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This part of the forest he knew with back of his hand familiarity, the lake froze over every winter; it was too slushy this close to a strange spring thaw. Enough so that the edges weren't right to step on which meant the center couldn't've been stood on without worrying about falling in. So he left it alone for now, watched his own breath fog gently against the backdrop of rapidly cooling temps as the sun dipped beyond the horizon and beckoned the night.

It was a really nice spot. All quite like, serene n s**t. He'd taken Alexa there, once, twice, three times now? Run into her as Nectaris too? Challenged Albireo to a race in the snow. Met her on her world and danced --- Hunted biting, cold bunnies at the edges of it's banks with Celadonite.

It was a nice place, and he hoped the docile mood of it all would be more than *enough* to tether the rapidly building flood of panic centered deep in his chest. To temper the way it wanted to twist so easily into rage.

He wasn't angry. He wasn't! Not yet. Not yet, not yet, not--

The gentlest rustle of, oh, and Albite did find it in himself to grin up at the shadows weighing on the branches above. Evenly meeting the three comforting pairs of luminescent eyes, belonged to the lingering carrion form of his hefty, tri-headed-ibis with his too human ones. It was ******** fitting to have Cerb's there as background noise to the night, a mild distraction to cut from the tension in his limbs that lingered from him standing too still all at once.

"Chhh, chh, chhh-- You're just gonna sit right there huh Cerbs? You're gonna wait," and Fulgurite had liked cerbs, hadn't he? They'd played. Petted. The whole nine! Yeah, his bird'd been a bit more unruly then, messy wisp born vicious body that the beast'd become -- but Fulgurite had --

Fulgurite had liked Cerb's, right? Hadn't he? Had he ever liked anything at all? Anyone? Was he happy? How wrong had he ******** done him that it'd all come to this.

"I'mma give him time. He'll come."

How much time was a mystery, eventually Albite's gawking stillness gave way to the gentlest bit of pacing; working the growing unease out of his body by chucking bits of ice-melt into the lake and listening to it crackle n scatter like bones impacting on concrete....

Isn't that supposed to be my line, Fulgurite? Heh, whatever, bet.

He heard the words, like a slap to the face with how much nothing sat in them, and spent a moment longer with his back to the man. No real need to worry about the blade already wedged in his own flesh, or whether or not Fulgurite was gonna twist it now that he'd buried it hilt deep....

It was fine. Everything was fine. Cerbs had extra eyes for reasons.

"M'sorry if I disturbed you, yeh? S'just..." he'd always been the last one to know anything, hadn't he? Missed every sign. Sylvites too big smiles and long hugs. Lysis coming apart at the seams with baking mania. The way he couldn't find Nembus on that last battlefield, how she'd come back kidnapped and *unharmed*. Fulgurites attending everything, all the time, but never connecting with anyone save -- save Sy, but Sy didn't offer details n s**t. He was the picture of polite when he needed to be. So Waru couldn't for the life of himself figure out why such a familiar feeling ached soooo damn much. The idea of being betrayed, shouldn't it have calcified over n faded by now? Shouldn't it at some point stop being a surprise,"...you know that you've always been my senior in all of this stuff, right? For all that I nabbed my own wings at mach speed. You're still way more -- uhmn -- knowledgeable about all this Senshi-ing than I am. The Negaverse stuff too..."

"N'you know that, right? How fresh as ******** I actually am to all-of-this-- I think you're older than me even, aren't you? Maybe even just by a little..." and now he turned to ask him directly, let his eyes roam Fulgurite head to toe - lingered on the doubled set of black wings buried behind watery blues and waves of long brown hair. Looking with all of himself, because he didn't read ******** dossiers, or compile them on his own, he didn't scour databases for information on his friends or his enemies. He opened his ******** doors n made a meal and invited people in to talk to him.

To talk honestly, like he believed he could help in some way. Like he enjoyed the taste of his own lie, because it sure as hell felt like he was lying to himself at this point if he thought he was doing anything for people that wasn't only received on the surface. The only person who seemed to be honest with him one-hundred-percent of the time was Faustite.

