Pendour could feel the rough stone wall against her back, as far away as it felt. She didn't feel herself rocking back and forth violently, at all, but it was happening all the same. She took a shaking, gasping breath, and slammed her fist into her thigh. She did know that she was doing that. She needed to do it, needed to do something, but it wasn't enough. It still felt like she was choking on smoke, and all she could see was the figure of Faustite in front of her, larger than life, his hands curved like claws, standing over another mangled corpse. Then he was slashing at her, slashing at her eye.
No.
She hit herself again. It didn't stop.
She couldn't save herself, couldn't save anyone. She couldn't stop herself from hurting people, either. She saw the robot exploding in front of Encke on Astraya, and then saw the same thing happening to the corrupt who had just tried to reach inside her chest.
Her arms were already crisscrossed with scratches, some bloody and some simply angry and red. She was crying so hard that the tears were making clumps of hair stick to her face, but she didn't notice that either.
She hated this. She hated this she hated this she hated this.
The corrupt was now a bloody, mangled mess at her feet, staring up at her sadly.
Pendour slammed her fists into the ground, as hard as she possibly could. She whimpered.
Seiana_ZI
Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2023 9:31 pm
Ignacio didn't care too much when his civilian phone rang, but he always let the AI announce who was calling before he ignored it. Sometimes it wasn't a spam caller. Sometimes it was his agent, who was calling him a lot lately with filming wrapped and the film he was in onto the production stage. And sometimes it was...
'Michelangelo duPont'
Well, no, the boytoy was a new one. Did he have trouble getting Luke on the phone or something? He was pretty sure Luke was just reading--
"Ah, hello?"
"Uh, sorry to ask this," Ignacio heard him clear his throat. "Is Sadie there?"
He knew right away why the apology was what he led with. Probably worried about causing a panic attack-- "Uh, no?" Didn't stop his voice from pitching up anyway. Michelangelo didn't call Sadie himself, and Ignacio knew they had each other's numbers, so there had to be another reason why he was resorting to asking him. None of those reasons were good considering Luke was still an option for that.
"s**t," Michelangelo might have actually sounded worried. "She was supposed to meet me over here a while ago. We were gonna go see Barbie."
Wasn't like her to miss appointments. Especially not meetings with friends. ********. <********>. This was like when he couldn't find Richard all over again and he was drained nearly to death in a park, and then again when Viatrix yelled at him to get his a** down there because there was a general on Basiluzzo-- "Yeah, not here. I'll go look for her."
Ignacio hung up without letting Michelangelo get much more of a word in edgewise and took to the roofs within a few minutes. Easier to see from above. He ignored any of the other aurae he felt, deciding that chaos was going to continue to be chaos, but Pendour's aura was obvious to him if it was her out there. If it was Sadie, that was ... troubling, because that would be an almost guaranteed identity leak depending on what was going on.
Or Faustite's foot was on her neck because a starseed was not the only way to kill someone. Just the way to corrupt their soul.
He digressed.
He had been digressing for months.
Encke sensed an aura that felt correct after about what felt like an infinity and dropped off the roof he was on, taking to the streets to pursue it. He was certain the boytoy was blowing up his phone by now. The Boytoy could wait. He'd let him know once Pendour was actually...
Secured.
"Pen?" Encke was cautious. "Can you hear me?"
When he locked he heard nothing, saw nothing but flesh and blood and fire and mutilation and--
stari_maga
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2023 10:02 pm
Pendour wasn't hard to find, once he caught wind of the aura. When she heard his voice, it sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away, somewhere that wasn't quite real, and from there it took her time time to process what he was saying, but in the meantime, she wasn't quiet.
It felt like there were knives through both of her palms now, and those knives twisted if she tried to move her hands anymore. She moved them if the thoughts started creeping up again, since that pain was finally, finally strong enough to help push them away.
In the meantime, though, she was sputtering, letting out sobs that sometimes turned into hisses, or even soft screams.
As she processed the voice, she quieted a little. Was Encke here? Was it just her head, again?
She saw the image of Faustite again, but this time it was Encke's boots that she could see splayed out on the ground, with their blue color blocks and their purple laces. It was his pants with the stripes, and the rest of her best friend's body that had been turned into a horrific scene of blood and burned meat.
She clenched her fist until the pain flared, and while the image didn't fade, she could see past it. She still felt Encke's aura around the corner.
She didn't know if that was better. He'd never seen her like this. He wasn't supposed to see her like this.
And yet she found that she did not want shove him away, did not want to be alone. She wasn't sure if she could get him to leave, anyway, not if he was worried, himself.
"It's bad," she warned him between gasps for air. "I think I broke my hands."
He knew her well enough to know that wasn't how she talked if she'd gotten attacked by someone else.
