Haruhi felt helpless.

Haruhi hated feeling helpless. What a useless emotion, ne thought to nemself, scowling at nis full-length mirror. Right there in nis bedroom. Ne had felt so dissatisfied since becoming a magical... person-thing. There wasn't any joy for Haruhi to find in it. It just seemed like endless, thankless work. Collect energy for the thing called Mirrorspace, for it to just consume into what was seemingly a black hole. There was the whole "collect crystals for neat s**t" thing, except that all required becoming a stronger magical person-thing in the first place to even access the space beyond! Just what, exactly, was there, for someone just starting, or someone who was slow? Especially given Haruhi's godforsaken day job. Ne'd been at this for just over a year now, and had so little to show for it.

Then... There was Reiki. Nis cousin. Reiki, who'd been struggling so much, hating himself so much for the whole Dark Mirror thing because he couldn't acclimate. It made nis cousin miserable, and it broke Haruhi's heart to see. Ne couldn't stand the way Reiki worked so hard to please this...

Whatever Mirrorspace was, Haruhi didn't trust it, and had become Volterra less and less as time went on, as ne watched the way it gnawed at Reiki in a way that seemed to be slowly taking his very soul from him. Haruhi wouldn't stand for it. But ne had to get stronger first to help him.... and to do that, ne had to work with Mirrorspace. The thing that Haruhi didn't trust, the thing with a wide-open mouth like some eldritch horror monster beckoning you to the golden things shining just behind all those awful teeth, waiting for the moment it would snap its jaws down and take as many victims as possible.

Ne didn't want to be standing anywhere near those teeth, but ne had to be sure that Reiki could get away, too. But... ne shuddered as the fear rose up in nis chest, and without warning, ne shouted, lashing out with a punch that cracked the mirror in front of nem.

Ah, s**t. That wasn't good. Ne shook nis hand out, checking the knuckles for damage. Unscathed. But... ne didn't think Reiki would come out of this whole magical girl thing unscathed. It had clearly already taken a toll on nis cousin, wearing him down, and ne wanted nothing more than to fix it.

But Reiki was the fixer in their family, not Haruhi. Haruhi was the b***h. Haruhi didn't know when to just shut up and let people have fun without shitting all over it. Haruhi practically couldn't even laugh or smile without it being sarcastic. Haruhi was the pessimist who figured that they'd all get consumed by Mirrorspace someday anyway, right, so what was the ******** point of even trying to resist?

.... Well, if it had only been nemself, Haruhi supposed ne'd be on the destructive path downwards, spiraling into despair. But ne had Reiki to worry about. Hell, ne probably had Ayame to worry about, too. Ne had to protect nis little sister somehow, right? Prevent her from getting into this whole mess.

....Haruhi had to get out of the Dark Mirror. Somehow. Once ne figured it out, ne'd tell Reiki, and they'd leave. Ne... would really miss Olivia, ironically enough, given she acted like pure sunshine, and that normally put Haruhi off really badly, but Olivia had just... somehow made things work out between them as friends. Haruhi wondered how she seemed so comfortable with Mirrorspace, when it felt, to Haruhi, like death was waiting just around the corner. Vast and empty in the beast's belly while it waited its chance to consume... and Olivia said it didn't feel like that to her. Like there was so much promise. She couldn't see what Haruhi was talking about, so they'd agreed to disagree, early on.

Now, though... Haruhi worried. What would happen to Olivia? Would she be swallowed by the beast that was lurking, masking itself as Mirrorspace, enticing everyone with promises of safety from conflict? Was Haruhi truly overreacting this time? Would Olivia be just fine, making her own space in the Mirror Dimension, thriving, just missing her friends?

It made Haruhi feel sick to think about, and ne took a few deep breaths, checking nis floor for bits of glass. None seemed to be missing from the mirror, but better safe than sorry with glass in nis feet later. All seemed well, so ne sighed and flopped onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling for a long time.

None of this felt right. Miserably, ne wasn't quite sure what to do... Well. No, ne supposed ne did know one thing to do. Protect nis cousin as best ne could. All the decisions swirled around nis head, starting to make him dizzy, and ne groaned, rolling over to plant nis face into nis pillow. Eurgh, that needed to get washed.

Ne just didn't know where to start, really, with Reiki. With... escaping, if that were possible. The way Reiki talked about it, it seemed like they were stuck being Dark Mirror, but... Not even Haruhi could accept that. Despite nis pessimistic way of living, of preferring to assume every worst outcome possible would happen, ne wanted to believe this could be different.

Ne supposed it always came down on the side of grim optimism, when whatever the situation was involved nis cousins and nis sister.

Ne simply refused to let that be the answer.

So then... where to begin looking for answers? Ne wasn't sure. Maybe ne could just... try to run into one of those White Moon senshi and ask them. After all, it couldn't hurt, except... well, in all the ways it definitely could, with the way Reiki trash talked those White Moon guys who just went after people like Reiki and Haruhi trying to make things work. It wasn't their fault they Awakened the way they did, after all.

Sighing heavily, ne put the thoughts out of nis head for now and began to gather the laundry for a run downstairs. Once ne had some downtime... ne'd go looking for answers. Even if it got nem hurt.

For Reiki. For nemself. For Junsei and Ayame, too, even if they didn't know any of what was going on. Ne had to save their futures, too.