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 Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2023 5:42 pm
Michael waited until he got a response from both Elliot and a nod from Atticus before gently tugging on Devyn’s hand to lead him out of the room. They could absolutely take that time to get into something more comfortable, but they were expecting the Reids to come over soon.
Which meant that Michael didn’t have much time. Soon they would be back with the others, and Lucien would likely make himself comfortable in Devyn’s arms again.
Oh… there was another moment of jealousy that he could feel pricking his heart. He didn’t blame Devyn for wanting to keep an eye on Lucien, but if this was going to be their lives now…
If they were going to be living there with a Mauvian. And one who seemed like he would be staying in their room…
Michael led the way to their bedroom, and with the door shut behind him, he turned to wrap both arms around Devyn and squeeze him tightly.
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2023 6:20 pm
As soon as the door clicked shut, Devyn had opened his mouth to ask if everything was all right. The hug silenced him, and while he thought he might have been returning it to placate Michael, it occurred to him how much he needed the hug.
He was still for a moment before he relaxed into the hug and rubbed Michael’s back.
There were a lot of things he thought he wanted to say, but every thought was competing for dominance and he wound up with a garbled hum of nonsensical words floating around instead.
Maybe a moment passed, Devyn wasn’t sure. “I’m sorry,” he murmured next to Michael’s ear, and rested their temples together. “Is everything okay?”
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2023 6:25 pm
“That’s what I was going to ask you,” Michael admitted as he held Devyn. He rubbed his back and let out a quiet sigh. He didn’t want to pull away, but he also didn’t want to just keep standing there.
“You’ve seemed distant,” he said after a moment, finally pulling back so he could look at Devyn’s face.
But not just look at him. Michael pulled his arms back from around him and lifted his hands so he could place them on the sides of Devyn’s face. He used his fingers to gently massage his temples, and then brush back his hair behind his ears.
Finally, he held him still so he could lean in to kiss him. His grip was light enough that if Devyn wanted to pull away, then he could. But Michael hoped he wouldn’t.
“I love you,” he said when he pulled back again, this time resting his forehead against Devyn’s. “I love you so much. Come back to me?”
He knew it probably sounded weird to ask. Devyn was obviously right there. He was touching him.
But Michael suspected that his thoughts were far away. A thousand years away, to be exact. Drowning in a sea of regret and wonder and ‘what if’s.
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2023 6:55 pm
Without context, the question was a bit jarring–but then, maybe that was what Devyn needed. He knew that he liked the kiss, he liked the way Michael seemed so tender with him.
For as odd as the request was, it took only a few seconds of tracing the worried lines of Michael’s face and getting lost in his eyes for him to understand what he meant.
Devyn’s expression softened and he nodded, and leaned forward so he could rest his forehead against Michael’s.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been a bit all over the place, haven’t I?” It wasn’t really a question. “I didn’t expect to find him up there, it took me by surprise. I didn’t know.” He knew he didn’t have to explain it to Michael, he knew Michael wasn’t going to hold it against him. Realistically, there was no way he could have known. They’d needed Percy’s memories to assemble the device and get it working again, so even if Marius had told him everything–
Maybe it still would have ended up the same.
He didn’t know, he’d never know.
“I’m okay,” he insisted. “Just tired. I think I need to sleep it off. My mind feels very tangled up. But I promise, I’m fine. I don’t really even know what to say about all of it. I’m worried we’ll go to sleep tonight and wake up to find him, I don’t know. In a coma. Post heart-attack. I don’t think his stasis pod was supposed to last for that long. I’m not ready to lose people I care about again. But I don’t know if there’s anything to do. It’s so late, I don’t want to call Soleiyu or Lucasta over. He seems healthy, doesn’t he?”
He faltered, and a bit of the regret slipped into his voice. “...Even if he doesn’t remember anything?”
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2023 7:14 pm
Michael let out a quiet breath as he leaned back enough so he could lean up and kiss Devyn’s forehead. And then his cheek and nose and finally his lips again. He moved one of his hands so he could wrap it around Devyn’s shoulders, holding him close once more.
“Now you know how I feel, not knowing what your world is going to do now that the Chaos has been cleared. You shouldn’t still be alive. The others we’ve found like you shouldn’t be alive, all things considered. I’ve had nightmares where I’ve had to fight off Cosmos who has come for your starseed!”