Seiana_ZI
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2023 2:41 am
Pendour was not in a good state, and one of his instincts was typically to run for someone in an obviously bad state and see what he could do. He fought it. It was the experience he might have wished wasn't personal but it was the experience he had nevertheless. Going too close might increase the panic, might change the panic to something worse, or perhaps cause that panic to show in ways that would ultimately make it worse for Pendour in the long run. He hung back,
It pained him and his mind was screaming, but he had to act for the good of not only her but himself. Not because he was worried she might hurt him--she might, she might, but he had literally been through life and death, and being hurt didn't scare him anymore--but if the self-annihilation also turned into the instinct to mutilate him, he didn't want to have to reassure Pendour she could be around him. He didn't want to need to put out two fires st once because it would make Pendour's state even worse.
He was fairly sure her hands were broken. They looked misshapen.
Misshapen made them--
"I can see," Encke murmured, careful to keep his voice low even as his mind pulled and shoved at its binds. "It's okay," of a sorts, "we can get that bandaged up and addressed by a doctor," that was true. "They don't need to know how it happened. Destiny City is full of enough weird s**t that there's enough to blame." Also true. "This place is overwhelming and this happens."
Also true, also true, and his mind looped back to Sadie and Richard surrounding him on the bed as he went deathly calm. Deathly. Dead just like he ********.
Could his magic actually heal a serious injury like that? He hadn't tried it before and something told him he would be shooting for the stars and missing.
"Hang on," he came a bit closer, then, reaching toward her. "Not sure how much this will do, but maybe it'll help with something."
They could address the why later. Encke had some guesses, but none of them were quite as important as addressing the injury and making sure she came out of the panic attack fully. He wasn't Basiluzzo; these more severe injuries were in his wheelhouse. Encke could only hope that he could at least get her hands to the point where he could get them wrapped with some gauze.
stari_maga
Enhancement Attack:Super Sailor Scout Attack: "Plasma Discharge!" Based on plasma medicine, Encke presses his hands toward his target, generating a current with a mild heat which will feel hot but will not burn. This heat is accompanied by a small amount of light. As this current travels from him into his target, it will completely heal minor injuries and moderate wounds (such as bleeding or abrasions) can somewhat stitch themselves back together and have improved healing. This magic may have some success temporarily stabilizing more serious injuries, but at best it can only stop them from worsening for a short time. Allies injured in the nearby vicinity may also feel this effect. (Usage: Twice per battle Duration: 30 seconds Range: 10ft radius around target)
Seiana_ZI
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2023 5:17 am
Pendour might not have been thinking the most clearly, but she was thinking clear enough to notice the way that Encke hovered at the edges of things, the way he didn't come close. He'd insisted that she wasn't scary, once or twice, called her beautiful, even, looking at her physical scars and knowing a little about the ones that were underneath. Now he knew how deep it went and it was too much, even for him.
Pendour had to clench a fist again. She shuddered, and then stilled.
Honestly, she was scaring herself. It had gotten similar to this a few times before, especially right after the eye, but she'd never broken her own hands.
He was talking about getting to a doctor, about getting her fixed up, and she nodded even though that was honestly the last thing she cared about right now. Then he was calling magic, taking things into his own hands.
Pendour wasn't sure she liked it. She didn't like it, in fact. The welts on her arms and the sore spots on her thighs faded in an instant under the warmth of his healing plasma. The deeper, bloodied scratches that started on her palms and worked their way up faded from red to pink.
Her bones didn't stitch themselves back together, but as the warmth faded, her hands felt numb. The pain was gone.
Twitching her fingers did nothing as an image floated across her mind of Faustite holding Encke by the collar, pinning him to a tree, clawing across his body again and again and burning what was left. There wasn't much she could do but whimper. She was almost even out of tears. What she had left to cry was thick and salty.
"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Even as she was saying it, she was holding her arms up for a hug. The small part of her that was thinking logically knew that contact helped more than just about anything else, and hoped that maybe she wouldn't be too scary for that.
Seiana_ZI
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2023 5:56 am
Whether she liked it or not, he was grateful to see the most red areas of her injuries begin to stitch themselves up. He wasn't a miracle worker, but it was nice to be able to help in a magical way beyond the energy transfer. That could only do so much about the mental state and could do very little about the physical. This was a bit more effective than just staring at the results and wondering what to do about them.
More than he had been able to do for others, he was sure.
There was relative quiet until she started apologizing like it was a mantra, and Encke knit his brows. She didn't need to apologize, but it was alarmingly familiar; he remembered looking at a black eye that Richard had and quietly asking who had done that. Richard didn't lie to Ignacio, never found it wise, and Ignacio would murmur sorry on repeat until it felt like he had fulfilled his penance. It was an unfortunate spot to be in.
