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 Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2022 5:39 am
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Faustite double-checked that the bracelet still clung to his wrist before he walked to Kamacite's office. It was a short distance, a minute total if he dragged his feet, but he checked again that the bracelet was still there when he got to the door. It was then that he knocked — a couple of gentle raps. "It's me," he added afterward. It could've been any agent standing outside Kamacite's door, after all.
But this one was different from the rest. This one tried to eat Kamacite's starseed. Were it not for Albite being so quick to react, Faustite would've had the worst snack of his — hopefully short — life.
The months that followed had been a trial. Trips to the Rift, trips to the city, trips to Jet's office. Trips just to stay moving. Trips to take his mind off the itch in his hands, or the way his attention always checked the chest of the person walking through his door. Trips to feel the chilled autumnal air on his overheated face when he relapsed. Trips to repay the starseeds he'd eaten with more energy. But in all these trips, in every single one, he always thought about it — when the next one would be, how the last one tasted, where he could get more. It was how he could tell he wasn't ready yet, wasn't able to sit down with Kamacite without being a complete ******** dog about it.
Jet's bracelet had proved a comfort for that. Assured him that he wouldn't be pulling anything except a very awkward conversation out of any attempted starseeding. Tried it on Albite, too, and the boy made a few cracks about it to break the tension. For that, Faustite had to appreciate his husband's great propensity to break things.
"Wanted to apologize," he added next, and hoped that would be enough to earn a response.
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2022 7:42 am
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For the first few days after the incident, Kamacite had been absolutely distraught. Not so much because he’d almost died, but because Faustite had once again vanished into the Rift. Because Faustite had been tempted by his starseed, when Kamacite knew there was something going on.
Maybe it was his own ego, thinking that maybe something he could do would convince Faustite that he didn’t need starseeds. Didn’t need to go into the Rift to hide. That they could get help for him there.
He’d cried to Axinite after Abite left him with the General King. Cried to Cymophane. Both were extremely patient with him. Accommodating. Kind and understanding.
Later, he found out that Faustite was back from being sequestered away in the Rift, but it only brought him temporary comfort.
He used his office to hide away, especially when Axinite or Cymophane were busy with their duties. He also knew he needed to be available if Adonis or Zultanite needed anything. Doubtful that he could provide them with anything they could get themselves, especially with the way he’d been moping around.
The knock on the door hadn’t been expected, and it took everything in Kamacite’s willpower to not jump up and fling the door open. He at least wanted to let Cymophane and Axinite know that he was taking some consideration for his own safety, even though he didn’t want to believe he was in danger.
“About what?” he asked as he sat up on the small couch he had there for resting. Subconsciously he tugged his robes tighter around him.
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2022 5:05 pm
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Faustite hadn't expected that Kamacite would not answer the door, but the decision made sense in hindsight. It was symbolic, if hurtful. He knew that pain was his to own.
Part of him wanted to ask what Kamacite meant by about what. Wasn't it obvious? Getting starseeded was never on his list of things to do, but he didn't expect anyone to lose their memory surrounding the occasion. The ones that survived — they had to know. Had to feel it afterward to know. And he was certain that, even if the trauma was such that he was amnesiac about it, Albite would've explained it to him. Would've tried to comfort him.
Probably would've made it worse, too, with how heavy-handed he could be.
Faustite spared a glance behind him, spotted a Captain who was similarly poised outside an office, and in earshot, no less. The burning boy waited to answer until he saw that Captain duck inside, likely ushered in by their General. Turning back to the door, Faustite crowded close to it, bowed his head that he might speak to the intersection of the door jamb and the door itself.
"Can I come in? There's people out here." People that didn't need to hear what Kamacite needed to hear.
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Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2022 7:34 am
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Kamacite chewed anxiously on his lip. He hadn’t been crying that day. Yet. But it was a frequent occurance lately. He could hear the caution in Misha’s voice, probably aware that Kamacite cared less about his own safety than he cared to admit, especially where Faustite was involved. Burns, black eyes or bruised cheeks, lack of starseed -- none of that mattered if Faustite disappeared again.
