Welcome to Gaia! ::

He was unsure if it was something about the prior mission that had given him the ‘bug’ or not, this new fascination with using Negaverse tech *specifically* to take and edit photos with, compile that with a rumor here, a request there, an innate and nitroglycerin cold desire to get out and into the open air at all hours he had free. Especially now, around Halloween, when the season had finally cooled just enough that it was nice to get out!

To get away while alone —

Because he couldn’t be *more* alone, right? At least that was how it had begun to feel. He’d chased off one individual interest, sidelined another potential desire; was a being devoted to work and study and filling his duties int he quiet times between.He missed Matthew, couldn’t say as much — no, wait, he could’ve, but there was a limit to the guilting he could reasonably do. There was always Nikki, but how ever would he reach her without also dragging Matt into it? Risking some discovery or another too soon into one of their ongoing plans…

So he decided to do this instead, followed a trending bit of curiosity online, and slipped out into the night air. Into the quiet mouth of a cave that glittered almost eerily at the entrance, slick at the lip and quartz-like after that initial drop off deeper in. It was beautiful——

Almost as beautiful as the familiar humm of aura that he’d heard described in strawberry shortcake saccharine degrees, heard waxed poetic about in awed tones; all the ways this one resonated like butterfly kissed steel.

“Ahh, and now I miss him more…” he almost missed albite too, would maybe take Waru here, or Aramis, just to enjoy the looks on their faces. At least the Aura was no deterrent to wandering further in, searching now for more than rumored orbs.

"Me," sighed ever so softly, with the barest sliver of smiles, a slice of a crescent as he was careful with his steps to meet her. She was her and he was himself and what could he do but shake his head in response to her question. The answer in his eyes equal to the one he saw in her own. A clear 'no', easily seen even with so little light to see by, he might as well have said it and let it echo into the space.

But saying it would've only driven home that imbedded spike of longing -- of desire -- the 'want' that sat in his heart and he had to oh so stoically ignore its insistence. So much as flicking the thing made him wince for remembering that Mat was technically 'there', alive and well and just out of reach and he was being ever so polite by not reaching for him in the slightest!!

"Ah--Married is a strong word. I think he preferred 'engaged', at my insistence I keep something from this--- just in case I'm forgotten entirely when all's said and done." the slickness of the walls made him grimace, but he leaned on them anyways, reminded himself time and again that the ick wouldn't stick to his actual clothes -- just the powered ones.

"I would've married him though, we're things going any differently. And you?" because it'd been awhile, he could admire the glint on his own finger, but instead realized the lack of one on hers -- that somehow seemed quite possibly not right -- maybe it'd not been a desire of hers? Maybe Matt hadn't considered it in the hectic race of needing to close himself off so he could prepare to rebuild himself entirely. Cryolite kept his question an open ended thing -- it'd been long enough since he'd seen her, so long, too long now.

The need to catch up san's any work related sort of pressure had reared its ugly head more than once recently--- He simply lacked his usual compadre to do it with. Everyone he knew was in the Negaverse now, save Nikki.

"It's good to see you too--" and he meant always, but paused long enough to hear her out completely. Let his face slip by degrees at the tone of self depreciating that he caught on the tail edge of her every utterance. Oh, and he wasn't about to just let that slide off and dissolve into nothingness like it'd never been uttered at all, some paltry snippet to exist and be glossed over completely; like snow melting in hot air before it ever touched the ground. He realized, terribly late into it all, that Nikki didn't know Fulgurite had been engaged to him. That engagement was even an desire, let alone a marriage possibility. That his depth of love for the man hadn't been shared between the pair equally---

Matt likely wasn't the type to gossip to one or the other things he thought were meant to be private, or maybe he'd been the last to see the man before he'd run off into the ether and closed all those doors behind him entirely? Syrus couldn't possibly know, not even enough to reassure Nikki properly that she was worth all her slight weight in gold rings adorned with diamonds.