Maybe that was why he married him. Loved him most.

"I turned twenty-three in November. How old are you?"

"Holy s**t, you're only twenty-four?! That's actually kind of a relief. Not that I thought you were older n' that! I didn't. I swear it," it was that maturity vibe, like how Nembus screamed 'mom boss extraordinaire'; n he blamed the guises somewhat for throwing him off any mark. He just had to go by a general 'vibe' sometimes. Fulgs vibes...

The way he was calling him out on the whole reason of bothering him ******** hesitated for that, floundered a moment because he almost wanted to ask Fulgurite if he was okay. He didn't seem okay, he never seemed okay, but mabye it was him who wasn't okay? Maybe he was just internalizing his own views on people who played their lives a little more close to the vest than he did? Not everyone needed to be loudly obvious about every little thing. He got that, really he did. Pax seemed quiet as ********, n Waru liked him just fine. Especially cause, when Jada's new recruit did speak, it -- well -- it was pretty sensible stuff actually. So there was that...

But how often did he n Fulgurite get on with each other? Just to hang out, just as people? Had he known his name was Matt before Syrus had told him?

"I, no, I didn't. I did wanna actually know if it was Matt or Matthew though, like, honestly? Cause there's the part where it matters. Especially since it seems like you n me might have a lot in common? Way more then either of us thought. Hobbies, food, people--" he let the pause drag, let silence roll in to fill his wordiness and wash it out on the breeze, let himself shudder out a sigh of too little air held in his own lungs and too much expelled like he wanted to scream, but couldn't. As far as playing games went? He was terrible at them, it was why he didn't bother playing---

He should've called Faustite for this. He could still call him now! Instead he inhaled and pressed on wordy as he always was, even if he never meant to be.

"Syrus, as an example. Hobbies, like the gardening, and people, like Syrus. Which's the part where I realize I don't actually know anything about you." Fulgurite gardened, he liked spicy food, or wine, or -- Sy'd mentioned something about loving paneer which, seriously, delicious. If Fulgurite had mentioned anything to him? He'd have recommended he push for Goan fish curry. Sy had white wines he'd been meaning to use but no dishes he preferred to use 'em with, not just yet at least.

He's my friend, and I love him, and I don't trust you with either of----

Oh, oh, was that it? Was it really because now that he knew Fulgurite knew Nectaris, for sure; for really, truly, honestly sure without a single doubt in his mind. Knew. That he was hoping for some big reveal? The other shoe would drop and Fulgurite would tell him he was with these people; people he loved, people he'd also kissed and then some---

Except he wouldn'tve cared aobut any of it if he trusted Fulgurite from the beginning, from the word go. He never cared with anyone else. He wasn't the jealous type. So why the ******** now?

Because Nectaris congratulated him on his wedding. That was what set him on his back foot so many months ago. Some personal thing he should've been able to share with her privately and ask to be kept a secret, and it wasn't like he would've cared if she'd asked 'so is he your husband? So you and Faustite? So the mean guy on fire does he kiss you too?'

It was the statement -- ' I heard you got married.'

Nectaris, Nectaris would never hurt him. Hurt the team. Not unless provoked and defending herself, not intentionally as she was now. She was a traitor and he knew the outcome of that looked and sounded a lot like Jet and Aquamarine's blades coming down. That was just how things worked though, he couldn't protect her from it. Only morn her loss if ever it came. That same truth with her didn't hold for everyone though, and if she knew? Then who else knew. How general a knowledge was his private life to the people who might've had good reason to want him n Faustite dead?

But fulgurite had asked him what felt like several questions and he'd stared off for far too ******** long. Fulgurite was talking more vauge s**t with no details and no -- the sky was blue, the flowers were pretty, him n Syrus were mutual breathing organisms sharing a space spending time -- blah - blah - blah --

It was warm buttery crust, it was a balm, but there was no meat to it when he chewed on the words the wrong way. No flavor. For how close to the vest Fulgurite kept everything about himself.

