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 Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2023 2:01 pm
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“I don’t know how the hell you weaseled your way in here, but don’t you think it’s bad enough that you’re escorting me to and from class? You had to come in and watch now, too.” Aelius fumed.
Aelius wasn’t sure when the man had actually situated himself on the back-side of the room. The danseur had been well engrossed in the sequence he and his partner were performing to take much notice of any spectators. Normally, it was just his fellow classmates, mostly female, that got the privilege of watching each other. It wasn’t until after, when Aelius turned to join those surrounding the perimeter of the room, that he noticed the man. It was hard not to with the street clothes amongst a room of leotard and tight donned people..
In an instant Aelius’s mood plummeted and he refused to look or acknowledge the man for the rest of the hour long class.
Now, with class ended, he was sitting on the floor near Waru as he finished up his stretching. Warm-up and after session stretches were up to the students at this level and Aelius took great care in making sure his muscles were kept limber. “You can’t even let me have one hour of peace, can you?” The young man glowered at Waru as he reached forward and practically ripped his slippers from his feet, shoving them into a bag beside him.
The one piece leotard he wore left very little to the imagination. The heat of the summer meant he was quite content to wear the short panted item without sweats over top. Bare arms and chest helped with the sweat that had built up during the class, but a towel that he pulled from the black duffle bag helped with any remaining. “Dammit, Waru. Can’t you just let me have this one damn thing right now?”
Aelius grabbed his shorts and stood up. The work-out shorts weren’t enough to completely cover the longer length of his leotard which poked out the bottom of his newly slipped on attire, but it did add a modicum amount of decency. Outside of class, most in DC would frown upon seeing a young man wearing just a leotard with his whole self on display. A yellow tank top was also pulled out and thrown on. “How the hell did you manage to get in here anyway? Why today?”
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Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2023 11:58 am
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“Honestly? I got bored…” it was the first thought that flew from his head and tumbled marble slick out past his lips. Honest answer for an honest question, no point in dodging Aelius with any fancy sort of lie. He wouldn’t even have known how to lie about something like this. Waiting for a thing to start at least had some anticipation to it! Waiting for something to end though? That was boredom stacked atop boredom—-
Waiting was hard—-
His attention span was thin.
His attention to time?!
It was rough enough having to be in a routine now, but to be in a routine where showing up oopsidentally early had consequences?! Nah, that wasn’t for him— and all the other classmates were nice, had pointers about being en pointe, spoke in French words that he knew enough of — but wanted to see expressed in person. Which meant that getting invited in to watch his friend wasn’t too hard or far a stretch. He could be charming when he tried his hardest, could ask to
sit in just the one time! And maybe he’d sign up for a thing? And maybe they’d be extra accommodating on account of all sorts of assumptions. Waru was about as soon going to complain as he was going to rat out the person who let him in.
“Bored n tired of waiting to see all of what goes on in here. It’s actually pretty cool! You’re a good dancer, you should do it professionally. Hand’ modelings good n all – all modeling’s good – but like, this? This doesn’t need to be a major money n identity revealing thing! Maybe if you do something small, something local? There was a whole performance over the summer with Sharks, I swear I saw—” and there had been a flash of lovely blond locs in the front row that he swore were familiar, a crowd of people cheering on the actors!! Secret behind the scenes backstage access passes on auction— Don mother ******** Diablo and his hype girl!!
But Aelius probably didn’t want to hear him go on about all of that. Aelius sounded too many degrees of heated to stand him going on and on and on—so Waru cut it short, smiled around an ending and offered with a shrug.
“All sorts of people there, and I thought you said I could come to one of your classes? Or was that not this…” he finally slid out of his crouched position, stretched to reach for the ceiling and sighed for the way certain things popped. His gaze half on Aelius, half on the rest of the dancers milling around and giggling about and stretching through complex movements—He thought the full length mirrors were cool, thought the teacher looked professionally suave and full of grace despite her age.
He’d thought for sure Aelius had offered an invite once, hadn’t he? Maybe there had been more, a time, a date, a secret password? Or maybe the invitation had been rescinded and he’d missed that too…
Anything was possible.
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Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2023 5:27 pm
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“Bored.” He raised an eyebrow at the man. The entire area had coffee shops, a few indie stores, bookstores and he was pretty sure there was a museum not far away. On top of it there was a park not terribly far either and the weather had been absolutely gorgeous. Certainly, there had to be plenty to do in the area. Not the mention the time spent away from each other surely meant it gave Waru time to do his own damn things. “Dont you have your own things to do for an hour or so?”
If Aelius was heated at the sight of his new roommate, his entire demeanor changed as Waru mentioned he was a good dancer and should do it professionally. Dreams long ago given up on but never really forgotten. He needed to make money somehow, and with no funds to support him he'd been forced to give up on a dream hed been so close to achieving before….before he met his now husband.“Dont. Dont talk about things you know nothing about.” He said in a soft voice as he grabbed his bag and shoes. The sneakers were practically thrown to the floor and he shoved his feet in, not bothering to unlace them. He paused just a moment to pull the back of one of the sneakers up, the other having slipped on fine, before shouldering the bag and walking out, assuming Waru was following him like a shadow.
He let the question about sitting in on a class hang between them for a while. What was he to say to that? He had meant it when he’d offered. What he hadn't realized was how Waru was to practically become his babysitter. God forbid he sneezed wrong and he was sure Faustite was being told about it. His jaw tightened at the thought. The whole situation chafed in so many ways.
“Don't you think we spend enough time together already? NOW you want to watch dance class and get in on it? It’s been months since I offered.” His annoyance was clear by his tone as he led the way through the hallways and down to street level.
In the back of his head Aelius knew he was being unreasonable. A small part of him knew there had been no time for Waru to contemplate dance, what with the circumstances that had been looming over all of them, but he didnt care at that moment. Right now, all Aelius could focus on was how unfair all of this felt. How his life had gone from something hed worked hard to build something for himself, by himself to have it all torn away so quickly. All because their husband had found his newly appointed husband wanting and worthless.