He could see why people loved her, how she tried, how she bled honesty and put herself forwards with brute force blunt enough to bludgeon even the likes of Albite into some sort of agreeability.

That she was hurt..by him...and his own feeling of loss seemed suddenly small and selfish because he hadn't begun to consider *her* in the equation. The ******** it was anyone appropriately managed a triad any way other than platonically? He thought he'd had experience in this--- Waru and Aramis were the closest he came to an idea, but this? This was different entirely. Lacked a foundation built on each other, and he had leaned extensively on Fulgurite to fill the gaps. That man of still waters and fresh springs was the center well pull, the shared bit of shiny, Nikki was his bookend and bridge to the other side -- his loves first love, she must have been, right?! Syrus's blindness to her side of things left him gut-punched and crest-fallen, that sliver of a smile long since shattered into a frown.

Fulgurite wasn't here to fix things now....

"I'd be careful saying that where Albite could ever hear you. That mans the type who could marry the world. If he thought they would be willing to love him while living in one actively on fire," there were any number of things he wanted to tell her, little pebbles of rebuttals, protective words he wanted to lay out in order to both excuse and protect his choice all at once! Because once matt was gone he wouldn't be there to say those precious, precious words anymore. Syrus wouldn't be there to ask him to remind me of those words again in clear, endearing, and loud ways. It'd been so impulsive of him the first time that he was shocked all on his own by his brazenness!! Hadn't taken it back, not every other time Matt had come to him with 'news' not every time since.

Once he'd said it, how could he ever imagine taking it back? How different it was to say the words himself and mean them in those ways rather than ask to hear them to assuage his own fears--

"Not you though, and not me either.." he wasn't bitter, was he? Had no right to be bitter for things that could've been, if only they'd been meant to be. The ring was a solid confirmation of all the things which were meant, the ring would say the words for him, to him, quietly, and answer back his own lonely utterances just as loud! The ring was something only he had, and that Nikki didn't?

It was a travesty in its own right. Not a completely unamendable one though.

"It's hard, I think, to make those kinds of demands--for me, at least. I had to concede something vital within myself to do it," if Waru had been some version of training wheels, Fulgurite was the real thing. He was so real -- even if he'd never be his and his alone. Another thing that would never be an issue, because he'd grown used to that too. Learned how to differentiate how he valued which feelings for which people, that a friendship could weigh the same as love. "Things that were hard with others, that were somehow easy with Fulgurite.....that doesn't make you any less deserving of the same things, darling. In all honestly, it seems terribly unfair. An absolutely egregious oversight--because what's the point of it all if you don't feel like you're getting your happy ending too?"

Fulgurite didn't know how she felt, did he? How would he be able to know now? Who could possibly reach out and tell him---

"You're ultimately right though, a ring would look good on you, and so you deserve one. Really, I could get you one myself, wear two on my own hand, and be extra confusing to the world at large because, ultimately? It's none of their damned business whether or not the rings are just for show -- or if they mean something. Tis the joy of having ten fingers that I can move them between them all with little personal loss. After all, it's the emotions behind the little sliver of metal and bling that count..." and his features became thoughtful, calculating, he scanned Nikki head to toe, took all of her in. Searched the messy cave floor for a flat enough place to sit and shrugged about making himself a home on it. He decided two rings were fine, after all? If Albite could pull off wearing two and be cagey with him about the owner of the giver of the second one? If General King Faustite himself could have an entire jewelry store at his disposal without anyone uttering a single question as to the faithfulness of those gems---

Then Syrus thought he could get away with a couple of simple adornments. So long as he was more careful with the rest of the world than he'd been with Nikki.

