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 Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2022 3:21 pm
It had taken weeks to finish the cufflinks, with additional setbacks courtesy of the White Moon. Since then, the glass had been removed from his back and his cheek faded to a faint bruise, though his jaw still clicked if he opened it too wide. Even with all the time that had passed and an intended vacation for him and Albite coming up, Faustite was reticent to leave things as they were. Loathe as he was to admit it to himself, and didn't want to leave one to feeling hurt and abandoned, or utterly livid at him for being completely stupid about family matters.
Both brothers were likely going through it. Faced with each other once more, they had to reacquaint with each other, and learn how they would fit into each other's current lives — if at all. And of them, the one with whom he could empathize with most was Fafnir.
Thus, it was Fafnir who would be called to his office first. Faustite had emptied one of the boxes that previously secured a medal and pinned the ivory cufflinks inside while he contemplated what to say to the suave boy who would be arriving soon. He pinned each of them to the velvet, their hand-carved faces encircling a small, flat surface where Faustite had painted a tribal-style dragon. Perhaps it wouldn't be Trey's style, perhaps he might throw them into a fire and tell Faustite all the ways he failed and ******** up, or how he was going back to Netherite, or how he and his brother were going to escape to the White Moon because the Negaverse couldn't get its s**t together, or any manner of hurtful, vitriolic abuse, but Faustite would have the knowledge that he tried to make amends. He didn't leave this sordid affair at its worst.
Though, his inner voice liked to remind him, he probably should have. He had a habit of nosing out new, and astonishingly more terrible, rock bottoms whenever he opened his mouth.
When he finished straightening out the links, he pushed the box to the edge of the desk furthest away from him. Then he fussed with it, trying to get it to align perfectly with the edge of the desk. A touch here, a nudge there — then he realized he was procrastinating. With a resigned, if moribund sigh, he curled a handful of claws into the air to call Fafnir into being.
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2022 4:15 pm
An inner tugging was the all the warning Fafnir got before he was pulled from his over-loaded desk and dropped straight into the place he'd been avoiding. With one of the people he'd been very pointedly, coldly, just-this-side-of-insubordinate-ly avoiding. He'd been so careful to always be to busy to come when invited, sending back notes with apologies about how much work he had. Nothing that could really be pinned as insubordinate, but always something that kept him away. He'd forgotten, among everything else lately, that he was still just a super, and that meant anyone of Faustite's rank could just yank him about whenever they pleased. Albite doing it should have been enough, but apparently he refused to learn that lesson properly.
When Fafnir realized where he was, he straightened up and clasped his hands behind himself, letting his expression cool and go blank. Faustite hadn't liked salutes so he didn't give one, but his eyes did sweep the office, noting man, posture, papers and a box on the desk. The nervous energy that hovered always around the half-youma general. Another good reminder that helped shore up the wall he'd built. Faustite was not, precisely, human any more. He should be more careful when dealing with him.
"Faustite." He greeted, keep his voice cool. "You called?"
Hopefully, he'd be able to extricate himself from this meeting as quickly as possible. While he knew why Faustite had done what he'd done, and even agreed with it to an extent, there was still a part of him that burned about it. That seethed with anger over the pain that had reawakened from where he'd buried it. It needed a target to vent itself, and his general was the most likely. Though, Albite was certainly getting his fair share.
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2022 7:23 pm
"You're right to hold it against me." Beneath the table, Faustite's foot bobbed restlessly where it was crossed over the knee of his other leg. His fingers were laced together, drawn ever more tightly as seconds passed. His overgrown fingernails dug their tips into his skin. Faustite fought to keep releasing the tension in his shoulders and jaw while he stared up at one of the two boys whose lives he inverted recently.
