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 Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2023 3:04 pm
They’d left Retzian in silence, and walked for a bit before they’d powered down. The night wasn’t unpleasant–a bit cool, but nothing unbearable. The sound of the wind in the trees, and the bugs, and the small rodents rustling around were welcoming enough.
Now, Devyn had hooked his pinky with Michael while they walked.
He’d had a lot to think about after speaking to the Captain.
Like how Michael had said it was a lot of pressure to be under such expectations. To think he might never be good enough. To compare himself to Percy.
It might always be something of a sensitive topic for the both of them, in different ways. Devyn liked to talk about Percy, but he never wanted Michael to feel like he wasn’t good enough. Like he wasn’t perfect for Devyn in a different way than Percy had been.
He didn’t ever want Michael to feel like he was an obligation. The butt end of a promise he’d made a thousand years ago.
He’d been honest when he said he hadn’t intended to fall in love again, but when it had happened it just felt right. And–sure, maybe Michael’s starseed had something to do with it. But he couldn’t control that any more than he could control his own starseed. Michael had been kind. Patient.
Talked to him through heartbreak. Helped him manage the floodgate of emotions he’d dealt with. Gave him support in his grief. He taught him about Earth. Introduced him to people. Helped him find a group of people to watch his back and help him grow. Michael was smart. Clever. Grounded.
He kept Devyn in line without being overbearing or stifling. He gave him the freedom he needed to express himself, to work out his thoughts and feelings, without letting him fly away. He was understanding. He gave Devyn structure. Gave him hope. He was full of good ideas, and when Devyn was stuck on something they could build a plan, together.
He never felt weak around Michael, never felt inferior or judged–no matter how silly his questions might have been, or how lost he’d felt.
Michael had felt like a friend almost immediately, and it was in that first that Devyn found love.
Michael wasn’t ‘perfect’, but that was by his own standards. Perfection came in many forms, and Devyn didn’t think any person needed to be without flaws to be perfect.
So Michael was cautious. So he could be secretive. So he was slow to warm up, and a little over protective. So he was stubborn and set in his ways.
So what?
Those things didn’t make him undesirable, they didn’t frustrate Devyn. They didn’t make him love him any less.
He’d tried to make sure Michael knew these things, but vulnerability was not something Michael expressed well. Maybe Devyn didn’t always know when Michael needed those reassurances. But, he figured there was never a time where he could ever say them too much.
He swung Michael’s hand a bit as they walked.
“You’re the love of my lives too, you know.”
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Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2023 5:04 pm
“I know,” Michael said quietly in return, his finger tightening around Devyn’s for a moment. He’d tensed for a moment, his thoughts being broken with Devyn’s voice, but he was grateful for it. His other hand had been wrapped around the orb at his neck, but he lowered it down to his side now.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t say what I did to upset you. Or to make you think that I don’t believe you,” he tried to reassure him. He felt bad about it, because it wasn’t Devyn’s fault that Michael had issues to work through. None of it was due to anything Devyn did or said.
“And I’m sorry,” he repeated, although he clearly thought there were multiple things he needed to apologize for. “It just felt… I don’t know. I was probably being paranoid. It just seemed so similar to what ended up getting dad killed. Talking to her. I kinda messed things up, didn’t I? Probably upset her too. Maybe I should have lied or.”
He paused and shook his head. He didn’t think he should lie, but maybe he didn’t have to tell her his own experience.
“I could have just said it was fine. Sorry, I thought I would be doing her a disservice by telling her something and then she ended up experiencing something else. Which she might. I know that. I just don’t know what to do if she decides to stay. I don’t want Oliver or anyone else to be at risk.”
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Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2023 5:36 pm
“I’m not upset. I know you believe me,” Devyn answered, in a voice that implied absolute confidence in Michael. “I just wanted you to hear it. You don’t have to apologize.”
He didn’t look at Michael, not because he didn’t want to see his face, but because he wanted to give him a bit of privacy. He knew that emotions were sometimes difficult for Michael to navigate–or, at least, discuss. He didn’t want Michael to feel scrutinized under his gaze. He kept a gentle grip on his pinky and kept swinging their hands as they walked.
He hadn’t been there when Michael lost his father, but he understood that a deceptive claim to want to purify was at the root of it. She knew more about the two of them than they’d wanted anyone in the Negaverse to know, and she knew Oliver. If she’d wanted to do harm, she could have.
Devyn wanted to believe that Brielle was right. He wanted to believe that Oliver was right.
He liked to think he had a relatively good judge of character, but he was also still learning how things on Earth worked. How the people worked. How the Negaverse worked.
