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 Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 7:18 pm
It had taken Ariel a total of four minutes to get everything he needed together to spend the night next door. He hadn’t bothered to pack clothes for tomorrow or bring his toothbrush, he could just wander back to his own apartment for those things. He did bring a blanket, and a pillow, and his laptop, and he was currently just finishing getting set up in Casey’s room with everything.
They were tucked into bed–or, at least, getting there. Ariel had made sure the front door was locked–twice, now, because he was paranoid, but then he’d gotten the laptop set up and he’d told Casey to see if there was a movie he wanted to watch. Ariel had explained with some enthusiasm that if Casey wasn’t signed up for a library card, he should be, and had been eager to show him how many titles were available online for absolutely no cost. He had an array of videos and shows on his ‘recently watched’ but some were documentaries in other languages, some were cartoons and shows that had played when he was younger, and some seemed absolutely random. Ariel had explained that some he put on just for comfort and familiarity, and some were just for noise in the background when he didn’t want to get distracted.
If Casey had no preference, he intended to put on a cooking competition show since he thought they both might find something to enjoy there.
He was smoothing his blanket out while Casey browsed. The bed wasn’t small enough that he felt like he had no room–even with Casey and Harrison to share it with. He’d fluffed up his pillow and was getting comfortable, even if the butterflies were back in his stomach. This was just a sleepover. They’d both had a long day. He didn’t even know what this was, outside of two friends keeping each other company.
Ariel was already comfortable here, which was an oddity in itself. He’d walked into Casey’s home so many times before that it might as well have felt like home, but now he was intruding in his bedroom, too.
…And it felt nice. Like a real bedroom. Like a home, full of loved and treasured belongings. It felt safe.
Ariel’s pajamas were boring; he wore black sweatpants and a short-sleeved, grey shirt with equally bland socks, but they were comfortable. He wore a well-loved black hoodie and had already pulled the hood up to keep warm. He probably could have fallen asleep right now, but he didn’t want to waste tonight. He could handle at least a few minutes more.
“Don’t pick something you want to watch too much,” he cautioned. “That’s how you wind up staying all night instead of falling asleep.” He had subtitles turned on and the volume was already low so there wasn’t much more for him to do except step in if Casey got decision paralysis. For now, he was just enjoying laying on his back and melting into the mattress. His heart was beating a little quickly but he hoped Casey wouldn’t notice. He was more worried about keeping the ice pack balanced on his forehead for now, anyway..
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 7:35 pm
Casey was having a difficult time choosing. Not because he couldn’t think of what he could possibly watch, but because he was distracted by how close Ariel was. Oh, and because he didn’t want Ariel judging him for picking something silly.
He’d taken his hair clips out, so other than scrolling through the options, he had to use his other hand to hold his hair out of the way. Sure, he could probably get it cut or brush it in a way that it didn’t get in his face, but he’d gotten used to wearing his hair that way.
Harrison was happy at his and Ariel’s feet. For now. She clearly had a long day and was already asleep again, but that was fine. That meant most of his attention could be on, well… not making a fool of himself.
His heart felt like it was trying to escape, but he also felt really at ease and content. He liked having Ariel there, if only because he knew he would be the last thing he saw before going to sleep. That was better than texting already.
“Um… I’m not sure,” he mumbled about the selection after a few minutes of absently scrolling through the same things. He was nervous, but not upset about it. They were just friends spending the night, anyway. Nothing to get worked up about.
“What if I end up kicking your computer off the bed? Or… what if Harrison lays down on it? Maybe I should move my side table out more. At the end of the bed? Or beside it? I don’t know.” He definitely didn’t want to ruin Ariel’s things and make him not want to see him again.
“Or, um, if we put it right in the middle…? Oh, was that your plan?” He had no idea what he was doing. He just knew he didn’t want Ariel to decide this was a horrible idea.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 8:06 pm
Being around Casey made it so easy for the trouble of the day to fade into the distance. He was thinking about things so intently. It was cute.