Fafnir looked fine, but Faustite expected he might have been performing fine. Faustite was well aware of all the missed meetings, soft declines, and quick dismissals to budding conversations that Fafnir had given him. They were similar to Heliodor's melodramatic cold shoulders, yet Trey was far more polite about it. He always had an excuse at the ready, where Aelius plainly wanted him to know how pissed he was and how he found Faustite so incorrigibly unforgivable. Looking at the boy now, it was difficult for the General to assure himself that Fafnir felt anything but fine.
Whatever. He was sure Albite had about three hundred Ted Talks at the ready for how some microexpression on Fafnir's face belied his anger. He just had to remind himself of that.
"Wanted to apologize." With palms fitted together, the fiery boy gestured to the box at the edge of his desk, nearest his summoned subordinate. "Know it doesn't fix anything." Nothing ever did. Intentions didn't matter; condolences were only marginally better than a slap in the face. Fafnir now faced the consequences of knowing that his brother was still alive, as did Heliodor, as did Albite, as did Faustite. Wherever those consequences took them, Faustite needed to learn to live with it.
"Would let you hit me. Once," he added as clarification.
Getting punched was a thousandfold easier than this conversation. Violence was an action — a response that was understandable, painful, and digestible. Conversations like these? They belonged between people with adept conversational skills, not half-people who whiled away two years of their lives in a place where no human dared live. But could he ever put that into words?
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2022 8:56 am
For a while, Fafnir was silent, letting Faustite work his way through what he wanted to say. His arms were kept carefully at his sides, hands clasped behind his back, and his face stayed blank... or mostly. Eyes flicked to the box as he considered the apology and worked his way through the feelings that came with it.
It was right that he apologized for the pain he caused, but there was an argument for why it had been necessary. A new identity needed to be protected, in case those on the other side used Heliodor's family against him. Used Fafnir against him. It had kept them safe, even as it had destroyed Fafnir's life. And while it didn't really fix things, he couldn't say that it didn't do something, to hear it, even as it made him angry again. Motions carefully smooth, he reached to sweep up the box and pop it open, studying the contents with a critical eye. As though, if the craftsmanship were good enough, it could erase all the bad.
The craftmanship was good, if obviously hand made. It made him wonder where he had gotten it, in a part of his mind not occupied by his hurt. The dragons were on the nose, but not in a bad way, considering he'd have to wear them as Trey and not Fafnir. A blatant declaration of who he was, passing unnoticed beneath the noses of the unsuspecting.
"I'm not Waru." He said as he slowly closed the box. "I'm not my brother either. I understand why you didn't tell me, professionally. You are likely not aware of my private history with this issue, nor are you beholden to it as my general. Your apology is accepted and appreciated. I will do my best not to allow my personal life to affect my work."
His long fingers drummed lightly on the lid, distracting him from the boil of different feelings he was containing. It was a struggle... but he was not a man to give away what he didn't have to, if he could help it.
"Is there anything else you haven't told me about? It would be good to start out again on even footing. Both professionally and personally." The last was a bit pointed, with a glance to the rings Faustite wore. He'd never assigned any meaning to them, when the materials and number had not immediately screamed 'engaged'. Now he regretted the trust that had meant he hadn't asked.
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2022 2:33 am
Right. Fafnir wasn't Waru. He wasn't Aelius, either, and perhaps that was what made this exchange so unsettling. Fafnir wasn't being explosive about it, wasn't demanding a pound of flesh or a blood tithe or simply screaming at him, and Faustite wasn't necessarily used to that. Not when he had invested in an officer on a more personal note. It was easier to let down the ones that were more like cogs in a machine than the ones of which he had taken personal notice.
It was likewise strange for someone to take his ideas seriously, and on this he stayed firmly mum. Better for everyone that way.
While there was so much to like about Fafnir's professionalism, he found that he hated the conversation at times — specifically times when it felt like Fafnir was speaking in code, but Faustite lacked the cipher to determine what the hell he was saying. Much of professional language was coded in figures of speech, never wanting to be too on the nose, or too direct, or give oneself away. Fafnir was a master at it in a way that Faustite expected he would never be, even if he had remained human for all these years and never needed to change his identity. So when Fafnir implied that Faustite needed to explain himself, he wasn't sure where the boundaries where — what would be professional, what would be personal, what wasn't his business.