"The sentiment----" and he beckoned her with open arms, because there was too much wrong with her standing there, shaking like a leaf, apologizing when she'd done nothing wrong at all. If the floor was too wet? There was enough space on his knees, in his lap, she didn't need to get her silky looking butterfly cape all sullied and cave-filthed. "Come sit down on these terribly slimy rocks with me, or sit on me? I don't care. Let's get that notepad out, because Fulgurite needs to be sent a letter he can't possibly respond to." He could be mean, sometimes, knew as much about himself, even if it was in caring ways, there was a sharpness to it. The idea that they could send things out to Matt effortlessly through Nikki's grace, or magic, or whatever---

Notes Fulgurite would have no choice but to simply accept as they were written, there would be no denying the existence, no rebuttal, no argument over minor qualms and safety measures.

"Our feelings deserve to be heard a bit more clearly than they have been, I think. That's fair, right? An open and honest dialogue between all parties." Cryolite could think of no reason on the whole of the earth as to why they couldn't express those feelings now. Their location, now, their love, now. Syrus wanted nothing more than to remind the man what he was purifying for -- who was waiting for him, on both sides of that warped coin in space.

It was worth laughing at, soothed away some of the sharpness that came with knowing they would all never be as one unit. That they’d never all be on the same side. There was a hurt that lingered there, even with knowing the truth of the matter — Syrus couldn’t lie and say he didn’t ever miss Waru, as he’d been before, as he could’ve become had nothing ever changed. Someone he slept with, yes — who drove him to the heights of annoyance — who loved him at his meanest, lowest points, and said the words without him ever asking.

And who now watched him like dog circling a deer in the lake. Knowing he’d eventually have to swim to shore or drown in it. Very polite, his hound of a companion.

But mean? Syrus almost couldn’t see it, shook his head and shifted enough to get comfortable underneath Nikki’s weight; her cape really was a wonderful thing, beautiful barrier, surprisingly warm to the touch.

“Oh yes, we talked about it. It’s still hard to wrap my head around. Albite being mean, I think I’ve known him too long….He’ll always be that particular type of oafish to me. However? He is capable, like all people, of being an absolute a** at times. He’s also capable of murder, but so too am I — even if it’s done secondhand. I don’t know if he can do ‘cruelty’, though? He’s either enjoying himself to the fullest or he isn’t—there’s no middle divide.” And he wasn’t forgiving the beautiful oaf his faults, certainly hadn’t forgiven him for taking things over a cliff and burning them on the way down with Fulgurite.

“I’ve never been afraid of him before though, not untill I saw him on that hill facing down Lysithea — but he would’ve killed her cleanly too. They would’ve died together, likely, had nobody stopped them.” The thought distant and I belonging as all the rest of his words, existing out loud because it had to. For all the ways he sat pretty and unmarked, save the occasional small scare from trifles with magical dice or a distant enemy. Waru was a mess — a warning — and he almost took it all to mean the man was clumsy, until he’d understood that Waru simply didn’t believe in dodging, or running, or—-

He was lucky to have friends to stop him.

Syrus found himself wanting that too, friends who would stop him of his worst compulsions and most damning habits. People with minds to talk to, people who offered him rings sincerely — who could keep him and let him go without the world needing to end. Nikki hardly knew him and yet called him the nicest things and he blushed for that, what else could he do? Surrender seemed about right, to nod and smile for her words and blush like a helpless audience while giving her some of his own weight, a gentle draping of arms, a loose cuddle.

“But that’s all there with them, isn’t it? Here I am being offered a ring by a very beautiful girl who should by all rights be my twinned paramour — Hah, with the promise of ice vibes no less! How could I ever say no?” he wasn’t sure he thought he was as sweet as she claimed, stuffed the urge to argue that back down his throat in lieu of grinning in sharp agreeable, because yes, communication was key!! He was sure Matt could send something if he didn’t like what he received—- and then the gears all stalled out as he looked at Nikki with wide eyes and a softly parted mouth.

Flirting? She wanted to flirt? The confusion for the ask was quickly strangled, the worry that he might’ve given her the indication that he couldn’t allow it — wouldn’t enjoy it — oh, that just couldn’t be left to stand!