For all of them.
She was holding her arms out for ... a hug, and that reminded him of both his nieces and nephews and also of an obvious signal for physical contact. She seemed removed enough from the attack that it was easier to agree, and he wrapped her closer to him.
"It's okay. Panic's a monster," True. "I've done some terrible things out of panic too. Wanna know the reason why Arra no longer wears glasses?" His laugh was distant, even as he tried it. "Gave him a black eye while he was wearing those. Probably about five times. I was seeing the monsters and nothing he was doing made it to me other than an amalgamation of agents I ran into, with the same taunting voice. He learned very quickly to give me space."
He shivered.
"This s**t happens."
stari_maga
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2023 6:52 am
Touch was easily the best way to stabilize Pendour in moments like these. It wasn't a perfect solution, not when things were this bad, but as Encke drew near and wrapped his arms around her, she drew closer, too, into a familiar position with her forehead nestled into the curve of his neck. She returned the hug itself best she could, although her hands hung limply.
From here she could feel his warmth, and the beat of his pulse against her own ribs.
It was enough that she could take slightly more of a breath, enough that when he spoke again his words seemed closer to her ear. The disturbing images weren't leaving the forefront of her mind, but she could get past them just enough to listen to what he was saying.
"I didn't know he wore glasses," she murmured. That had all been before her time, hadn't it?
She was sorry the two of them had been through that, and she gave Encke's chin what she hoped was a comforting nuzzle with her tear stained face.
"I'm not going to hurt you," she told him, and her voice sounded more solid saying that than it had all night. "Don't worry." She meant it. She meant every word. "I would never hurt-" anyone, she was going to say, but that was part of the problem, wasn't it? The words cut off into another long chain of heavy sobs, one that lasted for seconds.
"That's not true," she said, because there wasn't much hiding it, now. "I hurt a senshi." She gasped. "Tonight."
Seiana_ZI
Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2023 10:37 am
"He wears contacts now, exclusively." Encke said it matter-of-factly, but there was something else underneath that spoke to as much as he was used to it, there was a part of him that never would be. Encke had been a danger to others, could still be, and he knew it. It was hard to negotiate.
The best he could do was make sure to do everything he could to negate that. Encke thought he was doing well at that. His medication helped when he felt himself descending too deep, too.
"Still has a pair, but I haven't seen him wear them in a while." Certainly hadn't since Sadie had nearly started living at their house.
Encke appreciated the confidence that she would never, but he knew himself in panic attacks. The person who appeared in them was often not the same as the person who walked lucidly during the day. Encke would have opened his mouth to say he'd forgive her even if she did lash out, but he shut it when she shut her own.
And perhaps he had some understanding of how she ended up there.
... Okay, so she had hurt someone. But he knew her. What were the circumstances?
"How did you hurt her?" asked Encke, warm and careful. "I know you. Would be unlikely to be intentional."
stari_maga
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2023 1:00 pm
Like the robot, on Astraya, she thought, and it was probably good that the words were coming slowly right now, so that she could bite down on that before it left her mouth. That hadn’t been a good night for the two of them, there was no need to bring it up and maybe trigger something.
“My starseed,” she gasped, instead. “She had three already. I tried to talk to her and she used magic. That’s what triggered,” she nodded at herself, at the state that she was in. “And I couldn’t stop her when she reached into my chest, and it-“
Her voice caught. She took another second to steady herself against Encke, then sobbed, “Exploded.”
She’d tried and tried in that moment to tell it not to, to tell it to be kind, and gentle, even as she cried, but it hadn’t worked, and now the corrupt hates her and one of the men had still died.
“Like Caedus,” she murmured, finding a safer metaphor, “on the hilltop.” That had been far more extreme, but still. “I didn’t want it. I didn’t want it.”
I’m sorry, her brain supplied, unhelpfully. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Seiana_ZI
Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2023 6:39 am
Her starseed.
It made sense. Whoever she was facing went for her starseed, and as transcended people, they both knew that their starseeds couldn't be touched. That came with consequences, at least for the people who tried to go for them. He had learned that multiple times; there had already been three attempts on his starseed at least. This was likely the first one on hers.
But it meant that in some way, her body had hurt someone. She was a pacifist, and he knew that. While he was happy she was still alive, he would definitely have to figure out how to help her negotiate that.
Perhaps the best way was to start with that.
"Our starseeds don't appreciate being touched, right?" Caedus' had been a special circumstance, but he could summon up enough in his mind to understand what she was referring to nevertheless. "Especially not when we've forged this connection with our places in space. Your body was trying to protect itself -- and it succeeded in that. You're alive."
