—-

But seeing Aelius cocooned with only Bean for comfort, he decided against it. To avoid pushing on sore points, on raw nerves, especially when he knew what monumental sort of task he’d be throwing at Aelius’s feet once again. If he wanted to suggest keyboards instead of pianos – that his friend should take advantage of his own brother's wealth – his birthright inheritance – of the generosity of the team for the sake of furnishing with personality!? He quickly thought better of it. He would suck on the thought like a ricola and swallow whatever bitter sweetness remained. He’d do it ******** quietly, too.

The pan hissed in time with Aelius rebuttal, left him admiring that man's ability to weave, dodge, and counter every encouragement with ease. Until he acquiesced the point in Aelius favor, humming a disagreeable note and nothing more. Letting his silence be an answer enough on its own.

Knowing that Aelius had picked the place the way he had on purpose—Such an isolative little s**t. But Waru liked the idea of a challenge, of being sneaky with it, if Aelius wouldn’t do it himself? Maybe he’d just start doing it under his nose. Without his consent. Would prod and pick apart the non-answers to his desperate questions and make things happen all on his own.

“Come eat and I’ll explain it to you–” his expression soft, thoughtful, hidden by a brief burst of steam as everything in the pan slowly became one amalgamation of a meal, setting a lid over it only once he’d added the sauce so it could all thicken in the mix on a low simmer.

He still had the bracelet was the fact of the matter– well, had gotten it back was closer to the truth. Before he’d found himself punted squarely into the dog house alongside Aelius only slightly less divorced for it, before all horrible hell had broken loose. He’d taken the thing back to Faustite upon being asked, supposed his boy’d let one of their lovely Maus get paws deep in the magic he barely understood – he’d been eager to be rid of the thing as he had to later get it back and try-try-try it again – hadn’t bothered to explained how much like free-falling and failing while behind Aelius’s eyes he’d experienced at the hand of the dainty device.

Sometimes his own secrets were worth keeping. Sometimes it was kinder to omit. Sometimes? Doing so nearly cost him everyone he loved—

He never knew how to gauge the when and where of talking it all out, but he knew for sure that anything he did going forwards with Aelius. This time? This time he’d explain himself properly. This time he wouldn’t wait and hide behind Faustites skirts like a child who didn’t want to face the boogeyman alone – who wanted a bigger, badder, more fiery boogeyman to deal with s**t he didn’t know how to put words to. Not that he lacked words in volume, but that had been the exact issue, hadn’t it? He always had all the words – too many, ill fitting, wrong at times in their naivety – Depended on everyone around him, his husbands especially, ******** it – Faustite espescially. How that man was always clarity personified, a purifier of mixed metals, able to forge even his nonsense into something manageable for others.

But Faustite didn’t belong here, stating the obvious for his disbelieving ears. This was something he had to do himself. If he could get Aelius to cooperate even just a little bit…

“I’ll even let you piss all over my narrative while I do it, Aelius….Please?” hopefully huffed as he killed the heat and turned, leaving the kitchen entirely to fetch itty bitty beanabel some eats – he wasn’t about to get mauled for leaving out their feature Mau in training from meal times!!

 

[Kolina]

Waru was giving up? What sorcery was this? Golden eyes narrowed a bit but Aelius didn't poke anymore. If Waru was going to let the subject go, Aelius wasn't going to argue. So instead of listening to the man talk his ear off he was left listening to the sizzle of the pan and scraping of a wooden spoon on its surface.

Bean padded over to one of the stools at the counter and weaved her tiny body through the metal legs before plopping herself down underneath. Her tail clicked and she began cleaning an offending paw. Aelius watched all of happen with curiosity. Cats…pets in general were a new thing for the young man. He never had the time or want for one while growing up.

At warus request, Aelius glanced back up to the man. Hesitation to comply was evident on his face and the way he clung to the blanket. He was already tired. Tired of socializing and dealing with Warus incessant poking. The idea of going out on patrol to just get away crossed his mind…

Aelius sighed heavily. His stomach had given away his want for the stir-fry. The whole apartment also smelled of it and he hadn't been lying when he told Waru it smelt good. Waru’s pleading was the final straw that got the young man moving. Long limbs removed themselves from the blanket and immediately Aelius regretted the loss of warmth. I am going to need to such it up and turn the heat on.

As Waru retrieved dinner for their feline friend (who was now actively weaving between the other mans legs knowing it was time for food), Aelius pulled himself onto the stool the tortie had just been under. After, though, he bumped the heat up just a bit.