"Assuming you're referring to 'the Negaverse' and 'my personal life', right? Like they're separate?" They weren't. They never would be, he expected, for as long as he was alive and part youma. "Always been straightforward with you on what I can say, as a General. Some of it's classified — plainly can't speak on that. The rest of it —" Faustite let out a breath. "Don't see you being interested in the Rift." Little reason to waste words on that.
And personally — what was there to speak on personally? He had three hours of pretending to be human, and hardly any history to accompany that humanizing skin. But he followed Fafnir's gaze, and realized the boy was staring at his rings.
"Oh." Maybe that was what Fafnir cared about, more than anything professional. Made more sense than foolishly trying to answer the question before. "Marriage-engagement-engagement-engagement," he named them off, pointing to each ring as he went. "Waru, Lionel, Haru — Aelius," he finished. "There's others I spend time with, too, but they're not interested in things like this." And that was just as well. Was that what Fafnir was probing for? To hear his brother's name out of that? Or —
He didn't know. It was an unsettling feeling, being examined, and he thought he left it behind.
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2022 8:54 pm
Blue eyes narrowed at the general's prevarication. Of course his role as a general was separate from his personal life, even if the two were closer for him than they were for any normal human. He was pretty sure the Negaverse as an organization would frown on a general ******** his subordinate, and even if most of his time was spent as a general, he knew there had to be times when he set that part of himself aside and was just... Eion. Just Faustite, and not General Faustite.
As Faustite rattled off the relationships linked to the jewelry on his hands, Fafnir felt his features going slack with each new one. Four engagements? He was going to be married four times? He'd always assumed Faustite was sleeping with other people, most notably Albite, but this wasn't just ******** around... And every time they'd been together, he'd never thought to mention any of it? It was beyond any experience Fafnir had and his so carefully crafted facade just... didn't have any prepared responses. He had... nothing. No idea how he was supposed to respond to this.
It wasn't like they had anything between them that was more than enjoying each other's company... Fafnir would never have claimed that, or frankly, wanted it, but... It felt wrong, some how. Like he'd done something he wasn't supposed to.
"I'd... assumed you weren't in a committed relationship when we started sleeping together, or you would have said something." He said, a good measure of the polish gone from his voice. "Do they know you've been sleeping with me? Does my brother?"
God, and that was something else he really didn't want to think about. Bad enough to finally know his little brother was having sex, which he'd just assumed would have been happening, but... it was definitely weird to have been sharing a partner with him. He didn't like thinking about it.
"I suppose its partly my fault for never asking." He said as he pressed gloved fingers to the bridge of his nose. He could feel pressure building behind his sinuses. The edges of the box bit into his hand as he gripped it, unintentionally tightening his fingers around it. "At this point, I feel like the only one who had no idea what was ******** going on."
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2023 2:10 pm
Faustite had only become more confused when Fafnir went on and dropped the usual purr from his voice. Faustite's brows furrowed, too, as he wondered if other people were assuming the same as Fafnir. Did he have a few boys who thought they were exclusive, and simply hadn't known about any of the others? Had they gone on thinking that no other boy had caught his eye? Should he have said something, maybe given out a disclaimer for everyone at whom he threw his affections?
As he continued to wonder, he realized that this was shaping up to be a much uglier mess than he initially anticipated. And it wasn't just Fafnir who might be getting burned.
Fafnir's next questions were harder to answer. Faustite stared at the edge of his desk. "They know I don't favor exclusivity. Don't volunteer names and most of them don't ask. Think Albite's the only one who likes guessing.
"Your brother — pointedly — doesn't ask." Anyone could see Heliodor's jealousy streak as if it were painted neon green. That he didn't ask who else had found their way into Faustite's pants was both a mercy to himself and to everyone else. Faustite did not want to consider what sort of overblown shitshow would arise if Heliodor learned that Faustite and Fafnir happened, or may continue to happen, and Faustite wasn't interested in volunteering that to him. Faustite rather liked having all his parts and preferred to keep it that way.
