|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 8:24 am
Laon had never seen a talking cat before. Heard about them, sure. Remarque had mentioned it. Laon just hadn’t been able to imagine it.
Until one was right in front of them.
The conversation felt like it had only taken a few seconds, and when he tried to recall it now it felt blurry in his mind. He didn’t know if it was because he was so stressed out about school starting soon, or if he’d just been so surprised by a real talking cat, but it had asked for Arawn’s Henshin Pen. It had said something about his starseed. It had mentioned upgrading another Dark Mirror Senshi earlier this week, and maybe there were just weak to cute little animals.
It had fiddled with Arawn’s Henshin Pen for what seemed like no time at all. It told them they needed to step through the mirror. It was gone in seconds–obviously because a very powerful energy signature appeared on their radar.
It was moving towards them, fast.
He didn’t need to be told that they needed to get out of there. He held Arawn’s hand in his own and they rushed to a nearby mirror before slipping into it.
The sensation of going in was the same as always. The sensation of coming out was odd because suddenly there was a much stronger surge of energy from his side. He almost apologized, he thought they must have gone through the mirror at the same time as another Dark Mirror Senshi, but–
No, it was just Arawn.
The words fell on his lips and he blinked. There were changes to his uniform, too.
“Oh–you…”
He paused for a few seconds and had to shake his head; there were no other energy signatures around them so he felt safe to look at him.
“You feel different. Stronger. Are you okay?”
There were other things he wanted to ask, but his mind felt so scrambled, he couldn’t help but just want to take in the sight of his boyfriend–and make sure it wasn’t an imposter, or some trick.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 10:30 am
Arawn felt as though he hadn’t had a choice. Was it something he needed to even argue about? This was a good thing, wasn’t it? He could feel the new power rushing through him, but in talking to the Mauvian (who would have thought?) he hadn’t been able to ask all the questions he wanted to before they were being rushed into the mirror.
He could have totally taken on whoever was coming towards them.
But he also didn’t want Laon to worry.
Crossing through the mirror had been safe, but it was apparently what his starseed needed, in addition to the adjustments from the Mauvian, to unlock more power for him.
What about Laon? Why couldn’t he have more power too? Laon was more important to him than anything else in existence, so if he was unhappy, what would be the point of anything?
He could protect him easier…
But Laon would probably feel useless if he always needed protection…
It took him a few moments to turn and look at Laon. There was guilt in his eyes, but also a fierce determination. He didn’t say anything, not yet, but instead pulled him closer to embrace him and hold him tight.
“I’m okay,” he promised, giving Laon a tighter squeeze, although never so much that he would hurt him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 10:54 am
Laon was always looking for those hidden signs, the word Arawn wouldn’t say. It didn’t matter if he was wearing a different face right now, he could still see him underneath it. The way his brows furrowed, the way his lips curled downward. He could see something stirring there. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t think Arawn was outright lying to him.
It hadn’t even crossed his mind yet to worry about why he hadn’t been ready for more power yet, he was just happy that Arawn was doing well. Remarque would be so proud! And he was working so hard already!
He moved into the embrace easily, he liked being in Arawn’s arms, anyway. He draped his arms behind Arawn’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.
“Yeah?” he prompted–gentle, because he knew Arawn would just tell him what he wanted to hear, anyway. “I’m proud of you.” He tilted his head to kiss his cheek while he had a good angle for it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 12:02 pm
Again, Arawn didn’t respond right away. Not because he didn’t think that Laon was proud of him! He just… didn’t know what he did to get more power. The more he tried to think about what could have prompted this, the more his head hurt. There were too many things that he knew he couldn’t remember. Bits and pieces. Hours sometimes. And what he could remember was often in a haze.
He wondered how many times he’d had the same conversation with Laon. How many times Laon had to reassure him.
But what he could never forget was how he felt around Laon. He loved him and knew he was proud of him, just as Arawn was proud of his boyfriend.
“Just wait until you see how many people’s butts I can kick now,” he mumbled and rubbed his hands up and down Laon’s back to comfort him. Or maybe it was just to comfort himself. He didn’t know what his new magic could do -- Did the Mauvian mention new magic? Even that was already a haze.