He shifted his bag on his shoulder.
“If you want to take dance classes it won't be with me anyway. You’ll be in a beginners class.” Perhaps it was a peace offering. He didn't know why he said it. Guilt maybe? He had offered, after all. Or maybe getting the man into his own class would mean Aelius would get an extra hour of peace a few times a week. Cause dealing with the man all day and night was already growing wearisome.
“Can you honestly say you're actually truly interested?” He shot the man a look over his shoulder as they walked out the front door. Aelius paused just long enough to let Waru grab the door, instead of letting it slam in the mans face. A common courtesy.
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Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2023 8:40 pm
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He used to—-and now? Oh, that vicious little bite of anxiety, it chewed his ******** heels as the days went on and turned longer. As the time they shared stretched out. Now he’d spend that hour or so aimlessly, unable to do anything more than wonder what ‘next’ would look like for them—and worry if Aelius would finally get fed up and leave. It was that limbo of doing nothing while wanting to do something, and then finding all other options lacking. So what if the sun was shining and the birds were singing and the bees were extra ******** that day!!
It solved nothing, his mind wheels spun, he found himself bored of it all save the thing that pointed towards a solution.
‘More time with Aelius is the solution, isn’t it?’
Not knowing whether he was right or wrong. It hadn’t bothered him when they’d first started, he could mind his time and spend it how he pleased.
‘I’ve done exactly that with others, haven't I?’
Where he’d come only when called, gone where he’d wanted in-between, uncaring if he was called back again a hundred times. There weren’t any expectations to meet. Even the solid few weeks he’d spent playing shadow to Faustite? Literally up his a** and unable to get out on his own. It’d been an easy thing to do. No team to manage, even mildly, no worries about getting back topside—
‘Because I couldn’t. Hadn’t wanted to. Hadn’t needed to.’
His life would be there waiting for him to resume it on the other side. The only thing that’d tipped his hand was his inability to be tempered n tame with his future husband-to-be’s mopping for one minute more. All Hell broke loose, settled back down, life went on. He could have his cake and eat it too! The others hadn’t needed this—and even if they had? He hadn’t the power to impose it upon them with such severity. Even the most serious things he’d been resigned to, understanding of, angry about…
It was all ******** reactive, the pretense, proactive measures mild and loving. This level of tethering though?
“I shouldn’t’ve outed you the way I did that night—“ trailing words that jumped every rail as he held the door open between them, stalled out in the entry-way before following all of Aelius' baleful glares through to the outside world, he let the door slam then. Felt all his thoughtfulness turn pensive and unsure in a blink.
Had he ever apologized properly? Yes, no, maybe?! He wasn’t so sure anymore. Everything seemed so smooth, and Faustite had handled most things for him, done the sweet-talking, reassured him that everything was melted butter n brown sugar sweet on all ends. Things had been going so well back then—Or if they hadn’t been? If it was all in his head? He hadn’t felt it then. Aelius seemed happy with Faustite and who the ******** was he to care if Aelius was as happy as he appeared to be with *him*?! Especially when he’d been so damn happy just to bask in the afterglow of lovers reunited—like a complete n utter sap….
“You know, he did ask me, before. Told you that.” The words came faster as he let all his thoughts decouple, let them hiss right back and screech as they caught speed and hit stonier feelings. “I gave him my opinion—*he listened to me*—“ talking low and ducking just to the right of Aelius periphery. “I thought it’d help.”
And he did pivot to try and catch Aelius gaze, to take in more than just the brunt of burning stares and castoff over the shoulder looks. The ******** was he so large, and yet Aelius always seemed to evade his eyes— wouldn’t share a space long enough to take a piss — boiled like vipers vinegar when he wasn’t trying to hide out. Waru was frustrated and he couldn’t tell with who anymore.
“Tell me, is any of this actually truly helping, Aelius?” he nearly tripped over himself to get ahead of his own words, watched all his effort go up in smoke in real time, but he had to know. Was *he* helping? Was he doing poorly by Aelius?
‘Am I in the wrong here?!’
Was every new move just another inch dug deeper in the chasm separating them now. What did he know that they could talk about—what was or wasn’t a landmine he could skirt or set off at whim—the ******** had he done it before? When they’d been coasting along all friendly like—lower stakes, but way more fires to put out. Faustite being there to set them ablaze or douse them in equal measure. His boy knew Aelius better….
‘Faustite isn't here now.’
“Does me being ‘interested’ actually truly matter to you? When you clearly don’t want to do anything with me—even if there were entire classes between us—-and for the record! M’damn well allowed my opinion on whether or not I think you're a good dancer…such a control freak…brothers, more like twins… ” the tail end muttered harshly, the words rapid fire, nonsensical statement about one more familial similarity he’d noted the pair had in common. Trey had at least explained his issues summaht— but Aelius? He really didn’t know more than half, and hadn't pressed to ask. Bad things happened, identities n families got ******** up and over. Love was born n died n rebirthed Phoenix style from the ashes.
Aelius seemed like his own person though, like he’d made himself a life!!
But was he, had he? Had Waru really asked anything other n softball questions— and oooh, oooh, was he feeling twinged enough to want to ask more now, while standing in the middle of the damn street even. They could always talk shop n walk! Why not!
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 3:56 pm
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Aelius was well wrapped up in his thoughts. The whole conversation was both irksome and tiring for the danseur. The linear conversation though made it easy for him to brew like a pot forgotten on a stove. Not quite ready to boil over but teasing with the promise of small splashes upon the hot surface. Waru’s abrupt change in direction was like pouring ice cold water into the pot, the threat of a boil-over temporarily stalled for the effort.
