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 Posted: Sat May 20, 2023 6:34 pm
Malcolm had talked to Talia a bit on and off but he couldn’t shake his worry for her. He’d gotten enough updates that she thought she was okay but of course he’d stay worried for her. She’d been through a lot and he wanted to do everything he could to support her.
The plan had been to show up in the park–somewhere for some fresh air, where they could talk and appreciate the nice weather. There was a picnic table by a large pond, and Malcolm had arrived just a bit before their scheduled meeting time so he could jot down some ideas for a story he was working on.
He’d brought something to eat–crab dip, and crackers, and it wasn’t really even lunch but it was just good. He’d brought enough that she could take some home with her. Not that she probably didn’t have more than enough food back at the house, but she was his friend and he worried about her.
They’d been texting all morning, and he was doing his best to calm his nerves.
He hated the idea that he might have let her down or disappointed her as much as he hated the idea that she’d gotten hurt–physically and emotionally–after…
Well, everything.
He was sitting at the table with his ankles crossed, kicking lightly as he stared at the water. The sunlight was reflecting off of the ripples. There was a bit of wind keeping things moving but it wasn’t so much that it was in any way overwhelming. He rested his elbow on the table and his cheek was in his palm.
He knew she’d be here in a minute and he should have been looking at her, but he couldn’t help but stare at the water. He had a lot on his mind and he was tired. Worried. Glad to be seeing her, though; he’d been looking forward to this for a while and he was glad that she was feeling well enough to be out.
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2023 6:35 pm
Talia’s arm was in a sling, but hopefully it would be out of the cast soon…it had been almost a month already…strange how time kept moving on even when life seemed to want to stop. She made her way towards the picnic table that Malcolm had arranged, holding a small basket in her good hand…she was still trying to keep baking, and had managed to make some tasty…if ugly chocolate chip cookies which…was nice. There was absolutely no dexterity involved in making them, but if they tasted good, who cared.
“Hey!” Talia called as she approached and carefully put her basket on top of the table, and slid onto the bench. “I hope you weren’t waiting long. I…got confused on which table and ended up at the one over by the smaller pond, when you weren’t there that was when I texted, this park has too many ponds in it, I think.”
Her eyes followed the path his gaze was on and she hummed softly. “They’re all really pretty though, so I suppose I’ll let it slide this once.”
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2023 7:20 pm
“Sorry!” Malcolm said quickly,but he smiled all the same. “I should have been more specific, I didn’t even know the other ponds had any tables at them. This one just has such a nice view. I wasn’t here for long, though. It’s just such a nice day, I was thinking I might try to work on some writing. Oh–I brought crab dip. I don’t know why, it’s–now that I think about it, it’s a weird thing to bring. But I was just thinking how much I like it, so I wanted to share with you.”
He pulled it out and pushed it closer to share. “What did you bring?”
Malcolm wasn’t nervous, per se. He was glad to be with his friend. But his nerves were a little noticeable. Their conversations until now had been fairly light and relatively stress free; he hadn’t wanted to bombard her with his emotional issues when she had so much to deal with, herself.
…Now, he just wanted to have a good time out with her, and to make see what he could do to…
Well, to be better. He had a clearer idea of what had happened, and he had tried to make a game plan for himself but he still wanted to make sure that they were on the same page.
He wanted to make sure that she knew she could trust him and that he was going to try his hardest to make her proud.
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2023 7:27 pm
“Hey, no worries.” Talia gave a small smile and pulled the container from her basket, passing it over. “Crab dip actually sounds amazing? I made the absolutely ugliest chocolate chip cookies that I’ve ever made in my life, but they taste pretty darn good if I do say so…and I tasted about five of them so that’s why there’s not so many left.”
There were still almost twenty left but…still. Eating five out of a batch of two dozen did show.
“Did you make the crab dip? Is it real crab or like…the fake crab sticks that they put in sushi…because it all sounds good…oh! And do you have those butter crackers? Those are the best.”
She was in a good mood, and the idea of eating some dip made her mood even brighter…and the day was beautiful.
“How have you been? Any new books coming out soon? Do I get to be a beta reader?”
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2023 7:59 pm
“No, it’s real crab!” he insisted enthusiastically. “Not even from a can. They had a sale, I grabbed some yesterday. I might go back for some on the way home,” he admitted, not at all because he was buying himself a little time to prepare to answer.