“So. What is it you have planned now?” He questioned, letting the other man deal with grabbing plates and utensils. Two people in that tiny kitchen was more hindrance than help. “Perhaps a litany of questions to harass me with?”

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

“Since when does asking questions get anyone anywhere? Especially when it’s me doing the asking,” he laughed warmly, unoffended by the small jab. How all of Aelius’s barbed pokes and tongue lashings felt like kitten licks and thumb-tacks over his skin after enough time. He had things he’d be angry for. That he was angry for. Things he’d process over time and pester the man about later. Not tonight though. Tonight he was busy trying to peel Aelius out of himself in other ways, slowly, delicately, like skinning a grape. All the ways he’d learned before that he’d been too rough on the onset.

I’ll do it differently this time–

He took his time with Bean, got the pedigree s**t out, let her weave and nuzzle and chirrup – nearly let her climb his leg – before petting her back down absently and finally metering out her share of dinner. He’d decided Beans deserved the good stuff, to eat better than her human counterparts even, that she deserved treats when she sat still and gave him the cute eyes! Because the little greenie bites were shaped like small fish with chewy centers on the inside, and he’d be damned if his husband’s husband-to-be’s newest bonded to be would ever lack for dental hygiene.

“Take this as me having learned ********’ shocking I know! But I've finally figured it out. You don’t want to know anything about me that I don’t volunteer like some endless niagara without a dam, and anything I get out of you? It’s the same as what I get out of our Firebrand. You two’re twinned in that way too, yanno? The good comes easy and the rest is hard won—but I always have to ask, don’t I?” He wished, in so many ways, that he could just play the game with Aelius. Any game. One where he could accept the answers the man would give and let slide as ‘leave it be’s’ any of the ones he wouldn’t.

Scritching Bean’s flickering ears to her curling tail, he knew they were long past that now. He had no fluffy asks left in his mouth to dribble forth like melted cotton candy. Didn’t want to guess endlessly and bleed for every golden dragon's tooth he pulled out of Aelius’s all too pretty mouth— He’d rather lose the whole hand all at once and take all the knowledge for his sacrifice than have it metered out to him in painfully miniscule pieces.

“And then there always comes a point where I can’t push anymore–where I wont,” firmness in his tone, finally, his eyes a little harder as he plated up enough to serve them each, as he heaped Aelius’s own high with food and matching utensils because he didn’t ******** know when the last time the man had a meal was – sure he’d dance the calories off the same way Faustite burned them so naturally – “Where you ultimately *win* this game, because I don’t know how to ask those questions the way I want to, because I’m not willing to *take* from anyone like that.”

“I’m tired, Aelius. I love you. Like the brother you don’t want to be, but ********. You’re tired too, right? Tell me I’m lying.” giving Aelius his eyes, palms flat across the opposite side of the island as he leaned over his plate enough to look the man over. To really look him over. To note how even though it wasn’t the dead of winter yet – they clearly needed more warmth in the place. Or maybe they just needed Faustite back in their home? Maybe Aelius needed him back on his finger and in his heart in ways that’d take more time than Waru could guess at to make happen–

The man across from him looked freezing, and he was sympathetic to it, but his sympathy was edged by his need to seek an end and use what cheat codes he’d been given. To exploit the one gambit he had, and turn the challenge Aelius had become to him on its head. It almost felt too easy, in a way, to rely on some ancient magical tech to do the dirty deed for him. To use that loophole, to assuage his own guilty conscience and blame some device for whatever came out of it’s usage.

It felt desperate. Waru could almost admit to himself that it felt that way because it was what he was. Desperate, and tired, and cold in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature in the room—

 

[Kolina]

Beans dug into her food with vigor. Tiny and dainty she may have appeared but when did was involved she could scarf it down like no one else. It was a marvel, actually, how quickly such a little thing could devour an entire can of food.

Aelius didn't remark on Warus assesment of his interest in the current chef of the house. He wasn't about to go off on his own little monologue on why he didn't bother to ask Waru all about himself. How it was easier to push away that way. The less known, the less to be hung up on. The less shared, the less Waru could cling to like he was wont to.

And bringing up Faustite made it easier for him to dig into that thought process. Now, Aelius was both struggling to let go and hold on. Caught in this limbo of believing that Faustite breaking the chain was best for the half-youma and wanting, with every fiber of his being, for them to be OK again.

So, distance with Waru was easier. Even if the man threw out sweet words promising love.

But oh. Waru was certainly right about one thing. Aelius was tired. Deep in his soul, tired. And when he looked at the man, golden eyes told his story of how deep his weariness went with their dullness.