Golden eyes roved to Waru as the man made haste to walk in stride next to him. His mind roved his memories to try and figure out what the hell was even being mentioned. The whiplash of it confused the young man. “I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about right now.” He muttered both curious but irritated for the change of direction and mysteriousness of the comment. What ‘out’ was Waru talking about specifically? Something to do with the night he’d be transferred to Faustite? That night had turned into a bit of a blur in his memory, the trauma of it washed away except for the persistent emotions of betrayal, fear, and heartache. Perhaps something further back? How far were they talking? If Waru’s plan had been to confuse Aelius enough to shutter his ire it had worked.
Then Waru continued. “If this is about my brother and me, that was long ago forgiven.” With all of the s**t that had gone down since then, Aelius had no will to hold onto the grudges from then. No, he still burned at the knowledge that his brother and Faustite had been sleeping together and Faustite had willfully neglected to make mention of it, but that wasn’t a Waru problem. “I am not ******** surprissed though that he listened to you.” A bitterness in his voice laced the comment. Waru was the only one Faustite seemed to listen to. The prodigal one. Aelius unconsciously spun the ring on his own finger, still a staple upon his hand. A hope that still didn’t want to die despite the withered tethers to a relationship that never really had a chance to take off.
The sidewalks were busy. Aelius dodged a few people who were far more interested in their phones or getting to where they were going. His plans were to head straight to the apartment. He had laundry needing to be done and dinner to be cooked. Not to mention his skin practically crawled for a shower after a hot class.
Again the conversation shifted and Aelius huffed his annoyance at the question presented. Was Waru so truly oblivious or did he enjoy living in his own expectations and world? “What do you think, Waru.” He said.
“You know what, don’t answer that.” He didn’t need Waru to spin nonsensical words anymore. “Imagine, for years, you worked to try and please everyone around you. You had a life that was never truly your own and no matter what you did, nothing was ever good enough for anyone. Finally, you get some freedom. You are able to build yourself up to support yourself and have freedom you never truly had before only to have it ripped away from you in you fell swoop.” He bumped into a woman. She apologized quickly to him and he the same to her out of sheer habit. His bag he let slip around his body to help make himself just a bit smaller. “Suddenly everything you do is scrutinized. Likely reported on. You can’t do a ******** thing by yourself.”
A hand rose to push some hair that had fallen loose in the bump back out of his face. “Not to mention it’s with the man your husband favors and dotes upon. Spends a majority of his time with?” A sadness crept into his voice as his tone shifted and voice softened.
Again the conversation shifted and Aelius was tired of it all. The way Wary could just change directions at the whim of a thought. It was both impressive and incredibly obnoxious. Could they not stay on a singular topic? “********….” He took in a breath and let it out slowly. “Yes. Being interested does matter, because otherwise it’s not worth the effort to help or care. Madam, is a lovely woman and has always pushed me to do more, but that doesn’t mean it’s feasible or something that should be pursued.” Again that sadness clung to his words like a heavy anvil.
He turned a corner, obviously leading them back to the apartment now for all of the places they bypassed with little interest from Aelius. Only a singular coffee shop had gotten a modicum of interest, but he’d not taken on any gigs as of recently so it was best to not splurge on something he could easily make at the apartment.
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 4:36 pm
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The great divide of frustration he felt echo out between them, a vast chasm with a single rope to bridge it, one that he’d gone n trod across with no safety lines, no balance pole, and now? Now he felt like he’d set the only thing keeping him aloft on ******** fire as soon as he’d started crossing it. He wasn’t even a proper daredevil, not really, just a guy who liked to watch the world burn and see if the embers would ever properly catch him…
He knew they would, someday. He could feel them creeping up on his heels now, bright, hot, warning sparks of things. It made him walk faster to keep up with Aelius, to catch that turn around the corner with his hand on the nearest street sign. Hastened his steps around a pedestrian without apology for who he moved outta his way in order to keep time with the bluenette.
He’d made it this far with Aelius on luck and luck alone, if he was going to get any further at all then he’d need something more, but what?
“Yanno—the only thing I get outta all of this is your future happiness, right? Like, my entire interest is cost sunk into seeing you succeed. M’not tryna steal out’chur mouth, s’not something mh’in for shits, n giggles, n spite....” words he wanted to spit, but instead they came out as mirthless sighs aimed at Aelius’s back. He felt all his pent up energy leech into the street beneath his boots, felt a sudden tiredness pull him in an entirely different direction. Hearing the soft sadness in answer to his own confusing asks, hearing Aelius spew logic and sense, and failing to process what he’d never functioned with, not on his own.
How the ******** was he supposed to know how that would feel when he’d never actually felt that way himself? When he wasn’t sure if he’d feel the way Aelius was feeling *now*, even if it was him standing as his equals opposite on the other side of it all.
“I don’t actually know how that feels though, and it’s hard to imagine on the fly. Even with you asking me to…” he could’ve done it eventually! With time, patience, with a sounding board to batter the ideas off of bocce-ball style, he probably could’ve seen it all the way Aelius was begging him to, he could’ve felt it. “Because I can't know you if you don’t let me in and I don’t just mean to your dance class, or your place, or..…” his words filled with the sound of a lightbulb going off as he followed Aelius into the apartment, through double glass doors, into a rising elevator that went ever up – he finally reached out to snag the man's shoulder and give it a gentle shake, to stare him down quietly with nothing but the ding’s of receding floors to fill the silence in between.
“I mean *IN*, Aelius,” pointing at the man's temple as if that meant something profound, before burying his hands in his pockets, giving the back-wall of the small lift his weight, “Put me in your ballet slippers, or your shoes or—your head, something!? Cause the last thing I wanna do is fail *you*.” He wished the elevator was larger, faster, and that he could put six feet more between them. No, more than that? He wanted to be able to stand next to Aelius and have it be an easy thing again. To pour out the man’s head, look at the mess, and unflinchingly tell him how none of it was really so bad. He wasn’t sure if Aelius got it, though. If Aelius got him. If under all his unwillfully bound companions ire there could exist something like mutual understanding—He knew he ******** struggled with it sometimes, could admit that aloud. That he knew Aelius was unhappy with everything going on, and that he had no clue how to fix that for him.