“I don’t think she’ll stay. We’re strangers to her. Maybe a bit intimidating. I don’t think she knew there was going to be two of us. If she left in a hurry, maybe it was to get her affairs in order. If she’s so close, I don’t think she’d want to be seen with us. She said she didn’t think there was anything we could help her with. So I’d bet she already knows what she needs to do to get out. She didn’t ask how to do it, so I’d bet she had other friends on our side.” Oliver had mentioned Daphne, but she hadn’t. “She said she’ll talk to him. So we just have to wait.”
Which was hard. He knew that. The infinite unknown, the immeasurable potentials–
Anything could happen. But, Michael was going to worry enough for the both of them, so Devyn decided he’d rather have enough hope to share.
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Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2023 5:57 pm
Michael nodded and was quiet for a little while longer as they walked. He appreciated Devyn’s optimism, even if he was still worried about everyone involved. A long time ago, he used to be more optimistic about things. About his life and where it was headed. About his hopes and dreams -- he no longer knew what they were.
“I don’t feel that pressure from you,” he said quietly, wanting to reassure Devyn, even if his heart felt like it was racing. “And I really do love you and want to be with you for the rest of our lives. It just… I don’t know. It feels cheap knowing that I’ve said ’forever’ to someone else before. And not in the way you and Percy said it to each other. My ’forever’ only lasted a few years, and it feels like the promise has been tainted for me to even try to offer. I know you don’t feel that way, and I’m trying to make myself accept that it’s fine, but.”
He grimaced and shook his head. His cheeks felt hot from embarrassment that he was causing for himself. Anxiously, he reached up to tug at the necklace again, twisting the orb between his fingers to feel the gentle pulse it gave off.
“I don’t want you to stop thinking or talking about Percy. I like hearing about him. I like knowing how you feel when you talk about him. It’s not about that,” he tried to reassure some more, but he wasn’t sure when it would cross the line between trying to explain himself and rambling.
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Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2023 10:07 pm
The necklace swirled peacefully, in a way that was distinctively calm and confident. Sometimes it was impossible to tell when he was pushing an emotion or when he felt it, but there was no room for doubt right now.
Devyn glanced at him, and he could see his expression, and the way he played with the necklace. He released Michael’s pinky from his own so he could instead take his whole hand. Fingers laced, he squeezed once more.
Michael was right; Devyn didn’t think that a previous promise of forever detracted from this forever. He didn’t think anything about it was cheap.
But Michael knew this, he’d said as much.
He seemed sincere when he spoke about Percy, too. In a way, it was a relief to hear it, though. He worried that he was talking too much, or saying something that would make Michael question or doubt himself. Compare himself to Percy.
Devyn didn’t want any anguish for him. He didn’t want him to find some way to beat himself up because he was afraid of letting himself get too happy.
He raised Michael’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it gently.
“You don’t have to force yourself to accept anything, Michael. If it doesn’t feel right to say, don’t force yourself to say it. I don’t need to hear the words to know them. I love you. And you love me. And if you wake up every morning and promise me today, that’s enough. And we can do that every day, for the rest of our lives, and I’ll be happy.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 5:37 am
Michael glanced up at Devyn when he took his hand, but even though he’d initially tensed, he relaxed a bit and nodded.
“It’s like my mind doesn’t want my heart to feel at peace. Because I do feel that way when I’m with you. And I do feel like this is different than before, that this really is something that transcends lifetimes.”
He almost commented about how silly that sounded. It sounded like it was some made up fantasy, but Devyn was standing right there, after having loved the person who previously had Michael’s starseed. A love that transcends lifetimes didn’t seem all that ridiculous, if he really thought about it. There were others too, like Paris and Chris. They had been reborn but found each other. Maybe starseeds were like that, and if there was something really special, they would always be drawn to each other.
“Promising you ‘forever’ doesn’t feel forced. It feels easy. More than just saying the words and hoping for the best. But I don’t know if it’s fair for me to think it’s okay, if that makes sense,” he sighed. It was complicated, and his mind didn’t make things easier.
“But I can do that. Promise you each day for the rest of our lives.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 6:43 am
Devyn turned to face him again while they walked, and lowered Michael’s hand so he could swing it again.
“I think your mind tries to play tricks on you sometimes and make you jump through extra hoops. Like life hasn’t already given you enough of those. Your poor heart.”
He didn’t think it would be such an easy thing, but he said, “I wish it would put your mind and heart at ease if I told you that it’s okay.”
And, if it didn’t, that was okay, too. As long as it stopped gnawing at Michael to think as much.
“Promising you forever, or every day, feels easy for me, too. I like the idea of being side by side with you for the rest of our lives. All of them. Next time, I’ll find you faster. You won’t have time to promise anyone else forever, so you won’t be able to be so hard on yourself.”
He was teasing a bit, but given that it was Devyn, he probably also meant it.