Faustite chewed his lip when he saw the stress signs begin to emerge. He wasn't sure what to say to Fafnir, then, after that comment. It wasn't that they intentionally set him up, nor did Faustite think ill of him for having the conclusions that he'd drawn earlier. He didn't like seeing Fafnir get stressed out, nor did he savor being the cause of that stress.
"Don't know what I can say to improve any of this," he admitted as he shifted atop his stool. "Don't think there's anything to make it better." Certainly not bone cufflinks, but maybe figuring out what lesson to walk away with would ameliorate things.
"But you're not the only one who doesn't know."
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2023 3:24 pm
Well, at least they all knew he had other partners. That was something. Even if they found out Faustite and Fafnir had slept together, they could at least point to the face no one had promised monogamy. Clearly.
It relieved some of his anxiety, though he still had that off kilter feeling. It wasn't a perfect out come, but maybe with time that feeling would fade. Faustite didn't owe him anything and likewise, Fafnir didn't owe the half-youma's partners anything. Well, except for maybe one.
"This isn't something I can keep from... Heliodore." The name still felt a little strange, linked as it was to his mental image of his brother. His fingers dropped away from his face and he tried to draw himself upright again, trying to settle back into the sense of control he'd had before. "While it might be easier to simply not mention it, every time I'm around him I'm going to be thinking about it. Even if we never did anything again, it would still be there."
"Knowing I'm not the only one who doesn't know, doesn't really make anything better. I would suggest you consider telling them, but I'm far from an authority on... poly-amorous relationships." He continued, finally drawing a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Faustite was right, at least, there wasn't anything he could do to make this better, or easier, between them. Fafnir just... needed some time to think about it, let it settle. And talk to Heliodore. With their new relationship still so tenuous and uncertain, it was not an ideal time for more upheaval, but... things would never be better until they were all out in the open.
God, this was all such a s**t show. And it was never ending. He just needed a moment to breathe and process. Just enough time he could get his feet back under him.
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2023 4:50 am
The closest Faustite could get to Fafnir's point of view was imagining a scenario where he and his brother had slept with the same person, somehow, during the same time period, without being told about one another until later. Faustite wouldn't have had much of an opinion on it, but his brother would have — he'd have been very vocal about it, too. And what would he have said? Maybe something about how he thought what he and the other person had was special, and there was something twice as damning about cheating on him with his brother.
Well. That didn't feel great. At all.
But Elex and Erol were not Rowan and Trey. The dynamic between them was different — likely far more complicated by now, too, with Trey learning that his brother wasn't dead and rekindling their familial relationship. Or whatever that might've entailed by now. Trey was smart, too; he had to have known there was a period of time where Faustite was with both of them and never breathed a word about their identities to each other. No matter how justified Faustite thought he was, that was the effect of his actions.
That didn't feel good, either. In fact, it felt downright bad. Faustite started to squirm in his seat about it. The more he thought, the worse it got.
"Sorry I didn't tell you about each other." Faustite cast his attention to his hands. Realizing how badly he'd cocked this one up was difficult, and he hated having to sit with his feelings about it. It was always easier to just go back to the Rift, wander around some more, immerse himself in a very different kind of complicated among its denizens.
He nodded at Fafnir's suggestion. Where Fafnir wasn't an authority on polyamory, Faustite wasn't an authority on people. He'd have to figure out himself how and when to break the news to those he hadn't explicitly told.
"People are so ******** complicated," he complained, burying his face in his hands as he leaned on his elbows. Faustite huffed, and a small rivulet of smoke escaped between the edges of his palms. "Need to get better at this."