“Because I am interested—but only if it’d be something to do with you. An experience in common we could share, if you wanted that? Something fun—finally–cause it’s always too serious between us. S’always *Elex* between us!!” He let the bite to his words be what it was, the fizzling urge to leave and find something to dust, let the buildup die in a huff of heated breath. He didn’t begrudge Eion the place he clearly held in Aelius' heart. Didn’t blame Aelius for being infatuated with the past, present, and future possibilities that came with being in love. Just like he couldn’t ever consider ‘their’ husband (Faustite; a man so openly shared, while being decked in bejeweled vows so numerous that a zales salesman would’ve gotten a hard-on seeing him enter a store!) his own personal, private island he could circle round while being shark-like defensive of.
That wasn’t how any of this worked, not for him.
Waru imagined the day he’d come to stand between Faustite and his lovers who meant no harm, who only wanted some small part of the perfectly warm fires he shamelessly bathed himself in. Knew that would be the same day he’d no longer be worthy of holding the types of love-given titles he so eagerly shared now. He knew, too, that Aelius’ issues with anything that went on between him n Faustite were the sorta s**t the bluenette’d have to sort on his own– The kinda ‘man in the mirror’ types of self-reflection that came from a place Waru couldn’t help him through.
“And if Ei’s gonna be in the room without being in the room? Then I want to be able to see him too––Ve’got a tool for that, actually…”
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 4:40 pm
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Aelius made no sound to the comments to his back as they moved through the streets of Destiny City to the singular destination the young man had in mind. A part of him wished that Waru would grow tired of the morose disposition of his self-imposed roommate. Would just leave Aelius alone. Shut his damn mouth and stop spouting nonsense.
Get to know him? Care what happens to him? No. Aelius was pretty damn certain the man was only this dedicated because of the orders he’d been given by their illustrious commanding officer. Before now, while he and Waru had gotten along, there had never been a push to truly get to know one another. A few get togethers here and there, but nothing profound. Nothing that dived deep into either of their businesses and now…
Well, now Aelius found it chafing and crushing that it took an order for Waru to care. A singular order to make Aelius feel like nothing more than a problem that needed to be dealt with. The thought caused him to wince for the pain that clenched in his chest. It was always like that though. Always had been kept at arms length. Only ever allowed to get a taste of what he could have but never allowed to have it.
A hand wiped at his face, rubbing at eyes still darkened from lack of proper sleep. Meanwhile, Waru kept going on and on, and Aelius had made himself too depressed with his own thoughts to really care what was being said by his unwanted companion. It wasn’t until he was forced into close proximity with doors closed in an elevator. He normally didn’t take the old, knocking equipment, but had unconsciously trapped himself in out of a sheer bone-deep exhaustion that he finally looked at the man again.
It was kind of hard to ignore such a person like Waru when in a space so tight and small. The elevator took it’s damn time too to ascend.
“That. There.” He said with no real emotion creeping into his tone that laid flat. “It always circles back to him. Never, with you, is it anything but Eion. He’s always the elephant in the room. Always has been with us and honestly…” He sighed, not even sure where he was going with what he was saying. His thoughts becoming a fleeting mess. “It doesn’t matter.” He huffed noncommittally.
“Do whatever the hell you want. I honestly don’t have enough energy to even care at this moment. I don’t even know what the hell you even mean by seeing Eion but if you’re that damn ******** determined to pretend I am not here and he is then do whatever it is you want to do. If I tell you no anyway, you’ll just find some other way to do what you want. That’s how it seems to be with you, anyway.”
The elevator chimed and Aelius pushed past Waru and out into the hallway. He needed space from the man, but more importantly, he wanted to go drown himself in the shower for awhile. Try and pretend the world didn’t exist outside of the small sanctuary of his bathroom.
Keys announced their removal from his pocket with a small clatter. He unlocked the door and gave it a good push, the swelling of the door apparent from the humidity with the effort needed to open it. Aelius dropped his keys in the bowl on the counter like always. His bag he left sitting under the coat hangers on the wall leading into the small living room.
“Whatever it is you want to do, I am getting a shower first.” He remarked as he walked into the darkness of the hallway and his bedroom to acquire clothing before pointedly entering the bathroom with a firm closing of the door. There he turned on the shower and did exactly what he had wanted. Practically crawled into the shower and put his face into the stream of water letting it drown out the dark thoughts, sorrow and exhaustion.
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 4:59 pm
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Waru could only answer all those words with his own stunned silence, as the bulb of an idea that had beamed on in his hindbrain intensified until it burst; high-beams blasting out on the world's heftiest, most military grade forerunner. Till he himself was blinded by them, an immovable deer in the middle of their crossroads, an inevitable thing to hit. Because he would sooner die than move out of the way of his own volition—the realization that came as he moved on autopilot into the home that was not, and never would be, his own.
He owed Aelius an apology, because it was true, wasn’t it? Eion lived as the sun; they circled him like a pair of planets that shared an orbital path, but never really touched because they’d destroy each other inadvertently. He remembered that he’d once asked Eion if he imagined that the boy he was before – if ‘Elex’ and ‘Waru’ – as they had once been, ever could’ve been together.
—-(Faustite) -- “Don’t know that I’d have been around you enough to hook up. Was pretty insular then. Tried to keep up appearances. Stay in my circles. Rowan was well-off; no one would second-guess us being together. But you? You’d be a story around someone who needed to blend in.”----
The answer was a clear and resounding ‘No’, not as simple as that, but a ‘no’ all the same. Eion took no hurt from him asking, just like he took no hurt from the truth of things as they would have been not so long ago. Waru had taken one look at that silver locket and the pair of people in it and had decided that they were lovely, in love, young and perfectly immortalized exactly that way. He’d decided based entirely on a photo taken some odd amount of years ago that Faustite and Aelius were ******** soulmates…
Elex and Rowan looked far too happy in that single still image to have not been soulmates!