“Waru.” He said, his voice soft and low. “Just…. Stop beating around the bush.” He reached forward and slid the plate meant for him in front of him. Mildly he wondered how Waru expected him to eat the mountain of food that had been pulled there. “What do you have planned. What do you want?”

He paused, brows furrowing. “You don't have that damn device again, do you?” Aelius hadn't seen that cursed item since the first time it was used on him. He knew Waru was in the dog house, but perhaps said house wasn't really all that bad if Faustite let Waru keep it.

The next question was, so what? So what if Waru did have it? What could possibly be worse than what had already narrowness thanks to the damned thing and Warus inability to explain stuff fully? Perhaps it was the easiest route? If it would get Waru to stop pestering him tonight, maybe it would be worth it?

*shiningamisgirl"

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

His answering smile was a knowing one, tipped with a shadow of pride for having guessed right, though parts of him wanted to hear Aelius say the words; to listen to him admit what could be seen with the naked eye. If anyone ever bothered to look closely enough—

“First? I want you to eat something—at least one bite, kay?” At least the one would have sufficed, would’ve settled the restless, prickling quiet that being passive for long moments set off under his skin. It would’ve satisfied him, his need to see Aelius fed, watered, cared for as well as any being deserved. Cared for the way Aelius deserved, surely, if Waru could’ve pushed for the man to have more people in his life.

That option was far off and other, and in its stead stood his own resolute desire to happily stand there and watch the world end around them all while waiting patiently for Aelius to take at least one single bite.

It didn’t come without fidgeting, eventually, with playing with his fork and the scrape of it, with a noodle bound and unbound as he tried to decide which bit of food to inhale on his own first—-

Couldn’t decide when Aelius was making that kind of a face at him. Such a smart ********. All of Faustites loves. He thought of Aelius especially—when he wanted to be.

“As for the ‘device’ — I gave it back to Ei long enough to let him tinker with it, got my hands back on it, afore everything blew up. I wasn’t planning to use it again—-until I suddenly was, yanno? M’indecisive about s**t sometimes, have to keep coming back to it and leaving it alone and…” he shrugged, winced for knowing how chaotic that was, how absentmindedly focal it all seemed from the outside. A dog digging up and burying the same bone, hoping for a tree from all the effort.

“I don’t like using it when I don’t have to, but it’s easier sometimes, right? To do this than talk, to take this shortcut, and put me in your shoes.” And he found time to eat between words, to pause and chew through something that made him humm with warmth. To swallow it down and talk to Aelius seriously.

“And this time I swear we’ll talk about whatever I see. No more bullshit or waiting it out or — I can only use it once a day anyhow. So M’not gonna torture us with tryna pull every damn thingn outta ur head—it doesn’t work like that anyhow. I get the one memory at random. I live it as you. We do with it what you want—if that sounds like a plan?” And the words were hopeful, it crept into his features, his eyes, as if he knew this were a last ditch hail mary of an attempt.

A move made in desperation for all that he wasn’t built for interrogations proper….not the tools made in their image…not as a proper spy. Telling Aelius that netted him
Nothing, telling him he only wanted the best netted him even less.

“I mean—unless you’ve got a better idea? Cause ******** am I willing to beg for one right about now.”
 

[Kolina]

A heavy sigh escaped Aelius as he just looked at Waru. It bordered on staring before he shook his head and picked up his fork and began picking at the food in front of him. At first, his progress was slow, but after the first small bite of two, his interest in the food grew more robust as his stomach let him know how appreciated the sustenance was.

He mulled over Waru’s words as he chewed carefully. With his fork tips buried into a pile of noodles he’d scraped closer together on his plate he turned his focus back to his roommate. “You’re not wrong.” He confessed quietly. “Finding the words sometimes isn’t easy. And you being able to see that memory is definitely easier, but I swear to God, Waru. If I let you do this you aren’t going to do the same damn thing as last time? You’ll sit down and talk to me about it. None of that evasiveness. I…I can’t do that all again. Not after what happened.”

It was an ultimatum of sorts. An agreement that he was fine with attempting to let that gauntlet pull another memory but he wasn’t going to be left in the dark about what it was. Not play ******** guessing games as to why Waru was upset or angry, or whatever it was he felt after deep diving into Aelius’s own memories.

“And, if this works out? If we can talk about it without any problems, we can do this again.” This was given hesitantly. It was nice knowing a memory could only be pulled once a day, but Aelius wasn’t willing to do such a thing if it was just going to cause more problems. He had enough of them by this point and his spoons for dealing with them were very, very few.

