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 Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 5:34 pm
Takes place after Breakfast.
Once the table had been practically cleared of food, Elliot went with Atticus as he got ready for their day, and maybe to conspire about something behind their parents’ back, and Michael and Devyn chatted with Oliver and Asher some more.
After that, when Oliver and Asher left with the boys to head to head out for the day, it was a matter of cleaning up from breakfast. Michael worked on the dishes while he tasked Devyn to put away whatever was left of the food. By any means he saw fit. However, Michael didn’t want to just keep Devyn there if he had other things to do, so he didn’t distract him needlessly while they were working.
It was only after the dishwasher had been loaded and the pans they’d used for the bacon, eggs, and pancakes had been washed and dried and put away, that Michael made himself another cup of coffee and glanced over his shoulder at Devyn.
“Marriage, huh?”
Despite his attempt at being as casual as possible, he could still feel the heat in his cheeks. Why Devyn made him feel like a teenager sometimes, he had no idea, but it was frustrating sometimes because he couldn’t hide how he was feeling as easily.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 6:02 pm
Devyn alternated between packing up some of the food and eating the rest of it; he’d finished up with it and done a few other chores in the area so he could stay close to Michael.
“Oh, that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spring that on you. I was worried Atticus was going to cry, I just said the first thing in my mind. Not that it was untrue,” he insisted, but he had the feeling this was something of an awkward subject–if the color on Michael’s cheeks was anything to go by. “I’m sure that’s something that was probably best left to us discussing, at some point down the road, if it was anything you were looking for. No pressure, I haven’t really thought about it at all. I’m happy with you, and I’m looking forward to getting to go on dates with you. I don’t want to rush you into anything. Or push you in a direction you don’t want to go in.”
He flashed a quick, apologetic smile. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that. Are you okay?”
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 7:11 pm
Oh, that.
Michael pressed his lips together, but was at least able to hide any change in his expression behind his mug of coffee. He knew he should just drop it. Devyn even said it was just because he was worried that Atticus was going to cry and said the first thing in his mind.
He wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.
Not that it was untrue.
So Devyn did want--...?
Michael closed his eyes against the onslaught of thoughts, each vying for his attention. He twisted the golden orb absently between his fingers, and eventually lowered the mug from his lips when he realized it was probably obvious he wasn’t drinking anything.
“Yeah,” he said after a moment.
Devyn clearly didn’t mean anything by it. They had only just started dating. Literally. They hadn’t even figured anything out yet. So there was no point in Michael getting himself worked up about something that was no pressure and best left for them to discuss at some point down the road.
“I checked on Peter and Chris. They’re both okay and want to help with cleaning things up, if you want it,” he offered as a change of subject. There was so much going on after getting rid of the chaos that they didn’t have time to really talk to everyone, but it was good to know that his brothers were willing and wanting to help.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 8:29 pm
Devyn brightened a little when Michael mentioned they wanted to help clear things up. “I appreciate it. I’d like to catch up with Peter and get to know Chris a little better. He seems nice, though.”
A moment passed and he watched Michael contemplatively. It wasn’t particularly difficult to read him, and even if he couldn’t hear his thoughts he suspected Michael was still a little distracted by something. Or, worried.
But, Michael had changed the subject, so now Devyn was left to decipher if that meant he was uncomfortable with it and wanted it forgotten entirely, or if there was still some unresolved anxiety about it. Devyn again seemed a bit apologetic about it all; he hadn’t been nervous, but now he couldn’t help but worry that maybe he’d given the wrong message entirely.
He had a lot to learn, and a lot to figure out. Michael had been through so much already, he didn’t want to add any unnecessary pressure or stress atop of that.
So, if Michael was more comfortable moving on from the topic, he wouldn’t keep digging at it.
“What are your plans for today?”
Aside from their date, and his scheduled sandwich making with Atticus, Devyn wasn’t sure if he had any plans aside from being good and resting like he’d promised.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 8:35 pm
“Chris would probably like that. He’s a lot more social than I am,” Michael made a face and then sipped some more of his coffee.
But then again, there were a lot of things that made Michael more difficult to deal with. He doubted Atticus would want him to be his dad if he wasn’t with Devyn. It was Devyn that Atticus adored, and rightfully so. It wasn’t as though Michael had put in a lot of effort in getting Atticus to like him. Sometimes he was surprised that Elliot liked him, but it was probably more of a familiarity thing than anything.
“I didn’t have any plans,” he hummed, since he’d assumed they would all need a break after whatever happened on Alastor. They were lucky they managed to get back without too many injuries.