“Does it sound silly if I say I appreciate you talking with me about this? I know you’re careful to open up sometimes. And that’s okay,” he reassured, because he knew Michael was guarded and cautious. He knew he’d been hurt before, and he knew he doubted himself and worried. “If there is ever anything that bothers you, I hope you’ll let me know and not just suffer in silence. I don’t just want to give you a ‘forever’, I want to give you a ‘happily ever after’. Like you deserve.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 7:30 am
“It doesn’t sound silly,” he promised, and took a moment to draw in a breath so he could hold it and then let it out slowly. He appreciated Devyn’s patience with him, and the way he kept him grounded by swinging their hands. It seemed like such a simple, absentminded gesture, but it helped Michael in ways he didn’t realize was possible.
“You saying things like that? You make me believe it. I feel like you can make anything possible. So if you say that it’s okay… if you say that next time we’ll find each other faster… then I believe it. I just have to convince my head to think it.”
It wasn’t fair to Devyn, and he knew that. It wasn’t fair to spin him in circles over the same issues.
But he did smile, knowing Devyn wanted to give him a ‘happily ever after’.
“I would like you to have that too. You deserve it too. But if something does bother me…”
He paused, and let out another breath. “I’ll tell you. I would rather talk to you about these things. I hope you feel comfortable enough to talk to me, too. And I hope you keep telling me stories about you and Percy.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 7:45 am
It was dark, but Devyn knew Michael would be able to tell how he felt even if he couldn’t see his face. He smiled so much that it reached his eyes, and the corners crinkled just a bit. He kept his gaze on the path before them.
“I’ll always have stories,” he promised. “I know I’m not the best at opening up either, but you make it easy. Sometimes my mind just moves so fast I don’t know how to put the thoughts or feelings into words. But you help me calm down. You make me comfortable. I haven’t been keeping anything from you recently, I promise. I’ve just been in a good place. Everything feels like it’s looking up. I haven’t had a bad day in, oh.”
He clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth.
“It’s been a while. I know there’ll be a few coming up. Not going to like the rainy season. I don’t know what it is about Earth storms but they’re just so unfriendly.”
He’d been on Jupiter, but even those felt like home. Alastor, he was used to.
Earth, he still had to get used to. He had birthdays and old anniversaries, and days of mourning ahead of him, sure.
But he wasn’t worried about them. He had his rituals, but he knew they weren’t all healthy. He’d talk to Michael about things as they came up, and he’d work on them just as quickly.
“I think a part of it is how much better I sleep at night when I’m next to you. And how well you feed me. And how happy you make me. Being around you heals me, you know. Parts of me that I thought were broken forever. I carried around scars in my heart for hundreds of years. And I’ve been with you for one and must have half of them healed already. I feel alive again. Your love is very powerful, Michael. And very gentle, too. Every day with you is a happily ever after.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 11:27 am
It was then that Michael had to stop. Maybe it was the sincerity in Devyn’s words, or the emotion behind them. Or the knowledge that he’d helped Devyn so much without even realizing it.
He tugged on Devyn’s hand to get him to stop as well, and once he had, Michael pulled him into a tight embrace.
He held Devyn tightly for… he wasn’t sure how long. But as long as Devyn didn’t seem to want to pull away, he didn’t let him go.
“I can’t lose you,” he confessed quietly, his voice breaking with the emotion in the words. “I know I worry too much. I know I can be controlling. I’m working on that, I promise. I’m trying to be better. But I can’t--”
He didn’t want to make Devyn upset or worried. He knew that Devyn was happy when he spoke before, could hear the smile in his voice. And here Michael was with his eyes squeezed shut to keep himself from getting too emotional over something absolutely ridiculous.
“I know you’re strong. I know that. I know you wouldn’t-- that you can handle yourself, that you know how to fight and all that. We got lucky with Jet before. I know he was holding back. I just. I’m afraid something will happen to you. Or Atticus. Or Elliot. Or anyone else and I can’t--”
He paused when he got to that part of his thoughts again.
“I’m not trying to make this a miserable conversation,” he groaned and pressed his face against Devyn’s shoulder. “I can’t do this without you,” he finally concluded. “I don’t want to.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 12:10 pm
There was a tone change, but it wasn’t unpleasant. When Michael’s emotions shifted, Devyn could practically feel it in his own heart.
He didn’t mind being stopped. It was a nice night, and there was lighting enough around them that he wasn’t worried about someone sneaking up and jumping out at them.
They were alone, and he let himself relax. He drew Michael closer and rubbed his back. He kissed his temple while Michael’s head was pressed against his shoulder.
He didn’t tell Micahel not to worry, because those words didn’t chase away concern. You couldn’t just command someone to stop worrying. He let Michael talk and he listened. The words weren’t a burden on him, and if he wasn’t resting his head against Michael’s already, he might have nodded. Instead, he just rubbed his back while he spoke, in silent reassurance.