“Does that work for you?” He questioned before scooping up a few more noodles and vegetables onto his fork and then into his mouth.

shiningamisgirl

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Kolina

He kept a lid on it, the beginning tinglings of hope, the grin that threatened to break through as he watched Aelius mull over his words over the meal and slowly give, and then give even more on top of that— until he couldn’t keep it down anymore. His tired joy, beaten, wrinkled, ever-pressent as a well worn sweater that’d seen a thousand washings. Waru set his fork down, letting the tension he hadn’t even known he’d been holding unwind from his shoulders, braced like a mannerless mule with elbows on the table and mouth wide and looking nothing but pleased.

“M’sorry, m’gonna need that again – in writing – the part where you told me I wasn’t wrong about something. If I could like, have that s**t immortalized? For–the ******** is it called? Ego. M’mah call it ego–” he said the words warmly, liked how good it felt to tease Aelius all while understanding and agreeing to the severity that set the foundation of what Aelius was asking of him.

Did that work for him? Of ******** course it worked for him! He’d never agreed to something so easily in his entire life. Save maybe of course marrying Faustite– The yes, please, anything it takes! All of it was there at the tip of his tongue and ready to spill like soy across the food and fork scattered haphazardly on his plate. “And you have my every single ******** promise, cross my heart and hope to die tragically kinda s**t…I swear it–”

“After we eat though! M’not diving into your head on an empty stomach—not ******** sure it’s smart to do one on a full stomach, but, yanno? Gives us some time at least!” Time to do what? Waru didn’t elaborate, just sat there like an encouraging lump begging to be bullshitted at, over the first semi-normal meal he’d had with Aelius in what felt like forever. He slurped his dinner passively, offered the man a refill on his drink, almost never took his eyes off him in the process.

Like he was trying to sear, unblinkingly, his promise into the man. Maybe if he got Aelius a nail n a hammer? Let him duct-tape him to the floor for good measure? He’d figure something out if his promise alone wasn’t enough, he was sure! They–they would figure something out, ways to keep him fleeing the hook. Knew Aelius would, on his own, hold him to his word if no one else would. Of that he was doubly sure.


 

[Kolina]

“You’ll just have to commit it to memory.”

Waru’s excitement wasn’t met by his dinner mate, and instead Aelius offered a wane smile in response. He just didn’t have it in him to match such a boisterous energy. Plus, there was still uncertainty tickling the back of his brain. Alas, the terms were set though and Waru was more than willing to agree to the foundation that Aelius had laid out.

It was a good thing he’d eaten a fair share of his food by then because it all began to sit like a stone in his stomach as it really began to sink in what he had agreed to. The food that had been shoveled into his mouth slowly, eventually turned less into eating and more of his pushing it about the plate. As sensible as this idea was, it required a trust in Waru that Aelius hadn’t realized he’d begun to create. He was, for all intents and purposes, opening himself up like a book for Waru to explore. Yes, it was all random, but there was so much that could be dug up. Things incredibly personal that Aelius wasn’t even sure he’d ever share with his own brother if they hadn’t lost their close connection over the years. Aelius had confided in Trey quite a lot and some things just weren’t meant to be shared with anyone. Perhaps not even Faustite…

He hitched a breath at the thought and put his fork down with a soft clatter. There wasn’t going to be any more food going down. Not right then, anyway.

Rising from his stool he stopped to check Bean’s bowl where she was lapping up the last of her dinner. Once sure she was done, he retrieved her own bowl as he rounded the counter to scrape his plate. Unsurprisingly, Aelius took the time to clean his plate and also the mess left behind in Waru’s chaotic cooking space. The pan he left alone for now. The remaining stir-fry would need to be packaged up before that pan got cleaned, but the anxiety was beginning to get to him now.

Bean rounded the counter and rubbed up against him before weaving between the stool legs where Waru sat. Eventually she padded across the living room and hopped up onto the couch then the couch back. “It’s like she’s trying to tell us something.” He remarked as he watched her nestle down into a perfect loaf formation and stare back at him with slow blinking eyes.

Drying his hands off, Aelius slipped around the counter and Waru before taking up his spot again on the couch, blanket and all.

“I’m assuming this will be as quick as last time?” Aelius had no real baseline on how quickly the item worked normally. Had last time been an anomaly or was it always so instantaneous? At least for him, it felt like a breath of time passed between Waru taking the memory and the man’s reaction to it all.

“I swear Waru. You better talk to me about it afterwards.” Nervousness pulled the words from him again as golden eyes bore into dark brown ones.

shiningamisgirl