He tugged his robe around him a bit tighter, not to hide the hole in his chest, but because he was always cold. It wasn’t an uncommon gesture, but he realized what he was doing as he moved to reach for the door.
Misha would be disappointed with him.
Kamacite pulled the door open to let Faustite into his broom closet of an office. It wasn’t a lot, but it was more than just being a vagabond with no team or place to go.
He took a step back to let Faustite in, but couldn’t pull his eyes from him. His hands twitched as he clung to his robe, wanting to reach out to hug him, to give him a kiss, to tell him everything was okay and he didn’t need to apologize. But he didn’t want to make Faustite think he didn’t respect whatever it was that he came to say.
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2022 5:49 pm
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When Kamacite opened the door, Faustite saw that he looked no better, no worse than last time. Maybe a little thinner for it, but the boy was always so bony. So starved from worry. Faustite breathed a sigh through his nose as he saw how the youth clutched his robes about himself. He wasn't in a position that he could take offense to that, he reminded himself, but seeing it stung nonetheless.
He stepped inside when Kamacite let him pass, then flicked his arm to draw his sleeve back. The tungsten bracelet was partially visible on his darkened wrist. "It's from Jet. Said it would stop me from being able to pull starseeds." As long as it was on, but for how often it got stuck up under his shirt cuff, Faustite expected that anyone would have ample time to stop him if he was fussing with it to take it off. He hoped that it would be something of a comfort to the boy.
Would it be? Unlikely. And as he stood there, in the middle of the closet-looking office, he realized he didn't know how to say what he felt.
The place was cramped. It lacked the space for his pacing tendencies, so Faustite wrapped his hands around his own neck and rubbed the manacle that crowned the cravat. "Been terrible to you." And in Waru's tireless attempts to un-feral the General about social convention, he had taught that not every apology needs an apology gift, but Faustite didn't have a bead on when it was or wasn't a good time, or what would be an appropriate apology gift versus an inappropriate one.
He had thought about getting Kama a plant, since there was about a hundred of the flammable potted bastards in his shoebox of an office. Then he thought about using Waru's money to purchase one of those lucky cat things, because the coloring reminded him of Tiberius, but he hadn't liked the empty feeling that came with it. Teas had come to mind, but Faustite thought that if he gave Kamacite some of his tea, the boy wouldn't come by to visit anymore. Not that he did, but his team was large and always in and out of his office.
"Brought you this," and he held his hands out in the shape of a cylindrical object that popped into existence a moment later. It was sleek, black, with slats in the front to vent heat. Its cord was wrapped up into a tight bundle that still had its zip tie. He set it on the desk, where he found space. "Been thinking about it since I found you in my closet. Thought it'd be like having me around, but less —" of a b*****d went unsaid.
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2022 6:55 am
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With the door shut behind Faustite, Kamacite glanced at the bracelet. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Maybe relieved that Faustite wouldn’t have to worry about acting without knowing what he was doing. Maybe annoyed that it was essentially a collar to keep Faustite under control, although maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe he was frustrated that it took a bracelet for Faustite to feel comfortable seeing him again.
He didn’t care if Faustite was terrible to him. That clearly hadn’t been a dealbreaker in the past. He certainly hadn’t cared when Faustite attacked him after being gone for so long, hadn’t cared when he’d hit him after Squiddy was killed, and he didn’t care now that his starseed had almost been--
Kamacite looked down at the space heater with a deepening frown. But less was definitely a way to describe it. Less of Faustite, as if he could replace himself with a space heater.
He wanted to reach out, with both hands, and graciously take the gift. It would be useful to keep him warmer, but it felt like a bandaid on a bigger problem.
“You were going to leave,” he said quietly, choking a little on the words. “You were going to disappear again. What was I-- did you think I should have just let you?”
His eyes felt hot. He wondered if Faustite knew what he was upset about the most, or if it was again something he assumed, something that he thought would best fit the situation without taking Kamacite’s feelings and loyalty into consideration. Faustite tended to waver on his trust. He trusted him to help lead an important mission, but didn’t trust him to not be the reason his youma was killed.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2022 8:32 am
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"Yes," he answered. "Needed a minute. Couple days. Time enough that I wouldn't kill you because I was starving." He knew what would've come of that mess if Albite hadn't been there. He was terribly grateful that the boy was, even if he and Kamacite both were just as confused about what happened, or why.
