Follows Awkward.
Today was the first day of his weekend Desiree, the first of many for the summer. Normally she and her mother went on trips, but as Meg climbed the proverbial career ladder her ability to take their daughter on the months-long trips of old (to visit family, or to bond) was dwindling into nonexistence. He was happy to step in, of course, and Rae was happy to spend time with her father, but he could tell she was a bit bummed about the canceled summer plans. He wasn’t sure what he could do for her, but he wanted to help make the summer a memorable one even if it was quite a bit different.
They were at the library today, tucked away in a corner of the children’s section. The plan had been to sit down and map a plan out for their summer weekends together. Being a freelancer, he had the flexibility to do whatever she wanted given enough time to plan. When he told her as much, he saw her face light up for the first time since her mother announced the change, so he was really wanting to fulfill that promise for her.
But, as was always possible with Rae, she opted to just look at a few interesting books instead of sticking to any kind of itinerary. It started with “just a few minutes,” but those minutes quickly turned into an hour, which now turned into two. He didn’t mind, of course, but he made a point to start the actual planning later on.
He glanced up as she turned the page, completely engaged in whatever story she was reading.
Harvey couldn’t help but smile. As far as kids were concerned, he was pretty sure he hit the jackpot with her. And he studied her for a moment before leaning back against the wall behind him.
Thoughts of his daughter led to thoughts of her mother, which led to thoughts of their relationship, which led to thoughts of college, which led to thoughts of…Mel.
He sighed.
Rae noticed, subtly pausing her reading to look up at her now listless looking dad. The girl quirked a brow, curious, but not enough to interrupt her book so she went back to reading.
Recent events brought to light certain things that just made things at home…complicated. Or had they always been complicated and he just never noticed?
He had no regrets, mind you, but that didn’t make the day to day any easier. They had yet to figure out how to be in the same room together since the events of that day, never mind stringing together a proper conversation. So it was awkward, and hard to deal with for him.
He wanted to talk to her, make her laugh and laugh with her. He wanted things to go back to what they were.
Well. Maybe not exactly the same, but he wanted to be able to talk to her again! Crack jokes with her, tease her, mess with her, just plain irritate her. And he also wanted to put his head on her lap again, binge watch weird TV shows with her, and eat a coffee table’s worth of junk food while they did.
There were other things, too, but he never let himself get past a certain point with his thoughts. The risk of heartbreak was high enough without him letting his imagination get his hopes up.
But he thought of her often, more so now than he had before, and he sighed.
Rae noticed, again, and she sighed as she lowered her book.
“You sigh real loud, dad,” she said, jarring him from his thoughts. He blinked at her.
“Yeah? Sorry, kiddo.”
“Mm-nm.” She shook her head, a small smile on her face. “It’s okay. Is something wrong?”
Harvey considered for a long moment. He didn’t keep secrets from his daughter (except for one very obvious exception), but he knew she also didn’t keep secrets from her mom. So really the question was, was he more okay with keeping secrets from his daughter in the interest of keeping his ex out of his business, or was he more okay with his ex knowing a bit more than she probably ought to know about his life all things considered in the interest of being as open as was reasonably possible with his daughter?
The answer was obvious.
“Mmm…a little.”
“Love life?”
He blinked. She grinned.
“I’m eleven, dad.” It was his turn to grin.
“Right. In that case, yes, actually.”
Rae considered him for a long moment, closed her book, and set it aside so she could properly look him over. He looked put-together, well enough anyway. He wasn’t a bad looking guy, right? He was no Lee Junho but he wasn’t ugly, either. Knowing what she knew about the kind of person her dad was, she was positive that whoever he did wind up liking would be an extremely lucky person.
“Did you find someone you like?”
He blinked again, but ultimately nodded. He couldn’t remember thinking about this kind of thing at her age. Back then he was mostly interested in the latest toy or game. But then, he’d always heard that girls matured a little faster than boys. She was already eleven, after all.
’She’s already eleven?!’
A certain worry began gnawing at the edge of his mind.
“Have you told her?”
