Prompt 3 (Holiday Blues): One day, in the very early morning hours, a strange, bluish fog rolls in. It floats low to the ground and is incredibly dense and incredibly cold. Anyone who inhales even a single breath from this fog will be met with a sudden, harsh sensation of sadness. It’s the worst part of the holidays—the Holiday Blues. The fog slowly spreads through the town and is gone by mid afternoon, but the sensation of sadness, loneliness, and nostalgia may linger for longer than that. Scientists are explaining the bluish tint as just being a natural phenomenon, but in Destiny City, ‘natural’ isn’t really something anyone should expect. Today would have been a good day to stay inside.
There was nothing to suggest at first that anything was wrong. Nessaela had woken earlier than usual, dressed warmly, and had slunk out the door of the dwelling that the Vanguard all shared in order to go for an extremely early walk. There was just something so very liberating in the ability to go out unfettered by the worry of any of her comrades of what she was doing. And what was Nessaela doing ... well strangely enough she had no exact clue. All the cadet knew was that she wanted to, no more like, needed to get out of the close quarters that she shared with everyone.
These days it seemed as if she had a lot on her mind. After she had cleared the air with the Commodore had Nessaela taken the chance to try and give herself the much needed refocusing that she thought that she had needed. But somewhere along the way she had slipped up once more.
Pulling the cloth item that humans called a scarf more tightly around her face did Nessaela move cautiously into the open of a nearby park. It was, of course, totally empty at this time of the morning and Nessaela breathed out a small sigh of relief. It was always easier to be herself when no one else was around. Deactivating her glamour for but a moment did the Vanguardian cadet take the opportunity to reach down and run her fingers through a drift of snow before stomping her feet hard against the ground. It wasn't really meant to do anything except maybe try to knock some feeling back into her cold feet. Once more choosing to use her glamour did Nessaela wander the multiple paths that the park had to offer to all that used the location. Her eyes took in the breathtaking sight of the snow drifts that dotted the landscape before she laughed softly. This was peaceful, so very peaceful to be out and about by herself with no one else to disturb her.
Being careful though still needed to be a practice that she applied and for a moment Nessa called her dagger forth to take a few experimental swipes before shaking her head. There was no danger to be found here. Cocking her head from one side to the other the cadet listened before nodding succinctly to herself. It seemed as if she truly were alone out here. With a hesitant voice did she begin to sing a song that she had caught playing outside of a store recently. By human terms it was dubbed a "Christmas carol" but the imagery it created in her mind had hooked Nessaela to learn the melody and some of the words.
Even as she started singing, her voice was quiet as the first two lines of the song came easily to mind.
"It came upon a midnight clear, that glorious song of old
from angels bending near the earth to touch their harps of gold"
And while it wasn't midnight, and it certainly wasn't clear out, Nessaela could still appreciate that her sung words seemed to shimmer in the air before vanishing. However it wasn't the only thing anymore that she saw in the air. It looked as if the weather was going to turn once again and Nessaela peered at the phenomenon that was creeping closer and closer to her location. Having studied most of earth's weather already she knew in the back of her mind that this fog was essentially harmless to her but if she was not careful there was a chance that one could easily get lost within the fog cloud.
Although most images that she had seen of fog clouds did not have an eerily blue tint to them. Most times the fog was a greyish white in color and it was mostly uniform in how it chose to spread out. Sure it really liked to gather over surfaces that were warmer than the air itself in order to form but once formed it tended to spread out at an even spread of rate. This fog, as strange as it was, hung closer to the ground than anything she could remember and Nessaela felt herself take a step back away from the fog before scoffing at the idea that there was something that she needed to fear from this unnatural phenomenon. Instead of doing the smarter thing and retreating for another day Nessaela activated her comtech to try and scan the fog before resuming her walk. She would gather data on the fog's properties even as she took the risk to be exposed to whatever it might be composed of.
Humming softly to herself the next few bars of the song did put her mind back at ease even as her left foot penetrated the edge of the fog bank. Bracing herself from the sudden chill she knew she would experience did Nessaela stride with purpose deeper into the fog. At first everything seemed normal and she sighed before inhaling deeply - which normally would have been a good idea. In fact for a few seconds everything was shockingly ordinary. Her comtech beeped away happily as it analyzed the composition of the fog and Nessaela felt at ease. But even as she took another deep breath did all of that seem to fade away.