Which he hated, because he didn’t want Laon to deal with his problems.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 12:15 pm
Laon grunted. He didn’t want Arawn to get into more fights. It was good to have the extra power just to make sure they could get home safe, but he was suddenly more concerned that this boost in power might inspire Arawn to pick even more fights.
“No,” he huffed, and stayed perfectly still as he held Arawn. The hands at his back were comforting, but he didn’t know if it was entirely for his own benefit. If Arawn needed any sort of soothing, he was intent to return the favor so he began to rub his hands gently up and down his boyfriend’s back.
“We can talk to Remarque tomorrow. I bet he wasn’t expecting to have to give us the ‘now that you have more power’ speech so soon.” Well. Not us. But.
Laon would like to have the talk, anyway. So he could be ready when he got more power.
Um.
Well.
If he did. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe it was presumptuous to think that he had the same thing inside of him. Well–
He could be there to listen and take notes! Just in case Arawn needed a refresher some time!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 1:06 pm
“Do we have to?” Arawn groaned and pressed his face against the side of Laon’s head. He just wanted to whine and not be told what to do. It wasn’t going to matter if he couldn’t remember it anyway.
“I’m already being careful at work. I don’t want to give him a reason to get rid of me. I haven’t broken anything!”
He had. At least once a week. And each time he panicked about it. Not that he remembered doing it.
Luckily they were usually things that weren’t that valuable (because Jett was smart to keep them out of reach), but it was still embarrassing to be put on paperwork or straighten up books or other things that he couldn’t break as easily.
So even if he couldn’t remember what he’d broken, he knew he had, because Jett would always give him that look when he insisted he was fine and could do things like normal. Besides, he was usually just trying to help and do his job! Cleaning up was part of his job, wasn’t it?
Or was that his other job that he had before this one…?
Regardless, he showed up for work, and then hoped that he didn’t screw up. Not when Kaelan needed to focus on school. Had that started, or was Kaelan still just getting ready…?
Arawn groaned again and leaned more heavily against Laon.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 1:17 pm
Laon adjusted his posture a bit so he didn’t accidentally fall over; he was better in these heels now that he’d had some practice but he didn't want to misstep or put his weight on the wrong place and topple over.
“You don’t want to tell him that you got upgraded?” he asked. He kept one hand wrapped around Arawn’s side so he could rub his back, but he moved his other to comb his fingers through Arawn’s hair, too. “Why would he get rid of you, I thought this was a good thing? We don’t have to tell him, I won’t say anything. I was just thinking that when he said you got stronger, you’d be able to do more.”
But, he wouldn’t pressure Arawn to say anything. Especially since it seemed like he was anguishing about other things already. Jett hadn’t given him the impression that he was fed up with either of them, and he seemed like he made accommodations to make sure they were both somewhere that worked. And the paychecks were nice! Even if he wasn’t working as much as Orien was, they already had a little bit of money saved up. Which was good, considering how cold he suspected the apartment was going to get this winter. It was already miserable in the rain–even if he did like cuddling up to Orien–he still didn’t want to think about freezing to death in their sleep.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 1:46 pm
“Should I tell him?” Arawn asked, confused about what he wanted to do. Was he supposed to tell Remarque? Would it matter? Would they just have more expectations put on them? Would he just mess up and forget everything, anyway?
It should have been Laon with more power. Laon was better than him in every way. Why did the Mauvian say that he was ready but not Laon? What did that even mean? Or was there more to it than that?
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know,” he shook his head, and if Laon hadn’t been combing his fingers through his hair, he might have pulled away so he could pace restlessly. For now, he just shifted from one foot to the next.
“Tell me what I need to do. Please. If there’s more we could be doing when he get stronger, he should have just told us to start with!” he growled, but it was at himself. Never at Laon. Laon was perfect and deserved everything. Like a boyfriend who wasn’t defective.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 2:03 pm
“Oh, well–I was just thinking about all those things he could do,” Laon mused. He could tell that Arawn was a bit restless, and he reluctantly released him. He didn’t want him to start feeling claustrophobic in his arms.
He took a step back to give him a bit of space, but kept their pinkies hooked together so they still had a bit of connection. So Arawn would know it wasn’t because he wanted to be away from him.