There was more to it of course, but nothing that Waru could so easily pin down in his head the way he could that singular, solid object. Everything else was muddled, it was feelings and words, and his feelings about those words. It was the reality that existed where he wanted Faustite to have it all, where he believed Faustite could have it all, while he could go on giving up nothing of his own. Aelius would be just as accepting of things as he was. They could all bask in the glow without needing to touch—they could all come together and combust if they so desired–never was it a necessary thing!
That was how loving a fire worked, wasn't it? Those were the rules. So long as everyone followed them then everything would be fine—forever—always–
The naivety of that concept alone hit him upside the head like blunt-force trauma from said deer-killing super-car his imagination was oh so recklessly driving. He made sure the front door was closed, locked, and secured as Aelius slipped quietly through the small space, hanging back while the other man went to start his shower. Letting all his own thoughts wander bloody down his messy mental roadway. He made tea–badly–because Faustite was his husband and would be in his head and heart even if he wasn’t in Aelius' home. ******** seemed embedded as a damn thorn, and Waru wasn’t about to dig him out. So instead he made tea and wondered if he would have ever wanted to be with Aelius, even as a friend, without the intervention of others?
Not like this, no.
If he’d met Aelius in any other way? There was always the possibility.
So it was a shame that he hadn’t met Aelius separately from anyone else. Not through dancing, or parties, or clubs. He’d heard of the man first through Fafnir– and could admit that the older of the brothers had grabbed his attention in ways unrelated to Faustite. Within Trey was an anger he could understand, a hunger with a drive that he knew the shape of. A person he could push–just for the ******** fun of it. Trey was wants and needs that he could visualize—poisoned lips, unkissable things, teeth sharp as a dragons. He knew Trey first as someone appalled by his crass carelessness, and found that fascinating. Then he took all his interest from Faustites clear respect of the man, and ran it all several steps further after that. Though the truth was that he would’ve beat down the Faffls door ‘just because’ and for no other reason–Because he was bored, because Trey looked too pretty to be sitting in an office alone, because the power in those ice-pick-eyes was extra ******** attractive; especially when it was aimed at murdering him, but only ever privately and outta sheer annoyance. Back then, as a basic Senshi? He’d figured there were worse ways to die than by Fafnir…
Right now? He almost wished Fafnir would come and end his misery for Aelius' sake. For the fact that he knew of Rowan only through Elex’s eyes, and knew Aelius only as a companion piece to other people; to Trey, to Faustite. Like – Here! This is Treys brother – Eions Soulmate – a missing boy that’s been found and is missing no more! This is Aelius: a shiny bit of anguished and traumatized person, whose life experiences have sharpened into a dagger aimed outwards and inwards all at once.
Here he was trying to fix things while making them all about what he thought was best for everyone else—including himself—and not nearly enough about what he thought was best for Aelius. Was it any wonder he wasn’t getting anywhere when it was so damn obvious to even Aelius why he was here! For Aelius, yeah, but for Aelius because why?
‘Because of Faustite—because I want him happy, and making Aelius happy’ll achieve that, which’ll make me extra ********’ happy. Right? ******** that he clearly would’ve wanted me to seek him out on my own, that it took Ei’ asking me for me to finally reach out like this…‘
“Soooo–apparently it really is me that’s ******** up—and I want to apologize,” he was careful as he entered the room, even more careful than that as he propped himself against the closed bathroom door and tried to talk over the sounds of the shower from inside.There were some spaces he’d respect, he left the bedroom as Aelius territory, he tried not to tread all the ******** over it, he’d make this quick without needing to open more than the one door.
“I get that you hate this, I get that you don’t feel like it’s helping, and I don’t blame you,” he didn’t blame himself either, not entirely. No more than he blamed Faustite, or Trey, or Aelius parents, or the whole wide world! Not wholly, no, everyone could share the burden of this blame, including Aelius himself.
It takes two–it takes three–it takes a whole ******** village apparently!
“I’m gonna do better, but first? I wanna ask for something personal from you. I’ll make it worth your while if you say yes—M’ha be in the kitchen when you’re done, kay?” because the kettle was whistling, and if he didn’t get to it quickly enough there’d be more over-boiled water stains on the stovetop for Aelius to clean. Waru had learned it was something he liked to watch the man do, that if he sat on the sofa and gave the guy his whole kitchen in mostly silence, that they could talk somewhat peaceably.
It wasn’t long after that he was sitting on the open floor, the coffee table shoved up against a wall, a steaming mug of peppermint-tea cradled between his hands and knees. The only thing more out of place was the odd black-velvet drawstring bag waiting like a snake at his hip. The ******** he’d pulled it from–one of the bags he was keeping fulla his stuff maybe? He didn’t look ready to explain it yet as he sipped water stained with burst tea bag leaves. Instead he looked expectant, like he had ten thousand more questions he was deliberately withholding, but only barely.
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 5:04 pm
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Aelius stood there under the stream of water. It poured down over his head with rivulets coursing down his face and body. Eyes closed to the onslaught of liquid that attempted, in vain, to rid the young man of his dark thoughts. The most it was able to accomplish was slicking away that feeling of ‘dirtiness’. To rid him of the left-over feeling of a sweat covered body from a good workout. It was at this point, as Aelius tood there that he could hear Waru’s muffled voice through the door.
Muscles in his shoulders and neck tensed as he awaited to hear the click of a door opening that never came. Instead, what he got was apologies and words that made it sound as if Waru had maybe, actually, heard something that was said to him. But, Aelius was cautious and did not respond as he heard a faint whistling and retresting steps.
Hands reached up to slick back his hair that had plastered itself to his forehead. A heaving sigh escaped him. Waru was up to something else now and while an apology was unexpected along with Waru’s blunt acknowledgement to Aelius’s thought son current affairs, it didn’t mean he was at all interested in hearing more. But, what was he going to do? Hide away in his room. Attempt to ignore everything. It sure as ******** hadn’t been helping. Waru was obviously not going to just walk away. A snort escaped Aelius as he reached out and grabbed his shampoo, beginning to lather up his hair. No, he supposed Waru wouldn’t walk away. Not with any of this having come from orders from Faustite.