Maybe it was a joke. He certainly tried saying it like one. He knew Devyn was upset, and he didn’t want to make him feel like he wasn’t taking everything seriously, because he absolutely was. But he also didn’t think there was any benefit either of them could gain from worrying. And that was coming from someone who worried constantly.
“You’re not fine,” he corrected Devyn as he rubbed his back and gave him a little squeeze. “And that’s okay if you’re not fine. You don’t always have to be fine, especially around me. This was… not what I was expecting, either. But you had no way of knowing. You finding him any sooner could have ended up with you being killed by whatever forced him into his pod. And then I wouldn’t have you,” Michael reminded him with another little kiss.
“He remembered that you like to snoop around,” Michael said after a moment of thinking. “Almost as if that was what he was expecting all this time to save him. Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe he just needs some time. Sometimes when I wake up I’ll remember dreams for a minute or less before they fade… I also can barely remember my name until I’ve had coffee. Maybe it’s something like that? He just needs some time to adapt to everything.”
Michael frowned, because he knew it wasn’t just about Lucien not remembering. It was what he didn’t remember.
“Being asleep that long can put a strain on someone. Give him time. We only just got back.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 7:48 am
There were a few times that Devyn almost laughed, but when that seemed to be too much energy, he’d managed a smile at least. “I know,” he said gently. “I’ve got plenty of time to give. Cosmos isn’t coming for me any time soon and if she’d tried, she’d fail. She has no right to my starseed, not until I’m ready to give it a rest.” He’d tell Michael not to worry but he knew he would, anyway.
“I know things like this are unpredictable. It’s uncharted territory. I just didn’t expect it. I didn’t even want to trust it. The Chaos is tricky, but…He feels like himself. Sounds like him, sort of. It’s just–to see his face but know that we are only slightly better than strangers…”
He shrugged and shook his head. “It’s just difficult to adjust to that. I don’t know why. It’s not really a problem, so I am fine, it’s just–I don’t know how to explain it. I feel tired. The world feels very heavy right now. I’m very achy. Not because of old age or Cosmos trying to stake her claim,” he reassured. “Just…I guess today was a long day. I’m happy that we found him. I don’t know how much longer that stasis pod was going to hold out for. And I don’t think he’d have been able to get out on his own if we hadn’t been there. So–yes, maybe this was the best way things could have happened. I suppose…”
He had to take a moment to compile his thoughts, and when he did, he just rested against Michael. The weight of everything wasn’t such a burden that he couldn’t handle it alone, but he didn’t have to. Michael was, as always, wonderful to him.
“I got my hopes up that I could have something ‘normal’ again. Not new normal, I love what we have. But a piece of my life that was very important to me from before. There’s so much different here on Earth–different on Alastor. I think, perhaps, I was very enthralled by the idea of, I don’t know.” He sighed. He did know. It just felt silly to say, now. “Having someone who had memories of Alastor. Having their own memories, not just ones I’ve shared.”
He knew Michael could tap into Percy’s memories but it wasn’t really the same.
“Maybe I was looking for a fresh take on old things. In the grand scheme of things, it’s really not any sort of problem. I’m sure I’ll sleep it off. But I appreciate you looking after me. I think,” he held the thought for a moment, and then admitted, “I am homesick in a way that I don’t know how to cure. Anything I can share with you is born from my memories, and those aren’t always reliable. But I don’t want it to sound like I am pining for a time long past. Sometimes my heart aches when I think of all that is lost.”
He stood a little straight now, and raised a hand to gently rest on Michael’s cheek. “But I am happy with all that I have, too.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 8:29 am
“It’s okay,” Michael tried to reassure him, leaning into the touch of his hand against his cheek. “I know I can’t relate to what you’ve been through. To live lifetimes and have people you cared about -- loved. And finally have someone who could have shared memories of those people.”
Nothing about what Michael said or his voice or expression made it seem like he thought anything Devyn said was silly. His heart ached for him, because he knew how excited Devyn would have been to have someone to talk to about the past. About Percy. About Marius. Atrius and Virgil and Madison and Lukas and so many others that were unique to Devyn’s memory now.