“You can always try—“ whisper soft he let the words flit over the shell of her ear where he pressed them, ever so carefully tucking bouncy pink curls further out of the way with a delicate black claw so he could smile at her sincerely, but more importantly than that?

So he could egg her on —

“Go on. Flirt with me.” Green lights and a raised eyebrow that promised a challenge. He couldn’t help it sometimes, with Fulgurite, but also outside of his purview, flirting had always been fun, even when done in cold, clipped and snake-sharp tones. He found himself flirting, with the likes of Borax, with the occasional trim man of tenured poison at the college whose halls he so admired — with Waru, how painfully distant that felt now that the man only seemed to be watching him for the signs of it all falling apart — or Aramis in the most platonic of ways. He never believed there was anything wrong with a little flirting! To have to abstain from it entirely would’ve driven him crazy — left for only dull and dry conversations empty of all possibilities, of friendly tease, of staff room gossips. Doors were greases open with all sorts of tongue wagged social lubricants, certainly flirting was one of them!

The idea that Nikki ever wouldn’t, because why? It was ridiculous to imagine a world where she didn’t as it was to imagine one where he didn’t either.

They weren't talking about Albite right now, were they? And it was in so many ways refreshing to meet someone else who understood just how *powerful* being dismissive of an ego built like a brick house could be -- dismantlingly so -- Cryolite grinned for it, sharp in all the looming darkness, agreeable in the silence he offered up like a peace branch between them. He'd never been bothered by the quiet or the cold.

"Because I am--" and it must've been alright to tease, to preen for the purely aesthetic praise! He took her compliments, sweetly honest as ever words could be, and realized in the same moment that they didn't know each other at all, save through other peoples eyes. How knowing 'of' a person and getting to know them were different things entirely. "Dione was supposedly a Titaness -- Senshi are supposedly divine -- and my particular line of work demands straight backs and high heads, coifed hair. I didn't think I carried all that 'professionalism' over beyond the glamor...."

There was room for pause as she nestled close, as he stilled for those tiny motions and felt them out for his own sake. He held it all like a breath, let the stillness linger, decided cuddling was more than alright. That it wasn't so unlike all the times Aramis in all her lovely laze-about moments had decided to use him like a chaise lounge; save how this somehow held far more intimacy than that. He wondered if it was Fulgurites absence? Though that couldn't be, they'd never met with him present before...

It was maybe her charm then, the way the lace scrunched and the ruffles furled, and she seemed so innocent to him, sitting there trying to win him over--a small part of him wondered if he should be looking for the lie in it all. All those parts of himself that kept his home & gardens magazine dull and opened the door to all of three other people and his friends 'boss' on occasion. People he trusted because their natures were all but known. He trusted Matt implicitly after all! Both to love him --- and to leave him alone with only hopeful promises and memories to fall back on -- but Nikki?

"I'm more than just 'pretty' though, aren't you?" the sigh a question as he held her closer still, closed his eyes against all the pink waves that pressed his cheek and where her nose found his pulse point. "You're---more intelligent then you let on, bold, full of life---an entire wellspring of it," the smile for how he thought that made her and Fulgurite an especially good pair. "There's something to be said for cosmic tailors and what they make of us--but if I were a betting man? I'd bet -- that you have a lot of style in real life too? That you're made up of more than just soft, pink butterflies and moonbeams." he let his mouth run on as his fingers idly chased the folds of sturdy dressage the moon had draped her in, blacks that caught on pinks, and he smoothed them idly. His tone soft as his assumptions were open to be denied, corrected, argued against or for. Because that was what flirting really was, right? Testing new waters, watching the ripples stir up---surface level flattery--to see what came up from the depths.

"I'd bet that nothing really scares you, either, does it? Not enough to get in your way, at least. And for all that you seem to detest meanness in others---you also seem to have a type?"