Not that he should be thinking things like that. It was just so easy to notice.
“It’ll be fine if it gets kicked off the bed. I’ve done it before, that’s why it’s got the case on it. It’s not even that expensive.” He shrugged. It was probably one of the most expensive things he owned these days, but practically speaking, it was still easily replaceable. There would be plenty of sales in the next month or so, but he had confidence in his case.
He was almost even tempted to nudge the whole thing off the bed with his foot just to prove it, but maybe that was too dramatic.
“It’s fallen down the stairs, too. The dent in the corner was as much damage as it took.”
There was a little scuff in the top right corner, but overall it looked in fairly good condition.
“So even if you have a hard time being still or kicking, I doubt you’ll be much of a threat.” He was so sweet for worrying, but it really wasn’t helping Ariel think less of how charming he was. He probably wasn’t even meaning to be so endearing. “I want you to be comfortable, that’s the only thing that matters. Don’t worry about anything else.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 8:20 pm
“What?? How could I not worry?” Casey sputtered and frowned as he turned to look at Ariel. He kept having to push his bangs out of the way, and he almost reached over to get the clips again, just so he didn’t have to keep looking through his hair to see him.
Oh, and his head still looked red from hurting himself. Casey felt so bad about Ariel being hurt.
But he also looked so comfortable where he was. And Casey felt a little giddy about having him spend the night.
As a friend. And potential future roommate. Oh, but he probably shouldn’t get used to Ariel staying with him in his bed. Especially since he was pretty sure he would end up kicking and tossing around.
“But… I mean, you’re supposed to be saving up money. And if I broke your computer, then I would of course have to pay you for it, so then I would need to work harder to get more money. And I would really like to not have to do extra shifts,” he admitted, although he didn’t really sound like the meant to admit it.
He turned his focus back on the computer and finally clicked on a cooking show as Ariel had suggested. He hoped it was the right one, anyway. With the laptop settled between them, Casey flopped backwards onto the pillow, the top of his head comfortably against Ariel’s arm.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 8:28 pm
Ariel didn’t move; he didn’t even remotely mind Casey’s head against his arm. Truthfully, he found comfort in the contact, though he wasn’t sure there was any point in saying as much. He wanted to brush the hair out of his face but knew that was overstepping. He adjusted the ice on his forehead just a bit.
In the process, his eyes flicked to Casey–just to take in the sight of him–but he managed to wrestle his gaze back to the screen.
“Well, if it broke then we’d find some way to make it work. Maybe you could help me with some budget friendly meals. Things are always cheaper when you buy in bulk, and it wouldn’t go bad if it was the two of us working on leftovers.”
It’s not like he was inviting himself over for dinner more often. Even if he did love Casey’s cooking. He was certain he’d save money buying less takeout and delivery if he chipped in for groceries and helped cook.
“Don’t do extra shifts if you don’t have to. If we’re being honest. I don’t want to see less of you. I feel tacky saying it. But seeing you–and Harrison–is the highlight of my day.” Even if it was just texts. Even if it was just a picture of her! He still felt like he needed an excuse to justify interaction.
“You’ve never judged me. Even when I know you had plenty of chances to. Especially today. I haven’t been able to tell you how much that means to me.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 8:52 pm
As Ariel spoke, Casey first sucked in a breath as if holding it would mean he could keep himself composed. But in the end, he groaned and covered his face with his hands and curled his legs up -- until he almost jostled the laptop too much, so he just wiggled his feet instead, like that would release any built up energy.
“Oh no, that’s so nice, why would you say that?? You’re making me blush,” he whined, although it was muffled behind his hands. There was also very clearly a smile in his voice, and maybe he was trying to hide how pleased he was to hear Ariel say things like that than he was embarrassed about it.
He wanted to tell Ariel that he really had no reason to judge him. He couldn’t think of anything that would make him think poorly of Ariel. He was always so helpful and encouraging and he looked out for Casey more than anyone else.