His chest tightened again. Gods, he hated this whole predicament. As much as he was unhappy with everything, he still yearned to see his husband again. Wanted to be by him, soak up any time he could find with his love, but his own hurt made it incredibly hard to relent to. How easily it had appeared for Faustite to just write off his own pain, worries and sorrow and then just pass it off to someone else to deal with…
Turning, he dipped his head back into the shower stream. Suds and water hit the shower floor in heavy drops as Aelius’s ran fingers through the long tresses to make sure they were free of any shampoo before applying conditioner. The conditioner he let sit as he began cleaning his body.
Was he supposed to just…forgive Faustite? Let himself feel unworthy while at the same time glossing it all over with smiles and adoration? Was that the only way to get back to normal? Put everyone else first?
Aelius knew it wasn’t feasible. He broke apart once. That day in Faustite’s office still hurt to think about. Words said tha the hadn’t meant to say but came pouring out unfettered. His own actions and fear and– He shoved his head back under the water, face first.
It took time, but Aelius eventually reappeared from the shower dressed in grey sweats and a plain black tank. Feet bare and hair still damp, but at least brushed through and out of his face, he padded into the living room cautiously. There he found Waru nestled on the couch with a mug of what Aelius assumed to be tea by the smell in the air perched between his fingers. At first, the black bag had gone unnoticed at Waru’s side as Aelius moved to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. It was only when he returned, propping himself onto one of the stools at the counter that he noted it.
He eyed the bag as he gulped down the cool liquid. His skin still had a rosey hue to it from the heat of the shower and the water did a lot to help temper the remaining heat that clung to him. Anxiety continued to gnaw at his nerves, and it showed in his ability to not fully sit still as he subtly fidgeted with his glass. “So, what is it that you want to ask?” He finally said to break the awkward silence.
He eyed the bag at Waru’s side again, but said nothing about it. Most likely it had something to do with whatever it was Waru wanted. So, he’d find out soon enough. For now though, the apology given was left to hang between them for now with Aelius unable to fully acknowledge it. Whether it was from his own doubts of Waru’s sincerity or his inability to accept an actual apology was up for debate.
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 5:21 pm
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“You don’t even wanna hear what’s on the table first?” A quirked eyebrow, a tease of a half moon grin, he was surprised and pleased all at once. Mostly because Aelius was willing to come out and talk to him at all! That was a good thing—a start—and seeing the man sitting in the same room, even if it was at a spitting distance, it still warmed parts of his soul. Warmed them just as much as the steaming mug warmed his scarred fingertips.
“Though—I’m a flaming sugar-cube before the absinthe kinda guy myself. Yanno—carrots and sticks? I usually like to know what I’m getting before I give anything up—even if the reward is just something I’ve imagined. It’s really motivational in the long run!” speaking from personal experience, a believed mantra, as he sucked down another hot sip and inevitably found himself having to lick tea leaves from between his back molars. He didn’t miss Aelius’s stare, the way it finally fell to linger in black velvet sat hip side like a loaded gun—-
He simply chose to ignore it for a while, to let the rare bit of silence stretch until it felt less awkward for him to break it open again like a piñata.
“S’what this is about right now. Motivation. So! I wanna give us a break—two weeks—less? Something that we can both agree on falling somewhere in that timeframe. Cause we’re not gonna get anywhere with me crawling up your d**k like this, not to mention we’re gonna be seeing Eion for his usual checkins all too soon….” he knew it’d be soon, casually set the cup aside, careful not to spill the dwindling dregs of it all over Aelius’s nice clean everything. He watched the man's eyes, even as his words ran on, long, winding jaunts towards his desired point. Maybe someday he’d apologize to Aelius about it taking so long to find them out loud. The way everything in his head made sense until he had to open his mouth and put it into a perspective others could view.
“We gotta earn it tho—the break—the reward. N’that can be managed with this—“ he was careful with the bag, held it gentle as if it contained gossamer and stained glass within it’s confines. “S’Ei’s gift from Velvet, all repurposed n such. He’s letting me borrow it for a bit so I can use it to skim the mental surface of whomever I need in order to—well—to make this work for all of us….” If he was careful just holding the bag, then he was more careful still as he took the apparatus out of its holding and put it on like it might break if he breathed too loudly; it wasn’t made for him, but the crystal fit in his palm all the same—and he eyed the span of clothed skin between Aelius head and chest—and he knew then he wanted what was in Aelius’s mind to be in his hands as badly as he wanted the man’s memories in his head.
The irony in trying to rush this, as if anything like this could possibly be fast tracked with anything like ease! He wasn’t sure what other choice he had though—-
“Because the truth is? I don’t really know you. I don’t have the years to build on—-and to make matters worse? We didn’t come by each other organically—-I’ve been trying this whole time to plug you n him together—but you’re already ******** together, you’ve been together, this all here? The bullshit you’re going through? It’s on me being the odd man out n wedged between you two—-you must ******** hate it.”
You must hate me—
Maybe he was imagining it? Maybe it was a lie he told himself and Aelius really did just absofuxkinglutely love every second of time they’d spent together!! Except it didn’t feel that way. No, the way it felt right now? This wasn’t a rivalry he could enjoy, a hate he could squeeze fun from like juice from a lime onto his margarita rim. There was nowhere to go until something was resolved, until a new path opened up wide and he had some actual understanding of where the other man was coming from. He couldn’t trespass on Aelius’s time, or go to a dance class, or….