"Not very hard, I promise." He loved it, a little teasing went a long way, built bridges by bits the same as general flattery did. Every fresh inflection, every new word that was all hers and from herself, Cryolite drank it all in like dry sands did the rain. He found her protests enlightening, he smiled for every half joke and the drag on the Negaverse's obsession with all things matte black and noir designed. He knew, suddenly, if she ever saw the inside of any of his spaces, that Nikki might be appalled, and he liked that idea too. That some part of how he lived his life like a pearl within a clam might horrify her boldness. Where Fuglurite was understanding and Albite was oblivious--she might demand he open a ******** window and put some color on the walls.

"Any hesitation on my end is, of course, due to the situation we're both tangled up in---" the worlds most wanted in his lap and it was somewhat of a thrill! He wondered if Albite had indulged purely out of knowing how utterly dangerous it all was to straddle the very sharp fence-line of traitorhood and dare it to stab him where it'd hurt. Except Syrus knew better. His dear lumox of a friend had loved and mourned in cycles. Had a desired outcome that would always be out of reach---a past to cling to. Syrus had only the now, and the knowledge that whatever future there was? Was entirely out of his hands. He couldn't change it, or overcome it, no amount of planning would guarantee any course he set forth after. So he would wait for it, glacially, on ever thinning ice, until something broke through on the other side and opened up a way forwards.

Or closed it.

Maybe it was that which made the whole thing easy, the acceptance of all the facts he had and all the facts he lacked. It was almost a relief, to know there was nothing more he could really do for anyone save hope, and wait, and exist as peacefully as he could manage. He still had school--his internship--his own personal goals that served as handy excuses and distractions whenever he had need.

"But also? I think being a little slow to warm goes very well with the 'ice prince motif' I've put on. It allows for mystery -- intrigue -- there's all sorts of fun to be had with that," he thought it was better like this, to see her eyes, to hear her denounce firmly how she wasn't mean -- even if he thought she clearly had a thing for 'bad boys' and 'orders most wanted' if such a thing existed for them at all! "Plus? There's the fact that everything I know about you is second hand from some very biased sources. Not that they're unreliable, but....Those rose colored glasses are probably thicker than your skirts and if I'm going to love you the way I should? Then I want it to be because of who 'you' are, and not because you saved Fulgurite from himself as Sylvite--or because you saved Albite from his own worst impulses as 'Alexa'..." he could see it now, boys and hero complexes, the pedestal made of moonbeams she stood on for them both. The cold, small place he stood in the dark looking out at all his surroundings. A heart of gold, oh yes, deep down for sure, but he'd never thought himself flawless as his powers made him up to be.

"I didn't intend to get so serious with Fulgurite. Not as quickly as I did--I can't blame the wine, the chaos of too many long nights, the influence of some outside source. I can only blame myself---" he didn't sound like he was laying blame, like it was a bad thing, only a statement of facts as they had happened from his point of view. He was glad to have her eyes for this, to be able to look into them and see some better version of himself reflected back in hues of lavender and pink. She looked cute when she was being thoughtful, when she was facing a challenge of another kind. He wondered if she looked the same sort of determined when she was fighting, too?

"So if I'm going to have feelings for you? I want them to come from me, myself, and I. And if I'm going to kiss you? You'll know it's because I think you've more than just a very pretty, very kissable face---though you were blessed with both of those things..." honesty offered softly, compliments genuine as his steady gaze, and he indulged himself briefly, let his fingers frame her face and his thumbs press those cute rosy cheeks. There was nothing about her that didn't worth caressing.

"You're personality is simply more impressive to me--" if he could tell Waruhiu 'I'll Bed Anything Once' Ushindi 'No' ever in his life, even the once, even several hundred times more, and not receive any sort of backlash for doing so. Then he was confident he could tell Nectaris she'd have to work for it. That he could do it with a smile, and with a promise of returns that would involve dividends and interest. He could promise to make it worth her while to invest in him, even just a little bit. For however long they had until some new thing shifted beneath his feet that he'd have to steady himself for on more than just a physical level.