So to make sure Ariel didn’t think he was upset or anything, he removed one hand from his face so he could curl his arm around Ariel’s, which made it easier to press his cheek against it anyway.
“I want to help. Whatever makes things easier for you. I just… You really are my only friend. Well, Harrison too, of course, but…” Oh, now he was just making himself more flustered. Fantastic.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2023 9:05 pm
The butterflies were back, but doubled. Casey was cute. He’d noticed it before, but not like this. Maybe because he hadn’t seen Casey so vulnerable. Maybe because he hadn’t let himself be so vulnerable.
Once more, he stayed still while Casey rested against him.
“That makes me very lucky, I think. I’d rather have one good friend than a hundred half hearted ones. I’ll try to be a better friend from now on.”
He knew Casey understood why he’d kept to himself before. He’d always been polite, he’d always been kind. He had answers now that he hadn’t before, no matter how vague and fleeting Ariel’s honesty had been. There was more to the story, but he was too tired to delve into it tonight. Maybe tomorrow after dinner, if he felt strong enough for it.
Strangely, he did. So much of his life had been kept in a lockbox in his heart, and it felt like every day was another shovel full of dirt thrown on top of it. The weight of it all ached, but he’d let it grow, and fester.
And then, for Casey, he’d torn down his walls and dug up his secrets, and even if he’d only scratched the surface, it felt like he could breathe again. He didn’t want to get too hopeful but he was.
For the first time in a long time he felt hope. Not the forced hope he fed himself every day to keep himself going but real hope. With energy and drive. It wasn’t a desperate need to keep looking on the bright side–now, he could actually see a speck of light.
He’d trusted Casey with a secret, and Casey had not let him down. So, Ariel would give him a little more.
“...I haven’t been very good at opening up in a while. But you’ve been so good to me, Casey. Really, I think you must be one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. I don’t really understand how it could be that I’m your only friend. Oh, and Harrison.”
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 6:54 pm
Oh no, Ariel was being so sweet and kind to him. Well, he always was, but now he was saying things that made Casey feel silly (in a good way) and elated and he was almost certain this was just a dream he would wake up from. Oh, but he hadn’t had any good dreams in a while, so maybe something horrible would happen before he woke up. But he really hoped not.
Casey rubbed his face and cheeks in an attempt to get the temperature to lower back down to normal. Ariel was usually really supportive of him taking care of himself, but now seemed like it was more than before.
He knew that something had been going on with Ariel, just not what. He knew it must have been painful for him to not talk about. But now Casey knew. At least a little of it. And it was so much worse than he thought it would be. His heart ached for Ariel and he felt overprotective of him, even if he couldn’t do much, physically.
“It’s okay if you take your time. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to talk about things you aren’t ready for,” he said after letting his heart settle down a little. He tilted his head back enough to be able to look up at Ariel easier from where he rested his cheek against his arm.
“People have been nice to me,” he admitted, although even he wasn’t sure what he did wrong in most situations. “And when I was first on my own, some were nice enough to offer me a place to stay. Uh, but usually their parents didn’t want responsibility of another teenager. So… even though there were some people who wanted to help me, I didn’t want to burden them with my problems. And sometimes I think they feel like I took advantage of their kindness since there was no way for me to repay them. Oh, and I tend to talk a lot. And I’m not very coordinated with a lot of things, but you know all that,” he grimaced, feeling a little ridiculous for reiterating why he was annoying to be around when he was trying to have Ariel want to stay.
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 9:01 pm
For a moment, Ariel was quiet. And then, he just smiled a little. “You know, nothing you say is going to make me think less of you. I don’t think you’re trying to convince me that there’s something wrong with you, but if you are, it’s not going to work.”