Technically, he was fine! He’d been good! He was just going through a spell of self doubt and fearing that he wasn’t a good candidate for being a senshi again, but it was better now than he’d been a while ago.
“I’ve been in a bit of a slump recently. More than just writing. I’m trying to hit my groove. I’ve got some short stories done but they’re not my best work and I think it shows. I want to do a little bit of edits. I don’t know, I sort of want to scrap most of them. But we’ll see, I’ll email them to you and let you know what I’m thinking. I’ve just been in a, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve been going downhill. I keep thinking about how many things I’ve messed up or what I’ve done wrong or–well, things I wished I’d done better. It’s like I don’t trust myself anymore. I’m just worried. I don’t want to let anyone down and it’s really weighing on me. And I wanted to apologize for what happened, um. You know. That night. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things I wished I’d done better.”
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2023 7:06 am
“Shoot, maybe we should go together, I want some of this at home just…for reasons of I want to eat it all.” Talia gave a little grin and scooped up some of the crab dip, allowing Malcolm some time to talk, and she chewed slowly, allowing herself some time to think.
“Well, on the topic of that night, there are a lot of people I would like to demand apologies from, and you were not on that list at all, you did nothing wrong, you…were there, you didn’t invite a whole bunch of people and not tell me, you didn’t have an ambush in the wings…you didn’t break my arm and cause my brother to die…you…”
She drew in a breath, trying to stop herself from trembling. This. It still wasn’t easy to think about, and honestly, she still didn’t want to think about it but…
“You and Evan and Zac are the only ones that didn’t ******** things up that night. You’re the only three that I don’t honestly. Well, no. That one corrupted girl did her best, I don’t hate her either, I suppose but. Still. She shouldn’t have been there in the first place…she still tried to save him so I have to give her some credit. But you four are the only ones that I have no anger for at all. So…”
Wiping her hand on her pants, she reached out and took Malcolm’s hand. “If you’re having doubts, how can I help? You know I’d do anything for you.”
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2023 9:32 am
“I’m sorry,” he said instinctively, because he didn’t ever want to hurt her and it was very hard to miss that response that she’d had to talking about that night.
He didn’t move his hand when she took it, and he wanted to offer a reassuring smile but now he felt like there was even more that must have happened that he didn’t know about.
“I mean, I know I didn’t do those things that you said, but I guess it’s just that I don’t know what happened. My mind just frazzled. I don’t even think it was someone’s magic or something, it was like everything just shut off. Like an out of body experience except I was stuck in place. Halfway between being awake and asleep. I couldn’t think or anything. It’s not the first time it’s happened, but it’s been a while. I just.”
He sighed and hung his head a bit. “I can’t be doing that in the middle of something dangerous. I just don’t want you to have to worry about me, and I don’t want to let anyone down. So I just wanted you to know that I’m working on it.”
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2023 9:39 am
Talia drew in a breath and shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Mal. I promise that you didn’t do anything wrong…but…” She hesitated. “If you ever are feeling like that before something dangerous…and I will admit. That was on me. I should have just taken him back to Lysithea and let that be an end to it, but that was my fault for listening to what he wanted…”
And that wouldn’t be happening again.
“...But if you’re feeling that unsteady, please…can you tell me? I don’t want to end up losing you because some a*****e took advantage of you not being all there…I…the thought of losing you makes me want to die, honestly so…” She squeezed his hand and then just with drew hers, wiping at her face.
“...I need you, Malcolm, but if you’re not feeling it…that’s why we have others in the court, we don’t have to all be here all the time, we can take breaks, and sometimes…breaks are very much needed…I know I need one.”
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2023 12:05 pm
He listened to what she said–really listened! And found himself torn in several directions.
“No, no–I don’t want a break, that’s not what I mean,” he insisted. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry. I think–I don’t know what was going on. I was stressed about a lot of things going in, and it sort of just feels like everything tipped over. I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you about what was going on because…Well, I made a lot of New Years Resolutions, and being more honest was one of them. There are a lot of things I wish I’d done differently and I just want to get into a better habit of making decisions I don’t nitpick so hard afterwards. I mean, I know what they say about hindsight and all. But I’m telling you now because I wanted to be able to move forward and to let you know that I want to do better. I don’t want everyone to have to plan around me. But I’m trying.”