He wanted to work for it too -- it would make the impending fallout he feared in the deepest depths of his subconscious worth it. The satisfaction of a challenge -- of being worth someone, but only because he'd put in equal effort on his own part.

A sugar rush gained at light speed, a heady thing he held onto cautiously lest he got a headache from trying to track every new and important word. Every fresh meaning and easily given belief spread out in the stark light of day and left for him to sort as he pleased.

He very suddenly understood why Albite had loved her enough to have loathed any change he must’ve perceived with her leaving. Could grasp at speed why he’d been so cloyingly possessive— Knew exactly what it was Fulgurite saw in her, now that he had her up close, personal, flustered and flushed in his lap.

Oh, she was dangerous, yes, but so were they all. It was in the wielding of it, the core of it, that made Nectaris dangerous in the safest possible sense. She was honest, forthright, predictable. Not like a wild animal off leash or a too powerful weapon in the hands of a chaotic child. She wielded her danger with a firm grasp on just how it could be perceived by others—-

She wielded it kindly, and that was more than he could say of himself, of those he knew, who were too careless at times. Who lacked that same self-awareness.

“You’re right, it wouldn’t be fair to me, or to you—it’d be a disservice to us both if you were *only* doing it for those reasons and those reasons alone—“ he let his smile be sly as it liked, honest and sharp to a point, felt her curl and fidget with unshed energy and wanted to somehow smooth that down in ways he was familiar with. He was not unused to the million miles per hour types, to the rapid tornadoes in human form and the emotional storms they weathered. He was tempted to tell her that it was fine that she wanted more, now that he knew she wanted him happy, comfortable, to feel known! It was enough to *know* she felt that way rather than to simply guess at it via an odd game of telephone.

It should’ve been enough—

Except knowledge was a drug, and knowing the one thing begged him to pry for more, to dig deeper, to get all his answers at once! He had his own games he enjoyed playing, his own points to make. Was not some saint without the capacity for meanness; even when done out of love, with a kind hand behind the gesture. He wanted to know Nikki, inside and out, wanted to know Fulgurite the same — even if Matt would never be the same again in the future. The capacity for dissecting and examining them as they were before him right now was far too tantalizing to ignore.

The chance at it right there in his lap, and so what else could he do but ask for it?

“But you do like me, don’t you? And you do want me to be happy—right here, right now, as I get to know you.”

With a breathlessness, with a need to keep the proximity close even if she’d stopped touching him all together.

“As we get to know each other.”

He didn’t want her to move— to get up — to go. Knew that it would shatter the oddly peaceable moment and leave him unable to reclaim it exactly as it was now.

“And honestly, what I want most right now? Is to know what he’d say if he knew. Even if it was only to you, in some passing private whisper—And wanting *that* must also mean I want to kiss you? For the knowledge; yes— but also because you’re entirely yourself, and you as yourself have been nothing but accommodating— kind — These are all entwined things, I can’t have one without the other. Him without you, his feelings without yours.” As individual as salt and pepper, and at the same time a set that was inseparable. Syrus understood that in his bones.

And if he was to be truly honest with her? Sometimes he liked to be uncomfortable, even in moments like this — to test his own boundaries and stand along the grain of drawn lines. To test himself, always, and find where which parts of him remained solid and which parts needed to be shed like an unnecessary husk of ill fitting skin.

“So it’s obvious that we should kiss, isn’t it? And then get you a ring— or at the very least send him a second note asking him why he hasn’t—“ and there was a sliver of meanness there, a velvet wrapped blade unsheathed, it’s edges dull, but a knife all the same.

Because Cryolite needed to know the answers to these things— for himself if nothing else — to know, as he found Nikki’s hands again and took them in his own, if she tasted so different from anyone he’d ever kissed before. If she kissed like she *spoke* — if fulgurite in all his seeking to move forwards into the light could manage to do something Syrus was sure Waru would’ve absolutely done for Nikki (if for all the wrong reasons). Something he *knew* Fulgurite could do for all the right ones.