Not that Ariel was even one to judge in the first place, but since he’d already been a little more honest with Casey…
He just didn’t want to overstep whatever Casey’s comfort level was with any of this. “I like listening to you. So you can talk as much as you want. You have a nice voice. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like you’re forcing me to talk about things. If you have a question, you can ask. I’ll answer it when I’m ready.”
Casey’s curiosity wasn’t an offensive thing. Sometimes Ariel just needed time to figure out the answer to a question. Some days were easier to think about things than others, but he’d opened the door. He was prepared to keep it open. He’d been a bad judge of character before, but Casey was–
Well, different. He’d seen that from the beginning. He’d been looking for red flags and couldn’t find a single one. Today, especially, seemed to chase away so many concerns. Casey had no obligation to look after him, but he did. And he hadn’t expected anything in return. And he was still looking out for him.
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 9:09 pm
Casey settled a little as Ariel spoke and made his promises to him. Said that he had a nice voice -- it wasn’t the first time but it was always a surprise and maybe Casey needed the reminder.
He still wasn’t sure if Ariel would eventually change his mind, but for the moment Casey felt happy and content and not alone. He hadn’t felt alone as much since he first started hanging out with Ariel more, but now especially seemed to fill a void that had been lingering for way too long.
There were a lot of questions he wanted to ask. Questions that were probably too personal. Too selfish to ask. He wanted to know about them. About what Ariel thought of their friendship. If it was just friendship or if it could be more than that. He didn’t want to hope for something that Ariel wasn’t comfortable with, especially if he got out of a bad relationship…
Had he even said if his ex was another guy…? Suddenly Casey couldn’t remember, but Ariel didn’t seem upset about him being so close.
“Why would anyone want to hurt you? How could they be so cruel…? You’ve been so… so good to me and Harrison. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all of that, but… I know this sounds really bad, but… I’m glad I got to meet you. And that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t go through so much.”
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 9:18 pm
Ariel only shrugged. What Casey said was true. If it hadn’t happened, he’d be on the other side of town, with fair-weather friends, carefully juggling who he wanted to be and who they wanted him to be. He said he didn’t blame them, and for the most part, he didn’t. Except for the ones that hadn’t believed him, or thought he was making trouble, or just liked drama.
“I’m glad I got to meet you, too.”
Casey seemed more real. He was the first person Ariel had ever met that seemed to have a light about him, and he couldn’t help but be drawn to him.
Maybe that was why he’d walked into his apartment without meaning to so many times before.
“I don’t think it was me so much as it was just…some people are broken. It could have been me, it could have been the guy after me. It could have been anyone. But I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and I got suckered in. I don’t think it was that I was special. Just there. And I stayed for longer than anyone else. I think me leaving made it worse. You know how you always want what you can’t have? …It was hard for me to leave. I put all that time and energy into making it work. I mean, I guess that goes both ways, but because I was the one breaking us up, it was a problem. I was a prize, a project. And I let myself be molded into someone else for the sake of ‘love’ but it wasn’t ever love. It was just ownership. Very ‘If I can’t have you, no one can.’ Like losing a favorite toy and then having to smash everything up until you get it back. I don’t know. I’m not being dramatic or self absorbed. I don’t think I’m special or anything, I think I’m just unlucky.”
He hoped it hadn’t been a rhetorical question from Casey; he felt like he was still skirting around some aspects of the truth, but. Small steps.
“Well, I felt unlucky.” He still did, sometimes. “But I do feel lucky that I met you. Maybe the universe was trying to be a little kind by putting us next to each other.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2023 9:49 am
It was sad to think about everything Ariel must have had to deal with. Casey felt bad for wallowing in his own problems when his weren’t nearly as rough as Ariel’s. Sure, he might have been a kid when his life got turned upside down, but… maybe that was his own fault. If he’d been more careful, or less trusting, or expected less, then maybe he would still be in a comfortable house when he wasn’t away at college, learning about whatever he felt like learning about because his family had money to afford it.
But now it was different. From being a gifted child in the best schools to sometimes struggling to get by. Making sure Harrison was fed and happy over himself.