“And I don’t know if using this will help you hate anything less, but?! It’ll help me understand you more, with less work on your part, and that—that’s something I think we both wanna aim for right now. Cause I can apologize for ******** up godamned royally, this whole time, and I can even mean it, because I do! But I can’t apologize for just ‘being’ me. M’not gonna get any less myself anytime soon, and then this’ll all take to long…” sheepish and sincere as he stood and walked Aelius way, less spitting distance and more kicking in the balls distance between them now. He didn’t want this to take years. He wanted Aelius to have his home and husband and life again. He wanted to be a part of that now— not some separate entity who was only ever part and parcel to Aelius because Faustite asked him to be.
Because he hadn’t thought Aelius needed him—wanted him or anyone else—wanted for anything save what he’d already claimed and deigned to share with the man. The thing Aelius wanted most in the world and how ******** over must he have felt finding Waru already in his marriage bed, not dismissive, but sure as ******** not overly inviting either.
Because Aelius had his turn in Faustites head and I wanted mine—it’s not like I can’t share him! Like I don’t already do that ******** lovingly! The hell was I supposed to know any of this—
The answer was obvious, because it was human nature to want other people to care just because, because he should’ve cared about Aelius regardless from go! Who wouldn’t want that? <********, if it had been him?
Except he never did actually care whether or not anyone else worried about him—not where Eions husbands and lovers and subordinates were concerned— At least, not loudly, and not right up until he damn well did, and in those moments where he cared whether or not people cared he made sure he had people to go to! But who did Aelius even have?!
Waru had thought he’d known the answers to that, and then realized he’d been making assumptions ever so assishly. He could fix it though! Was willing to at least try and find some same solid ground between them that they could stand on together, a true shared experience, even if it was only through Aelius’s memories.
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 5:26 pm
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“Would hearing what’s on the table even matter?” Aelius had responded softly, more to himself than in answer to Waru. Whether the other man heard didn’t matter. But, what was put on the table as a reward was a tempting one, even if doubts started to race. The way Waru phrased it it sounded as if this breka was going to be as beneficial for him as it was Aelius. So be it. Even if the man wasn’t doing it for Aelius, it would achieve the same thing in the end. Some gods damned peace and quiet to himself!
So he listened while Waru continued to beat around the bush on what it was he actually wanted to do. Revealing the glove meant nothing to Aelius. He’d never seen the contraption himself and it’s reveal caused him to stiffen a bit, unsure exactly what the things main purpose was. “Velvet?” He questioned with furrowed brows. Who the hell was that? Honestly, it probably didnt matter in the long run of things so he didnt persist with that questioning and instead focused on what it was they were going to do.
“Not wrong.” He muttered in confirmation at Waru being the middle man. Though, if he wad being honest with himself, Aelius was as much a wedge himself with his lack of ability to just accept things as they were. To just keep going with the flow of things. It had worked for so many years. Why now did it all have to fall apart? Why were the most recent events the breaking point for him? Aelius wasn’t even sure if he could fully answer it. He was just done. Hit his threshold.
Waru rose and come closer with the glove perched in a palm that almost looked too big for the device. Swallowing, golden eyes raised to brown. In a way, this felt like a test. A test to how much Aelius was willing to place trust in Waru. That was loaded question cause Aelius didn't know. Had he been asked a few months ago, he would have said he trusted Waru to a point. But now? He truthfully wasn’t sure. The whole reassignment felt like a stab in the back from both Faustite and Waru. More Faustite, but he was sure Waru had a hand in it. Despite the passage of time it all still hurt.
“What exactly are you intending to do with that?” He questioned carefully. “How is it supposed to help you get to know me better? Bridge the gaps of years? Honestly, Waru, it sounds too good to be true.” And it did. If something could bypass the passage of time and help people understand each other more, this glove was a pretty powerful thing.
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2023 5:32 pm
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“It can't hurt you to trust me anymore’n it can hurt me to try, right?” he tried for warm and comforting as he closed that gap of space, tried for an uneasy sort of peace; like he was cornering a bear in the woods for its honey having brought nothing of real substance to trade. He wanted to tell Aelius that he’d see, except he knew the apprehensive other wouldn’t. That was the point, right? That nothing would hurt at all, that only he would bear some kind of witness to the memory—
He knew as much from experience as he did from talking it over with Eion, before, during, after an attempt. All the little afflictions, all the sensations, the memory itself would be his to hold n judge through the eyes of Aelius as he once had been however long past— a month ago — a year ago – Waru didn’t know the intricacies of the device, the limits of it’s trespass. Knew that if he tried to offer answers to Aelius’s questions now? He’d only end up ruining things.
“So–let's just do *that*,'' quick with how he placed the gem in his palm against Aelius’s forehead while he had the chance, while the movement felt necessary as it did easy, to take that plunge without offering anything more. Because he lacked the language, the aplomb, the ability to describe as Faustite so plainly had the device that fit right and wrong all at once in his palm or the way the magic of it worked. It was far easier to divulge it all after, to ask for forgiveness rather than permission *always* – and send Aelius to the man who actually knew things – their husband! “And both be surprised!”
Waru had never been more unpleasantly surprised in his life–
No, wait, he had been, maybe once or twice? This was definitely one of the top three worst surprises though! He was putting it up there, right under cheap chinese flavored hairballs, and juuussssttt above his first night *ever* spending thousands of miles away from home.
The context he was missing felt vast as the span of space between the moon and the sun itself, any familiarity with the specifics of the scene; the hazy in-between of meds meant to abate pain without muddling everything too terribly (even though they always ******** him up anyways!), combined with the stark scent of purple wipes and antiseptic; the sort of sterility that made his nose burn to this day! He swore sometimes he could smell it in his sleep —
The familiarity of that was quickly overwhelmed by everything else! Because *that* was not *this*, and this wasn’t him, and it was hard as ******** to be an onlooker in someone elses body! To remember that he *was* just that, a passenger peeking out through someone elses raw, bleary eyelids in order to experience the view in awful, vivid detail. To live that view as though it had been his own. Pinned to a bed and feeling for all the world like he didn’t want to be in the world any longer – feeling utterly, achingly alone in a room full of people, and no matter what came out of anyones mouth that feeling just wouldn’t ******** end. What was worse? Was that most of them were people he knew, biblically, personally, as friends! They were all here and alive today! All save the ******** blond hulk of a man, and that fever-dream of a cat.