It did explain why Heliodor was constantly nagging Faustite to express himself, if Trey held his cards as close to his chest with his brother as he did with everyone else. From the way Aelius talked about it, though, he and Trey were pretty close. That meant Trey could intuit who to trust and who he couldn't trust, that he'd already decided on his boundaries years ago. But Eion didn't have the interpersonal savvy that Trey did; he didn't have the life experience or the formative experiences needed to be as good at that as Trey was, which was deeply, inestimably, annoying.
Faustite finished dragging his hands down his face, then rested his chin on his knuckles. "Trey. I don't want to get between you two. Let me know what you need and we'll sort it out."
Then he added, "That was me trying to be a person. Not a General."
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2023 11:14 pm
"You're forgiven." Fafnir said, his voice even.
Did he mean it? He wasn't sure. Partly yes, partly no. The logical, forward-thinking part of him had seen the attempt at wisdom in what Faustite had done, and forgiven him immediately. The emotional part of him, though, couldn't not stop thinking about the missing years and all the needless things he'd done, because he'd thought he'd lost his brother. All the blame for that rested squarely on the half-youma's shoulders, and there was little to reconcile the two parts of himself.
Time. He just needed time. Soon enough, he figured, the pain would fade and the two parts of himself would start agreeing again.
"Things between my brother and myself are working themselves out. We're fine." And then, because Faustite was trying to be a person, he unbent enough to add. "You are not standing between us. It hardly feels like we've been apart, even though I know there is a lot of catching up to do. I won't let anything stand between us, if I can help it."
It was true, and also a source of worry he kept to himself. His plans had never factored in a little brother returned from the grave. Time would tell if these changes would be his undoing. His fingers fiddled with the little box he held, turning it over against his palm.
"All I need is some time to sort things out, that's all. Can you give me that?" Fafnir said in a low voice, turning his eyes to his general.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2023 7:34 am
You're forgiven. It seemed deceptively simple, but Faustite told himself not to read into it. This wasn't an opportunity for a SpecOps General to investigate cracks in an otherwise porcelain smooth story. Fafnir was a person, and his brother was a person too, and Faustite was supposed to be personing as well as he could person right now, which wasn't well, but it was well enough that Fafnir accepted it.
So maybe it was well enough. Really, the whole affair was confusing the s**t out of Faustite; these sorts of pedestrian affairs fit his husband far better than him.
It was easier to focus on the fact that Fafnir and Heliodor — Trey and Aelius — were getting on okay. That accidentally reintroducing them to each other hadn't resulted in a soured relationship for both of them. And hearing Fafnir's assertions that he would defend their closeness was itself terribly sweet; Faustite had to chew his lip to avoid sighing dreamily about it. It was hardly fair that either of them were so tantalizingly cute in vastly different ways. Perhaps they'd both pass on their delightful stories of brotherly bonding so Faustite had something to swoon about instead of editing and sending back Albite's reports for the fifth time.
Faustite kept his elbows on the desk, his arms folded. Easier to dig his nails into his elbows before he said something stupid to Fafnir about it. He knew Albite would tell him to cool it, to let the brothers have their time together and enjoy their peace. The stories would come. Faustite wasn't losing them. Yet.
"Take the time you need." Faustite nodded to Fafnir. "Consider yourself off-duty but for the necessities." Which wasn't a terrible lot — draining energy was far easier to accomplish as a Super, which made for a more comfortable quota. "Will look after Taaffeite in your stead."
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2023 6:12 pm
He hadn't expected to be granted leave... he'd never had a leave before, but he still found that he appreciated it, surprise and all. He couldn't complain about not having work to do... freed up his time and that was always to the good. More time to brood over his brother and what he was going to do about this all, really.
"Thank you. I appreciate that." He said, feeling only a tinge of guilt at leaving Taafeite to someone else. His one singular lieutenant, and he had to let someone else take care of her training and supervision. Hopefully, it would only be to her benefit, getting more experience with different people.
There was no telling where any of this would go, but at the very least Fafnir had one very important part of his life back, for better or worse.
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