“But I don’t know,” he admitted. “He has more wraiths than we do. And he can use more magic. And he can get to places we can’t. I was just thinking, maybe he’d have some advice. But whenever we tell him we have Court questions, he usually buys us lunch, too.” They had definitely taken advantage of that, but Jett had never seemed to bat an eye. He was always the one offering, or just showing up with food, and he seemed like he was invested in the Dark Mirror Court.
Kaelan thought that Jett was putting in a lot of effort just to keep them working as hard as they were–and he wasn’t complaining! He liked the idea of helping, and if Jett was going to treat them well just because they went out to gather some energy at night, that was easy enough! But, of course he wanted to see where their energy was going. He wanted to do more and help out and make a positive impact.
…He’d just have to try harder. Maybe he wasn’t gathering enough energy. Maybe he wasn’t getting into enough fights. Maybe he didn’t want it enough.
…But he did, and he knew he did, and he was willing to do whatever it took to prove himself. He wanted to know how to be better, and how to get stronger, too. He didn’t want to let Jett down, and he wanted to be able to help Arawn and protect him, too.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 2:26 pm
Arawn was absolutely restless. But even when Laon released him from his embrace, he still wanted to be close. Which of course didn’t help anything. Sure, holding pinkies was fine, but Arawn wanted to pace around. He had too much energy built up, and he didn’t know how to burn it off.
“What things?”
Wow, that was a horrible thing to ask. Obviously Remarque could do a lot of things. A lot of cool things. He thought. If he was remembering them correctly. He could remember something about a chair, anyway.
He could make things in mirrorspace!
“We should talk to Remarque,” Arawn suddenly decided, because that sounded like it would be really useful. And food would be great. Laon had a point about that. And they would be able to go into Mirrorspace more and--
Trying to pace while also holding onto Laon’s pinky just wan’t cutting it. He pulled his hand away.
And immediately scooped Laon into his arms because he could.
He huffed and grumbled to himself as he basically walked in a circle as he worked off whatever stress he was feeling. He wanted to do more. But he didn’t want Laon to feel like he was being left behind. He knew his boyfriend could get into his own head about things. Even his poor memory wouldn’t let him forget that! Probably because his life revolved around him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 2:41 pm
Laon had been shifting positions, preparing to pace along with Arawn when he was scooped into his arms. His breath caught, but it wasn’t unpleasant; he immediately adjusted to make sure he was as comfortable and easy to carry as possible.
“Arawn,” he said, and while he was giddy because–of course he would be, Arawn had picked him up and was carrying him like he weighed nothing–he couldn’t help but worry. He wasn’t saying much, and he’d just changed his mind, and–
He could tell that the gears were turning in his head, he just couldn’t tell what direction they were turning.
“What are you thinking about? You’re walking really fast.”
His energy signature might have changed–did his strength, as well? Or was it just because they’d been eating healthier foods?
He leaned closer and wanted to reassure him that things were going to be okay, but he didn’t know what was wrong, or if he was just misreading things. He rubbed his back as best he could while being carried around and dipped his head back so he could see him a bit better.
It might not have helped him read Arawn’s expression anymore, but at least he was still nice to look at.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 3:16 pm
What was he thinking about?
Everything. And nothing. How was he supposed to explain it all to Laon when he didn’t even know what Laon already knew. He could just be saying the same things over and over for all he knew.
So he grunted and walked a bit faster. Just to run down his energy. He felt like he could jump up buildings and climb trees and a whole number of things. But his mind was jumbled and when he thought he was thinking about something, everything fizzed out, which only agitated him more.
“Why me?” he asked after another anxiety induced paced circle. “Why did it have to be me? It’s not fair. I don’t want to be like this if you’re not. You’re better than me in all things. I don’t want to give Remarque a false sense of… I don’t know. Like I’ve accomplished something when it’s only because of you that I’m worth anything.”
He didn’t seem like he was going to settle down any time soon, and adjusted Laon in his arms to make sure he was comfortable. He knew those heels were no fun to run in.
“If you weren’t taking care of me… I don’t know if I’d remember to eat. I wouldn’t know what day it was. I’m not used to having days off. My last jobs it was an every day thing so I just showed up at the same time. I didn’t have to keep track of dates. But you’ve made it so easy to know what I’m doing. I just… I’m nothing without you.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 3:33 pm
Truthfully, Laon didn’t know what they were doing differently. He didn’t know why the cat had only asked for one of their pens, he didn’t know what Arawn had been doing differently that meant he was ready.