The rest though? He’d never thought Yuuri could sound so exhaustedly hurt and cruel to his own ears all at once. That he’d want to hug him, as much as he wanted to shake that look off his face and slap the plant out of his hands!
That Aelius wanted nothing of the sort was *jarring*--
That Faustite— and he didn’t know who the ******** ‘Reven’ was or what the point of being ‘Reven’ was in that moment, but he knew Eions eyes, that bladed edge of desperation in his much younger husbands voice; so like the worlds sharpest scalpel aimed at flaying the wrong bit of rot from the wrong part of a limb.
He knew that it hurt to hear it—
That everything hurt and there was no end to the hurt even if none of it was his! That was the breaking point, the disembodied urge to claw free of layers deep sediment and graverock not at all his own. When the beeping of the monitors grew half past maddening, and every labored cough and rapid breath made him want to curl up further and die.
Except Waru didn’t want to die—but Aelius did-–-had—had nearly?
Waru blinked, pale and shaking through that singular thought as he pulled his hand back like he’d touched a live wire; like Aelius himself had shocked him free of whatever still seconds had passed between him reaching out and falling back into himself all over again —
“I was wrong–” he winced at how raspy he sounded, for that lingering urge to cough and shrink into nothingness, speaking what must’ve seemed like nonsense into the open air. He’d been wrong though. He was starting to get why Faustite didn’t much like surprises if every surprise was going to be like this! More than that? He was starting to understand in the most terrifying of terms how cracked the pair's underlying foundation was. That Aelius now was far better than Aelius then, just as Faustite had grown in leaps and bounds. Did they see that though?
‘Did they realize—Do I realize?’ That was a question to ask himself, deeply introspective for the first time because he’d thought he’d vaguely understood why Faustite had asked him to do this — at least to some degree — and now?
“I should’ve tried to explain it first, before—” and the worst part of coming back into his own body was floundering with knowing he couldn’t even hug Aelius the way he could Faustite. His assumption that the man wouldn’t tolerate it at all, especially not without an explanation, even if there was the urge to do just that while standing there like the world's most indecisive log. “M’sorry–”
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Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2023 7:30 am
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“Nothing!”
Everything.
Too sharp and he realized he was maybe making a terrible impression here, up Aelius a** and then when the man actually needed something from him like coherency, all he could do was — what, exactly?
Nothing.
There was nothing he could do and the thought of opening his mouth to explain the arguably terrible moments of a pinpoint in his friends life that’d hit him like a truck— He couldn’t even make sense of it all himself, how the ******** was he supposed to explain it to anyone when — how was he to have the bluenette explained it back? <********, m’sorry, Aelius. S’nothing wrong, alright? It is entierly possible to ******** this thing up. Which, really, par for the course when you’re taking into account me—-“ because his composure was somewhere, he could reach for it if he wanted to, he’d done this before! This whole memory dance debacle—
“And you”
Not his monkey, not his circus, hadn’t he heard that saying before? Somewhere else, some other time? Maybe spoken by a responsible adult — maybe a responsible friend who knew him better — that he couldn’t keep his nose out of anything. He was eternally the dog who sniffed the cactus twice!
And got a nose full of spines for it….
“S’not your fault though, magical bullshit n the parts that make it up. The thing isn’t mine n using it’s always been tricky—- I just — I thought it’d do something to help, and whatever it just did didn’t help at all,” he really had thought it’d be helpful to the cause, to his cause!! Just not like this — his eyes screamed sadly back as he whined the rest of the words at Aelius, burying them to the hilt in a sigh, gently ducking the steadying hand till he could slide free and slide Velvet's delicate trinket free as well. Better to have the damn thing *off*, and put away safely, and — he did pause in his awkward shuffled fleeing to smile for the one bright spot amidst all the lingering sense of ‘doom’ ping-ponging around in his skull.
Aelius had conceded to what he’d asked, he could reward him for it! That’d been the deal, right?!
“Though, maybe it does, like this, yeah? Because the good news is you still humored me here, which means we both get our breaks!! I can hardly imagine what m’gonna do with mine—“ he wanted to same something vulgar, something funny, something that would put Aelius at ease and leave him thinking he was just brushing it off and everything was fine!
Nothing was fine, and never had he wanted more than to drag Faustite out into the rift and play with his every sharp and violent whim, encourage them, even. Beyond what was reasonable and prudent. Safety was the last thing he craved—
“You should take full advantage of not having me here for the next two weeks, kay?”
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2023 8:33 pm
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Whatever it was that had spooked Waru, he was clearly not going to speak about it. As the man dodged, Aelius's own, the purple-haired man watched as the device was carefully removed from a hand that looked almost too large for it, and reverently put down so as not to break it.
Brows furrowed as Aelius watched all of this transpire. As Waru stuttered and incoherently tried to collect himself. Though the larger man swore up and down that the device had failed in some way, Aelius thought otherwise. What else would make Waru so shaky? So....unlike himself in a matter of moments? No, Waru was hiding something, and Aelius didn't like it since he could only assume it had something to do with himself.
"I don't like secrets, Waru." Which he didn't. Honestly, who really did? Most people enjoyed the good surprises and hated the bad ones and this one likely had the smell of a bad egg. "Seriously. Just....tell me? I get that you want me to ask Faustite about it and all, but I am sure you're quite capable of giving me an over-all idea of what the thing does?"
And then the convo shifted with Waru's personality. The man could change at the flip of a switch and it both annoyed and amazed Aelius for the man's ability to do change so quickly. "Two weeks?" Brows raised. "Seems to good to be true. What plans do you have with Faustite?" His eyes fixed on Waru's dark ones.
"Don't get me wrong. 2 weeks of quiet will be welcomed, but I don't thin this is actually a reward for me."
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