He let out a quiet sigh and placed his mug on the counter so he could hold out his hand to Devyn.
“How are your fingers?” he asked, clearly expecting Devyn to offer him his injured hand. “And shoulder? We’ve got a few hours before the Reids and Atticus are back, probably. I think I can manage a trip to Sessrumnir if you want. Or we can just sit around the house. Or go on a walk. I’d suggest going to a cafe, but… I think this is my fourth cup,” he grimaced, glancing over at the mug on the counter.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 8:48 pm
Devyn offered his hand immediately, maybe because he trusted Michael. Maybe because he wanted the physical contact.
“I’m healing up already. My shoulder hardly hurts at all. I bet if I took off the bandages, it might be healed up already. You did a spectacular job patching me up.” His fingers were still bruised and swollen, and he’d caught himself multiple times before he could do something to hurt himself. It was harder than he expected, but he was doing his best.
“I noticed you were drinking a lot. I thought, maybe you were just tired, but then I was worried it was stress. And if it was the latter,” he laid his hand on Michael’s. “I am sorry. Visiting Sessrumnir sounds nice, but so does sitting around the house, or going for a walk, or visiting a cafe. All I want is an easy day. And if I can do anything to make sure you have the chance to relax, I hope you’ll tell me.”
He was quiet for a second as he chose his words and then said, “If I’m overwhelming you, you can tell me. If you need space, I can do that. I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time, I know I have to learn things over again. But you being happy and comfortable is my priority, Michael. So if something’s bothering you, or if you need something, please don’t convince yourself that you need to keep quiet to spare my feelings.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 9:10 pm
Michael let out a breath of disbelief, but had nothing but fondness in his eyes when he glanced up at Devyn after inspecting his hand. Even if Devyn was ridiculous and thought he was invincible or whatever. Or downplayed his injuries. There was always something incredibly endearing about his confidence.
“You shouldn’t have to apologize about me feeling overwhelmed or stressed,” he sighed again as he reached up with his free hand to brush some of Devyn’s bangs from his face that weren’t really in his face -- he just wanted an excuse to touch him.
“No, you might not have been in a relationship in a long time, but I have,” Michael frowned, doing his best to look Devyn in the eye, but it seemed like he wanted to glance away to hide his shame or discomfort.
“And because I have been in a relationship recently… one that didn’t work out… It makes me feel as though my opinions and… and how I feel doesn’t have as much weight as it would if I hadn’t been in one in a while,” he admitted.
“Like, me saying I love you. I told someone else I loved them not so long ago. Does that mean I’m just fickle with my feelings? I know people would look at me and say I’m moving too fast, or that this won’t last. I wanted the other one to last, but we weren’t… compatible with our life goals. And he was young and had his life ahead of him and didn’t need to deal with someone who constantly worried and tried to control things all the time.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 9:29 pm
Devyn leaned into the touch, but his eyes never strayed from Michael’s face. He was quiet while he listened; he didn’t feel like he had to rush into answering, and he didn’t want to risk interrupting Michael or making him feel like he wasn’t listening.
He waited a few seconds after Michael had finished speaking, and took the time to think over what he said, and then shrugged.
“I don’t care what anyone else says. They don’t know you like you do. If anything feels too fast for you, we’ll slow down. This isn’t any sort of race. There’s no finish line. There’s just you, and me, and whatever that makes us.”
He paused, and leaned forward a bit so he could hold Michael’s hand. “Your opinions and feelings have the same weight regardless of who you’ve been with, or when. I don’t care about them, I care about you. So, I will always apologize if I’ve contributed to making you feel overwhelmed or stressed. And I will do my best to learn from it, and find ways to avoid doing it again. And if you tell me you love me, I know you love me, and it’s as simple as that. I don’t think you’re fickle for giving me a chance. I appreciate it quite a bit actually, you know I’m very fond of you.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 9:36 pm
Michael pressed his lips together and seemed to be trying to decide if he wanted to keep his thoughts to himself or not. Devyn had specifically told him that if something was bothering him or if he needed something, to not feel like he had to keep quiet.
Except it was more than just being bothered or needing something.
“Would you think things were too fast if I said I was overwhelmed and stressed because that’s what I want?”
He knew it wasn’t that simple. He knew it was too fast. He was sure there were people he knew that would tell him to slow down, or to remember how his last marriage didn’t pan out.
It was his turn to offer Devyn a sympathetic smile, and he shook his head to dismiss the thought.