Laon wasn’t jealous. He would never covet what Arawn had. He was happy for him. So happy that the doubt and worry for himself hadn’t really even set in yet.
Of course he was going to question if he was doing enough. If he was good enough. Of course he was going to worry about failing. About coming up short. About letting everyone down. About being a disappointment.
There was a lump rapidly growing in the pit of his stomach as he listened to Arawn, and despite the kind words, Laon was ready to argue that Arawn never gave himself enough credit. As if he would even be here without Orien.
“It’s…”
He lost his voice for a moment and wasn’t sure why. There was a strange lump, and he could feel the sudden swelling stress churning in his chest now.
“You aren't nothing without me, don’t say those things. They aren’t true. It’s just–we’re a team, aren’t we?”
Of course they were, they had been for years. Even the distance of their near year-long separation hadn’t been enough to damage their relationship.
“I’m not perfect. But you fill in the pieces of me that are missing. And you make me better. And if I’m here to remind you what day it is or to make sure you eat–well, that’s just me looking after you. Like how you look after me. I wouldn’t be anywhere if I didn’t have you. I might be living under a bridge if you hadn’t been there for me. I might not have a place to live, I might not have a job, I might not be in school, I might not have gotten to be in the Dark Mirror Court–all of those things happened because you were taking care of me. I’m not better than you. I’m a mess without you! You know that.”
Orien knew that.
He was just being hard on himself again.
“I don’t–I don’t know why I’m not ready,” he admitted, and tried to sound like he wasn’t scared that he might never be ready. “But you shouldn’t try to turn away power just because I haven’t figured out what I need to do yet. It’s–I just have to try harder, right? That’s okay. I can do that. Maybe I just need to gather more energy or something. Or–I don’t know. I don’t have any idea. But I can ask Remarque what I can do. You don’t have to pretend like you didn’t accomplish something just because I’m not there yet. I’m proud of you! You should be proud of you, too!”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 4:30 pm
He didn’t want to upset Laon. Maybe he should have just kept his troubles to himself. It was the same song and dance, anyway. He was sure of it. The heaviness of deja vu made him feel physically sick.
Arawn came to a stop. He took a breath. He gave Laon a squeeze that he hoped was more comforting than painful, but he needed to hold him tightly as if that was the only thing keeping him bound to existence.
He knew he was nothing without Laon. Without Kaelan. He would just be in a cloud of uncertainty, trying to survive without knowing what he was doing.
“Yeah, we’re a team,” he agreed, because it was easier to agree to that than to convince Laon and upset him further. He doubted that Kaelan would be living under a bridge if he was on his own. He was smart. Very smart. Resourceful. Arawn knew that it was possible that he’d forced Laon to become reliant on him over the years, and that was part of the problem.
He would have to trust that Jett really would make sure Kaelan was taken care of when something happened and Orien was no longer in the picture.
“I don’t think you need to try harder. You’ve been doing so much. I don’t know why it was me and not you. I’ll be proud of myself once we get you to the same place. Because we’re a team, and we should be together for everything.”
For as long as he could manage, at least.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2023 4:46 pm
Again, Laon had the distinct sensation that Arawn was not saying everything he was thinking. He didn’t want to pry. He knew that Arawn tended to keep things to himself, and then those things wound up lost. Either because he buried them or forgot them.
…But if Laon didn’t know what they were, he couldn't do anything to fix them.
He sighed, silently, because he didn’t want Arawn to hear and worry. He was already so worked up.
“...Yeah, but I still want to be happy for you,” he mumbled, not sure if he wanted to say it loud enough for Arawn to hear. Not when he seemed so upset that their difference in power had grown.
“It’s not like this changes anything. We’re still going to go out together. It’s not like we can’t go patrolling now just because you got stronger and I didn’t. It–” He was just saying what he hoped would mean something to Arawn, even if he wasn’t sure he believed it. “It doesn’t mean I did anything wrong, just because you were ready before me. It just means that you were ready before I was. That’s okay. And–anyway, maybe that Mauvian didn’t even get a chance to see if I was ready, it had to leave in a hurry. But–I’m okay, whatever this is. If we’re a team, it still means that we just got stronger. We can do more. Because wherever you go, I go. No matter what.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