"Liss'n.....It's the fact that I had to hear it from him that you two were together, and not you instead. Which's fine either way, you're grown adults n don't have to run s**t by me. I've never been Sy's sitter, no more n'i've ever been yours. It's just---if I knew you better--if I didn't feel like..." and he wasn't whining, he wasn't, wasn't standing there for all the world looking like he expected a blow. Not knowing whether to be righteously angry for it or relieved that the axe finally came down and they wouldn't have to dance around each other anymore.

"Like you'd betray me?"

He'd know who the Mole actually was. It would be Fulgurite or it wouldn't. He'd have a name to cross off his list and he could ask Nectaris quietly on his own how kissing a second boy had gone for her. If he made her happy, if there was more too it from before or it was some burgeoning new beautiful thing that he didn't have to worry would get them all unnecessarily killed because of course Fulgurite had to have always loved Nectaris, right? He'd been on her team how long? How could he not!!

"That's ******** stupid, right? I know it is. I mean, s'just cause I'm nervous with him. Want the ******** best for the person I dragged into the most unsafe s**t in the entire galaxy, did it all like I was giving him some precious gift he'd thank me fore." and the man had thanked him fore, repetitively, so little between them had changed with the exception of the recent shift where Syrus had genuine emotions for another human being. Where his world was a little brighter for the sake of Matt being in it. "So of course I wanna see to it with my own two hands that Syrus is.....that he's happy...."

"You wouldn't betray him though, would you Fulgurite? Wouldn't hurt us..the team..." Albite hissed, the words, realized somewhere deep down that he wanted Fulgurite to say it. That he ******** needed him to say it in a way where he believed him. He wished he had Nectaris here -- she could translate -- she could back him up, or maybe tell Fulgurite to let his guard down, something!?

As Fulgurite looked around he would've caught the shift in shadows. A span of wings that could've been branches slowly coming down to curl around a long tail and tangle of necks. The crane of heads no longer idly preening within dark plumes, but watching with intent the proceedings below, eerily, unblinkingly still. While Albite---for all that he heard the words that were spoken. He couldn't keep himself in check, he had mask to hide the uptick of his own breathing behind, no practice at being placid, the tumult of panic fully settled in his guts and made him want to start pacing all over again. Except he couldn't. He was frozen there, watching Fulgurite, listening for something he could believe in. Anything. Anything at all.

"Matt--- and I honestly want you to tell me if it's easier for you to call me Waru? If you'd ******** prefer for me to call you Eternal Fulgurite of ******** Springs--or Sir-- something! Anything you want because I've never been your enemy, but it's starting to feel like you don't believe that about me."

Something ratcheted tighter, and tighter, and Albite wanted to cut it loose so he could breathe again. Doing wrong, and doing harm, and those were all different things to him. The difference between a papercut and sword through the heart. He was sure Fulgurite wouldn't do Syrus 'wrong', whatever that meant, it rung just close enough to real that Waru tilted his head for it, but the rest---

"Cause, I mean, Fulgs, I feel like you're missing the part of this conversation where I need you to make me believe you? I--seriously--I don't know if I wanna shake you until I hear something like sense, or cry, or..." and he was sure his eyes were shining, that if it'd been brighter out they would've been rimmed with red. Frustration, rage, the whole nine. If he shed any tears later on it would be because he was angry at his own failing, or that Syrus n him were tricked, or that Fulgurite was so emotionally constipated up to his eyeballs that he couldn't just say out loud what they'd both been dancing around -- the double edged sword that lay between them untouched -- if Fulgurite acknowledged Nectaris existence, maybe then he could let him go? Maybe then it'd be fine?

If he could've just said 'no I wont betray you' he would've taken that at face value right there n then. He didn't though, he said something that sounded true for the fumble n followed it up calm as ********, even, like Albite hadn't quasi accused him of something that he surely wouldn't do. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

Albite swallowed sharp around the knowledge of that, breathed some unsteady wavering string of words that weren't as much a threat as they were a promise. It was his own fault Fulgurite didn't know him, right?