There was a slight pause before shook his head. Her brows knit together in confusion, which had him smiling. He reached over and gently pressed the spot between her eyebrows, saying something in Korean as he did. She smiled, scrunching her face up for a second before relaxing back into a smile.
“Just like grammy says.”
“Who do you think raised me?”
Her turn to grin; she looked just like him.
Rae set her book aside and scooted across the floor so they were side by side.
She looked genuinely concerned, and honestly he felt bad for putting this on her shoulders. It was one thing to consider your own dating life at that age–which, frankly, he hoped she wasn’t doing yet, but there it was–but to have to consider your parents, too?
“M’kay, so how come you haven’t told her? Seems like that’s the easiest answer.”
Another pause, and he actually gave it some thought. “Well, ‘cause there’s a little more to it. I have you to think about, and how you would feel. I have to think about how your mom would feel since whoever I date could potentially be someone you would be around on a regular basis. Naturally, I also have to think about the person I like and how they would feel about the idea. It’s–”
“Complicated?”
He sighed. “Yeah.”
“Mm.”
The conversation seemed to end there, and he was fine with that. It was a topic he knew he had to broach with her eventually, so it was fortuitous that it happened to come up.
Rae tipped over to lean against him and he smiled softly at the gesture. She seemed now lost in her own thoughts, and that was fine. It was a lot to consider, after all. Harvey let her be and instead just wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She took that as a sign to snuggle in, so she wrapped her arms around her dad and did just that.
Soon he had settled into his own thoughts, which managed to circle back to his roommate. “Okay,” he started after a long while, “how ‘bout we start with this. Are you okay with me or your mom dating other people?”
Rae pulled on a thoughtful expression, humming quietly to herself as she did. A habit she got from her mom, no doubt.
“Mostly? I would have to get used to the other person first, but I think I’d be okay with it if I can see that you’re happy. But you have to be happy!”
His brows raised in slight surprise, but he soon smiled softly at her answer. It was definitely an answer she would give, that was for sure.
Given the brief conversation just moments earlier maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised at all. He wondered for a moment how often she thought about him and her mom, and if there was maybe a part of her, however small, that wanted them to get back together. If she asked he would, of course, be honest with her, but it was hard to think about potentially upsetting her or disappointing her at all. So he considered her words carefully, debating how much he should say and how he ought to say it.
Rae scrunched her brows together again, confused that he hadn’t followed her answer with another question right away.
“So?” she pressed. “Does she make you happy?”
He didn’t have to think. He just nodded.
“Then maybe just focus on that for now. If you like her and she makes you happy, I’ll probably like her after I get to know her, too.”
Harvey looked over at her again, his brows furrowed as they often were but his eyes soft and full of amazement and wonder. There was certainty and optimism in her words, a level of naivete that he no longer had now that he was fully grown and had gone through hardships of his own, not to mention her consideration for him even though he was asking because he was worried about her.
How to put it?
Maybe he was biased, but he had no doubt she’d grow up to be an amazing young woman.
At least as far as he was concerned, no guy would ever be good enough for her. But he would likely say the same when she found someone she liked, too. Hopefully in the far, far, far…
Far, far, far, far off future.
“Thanks, kiddo. Who’d’ve thought you’d be giving me dating advice at your age. Are you sure you’re only eleven?”
“Nearly twelve, actually!”
She gave a toothy smile at that, and he laughed and playfully squeezed her tightly to him.
“Alright, Miss Nearly Twelve. I think that about wraps our talk about my current love life concern. How ‘bout we get started on our plans for this summer?”
“I’m hungry!”
Disbelief crossed his features just before he squeezed her tighter still, playfully accusing her of thwarting his plans. Her squeals of laughter drew the attention of the other patrons, as well as the librarian. So, after profusely apologizing, they gathered their things and left for lunch. He figured they could work on summer plans over lunch, then maybe catch a movie before he had to take her home to her mom’s place.
The library didn’t go exactly as he planned, but when he thought about it, really thought about it, it seemed better by far.
1803 (gdocs)