“I know. I’m getting ahead of myself. We haven’t even been on a date yet. But I’m very fond of you too, Dev. And I do love you.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2022 9:44 pm
Devyn blinked, and it took him a few seconds to process what Michael had said before the corner of his mouth was twitching, like he was trying to hide a smile.
“And I love you, too,” he promised. He sandwiched Michael’s hand between his own and looked at him fondly, because–really, there wasn’t any other way to look at him.
“We already have Atticus’ permission, at least, so whatever happens at least we’ve done something in order, sort of. I certainly think you’re marriage material. A perfect husband, I’d imagine. You already take such good care of me.”
His lips pressed together for a moment and then he opened his mouth, closed it, and had to take a few seconds to gather his thoughts. “I still think of Percy as my husband,” he said, but looked up quickly to make sure he could read Michael’s thoughts. “We never had a real ending. There was no divorce. And I don’t know that death separated us. I carried him in my heart, and I still do. So much so that I tricked myself into thinking he was waiting for me somewhere else.”
He knew it was a lie. It was a good one, a necessary one. He didn’t know if he’d have survived all those years on Alastor alone if he hadn’t let himself slip into fantasy.
“Is that a strange thing? I know we’ve talked some.” Michael did not replace Percy, he was not a replacement. He was himself, and perfect, and Devyn’s heart grew for him. There was space for him because he’d made it there. “But I suppose that is something I would need to figure out. You already know how important he is to me. I should spend some time making sure you know how important you are to me, too. But, if marriage is something you think we should consider–” and, why shouldn’t they? Was that not, actually, what you did when you wanted to be with someone and share the rest of your life with them? “–then I think we should talk about that, too. I don’t ever want him to be a point of contention, and I don’t ever want you to doubt how much I love you. Or how much I want to be with you.”
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2022 9:18 am
There was a wild range of emotions Michael felt his thoughts and heart processing as Devyn spoke. As he held his hand, told him he imagined him the perfect husband and felt flustered with the compliments.
But even though he knew and would never want to change Devyn still loving Percy and thinking of him as his husband, Michael could still feel his heart breaking. Because of course the universe had to remind him that even if he was considered good enough for Devyn, there was no way he could compete with someone Devyn was still in love with, someone he’d already married and swore his life to.
He knew Devyn didn’t want him to doubt his love or desire to be with him, and Michael didn’t. He knew Devyn said he had room in his heart for both of them. But Michael also knew when to gracefully concede.
His expression didn’t change. He continued to smile. Just… a bit more resigned than before.
“It’s not strange,” he promised when he was certain his voice wouldn’t give away any emotions that might have built up. He brushed his thumb over Devyn’s cheek and massaged his fingers against his scalp to try and reassure him.
“Don’t worry about it, Dev. Although it was mean of you to tease me,” he laughed softly, wanting Devyn to know he didn’t hold any bad feelings about it. “But you’re right. It would have been worse if Atticus started crying.”
He would just have to hope Atticus wouldn’t start asking when they were getting married, because with how Devyn was talking, it didn’t seem like that was an actual option. And he was right. There was no end for Devyn and Percy. And Michael didn’t want to be that ending.
“We’ll talk about it some other time then,” he decided, because it was easier to agree and let it be pushed off forever if necessary. Besides, they didn’t have to get married to love each other or be a family. “As long as you’re in my life, I’ll be happy.”
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2022 5:13 pm
Devyn was watching him closely. Maybe, he expected a lie. Maybe, he saw it.
He didn’t let himself be distracted by the gentle touch on his face, or his scalp, but he did run his thumb over Michael’s hand for a few seconds.
“I will propose to you right now, without a ring, without a first date, because I know where I want this to go. I’m not teasing you. I’m trying to express something that makes me feel a little vulnerable, and a little lost, because I want to do things right with you. I don’t know how to have some of these conversations. I’ve never had them with anyone. I never thought I could fall in love again, so I never had to think about what I would call Percy if I was married again. I don’t know if there’s a word for it, but there isn’t any I can think of. He was my husband. And I love him dearly. And Marius was my son, and I love him, too. He doesn’t stop being my son because he’s gone.”
He spoke gently, and his heart was calm, even if emotion reached his eyes.
“Atticus doesn’t replace him. And you don’t replace Percy. And I have those memories, and I have that love, and I know that’s all it is anymore. A point in time that’s long passed. And I’m not living in the past anymore. Ghosts kept me alive, but they didn’t keep me living. I don’t remember being happy, you know. I lost Percy and it all stopped. Everything. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t tired. I didn’t feel anything but empty. I wasn’t a good father. I wasn’t a good friend. I wasn’t anyone. I did my job and I waited to die and I didn’t. And then I tricked myself into letting him be alive again, and I could go back to being who I was. Who I should have been. And he died again last winter. Only, I didn’t go back to being a shell.”