Really, really hard.
“You’re not going to lose me, honest. I just. I didn’t realize it was that bad until it was, you know? But I–I’m proud of you for setting limits and boundaries. What are you thinking about for a break?”
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2023 12:21 pm
“You have no need to apologize, Mal. I promise. You have done nothing worth any apologizing. I mean…That seems perfectly natural to me…this is a…it’s a literal war. I’m surprised more of us haven’t had breakdowns…it’s going to happen, and sweetheart, there’s nothing to be done except take a step backwards. For my break..I’m. Going to go on dates with Zac. And take the kids to the zoo…ah. Two of my kids…one is named Brooklyn, and the other Julian…she’s a squire, he’s a page and…they’re both adorable…but…you and I should do some things too.”
Talia neglected to mention the purification that she would be doing tonight, and didn’t have the stomach to tell him of the half youma who Zac would be interviewing….and hopefully getting rid of…but.
“Maybe we can go find some used bookstores around the city? Used bookstores and little cafes and just…indulge ourselves? I think I’d like that.”
Reaching out, Talia took his hand again. “You’re not a burden. Having other people around simply means that everyone can be at their best, it doesn’t mean you’re less because you need time off, honestly, it’s how all businesses should work. There should always be extras so that people can take breaks. Shoot. Look at Kari. She’s on a never-ending break and having a baby. How’s she doing by the way? I don’t really know her still but…I know that much. Tobias keeps talking about how he’s going to be more loved than the babies father…”
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2023 2:20 pm
“I know,” Malcolm insisted, especially because he didn’t want her to think that he thought less of her for needing a break. He just didn’t want one. He didn’t want to pull himself away. He wanted to confront what he was feeling and overcome it. He wanted to get back in the right mind frame, he wanted to do better.
He’d taken time to relax. Weeks already, it felt like. He’d tried to calm whatever turmoil was within him–powered, unpowered. He didn’t know, he was just a mess.
“Kari’s doing good, she sent me some pictures just last night. It’s really pretty over there, it makes me think that I should get out more. But then, I don’t like all the hustle and bustle. Just this is nice.”
He squeezed her hand. “And I’d miss my friends too much if I ever went that far away. But–you said all that stuff, and I agree! And I’m happy you’re going to go on dates, I hope my brother treats you well. I can’t even imagine him being romantic. But the zoo sounds fun, I hope you have fun with that too. You deserve a break. I think going to some of the old bookstores sounds good. I love digging around to see what I can find. That sounds like a lot of fun to me. And really relaxing, too. So I bet it would be good for us.”
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2023 6:20 pm
“I’m glad! I don’t want you to go that far away, I mean I’m glad she’s doing well not that…oh, you know what I mean.” Talia made a face and managed a small laugh, rolling her eyes as she tried to figure out just what it was she was trying to say. “I don’t want you to go away. But, I think we should do some adventures. Start hanging out more for good things as well as the bad…could be nice. Will be nice. I hope the zoo is nice too…I know that the kids are. They’re sweet things. I say kids but they’re young teenagers but…still. They have their whole lives ahead of them, and that’s just so neat…”
Talia looked at their hands for a second and then laced her fingers with Malcolm. “Whatever I can do to help you beat this, I will, you know. Maybe we should start…yoga or something. That’s supposed to be good for stress…when I get my arm back, we’’ll…yogurt. Yogi? Yo..go…yoga? Whatever. We’ll get mats and contort ourselves and breathe and become our best selves?”
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2023 10:56 am
Malcolm looked at her for a moment like he was trying to understand what she was saying, and he tried to smile politely, and then–
“Talia, I would be more than happy to go do some nice things with you, but that sounds horrible. Yoga? I don’t want you to see how embarrassingly inflexible I am. Let’s, um. Let’s start with walks in the park or something first and go from there. But that other stuff sounds good.”
He laughed, soft and reserved, but genuine all the same. If she really wanted to do yoga, of course he’d do his best for her, but he wasn’t much for exercise.
…He should work on that a bit, that probably wasn’t very senshi-y of him.
“I hope your arm feels better soon. I’d like for things to go back to normal. Good normal.”
…They’d get there, he was sure of it. In time.
The least they could do was try to enjoy the ride along the way.
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