Better Than You vs [DJ Killa Kyle]

[Cartwright]

6th February - 20th February
One Day Auto-Hit Rules

The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

 

[HiroShinMozas]

Did I really just forget that melody?
Naw, na, na, banana-na-na
Alright, da, da da-da-da-da

When I popped off, then your girl gave me just a little bit of lockjaw
Baby so cold, he from the north, he from the Canada
Bankroll so low, I got nothing else that I can withdraw
Ran out the door
I shine my wrist, it go like shashasha, shashasha
I got your b***h singing, "Lalalala, lalala"
I shine my wrist, it go like shashasha, shashasha
I got your b***h singing, "Lalalala, lalala"
How I stride like that?

Y2K & bbno$'s "Lalala" began to play from the speakers in the arena, the extreme trap hook of the tiktok classic causing some to shudder and others to dance along. Better Than You. made his way out on the stage, pushing through the curtains of gorilla and gracing the world with his presence. The young Canadian swaggers down the ramp with big steps, rubbing away at his nose a little as a clip played on the Titantron from the UNDERFAKER Battle Royal. Better Than You. was sneezing all over, blinded by Old Bay Seasoning...and it was just downhill from there. DJ Killa Kyle would pull him over the top rope to eliminate him from the match, and it wasn't until after the fact that the realization came to pass within Calgary's Burning Flame...he had met DJ Killa Kyle in the past and REALLY hated him.

Ha-ha, I'm at the bank again
They wonder how, how I guap like that
Pink whip with flames all on the side
They wonder how, how I stride like that
Got that Gucci on my body, now she tryna pipe me, woo
Popped a Lucy loosey goosey, sussy boy, I keep you cool
Got the paper, went to school, be careful who you callin' a fool
Ayy, ha, ayy

Better Than You. reached the ring after perhaps a little TOO MUCH swaggering. There was definitely a little more confidence than usual though as BTY. knew that he was quite literally BETTER than Kyle, so this match probably wouldn't have to go on too long. At this point it was all about what he'd be doing after the show...but perhaps that was foolhardy to focus on.

"The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 237 pounds...He is Better...Than...YOUUUUUUUU!"

 

[Vic Venom]

10 MINUTES LATER

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

The arena swells with rage as several commercial breaks had passed, large swathes of the fans had disappeared to the concession during the lull in action. While some crowded the booth for refunds, many stayed put having received tickets for free to boost the gate. Production members swarm clumsily trying to buy time, several scantily clad women with fistfuls of coupons had been sent to ringside to distract from what appeared to be a potential no-show. A sweaty, red faced Jeremy Borash ambles into the ring with a microphone passing an awkward glance at BTY mumbling "Sorry.." As he clears his throat to address the fans, an empty water bottle sailing into the ring as he does so:

"Hey uh, guys if we'll just be civil here. We've reached out to DJ Killa Kyle's camp and he is on the way, there's been some transportation issues with him and his guests... We're going to reformat the show, you'll still get to see all your favorites... so PLEASE just play your parts when we get back from break.. You guys are castmembers here in the WWFG family, remember that. We get it, your passionate. And we want to hear that. But please, no more profanity. No more slurs. I promise, we're going to have a great time tonight. We're going to have a musical guest here soon. In the meantime, feel free to use your vouchers at our concession stands."

As Borash shuffles off, the discontent only gets louder many fans having seen leaks on Twitter that DJ Killa Kyle was in fact at the arena but was holding the show up for money. Although the report was uncorroborated it touched a nerve with those who read it to think that the show was being held up over a match not a single one of them had paid to see. Snake bitten in a desperate attempt to draw younger, casual fans, it was an all time low for the already diminished WWFG brand. A balding man in a Jets cap stands up, screaming at Borash but pointing at Better Than You, spit particles flying from his lips:

"HEY YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THIS COMPANY CAN'T KEEP A ******** TV DEAL?! BECAUSE YOU KEEP BOOKING PIECES OF TRASH LIKE THIS. I'M OVER THIS s**t.