There was a weight on the necklace, but Devyn stayed calm as he processed the heaviness of his own emotions. “Because, even back then, there was you. I had days with you, and it was enough to start something in me that stuck. I didn’t know about your starseed. I just knew you. And since I’ve come back, there’s always been you. And I can’t imagine a life without you in it. I need you. And I want you. And I love you. And there’s nothing dating is going to tell me that I don’t already know about who you are. So we can go as fast or slow as we want. But I would marry you in a heartbeat if you asked.”
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2022 6:38 pm
Michael stared, the smile he was trying to keep in place faltering under the weight of emotions that settled over him.
He could hear the voices in the back of his mind. About how he’d just been married and had a divorce not even a few years ago. How he couldn’t just rush into things. How he was compulsive and desperate. How it wouldn’t last. Either because they would go their separate ways when they agreed this was a mistake, or one or both would die a horrible, gruesome death.
For his whole life he cared about what other people thought. He wanted to make his dad proud. He wanted to be the best older brother he could. He wanted to be a good man -- and in the process was crippled by the trauma he’d experienced.
He tried living as he had before. Charming and charismatic, until he grew more and more jaded and lost.
That Devyn had him to keep him from regressing back to when he’d first lost Percy, that it was Michael he came back to once he was ready to face a life without the only husband he’d ever known… it hit him harder than he thought it would. He never wanted to take Devyn for granted, but maybe he was ignoring his own role in Devyn’s life.
Michael didn’t feel worthy. The voices in his head didn’t help.
But those voices didn’t need him. Those voices wouldn’t be there to comfort him or remind him that he was wanted. Or loved.
“He’s still your husband,” Michael insisted, his voice a bit deeper with emotion that he tried keeping contained. Devyn didn’t need another name for Percy.
“I can’t imagine a life without you any more. I worry so much because I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you. I see you and feel relief and peace. I know whatever problem I’m having, you’ll be there to help me and stay by my side. I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. And I want you and love you and--...”
Michael paused so he could take a breath. He didn’t know when the tears had filled his eyes, but he stubbornly kept them from falling. Well, except one, which he laughed about and turned his face to wipe his cheek against his shoulder
“I want to make you happy, and help you live a life that was stolen from you. And I want to keep Percy’s memory alive. Like you said, I’m not a replacement. I can never be him, but I will work hard to make sure I’m worthy of your love. So… if you’ll have me, and want to continue giving me a chance. Will you marry me?”
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2022 6:50 pm
Devyn raced his heart to answer, and if he’d been aiming for a heartbeat he made it in half that.
“Yes.”
He smiled at Michael, at his stubbornness and his tears and his laugh.
“As long as you know that you’re worthy of my love, and you don’t have to do anything to prove it. To me, or yourself, or anyone else. But I still want to make you a ring. And you must let me take you on a date, Michael.”
He couldn’t keep the smile off his face or out of his voice, and he kept hold of Michael’s hand even as he maneuvered himself so he could lean forward and steal a kiss.
There were butterflies in his stomach–the good kind, that came with excitement and hope and newness. He felt a tingle on his skin, and he thought if he should be worried or nervous about any of this, something should give him a sign.
But nothing did.
Instead, everything felt warm and encouraging and he felt alive. The sunlight through the window shined on Michael enough to make a halo around him, and Devyn wanted to kiss him again, and tell him yes, again.
So, he did. After the second kiss, maybe a little awkward because of his position, but no less loving and enthusiastic, he sat back down and said, “Yes, I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2022 7:35 pm
“Yes,” he answered back just as quickly, followed by another little laugh.
Because how was this real? They’d both gone through so much together already, and while Michael had known his feelings for Devyn for a long while now, he was still pretty certain Devyn felt the same way about him, even if he didn’t know what it was. Or didn’t think it could be possible to feel that way for anyone else.
The kisses were rejuvenating, and enough to push the voices out of his mind completely. And Devyn’s enthusiastic response was enough to make his heart flutter wildly.
“Did you want to take a class with just Atticus to keep it a secret, or maybe the three of us could learn together?” he suggested, because if Devyn was going to make him a ring, Michael wanted to do something special and not just look in a jewelry case and point at something.
He wanted there to be life in it. A promise. A real promise literally made for each other.
But he would also respect Devyn’s wish to do it on his own, if he did.
“I would be very disappointed if we didn’t go on a date, so yes to that, too.”
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