The titantron gets fuzzy, has static on the screen, before the camera zooms out and shows an antique television.

The TV comes on,
"VERY VERY VERY NICE
VERY NICE VERY NICE
VERY VERY VERY NICE
....
VERY EVIL"

A voice chants out, singing as a painted-up man appears on the screen.

"Ah yes, Hello Fanhausens, this is Danhausen... Yes, yes... And Welcome to Halloween HavocHausen, sponsored by Jim Slims and 'Bonesaw' Macho Randy... Great guy love his gritty voice, and all on Dave Federation's money.
... Err or is it WrightCart? ... SonofaBitchausen! We'll edit it in post. Yes, yes.

. And this...THIS is a Travesty..WrightCart, or You can never be too sure of those Brits...
... Speaking of WrightCart, Danhausen's sack of money is barely halfway full... You promised Danhausen a sack of money...
And first class transportation on a BLIMP... Danhausen will have to have a discussion of some sorts about that later...
Perhaps we'll get Pepsi Phil or Murderbird or PCO... To have words with you.

Anyways Danhausen is supposed to read this card and hype you for this show...
Distinct lack of Spin the Wheel, Make the Dealhausens... Show is cursed now or something something.

Let's see we've got umm..

Body Buffalo versus Kobra man

What is this? Kinnikumanhausen? Ultimate Muscle?
Great show, very nice... Very evil

Fetching Boys against Killer Clowns from Outer Space
... Oh hey, that's a great moviehausen. Cinema at it's finest

Rayquaza vs Missingno
... What a cheaterhausen! Cursed! Cursed! Missingno is only in Gen one!

Tables Ladders and Scares! Ah yes! Spooky good time
... Wait it's chairs not scares? Nope, WrightCart, fix this for Danhausen...
... And pay Danhausen more for doing your job better! ... CURSED!

Spooky Scary Skeleton Club vs The ClASS boys
... Danhausen does love the Spooky Scary Skeleton jingle, it's as the kids would say, a 'Banger!'

and uh... Let's see
Hathausen vs Trenthausen
Danhausen heard that Hathausen is a nice place to get a Hat. Very Stylish, Very Evil... Love that Hathausen

And the rest of the card...
... Danhausen lost it, or the Butler did it in the Observatory with the candle stick.

No matter, this is HalloweenHavochausen
This is Danhausen, your host of HalloweenHavochausen
...Wait Danhausen isn't the host? Editing cut that part out.

SONOFABITCHAUSEN

... Edit that part out too, Danhausen can't swear on the air, because swear words get you kicked off television.
No television, no money, no money and Danhausen's Very Nice, Very Evil influence cannot spread.

Oh, this isn't on television? People are paying money to see this event?
... Enjoy the show or Be CURSED...

Now bring Danhausen more sacks of Human money!"