At least he didn’t have to keep looking over his shoulder, expecting someone to come and drag him into the shadows. It had been the opposite for him and he’d struggled to get on his feet at all.
“I don’t think you’re being dramatic or self absorbed,” Casey said quietly as he carefully pushed himself up so he could see Ariel easier. Oh, his hair was stuck under the icepack a little. So Casey reached over to gently brush Ariel’s hair back -- while reaching up to push his own bangs out of the way to be able to see at all.
He knew the laptop and the cooking show was on, and they could be paying attention to that, but he was too focused on everything Ariel had told him. And not told him.
“I don’t ever want you to feel like that again. I think you are special, but you weren’t being treated like you should have been. They didn’t see you for how wonderful you really are.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2023 9:59 am
Casey was so close that he must have felt the sudden heat of Ariel’s face. Or maybe Ariel was just imagining how bad it must be. The ice against his face didn’t immediately melt so maybe he was being a bit dramatic about it.
“My heart’s been through enough today, it’s already weak. You can’t say things like that, it’ll make me dizzy.” He sounded amused when he said it and was obviously flattered, but if Casey didn’t know what effect his words could have, Ariel was keen to warn him before–
Well, before he fell too hard for him.
Not that he wanted to admit it. Opening up just a little felt like the dam around his heart was rapidly crumbling and he didn’t know if it was just because he was easing into the idea of allowing it or because he was just so weak against Casey’s charms anyway.
He was tired, he was emotionally weak right now, anyway. Maybe in the morning he could be stronger, he just had to get there first.
“I just worry. I don’t want you to think poorly of me or think I’m making things up. I’m not. And that’s why I’m so worried about getting anyone else involved. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2023 11:59 am
For just a moment, there was concern that filtered through Casey’s expression. He didn’t want Ariel to feel dizzy! If he said something wrong then --
Oh… oh, he didn’t sound like he was upset about it.
Casey felt his heart flutter and heat rise in his own cheeks as he anxiously chewed on his lip to keep himself from grinning like a fool. He hadn’t said anything that wasn’t how he sincerely felt, but the way Ariel responded, well… okay, maybe he could see what Ariel meant.
“I don’t think you’re making things up,” Casey promised as he brushed his hair out of his face again. His bangs were just too short to actually tuck behind his ear, but he wanted to be able to see how sweet Ariel looked with his flushed cheeks. Oh no, Ariel was already handsome --
No, Casey couldn’t think about it too much. He didn’t want Ariel to think he was trying to take advantage of his hospitality if he did end up letting him stay with him.
Wow. He actually did invite himself to stay with Ariel once his lease was up. That was so rude… Casey was pretty sure if Ariel didn’t think poorly of him there was no way for him to think poorly of Ariel.
“I’ll be careful,” he also insisted, although in a bit of a daze as he awkwardly rubbed at his too warm cheek. “I’ve been on my own for a while. I could survive on the streets, so… I’m not that helpless, I promise.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2023 12:06 pm
How did he live with his hair always getting in his face like that? Wasn’t it annoying? It made sense to take out the clips to sleep. “Have you ever tried a headband? They have some of those soft elastic–spandex?–ones. I used to use them to keep–”
He paused and shifted the ice pack a bit. He was going to wind up taking it off and putting it somewhere before bed, but he explained, “Ice in place. I used to get a lot of dark circles under my eyes.” Even if that wasn’t always the case, he insisted now so Casey couldn’t worry too much about him.
Ariel wanted to stress how important being ‘careful’ was, but he didn’t want to insult Casey with any assumption that he couldn’t take care of himself. It wasn’t like that. “I know you’re not helpless. But sometimes someone else can make a decision for you and it doesn’t matter how careful you are. Are you okay? Do you want to borrow my ice pack?”
He was teasing Casey–just a bit!–but he offered it out in earnest.
“My head feels much better now, thank you.”
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