 

[HiroShinMozas]

As he wasted ten full ******** minutes waiting for his opponent to come out, during the fourth loop of "Lalala", Better Than You. seemed to finally snap...inside his MIND!

An internal flashback takes us to July 18th, 2019 -- Tokyo, Japan. The company Pro Wrestling Zero1 is hosting a huge show that will see the cocky, arrogant gaijin あなたよりも良いです。, otherwise known as Better Than You., going up against the World Heavyweight Champion Masato Tanaka. It was a match that had been built up for months now as a loser leaves Japan match, and it was destined to go down as one of the greatest in the history of strong style and puroresu. As the bell rang once, the fans clapped along to the opening beats of the following:

I've been ********' hoes and poppin' pillies
Man, I feel just like a rockstar (ayy, ayy)
All my brothers got that gas
And they always be smokin' like a ********' with me, call up on a Uzi
And show up, man, them the shottas
When my homies pull up on your block
They make that thing go grrra-ta-ta-ta (ta, pow, pow, pow, ayy, ayy)

Better Than You. emerged from the backstage area in incredibly shiny blue gear, serenaded by Post Malone and 21 Savage's "rockstar", obviously a favorite for this crowd of Japanese folks who were captivated by his brash western-ness. Having turned 23 not too long prior to this match, Better Than You. was feeling perhaps like more of a veteran than everyone else in the back. He'd wrestled the best in Canada and across Asia, defeating them all and living up to his mantra of being the better than them all. He did so by believing, at all turns and in every instance, that he was in fact the best, and it was only when that was proven to not be true that he slipped into classic heel behavior and would cheat to prove that point. Tonight however, that would be different as he would need no help to defeat Masato Tanaka. That guy, he was old -- he held the ECW championship and hung out with Balls Mahoney when BTY. was still in diapers. It was surely not going to be any sort of contest.

次のコンテストは 1 回の秋に設定され、プロレスリング ZERO1 世界ヘビー級選手権のためのものです!最初に、カナダのアルバータ州カルガリーから紹介します -- 彼はあなたよりも優れています!

The music gave way and Better Than You. swatted away the two streamers tossed at him by ugly women in the crowd. He screamed out to them that if they weren't good enough for the soldiers stationed in Japan then they definitely were nothing to him. What this had to do with anything? Who knows -- but what Better Than You. DID know was that the word "sugurete" was said and that signaled his name and thus an opportunity for him to strike a pose for the hard-cam as he awaited his opponent, the world champ.  

[Drive Type Wild]

Music starts up... the lights go out and come back up flashing red and green as a beat starts...

"WWFG, it's time for a throwback!"

That voice is familiar as the blonde haired singer who was once a teen heartthrob appears through the curtain...

Let me talk to you, tell you how it is
I was thinkin' when I saw that body
Gotta get shawty, tell her what the young boy gon' do
Damn, them chicks with you gotta be your kin
Babe, pretty thick with the kick that's sick
That need to be hit, so tell me what y'all gon' do

It's Chris Brown, last seen in wrestling in 2009, when he was beaten and pinned soundly by a woman. He begins to dance...

"I want y'all to give it up for my boy... DJ Killa Kyle!"  

[Vic Venom]

"OK CHECK IT CHECK IT OUT, IT'S KILLA KYLE AGAIN STEPPING STEPPING STEPPING OUT... ONE OF THEM BRAND NEW BIG BOY TOYS, I DO BIG BOY THINGS, I MAKE BIG BOY NOISE CAUSE...

I KNOW WHAT GIRLS WANT
I KNOW WHAT GIRLS LIKE
THEY WANNA STAY UP
AND PARTY ALL NIGHT."

After much anticipation the crowd reacts with confusion as DJ Killa Kyle steps out to the ramp with Chris Brown, stepping into perfectly choreographed dance moves with his guest for the night. Clearly planted teenage girls scream splitting through the booing adult male wrestling fans. Working up a sweat in his wifebeater and Pelle Pelle jeans, DJ Killa Kyle throws up his set as he g-walks down the entrance ramp yelling Juelz Santana's iconic verse. Unbeknownst to him, his opponent was standing in the middle of the ring absorbed in his greatest hits.