Getting memories from Percy wasn’t the same. Michael hadn’t lived in the moment. It was like watching a movie most of the time. Sometimes he felt intense emotions with the memories, or just emotions with nothing to see, but it wasn’t the same as experience.
“I wish it could be me,” he said quietly, but seemed to realize how selfish that sounded and forced another smile to assure Devyn that he didn’t have negative feelings about it. It was just how things were. He lived a thousand years after Devyn in a time they now shared together. No matter how many memories he got, it would never be the same as what Lucien could have offered.
If Lucien had his memories.
But Michael couldn’t help Devyn with his homesickness for Alastor, and it felt like something he would never be able to reach. He felt it like a heaviness that wasn’t fair for him to feel, when it was Devyn who was suffering. But he felt it in his heart -- the inability to help his husband with something that was hurting him.
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 8:37 am
For a moment, Devyn was quiet–but then, he did smile. It was tired, but it was honest, and it still reached his eyes. He brushed his thumb over Michael’s cheek and nodded. “I love you very much, Michael. This is home for me, too, you know. You are so patient with me, and you listen to all of my stories. The people I cared about, the things, and places–they live on in me. But you’ve let them have a place in your heart, too. I’ve had a long time to get over it all, you’d think I’d be better about things like this. But,” he sighed, with a twinge of dramatics. It might have been habit, but he might have been feeling just a bit better, too.
“I care very deeply about a great many things. Usually I’m a bit more resilient to these emotions. I was rattled earlier, I suppose. I still am. There have been lifetimes between your birth and Lucien’s disappearance. I’ve seen more than he has. But my memories are strongest back then. Back when I still felt alive. He was among many of the losses I endured from back then. To have him back, in any form…”
He hummed softly as he worked through his thoughts, and his eyes found a corner and he traced the straight lines where the wall met the ceiling as he sorted through things. “I suppose it’s not so different from him being reborn here on Earth, anyway. It might be easier if he didn’t have the same face. I’m concerned that I might overstep boundaries that exist for him but not for me. But these are all things I should worry about tomorrow, Love of my Lives. I am not at my best. I am glad to be home with you, and sleeping in our bed tonight, with air conditioning, is already very high on my list of things I am looking forward to. I’m sorry, for Lucien. I realize I should have asked. This was your room well before it was ours. I just.”
He was quiet for a brief moment again as he tried to find words for thoughts and feelings. “I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if he is on borrowed time. I’m sure that once he settles in, he’ll have better places to sleep. Give him a day to know Atticus and I’m sure he’ll want to be in his room every night. I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience to have him here. Just for tonight.” He knew he didn’t have to say it, he knew Michael would probably give him anything he wanted, but he still added a very earnest, “Please.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 9:00 am
“You know I could never say no to you,” Michael said quietly, maybe a little sheepishly because there were so many things he wanted to give Devyn. If having some time with an old friend was one of those things, then he would be happy to do so.
“Would you like me to take the couch or something?” he asked, but felt silly because he knew that wasn’t something Devyn would expect, much less want. Maybe there was part of Michael that still felt as though his worth was measured by how much others thought was his worth.
Which wasn’t fair, because Devyn was just worried about his friend, whom he thought had been dead for several hundred years.
“Sorry. Sorry,” he quickly tried to correct himself before Devyn got upset. He reached around him again to pull him close and pressed a kiss to his cheek, ear, then neck. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.
“You take the middle, though. I have a feeling that cat is going to try and push me off,” he huffed, but was mostly teasing. It was just very obvious how much Lucien preferred Devyn. Which was fair, because Michael preferred Devyn, too.
“I love you. And you don’t have anything to apologize for. We’ll figure things out. It’ll be okay.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 9:27 am
Devyn had immediately looked at him with a bit of confusion and surprise, but before his brows could furrow, Michael was already apologizing and changing his mind. He visibly relaxed when Michael promised to stay close, and he nodded. “If you slept on the couch, I think you’d be rather uncomfortable with me on top of you. And Lucien atop of me. We could make it work, of course, but I think we’ll be far more comfortable in the bed.”
He had no intention of sleeping away from Michael. He’d been with him for the past week straight but he wasn’t ready to be away from him.