He wished there was an easier way about this.
Faustite paced about, restless, uncertain where to settle because anywhere was just as flammable as the last place. Knew that, if he stood in one spot for long enough, something would catch fire. And the space was small, without windows even — veritable utility closet of an office. If he didn't keep himself brief, then Kamacite might pass out from all the smoke inhalation. Assuming Kamacite had nothing pressing, they could go elsewhere if the boy started to cough.
"You know how much is wrong with me. Want you to survive it."
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Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2023 6:43 pm
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“I could have helped,” Kamacite said quietly, his voice breaking under the emotions that flooded through him. “I could have gotten you starseeds. I could have… done anything. I don’t want to lose you.”
Not again. Kamacite didn’t think his heart could take it.
“I forgive you,” he said after a moment. He knew Faustite must have felt guilty about it. “Even if you kept my starseed, I would have forgiven you. I don’t care what you do, Faustite. Whatever you need from me, even if it’s my life, then it’s yours.”
It was difficult for him, and his voice kept catching on the words, but there was always so much that seemed to be separating them, no matter how close Kamacite wanted.
He glanced over at the small space heater, his shoulders easing from the tension that was holding them.
"You've gone through a lot. And you're still so thoughtful. It's not that there's anything wrong with you, but how others have wronged you," he said as he reached out to gently, appreciatively pick up the sleek, black object so he could inspect it.
"You mean a lot to me. Thank you."
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2023 6:10 am
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If it were under any other circumstance, Kamacite's words would have been a welcome balm to him.His devotion was unmistakeable, bordering on fanaticism, and Faustite understood that he was entirely upset. Heard it in his voice. Saw it in his face. Kamacite sounded terrible, like he would collapse into a pile of broken glass, were it possible.
It took him a moment to decide how he would say what he wanted to say, so he was inwardly thankful that the heater proved enough of a distraction to buy him some time. Even if Kamacite was quick to forgive —
"I want you to be alive," he said at last.
He retrieved his cincher from that banished space, unfolding the oiled leather in his hands as he threaded it around himself. Tucked it behind the cape and let the other snagged split free, then began fastening the clasps together at the front. Even if it was a little uncomfortable to wear, it was worth avoiding torching Kamacite's office to the ground with Kamacite in it.
He approached the boy from behind, then slipped his arms around Kamacite's narrow waist to hug him. Even if the impulse was there to claw the starseed out of him, there was nothing to do but hold it back. He knew Jet's bracelet worked. He knew he'd have to go digging for it to take it off, which granted him time to get himself back under control.
"Glad Albite was there to stop me." He said, resting his chin on Kamacite's shoulder.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2023 10:31 am
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Kamacite didn’t flinch, didn’t tense when Faustite put his arms around him. He felt tired, like he was fighting for something he could never have. It was his own fault, he knew. But after everything, he couldn’t afford to lose Faustite.
“I want you to be alive, too,” he said quietly, his hand resting over Faustite’s arms around his waist, his head tilting just enough to rest his temple against Faustite’s.
There was so much he wanted to do. So much he didn’t have the strength or ability to do it himself. Maybe it was due to misunderstanding, maybe it was because he couldn’t say how he felt all the time. Maybe everything that went wrong was his own fault, and everything that went right was from the effort of others. He didn’t know.
He was grateful to Faustite for being there, for being alive. Grateful to Cymophane for rescuing him when he was at his lowest, when everyone else he knew was gone. He was grateful to Albite for stopping Faustite, grateful to Axinite for lending an ear. For Prehnite for offering him a chance to do something more. Rosie for being kind to him. There were others, of course, but those stood out the most. He didn’t want to let them down.
If Faustite wanted him to be alive, then that was just what he’d have to do.
“Me too,” he said quietly. Both to wanting to be alive, and grateful for Albite. He just hoped something like that would never happen again. And that if it did, that he could help Faustite better.
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