"What I do know? What you need to know about me. Is that if anything happens to any of the people I love. Our team, which includes your ******** by the way-- hah -- if something were to go south, because you knew something and you didn't tell me about it....." he meant something bad, of course, like an ambush, like a trap, like what'd happened to Jet n Nearly got him killed or what'd happened to Faustite so many times when he'd come home half dead, sword in his shoulder, clinging to life by strings n tissue paper.

He just didn't have the energy to say that. He did have the steel to look at Fulgurite and say something true.

"Fulg's, if it was in my power? There wouldn't be a body left for people to mourn. They wouldn't be able to find it. It's not a sides thing with me, you get that? Cause consequences happening to me because I did something stupid -- all well n good -- n I've even mostly resolved my issues with treating the act of dying like it's a game instead of a real possibility. There's enough smart people round who can reign me in from my baser dumbaserry n wild bullshit, but if those people were to go away?"

If he lost Faustite who was his husband!. Jada, Haru, Helio -- the list went ******** on. Did he have to say it? Had it ever needed to be said aloud? Maybe he should've taken out a billboard, written a list of knights names on it in Cybeles pastel deer-blood n carved them off as he collected the individual starseeds from the bodies after...

"I don't know what I'd do...I do know that I'm looking at you and I'm panicking. It's -- it's like chewing on aluminum....s'all wrong....and I don't know how to make it right, or how to hear the difference when you're saying what I need to hear, because I don't actually know you! So...please?" it was wordy, and winded, and exhausting to run through it all like puking up so much bile.

He should've pocketed the note n sat on it.

He should've never come out here alone.

It was fine. Matt would never be Matt to him, he could be fulgurite. Fulgs. A name that didn’t make him wince like albite was taking shots at his kidneys with something violent and pointy.

Fulg was fine, the whiplash Waru felt for the sharp right turn things took was not. His heart was in his throat and then it wasn’t. it was a whole bucket of icy cold water that made him gasp fresh air and turn towards the lake like he was ready to walk straight into it — and back — and — okay, now he had to pace or he was going to lose his ********, thank you for saying her name! Finally!! Cause you knew, right? Or you’ve known? And I don’t wanna know for how long! But also?! Holy s**t - Fulgurite - no, what kind of a*****e, hypocrite, ******** would that even make me?! Like she didn’t claim you first n probably years ago?! I don’t own Alexa or her kisses or — she’s —- she’s made her choices and if I had any power to stop her from doing something? It wouldn’t be from kissing you. <********>. Me n her’ve gone round about —“ Waru sighed like a geyser, flailed, because him n Alexa had gone over everything else, everything that mattered. He wasn’t trying to change her mind anymore, there was no trap to lead her into. She hadn’t died and come back as someone else. She hadn’t died at all.

She’d made a choice. She knew the consequences. He couldn’t save her from them with some bargain bin plea— there was no one protecting her from what she’d done save her abs, her magic, her friends on the other side, and the depths of space.

“I just want to know you’re not going behind us to try n get us messily killed by — by being deliberately uncareful with what you say out there in the world. Kiss her to both your hearts desires, but keep what’s here out of it. At least warn me if you catch onto something that’ll render me n Syrus dead, yeah? Cryolite - the one you like - who likes you and your paneer very much. The guy we both want to stay alive along with the rest of our team?” Spoken like a hammer in a nail, as if he could pin the point in, spell it out — what fulgurite did with himself was fine so long as he didn’t betray them to get, who the ******** knew what, who cared!! So long as no one was hurt or hurting…

Was he shaking? He was definitely shaking, he was going to sit down under the tree Cerbs was perched up high in, and wring the nerves out of his hands.

“I don’t get why you couldn’t’ve just told me if you knew? What did you think was gonna happen anyways. That I was gonna kill you over the negaverses most wanted whom we’ve both kissed. ********, stars above…..I’m so sorry for whatever I did to make you think so piss poorly of me.” he hoped that when Fulgurite told Syrus there was a ‘girl’ involved, that he was careful with the names at least.