The referee waves his hand in front of Better Than You's face, unable to see that across at the stout, aging Masato Tanaka. Winding his arms backwards in circles, slapping himself on the chest as Japanese wrestlers are want to do. The porno menu music hard rock of his ECW theme Dangan fades as the vet backs into the corner eyes level with his opponent. Streamers fly into the air as he throws his fist up in the air. Not waiting for the bell to ring, Tanaka explodes out of the corner before they can even hit the ground throwing a hard elbow at Better Than You--

"WAKE UP p***y."

Are the words that accompany DJ Killa Kyle's fastball, the microphone in his pitched towards his tranced out opponents head from across the middle of the ring. Bursting from the corner following his throw the Tik Toker screams like a banshee aiming a dropkick to the head of his rival.  

[HiroShinMozas]

The elbow cracked the gaijin across his face, rocking him backward as he staggered into the corner. The loud bang from the microphone hitting the floor was heard in the mind of Better Than You. as the real sound of what had actually happened in that match: a quick blown ear drum. BTY. was quickly hit in the skull with another massive elbow from Tanaka, causing his head to pop back and drop him down to the mat in a seated position. In reality, DJ Killa Kyle had suddenly connected with a big time dropkick, fans left very mild and confused over the bizarre display in the ring.  

[Vic Venom]

DJ Killa Kyle, lacking body control, connects hard with the dropkick and finds his own momentum carrying him hard against the ropes adjacent to the corner. His legs slam into them, turning his body up and over his head whiplashing against the ground as her somersaults backwards clutching at his neck.

"MY NECK!!!!"

His screams kicking his legs as Masato Tanaka is backed off by the ref who leans over to check on the leaking ear drum of BTY, Tanaka, a good sport, goes back to his corner to wait for the officials clearance.  

[HiroShinMozas]

Finally, a slight pop from the fans as DJ Killa Kyle seemingly hurt himself preforming a simple god-damn dropkick. Thank god this is just a hobby for him and that he has such amazing passive income. Better Than You. shoves the ref away and pulls himself back up from the top rope, angrily snarling at the Zero1 Champion. He rubs his ear, getting a mix of blood and wax on his hands that he just wipes across his chest as battle paint. However, this was merely spit from the microphone DJ Killa Kyle hit him with earlier. He eyes the champion and takes off across the ring, looking to catch him with a europea-

THUMP!!!

Better Than You. trips over the body of DJ Killa Kyle, who is currently on the ground selling his injured neck. Masato Tanaka knew what BTY. was planning and charged out of the corner, clipping the Canadian with a massive chop-block to his shin! BTY. rolled out to the bottom rope and then to ringside, slapping the ring apron and jawing at a thin Japanese woman in the front row. The man in the Jets cap would then spit on the heel and be wrangled by security, pulled out of his seat and away from the crowd. Better Than You. again reached for his ear and could feel that it was no longer leaking too much, but damn did it hurt.  

[Vic Venom]

After a few moments of wailing DJ Killa Kyle realizes bad bitches are watching and tries no selling. Kipping up to his feet, the clearly rattled young man grabs onto the top rope and springs up onto it. Shaken and overestimating the spring of the cables DJ Killa Kyle's attempt at a shooting star press goes haywire as the ropes whip him up prematurely, his legs flying high up over his head.

Flailing in terror the Tik Toker arcs through the air as his inability to rotate fully sends him precariously neck and shoulder first down towards BYT in a high angle, teardrop senton like maneuver--

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH----------

Teenage girls scream as flashbulbs dissolve into Masato Tanaka shooting out of the turnbuckles like a human bullet. Doing that hissing, nose-breathing sound that Japanese wrestlers often do as he curves his elbow towards the side of the Gaijins head.  