“I will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t have to do anything without me.” He knew what Michael meant when he said it, even if he used evasive wording. “It’s not miserable for you to tell me you love me and want me to be here for you. It’s not miserable for you to be worried about things.” Better to have things out in the air than to have them eat away at Michael. And, Devyn wasn’t surprised, given how Michael must have been preparing for how the evening could have gone.
He’d probably spent most of his time trying to prepare for an ambush, or chasing away the memories of the last ambush. He was probably on high alert and expecting the worst.
Devyn didn’t blame him. Things hadn’t gone poorly with Retzian, but that didn’t mean that Michael didn’t have a mountain of anxiety and adrenaline to sift through.
“I understand,” he promised. “We’ll be careful.” He knew that wasn’t enough, though. “You and I should spar some more, we’ll keep practicing. We’ll make sure the boys get more experience. We should go through my treasury, too. I have a lot of artifacts, some of them might still have some magic. I don’t know if it’s anything that could help, but I want to do whatever I can to reassure you. I worry about the boys, too. I want them as safe as possible. I know you can take care of yourself, but I want you safe. I don’t want you to get hurt protecting anyone else. But I know who you are, I know how hard you work.”
He kissed his temple again. “I love you, Michael. No force on this world or in this universe is stronger than my desire to stay by your side. I’ll do whatever I have to to keep our family safe and together.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 1:43 pm
If something were to happen to Devyn, even if he had everyone else in his life to live for, Michael was honestly not sure how he would ever recover. He was certain Devyn felt the same way about Percy when he died. And Devyn had somehow suffered for hundreds of years until now. Except Michael didn’t expect Devyn to just suddenly be over Percy. He knew that he would keep grieving him, keep loving him, and Michael had no intention of pushing Percy out of Devyn’s life.
Every time they went to Alastor or Sessrumnir now, Michael felt like he got a new memory, or a new feeling of something that connected him to Percy. He didn’t know what to think of it. He didn’t know if it upset him or if it brought him relief. Or maybe the relief he felt was that he had a chance to share something with Devyn.
He drew in a breath, but he didn’t pull back yet. He held onto Devyn like a lifeline, as silly as it probably was for him to need a lifeline. But there was only so much heartbreak he felt like he could handle.
“Okay,” he agreed, because preparing for a future where they were ready to face whatever was coming their way was better than just hoping for the best. “Thank you, Dev. I do love you. And I want to stay by your side, too. Thank you for being so good to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it,” he admitted. It wasn’t like he was trying to get Devyn to fall in love with him. If anything, for a while, he was trying to make sure Devyn kept his distance.
But he was happy. And he didn’t know what to do about that.
“I like being able to sleep beside you and wake up next to you. I couldn’t ask for a better start to any day.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 1:58 pm
Once more, Devyn kissed atop his head. “I don’t know who taught you to think that you have to do anything to deserve being treated well, but you being you is reason enough.”
Michael gave himself hoops to jump through for no other reason than to deter and tear himself down before anyone else could. Devyn didn’t think he enjoyed it, he didn’t think Michael wanted to suffer. He probably just thought it was kinder if he did it to himself instead of letting the world do its worst.
“I love you so much, Michael. I’ll do my best to make every day a good day for you. And I’ll be there with you on the bad days, too. I’m not afraid of them. I’ll do whatever I can to make them better. We’re in this together. Let me take you home and pamper you. I’ll run a bath, maybe light some candles. I’ve got a book from Alastor, I can read it to you. And then tomorrow, we can make a plan about how to make sure we’re all being a little safer. Maybe I should take Peter up with me to Alastor sometime, I feel like he’d like the treasury. Got a lot of neat things up there.”
He exhaled, not out of exasperation, but because cataloging all of those old things and seeing what they could do was another project.
It wasn’t ever a bad thing to stay busy, especially if it was something safe.
Especially if it was something that might be able to help them.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2023 2:17 pm
“I bet Peter would like that a lot,” he agreed, letting out a stifled laugh against Devyn’s shoulder.
It was surprisingly easy to let his guard down around Devyn. Easy to feel safe and cared for and loved. He couldn’t help but smile at Devyn’s suggestions, even if it wasn’t something he would have done for himself. Being pampered wasn’t really something he thought about until Devyn.
Devyn made it easy to relax, though. When he would have likely been tense and anxious before, Devyn knew how to ease his mind. And his heart. And his soul.
“Alright… that sounds like a plan. You know I love listening to your voice. I hope you intend on joining me in that bath,” he hummed, finally pulling back a little so he could get a look at Devyn’s face.
And then lean in to kiss him, because even if things had the potential to go horribly wrong, they would try to take things one day at a time. As long as Devyn was by his side, he felt like everything would be okay.
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