There was so much to go in on, a few lifetimes worth of discussions that Waru didn’t have the energy to have. ********, philosophical diatribes n some of Sys heavier law books worth of notations and ideas he wanted to argue while surrounded by the forest. None of which had anything to do with the fact that Fulgurite was right. He was right and Albite knew it. Just like he knew that someday he’d do exactly what was being alluded to— even if he did it simply via the act of doing nothing to prevent the worst from happening at all.

What could he do but nod his head in silent agreement. What else could anyone assume when he’d basically branded himself as the Negaverses. For the same reasons other people fled to the white moon, he stayed right where he was. N it felt more complicated then that, there was more to it than that, but explaining anything more was going to leave him a worse mess. Passed out on the floor with no blood left n no air and only Cerbs to look after him…

His head snapped up from admiring the patterns of roots n leaves, left him searching Fulgurites face with severity, cause he didn’t quite believe what he’d heard. Oh, oh— Fulgurite loved her, didn’t he? Loved — oh — that s**t was too ******** good! Albites eyes gleaned differently now, the crinkles at the edge less of stress and more of the smile lines his face was accustomed to wearing. He liked smiling better, liked the way the jitters faded as he laughed some cracked kind of closer to normal for that last little statement.

“See, Fulgs, that s**t right there? That’s the most honest ******** thing I’ve heard from you all night.”

That was the sound of relief. Hoarse, and bright, but there for Waru. Fulgurite didn’t want anyone messily killed. Livi had saved him from himself. Syrus? If anyone could thaw him out it’d be Matt. Guy could feed him paneer for —

“s**t, you’re a Senshi, right? The both of you. Why just the one lifetime? You’ve got more. Do something about it. Like — find him a fish meal to go with his untouched white wines, and some of those too sweet rose’s…” open palms splayed messily atop his knees as he leaned back against where his dreads padded him from some of the bark.

This worrying about a mole s**t was stressful as ******** — he owed Faustite tenthousand apologies, a foot rub, an entire wellness spa day. In fact he really could’ve used his husband right now, and like, tenthousand scalding hugs. Warm was warm, he didn’t care how warm it was anymore.

Albite was going to pretend, in the dim of the night, that he wasn’t watching Fulgurite roll his eyes at him. Let him—

It was fine that they’d never quite seen eye to eye on things. That there was a schism in where their personalities met. It wasn’t like it bothered him anyways so he was gonna let that go. Because he was tired, drained, n Cerbs had burnt shards of toast waiting for him back home. His bestest pest of a bonded was being patient for it even, keeping guard, knowing there’d be a prize in the end.

He raised an eyebrow as he turned the ideas over in his own head, what Fulgurite was really asking of him.

“Depends on how much you know about your own Senshi’dom. Dione is a sister of Saturn— but, speaking purely as Praxidike on this? The s**t our past-selves could get up to. The s**t their ancestors probably got up to even before they were born! Anything’s possible, Fulgurite.” He meant it, really, truly, with all of himself. If more people lived like they could do anything. Go to the moon, marry a fire, end a war with a hug. Take over the solar system with charisma and swords alone! “We’re the least human things in all of this, yanno? Save the Valencians n people like my husband. Heh— or Almondjoy— I stil bet money on him being an incubus, devil, thingy…”

“Point is? Senshi are like diamonds. We’re forged under pressure, there’s too many to count of us in space - diamond facts - I googled it. We last forever. Do something with it or don’t, but if I were you? I’d do. Cause if you don’t do him, somebody else will.”

It felt safer to tease now, while finding his feet n picking bark outta his locs. He thought they had more chances, an eternity of them, and past lives? Sure! The ******** not!

“You two’re cute together, s’all…m’happy for you. Which ascribes to you n her too. I swore she already had a— I mean — her team was all guys right? Whatever, so long as we’re good I’m good. Kay?”

Everyone was safe, no none was dying, all this over a pink heart with glitter writing and an allusion to a kiss. As if he’d be mad— hadn’t she told him to tell fulgurite he wasn’t mad about the kissing? He was sure he’d done that by now, maybe?