[HiroShinMozas]

DJ Killa Kyle's hubris was going to be his downfall, but unintentionally it may also serve the same ending for Better Than You. Masato Tanaka was so damn good at what he did man, He slid under the bottom rope as he darted from a corner, and slammed his elbow right into BTY.'s head, dropping him into a heap on the ground. It seems he hit the spot where his ear had already been damaged, and that rocked the gaijin BIG time. He laid sprawled out on the floor, his hands on his head as he yelled out in pain! Tanaka took a moment to throw his arm once more, a TA-NA-KA, TA-NA-KA chant breaking out amongst the usually subdued japanese crowd. Thankfully they were getting these cheers out before COVID-19 made it's dramatic appearance.

DJ Killa Kyle's knee clipped the head of Better Than You. as he crashed into the ground, knocking his opponent into the guardrail and over into the crowd. Some fans were beginning to file out of the arena entirely, not bothering to ask for a refund. Those who remained in the front row now had this cocky Canadian in their laps, and a few took the time to shout horribly homophobic things at him right in his face as he sold an actually rattled brain. How rude, how horrible, how old-school. Surely, many of these people had bosses watching this show tonight and wouldn't have jobs tomorrow -- twitter would see to that.  

[Vic Venom]

KIlla Kyle's connection with BYT alters his trajectory just enough to save him from hitting head first on the floor landing in a roll. Masato Tanaka, on the other hand, slams into the barricade but seems unaffected by it. Standing up, he raises his fists in the air to the approval of the audience before walking over to the barricade motioning for a chair. A respectful old Japanese lady hands Tanaka her folding chair and he folds the weapon slowly backing up getting his wounded opponent in his line of sight--

DJ Killa Kyle grips the edge of the chair locked in the grips of the New York Jets fan. Shrieking profanities at the uncooperative fan, they get in a tug of war but the Tik Toker is no match for the much larger gym teacher. Smirking, the fan lets go of the chair sending the teen sensation flying backwards, the chair slinging recklessly back over his shoulders as Kyle loses grip.  

[HiroShinMozas]

BTY. had ended up back over the railing and into the ringside area within moments, but in his reality, his TRUTH if you will, he was struggling to stand using the barricade while up against Masato Tanaka. The absolute legend was interacting with an elderly fan, and suddenly he ended up with a chair in hand...no way that could possibly end well for Better Than You. While things haven't been going his way so far, perhaps that was about to change as BTY. shot up with a Jigoku Tsuki straight at the legends throat, connecting with his wind-pipe and causing him to stagger back.

DJ Killa Kyle's loss in this hardcore tug-of-war coincided quite well with BTY.'s mental tape-trading, as he ended up in nearly the same position as Masato Tanaka had ended up on the faithful Summer day. The chair, thankfully for everyone, had slammed into the post and careened down to the ground harmlessly as opposed to into the crowd, but that left it right in position for Better Than You., who steps passed Masato Tanaka and ripped it from the ground with vicious intent. He lifted it up and wound up a shot, trying to connect with his opponent's back!  

[Vic Venom]

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

Tanaka screams out as the chair shot connects and DJ Killa Kyle flies back several feet. The referee watches on from the inside, blank faced, counting. Everyone knows that in Japan chairshots are ok outside of the ring so there was nothing to do. Nothing that could be done. Masato reaches up for his throat as he lays flat, breathing heavily as BYT gets his first offense of the night.

None of this mattered to DJ Killa Kyle. Not the match he was in, not the business, and especially not his opponents masturbatory framing devices. This was just a hobby to him. Getting off the floor and completely ignoring his opponent he grabs the chair and chucks it recklessly into the crowd!  

[HiroShinMozas]

As it had turned out, all BTY. had done was hit the ring post and dropped the chair, in his mind cracking Tanaka but in reality doing nothing -- at the very least, just throwing off DJ Killa Kyle's thinking process. Better Than You attempt to take hold of Tanaka's head, trying to pull him up to a standing position and drive him back first into the ring post! It was time to just do some big time damage and get back into things before something horrible happened!