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Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2023 4:55 pm
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Faustite had teleported into the office, barely more awake then when he had initially roused hours earlier, and was immediately met with an aura layered over his office. Super senshi, so it must've been one of his boys, he'd thought —
But there was no Taenite. No Fafnir or Heliodor, either. No Lilith or Mizuki, even. Faustite squinted, then assumed his senses were probably scrambled with exhaustion.
That was how things had been, lately. Catching shadows out of the corners of his eyes, hearing distant bits of sound that weren't really there. He'd catch himself falling asleep, having dreamt some strangeness into being. It wouldn't have surprised him at all if his auric sense had turned defective from a lack of energy. It was but a foregone conclusion that it would turn traitor on him, too, someday.
But as Faustite sat down, he spotted one very small, very furry intruder who was certainly not a Mauvian. "Kama? Why are you —"
Better than asking, Faustite reached into his desk to pull out the small, furry creature. "Someone send you on a spy mission?" He wasn't sure what else it would be, though he didn't know who was thinking he needed eyes on him at all times. Could've been that Bloodstone painted a poor picture of him to their superiors, however.
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Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2023 3:36 am
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"Not bothered," Faustite corrected as he retired to his stool. Much as Kamacite felt it, Faustite never considered him a bother. The boy was always so sweet and helpful, always pushing himself to his limits in missions, always being considerate. Never taking time for himself.
When he heard the rattle, Faustite glanced at his desk. Starseeds? Those weren't there before.
"Thanks," he began before coughing and sputtering. He pressed a hand to his head, palm over one eye. "They're what gets me out of bed sometimes." They were, often enough, a requirement to keep moving, keep doing. Just as before, they occupied his mind to an unhealthy extent, but many of his boys were patient enough to distract him. It helped, he supposed, that he didn't get a rush from them anymore. They sustained him, and that was the extent of it.
"I'm a mess," he apologized softly. "But — how have you been? Know this is a lot for everyone." His boys, his friends, his boy-friends. Even the people who were essentially just coworkers, like Prehnite, were getting involved. But someone like Kama, who was so overwhelmingly astonished when he saw Faustite after he'd left the Rift, this must've been far more difficult. Like watching a dear friend die from an incurable illness.
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Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2023 8:43 am
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Kamacite was quiet for a little while. His tails drooped sadly, but he otherwise sat properly with his tiny paws together in front of him. It was strange, being a youma. But in a way it was also just another mask.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, which he knew wasn’t helpful. “Trying to keep moving. Wanting to help. Thinking about… everything… makes it difficult to get up. I don’t want to lose you again.”
He knew it was selfish, but he’d been there with Faustite for a long time. For better or worse. Panic attacks, misunderstandings, unbreakable shows of loyalty, heartbreak…
“I don’t know if watching that generator explode was worse than how this feels. It’s like I’m numb, but everything feels so… sharp. Painful.”
He didn’t know how to make Faustite feel any better. He wanted to be there for him, but he didn’t want Faustite to end up having to comfort him when it should be the other way around.
“I want to get used to being like this, just--” he paused, because emotion broke his already small, squeaky voice. “In case,” he finished. “I don’t want to lose you to the Rift again. I don’t want you to worry about hurting me again.”
He felt guilty, for planning on the worst to happen, but after everything, it was kind of expected.
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Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2023 4:29 pm
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Faustite remained silent for a time. He could relate to what Kamacite had said, though — thinking about what was to come, what loomed over him, was both daunting and paralyzing. He'd spent his share of days in bed, howling about the lot of it, mired in his depression, but it had done nothing but march him steadily toward the inevitable. If he did nothing like that, if they all did nothing, then he was certain to join the ranks of youma.
Faustite remembered how distraught Kamacite was when he finally saw Faustite again, years after entering the Rift. He recalled the incredulity that his slight friend wore, how it rendered him more gaunt with the way his skin pulled over his bones. He remembered, too, how Kamacite was there for every mission. How he steadfastly followed orders, whatever those orders may have been, and he was just as present at any point afterward. Kama didn't need to speak to express his devotion, and for that, Faustite was as relieved as he was glad to have his friend.
"Don't want to be lost," he agreed at last. "It's… worse, I think. Waiting for the worst to come, never knowing when it'll happen. Generator would've been kinder." For everyone, he supposed. It was a better end at a better time, when he was at the height of his career, when he didn't have quite so many boys that would be aggrieved by his death.
"Kama," he murmured, then frowned. He didn't have an answer to that, couldn't explain how it was wrong and how Kamacite shouldn't have to kill his emotions for an outcome that may not come to pass. He understood, however, that if youmafication was an inevitability, then that was how Kamacite chose to prepare for it — sacrificing himself for the sake of Faustite. But, to Faustite, Kamacite wasn't a sacrifice. He didn't want an outcome where that was even a possibility.
But how could he express that? He couldn't. He blinked through the film of tears. "I ******** hate this."
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2023 7:48 am
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Like this, Kamacite didn’t have to worry about his emotions being on display. His youma form could only show so much emotion, although his ears sagged a bit more with distress and upset.
Would the generator have been kinder? It would have been faster. It would have been more of a shock, but maybe it would have given everyone a chance to mourn and then move on. Those who could move on. At least there would have been some resolution, instead of the unknown.
There were still those he didn’t know what became of them, just as he hadn’t known what became of Faustite until he appeared suddenly, having freed himself from the Rift. Not knowing was hard. It was something that kept eating away at him, even now.
“Me too…” he said quietly, because he didn’t know what else to say. But he cleared his throat, despite it doing nothing to prevent his voice from squeaking like this. Definitely not the best for this situation, but he didn’t have the stomach to change back just yet.
“I’ll keep looking for starseeds to bring you. Been bringing energy to Axinite too, to help his research,” he said, trying to sound confident for Faustite’s sake. Kamacite wasn’t a part of Faustite’s team -- he wasn’t a part of anyone’s team. But as long as he was useful, he would do what he could to help.
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Posted: Tue May 02, 2023 7:04 am
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If he hadn't made a stupid judgment call that put him in this position, then Faustite surmised that all the energy and starseeds that Kamacite amassed could have gone to the Negaverse. There would be no need to gather so much of it just to keep one half-youma General alive. But, if he hadn't made such a decision, would the others have gathered this much energy and starseeds? Perhaps it was too selfish to think in such a way.
Sighing through his nose, Faustite replied. "He'll find a solution." Axinite was diligent. Of all the people to whom he could entrust his fate, he figured Axinite could figure something out. Could find a stolen-away secret or some ancient knowledge that could keep Faustite from dissolving into fire, or learn of a way to turn him back once that happened. He had to think so; to assume otherwise was to subject himself to unnecessary despair. The others were doing what they could to help, in a manner that they could manage.
Still, the thought of it left him exhausted. How much longer was this going to last?
"You do more than I can ever ask." He supposed, then, that the best way to show Kamacite gratitude for all he had done was to find a way to fix this problem for good — however unconventional. Regardless of what that solution looked like, if it didn't hurt his longtime friend? It was worth whatever expenses it exacted.
"Thanks. For everything. Whatever happens, you'll always be my friend."
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