The chill had been more than she had expected to feel and the air, when she breathed it in, felt as if it seared her insides. There was no warning for the sudden wave of sadness that swept over her. Nessaela was not even aware that her vision was blurring up until she tried to get her bearings even as a rather unpleasant wave of sadness swept over her.
The feeling would have knocked her over if she had not used her hand to prop herself up against a tree trunk that was to her right. What was this? Why did she, all of a sudden, feel like she had just lost the single most precious thing that she could lose? Even trying to hum her song of choice once more could not combat the waves of emotion that threatened to drown her as it washed over her unbidden. This feeling, this feeling that she was experiencing; she had felt it before when she had learned of the fate of some of her comrades that had perished in the battle that had ensued when the Commodore had tried to take Caedus' starseed. Comrades had been murdered and the entire Vanguard had suffered through the loss but even as they remembered their fellow cadets Gaevan and Caerynn and the commanders Cydfae and Velyria.
The tears came then streaming from her eyes even as she tried to wipe them away furiously. It did not a lick of difference though as as soon as she almost cleared her vision more tears would form and stream down her face unchecked. Maybe it was better to let them out though. Was it? Was it not? All Nessaela knew was that at this particular moment in time she could do nothing to stop the crippling waves of sadness that were engulfing her mind and making her feel the most miserable that she had ever felt. There was one moment when the realization struck her that maybe she needed to get out of the fog bank in order to lose this devastating feeling of sadness. Checking results of her comtech scans seemed to show no known anomalies present in the fog so with a great effort Nessaela saved the results and had the tech retrace her path that she had taken to walk into the fog. Of course walking out of fog once it had settled all around was a tricky endeavor and there were more than a few times that Nessaela thought she was close to exiting the strange blue cloud only to find herself still stuck inside. Finally, after what seemed like an hour and a half of fruitless wandering back and forth did she finally break free of the blue fog. As much as she had hoped that she would have been immediately free from the effects she had experienced while trapped inside the fog did the cadet groan in disbelief. She still felt terrible. Guilt about how she had once treated her fellow cadets by betraying them at the battle had led to others getting hurt because of her decisions. And even though it seemed like Itztenoch had forgiven her completely she still felt like a complete heel. She was not even sure that she deserved to be living among corporals and commanders that had started out at the same rank she had but had moved quickly up through the ranks. Here she was, still a lowly cadet. One that was still as lost and confused as she had been on the battlefield that one night. Her loyalties had wavered that night and even now she knew that if Caedus were to appear before her she would be so very conflicted on what would be the right action to take.
Sniffling silently did Nessaela find herself seated on a child's playground apparatus, also called a swing set and with her feet caused the rocking motion that always elicited unrestrained glee (and maybe a hint of terror) in an individual that utilised the seated swing. Even as she attempted to capture that glee did Nessaela feel her face crumple once more. Things were not as easy as they had once been. The old home world was looking more and more like a distant memory and if what she had learned was true it seemed as if their synthetic world was running out of time as well. It mean that everyone she knew back on Velencya could and would perish if they ran out of time. She was a member of the Vanguard, it was true. But would a member of such a prestigious group allow herself to be overcome by such emotions as grief and loneliness?
Even as her rocking motion continued, even as the tears continued to fall did Nessaela once more try to at least bolster her spirits by trying to continue to sing the song she had started earlier,
"Still through the cloven skies they come with peaceful wings unfurled
and still their heavenly music floats all o'er the weary world
above thy sad and lowly plains they bend on hovering wing
and ever o'er its Babel sounds the blessed angels sing."
It just was not working for her. Nessaela stopped her singing even as her feet stopped the rocking motion of the swing she sat upon. What could she do? She could not go back to the dwelling set aside for them looking like this. It just was not even a remote possibility. Staying out in the fog would also be out of the question. There was no way that she was willing to continue feeling like this even if she had escaped the initial slow crawling of the fog cloud. Walking around would continue to worsen how she was feeling. This she was dead certain of. But if that was the case, where should she go? Where could she go? Maybe into one of the various businesses that seemed to be open all hours of the night. Would those proprietors mind if someone came in just to try and get themselves under control? What if they did mind? Then what?
Feeling as if she was in the worst dilemma of her sort of young life did Nessaela check to make sure her glamour was still activated before setting off for the main shopping district of the city. There would be places that she could duck into and at least try to warm up from the coldness that seemed to have settled over her mind and heart and maybe begin to sort out the emotions that she was feeling and try to at least not feel as upset as she did right now.