He breathed, attempting to keep his breaths even to try and bring hers to a more even pace.
"She was trying to kill you. If that happened, we all would have lost you. I would have lost you. Your wonder would have lost you."
Michelangelo would have lost her. Hmm. Maybe he should text him back.
Later.
"It wasn't intentional, no. You're still holding your ideals if your body instinctually protects itself."
stari_maga
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Posted: Wed Jul 26, 2023 8:04 pm
“Maybe,” she said, when he talked about her starseed trying to protect itself. Her tone was distant, almost dismissive, because she didn’t agree with that, didn’t accept that, but she never liked arguing in the best of times. Now, her hands were starting to throb again. The inages were shifting back to the corrupt, dissolving in a wave of light. She wasn’t in a state to talk much philosophy.
“And living’s hard, anyway,” she murmured, even as her chest tightened at the thought of him losing her.
It wasn’t something she had put into words before, but it also probably wasn’t something that was going to come as a shock to him between their previous conversations and her current state. It still wasn’t an easy thing to admit, and her eyes fluttered shut.
With his breathing guiding hers, her head cleared just enough to remember something. She summoned a small cloth bag from subspace, although it immediately slipped through her limp fingers.
“That’s from Caedus,” she told him. “The crystal. It’s, um, draining? Helps me sleep. Do you think you can, um, use it? Or if I do it, can you get me home?”
She hadn’t let herself use it in months but that was going to be the easiest way to reset herself, right now.
Seiana_ZI
Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 8:02 am
She didn't quite agree, and he could tell that by the tone of her response and the content of her responses, but Encke would take what sounded like a reluctant agreement over outright rejection. He wish she wouldn't say things like that, even as much as he understood it. Living was hard. They went through a lot where it felt like the whole world was against them and their missions were hopeless.
An attempt to save a life just turned into a new general-sovereign.
A new one, clawed from the jaws of youmaification. Why hadn't he been clawed? He swallowed it down, because there were other concerns, and he whispered, "Life is hard." He couldn't quite say it was the only one they had. They were living proof. It wasn't. But he could offer, "But the stars may never align quite like this again, and we have to embrace them while we can."
Encke felt like an old sage. Perhaps he was just old. He was thirty-one. Old compared to most of his senshi fellows he met, but not impossibly so.
They would get through this.
Encke caught the bag she nearly dropped.
"Caedus is a good guy." Encke would have to tell him a piece of the good his gift was doing later. "Tell you what. The Bells have plenty of space. That house is alive. It'll be good for you."
Encke thought of offering a hand to Pendour, squashed the thought, and instead wrapped an arm under her shoulders again.
"Let's get you there and comfortably bundled for sleep."
... No doubt Michelangelo was projecting his concern at Luke (and maybe Safira) by now. Of course, he remembered from when he panicked about Richard; Luke had been relatively comforting throughout it until it had been several more hours. Maybe they'd get in front of it if they left now. And, most importantly, Sadie could sleep and they'd address the hands in the morning.
They weren't gonna get worse.
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 7:34 pm
She looked at him, turned her head enough that her good eye could trace his features. For the first time that night, she saw him as he was, solid and alive next to her. It didn’t last; the thoughts and images were back a moment later, but it was enough.
“These stars brought me to you,” she murmured. “I hold onto that more that you know to, um. Keep trying.”
She would have died for the strangers, but for Encke? For Encke she would live.
She would even let him take her back to his house, even if the sick part of her brain was begging to get back to her apartment, begging to push away and cry and hit and scream more, begging for darker things than that. It wasn’t like she had the strength to argue, anyway.
“Okay,” she murmured, and then, “I’m sorry,” because she couldn’t stop that.
Then she shifted so that more of her weight was on top ho him. She brought her fingertips to touch his palms and let them linger there for a second, even if it stung. She slipped her hand into the bag he was holding, wincing, but she felt the coolness of the crystal.
Over the next minute or so, her hummingbird quick breath slowed into a steady rhythm. Her eyelids closed, and the tension released from her muscles.
She was asleep in Encke’s arms.
Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2023 6:01 am
It was enough to bring her back down to earth, even if it was only for a few moments, and that was enough. His smile was airier than he would like it to be, but it was there.
She was solid in his arms, and that, for now, would have to be good enough.
Need to be, even.
"Then the stars were wise to do so," because the world needed Pendour. Her wonder needed her. And ... he did, too, though he did his best not to bring the focus to himself for the moment. It was about her, and the fact she needed a safe place to sleep--he didn't think that was going to be by herself, for the moment, and perhaps her response had been a sign she agreed--and the fact that he needed to get her there.
"And stop apologizing, okay?"
He'd do this again, and again, and again, and again...