It was nearly impossible to sleep without him, anyway.
“I’ll make sure Lucien behaves,” he promised, and was quick to return the little touches and kisses. He wanted to reassure Michael as much as Michael had been able to do for him, especially since he was probably out of his comfort zone accommodating Devyn.
He picked Michael up in his arms just to hold him close.
…And show off that he was feeling well enough to do it without breaking a sweat.
“He’ll love you, you know. You’re so smart and clever. I bet he’ll be enthralled by your wit and charm.”
…Assuming he didn’t have a heart attack in his sleep tonight or something. Devyn sucked in a breath and had to force the tension out of himself, but having Michael in his arms at least helped him redirect a bit of it.
“I won’t let him bully you, my love. He used to be very well mannered. We’ll see if time has changed him.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 9:34 am
A small noise of surprise escaped when Devyn picked him up into his arms, but he didn’t have any complaints otherwise. Maybe just a faint flush to his cheeks, but he couldn’t decide if it was because he was embarrassed by it, or because he actually enjoyed the attention. Not to mention how attractive his husband was.
“I don’t blame him for wanting you to himself,” Michael huffed as he wrapped his arms around Devyn’s shoulders to help with supporting his weight. “I want to keep you to myself, too. But I know how hard you work and how many people you want to help. So I’ll take what I can get.”
He wasn’t used to feeling like he needed to remind Devyn that he liked the attention, too. He hadn’t exactly had anyone so close to them that would demand Devyn’s attention. Atticus didn’t count because he deserved every moment of positive attention anyone could give him.
“So are you back with me, now?” he asked as he pressed his lips to Devyn’s temple. “If you need to figure things out, that’s okay. You know I’ll always be on your side and have your back.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 9:50 am
While Devyn still felt worn down, he felt better. He hadn’t realized his presence was slipping away, and if Michael hadn’t been there, it might have been too easy to just lose himself to a wave of negativity. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world, but maybe it would have been unnecessarily dramatic and a bit too hard on himself.
“I’m here,” he promised, and turned his head to the side so Micahel could give him a few more kisses while he was up there. “I know you’re always there for me. I trust you. You’re very reassuring. And very good for me, too. My mind feels a bit stuck in the mud,” he admitted, “But I’m optimistic that I just need a bit of sleep. Honest. I think the excitement just caught up to me, and all that work we were doing on Alastor. Maybe I used too much magic. If you see me drifting too far, you can always give me a kiss to pull me back, though.”
Michael felt like nothing in his arms, which was either a testament to Devyn’s strength, or more likely that he was still sorting himself out, but he commented, “You feel so light, I can’t believe you let me take you away from dinner. You need to eat more. Shall I hold your food for you too, when we get back?”
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 10:32 am
Michael snorted in amusement, but pressed another kiss to Devyn’s temple and rubbed his back while he was in his arms.
“I took you away from dinner. And you were inhaling more than eating. I don’t want Atticus to pick up on those bad habits. You know he watches you like a hawk. At least when Elliot isn’t there to distract him,” he hummed and then pressed one more kiss for good luck.
“I love you. Let’s both do better. If Lucien hasn’t eaten both of our plates already, but that’s fine since I’m sure there’s plenty of blueberries for us from the Reids,” he teased.
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 11:23 am
For all the doubts and uncertainty and grief and regret that Devyn felt, Michael’s attention eased it away. Sometimes, it felt like Devyn was still learning what he needed after all of these years.
He probably would have saved himself a lot of trouble if he just told Michael he needed a few moments with him fussing or worrying to sort through the worst of it.
“You’re right,” he laughed softly. “I’ll go finish my plate. I don’t want Atticus picking up any bad habits.” And, food was always such a sensitive one given the boy’s background. “If there’s too much fur in your dinner, just swap with me.” He could still eat just about anything, anyway. And Atticus probably wouldn’t even know.
“I like blueberries, so I’m looking forward to them coming over. Maybe they’ll distract Lucien and the boys for long enough that we can slip away and get a shower before bed.”
He didn’t want to, but he set Michael down with another kiss and took his hand so they could head back out. If they were lucky, they’d be able to come up with a suitable excuse for why they needed to slip away in the first place.
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