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Monoceros was conflicted. Ashanite had been so kind, so tender. So worried, over him. He'd hardly asked any questions, just let Monoceros cry into him and held him so carefully as he blubbered. Honestly, none of the tears were really fake, not once he got going. He was so frightened of the decisions he was planning on making. Ashanite was so worried about Monoceros, and he felt heart-wrenchingly guilty for tricking him like this, for worrying him, when all Monoceros was going to do was break his heart by running straight back into the hands of the people that Ashanite considered his enemy.

But Monoceros couldn't consider the White Moon his enemy. Not when his true enemy was the person who called himself Monoceros' brother, the snake in the grass. And judging by how he tensed around Arsenolite all the time, even before he became aware of how much of an a*****e Arsenolite was on more "normal" levels, he was fairly certain their upbringing had been tumultuous. That Arsenolite had been a great big bully, and didn't like that his favorite victim was happy elsewhere.

The only thing that was really holding him back right now... was Ashanite.

"He has survived being captured by the enemy and come back to us, displaying his loyalty and resilience. This is why he deserves to be raised to an Eternal Senshi."

He swallowed, examining himself in the mirror. At the bat wings decorating his butt. Black, like his fuku. It didn't look good on him, he thought. He wondered what it would be like, what he'd look like, in beautiful white. With fluffy, feathered wings, instead.

They'd only been there a couple weeks, and yet, he was only seeing himself like this for the first time. Ashanite had assured him he looked good, after they'd had a long talk where Monoceros exposed how insecure he felt after Ashanite had stopped being affectionate with him.

What he now knew was flirting.

Flirting!! With Monoceros!!!

His guilt increased tenfold as he thought about how, now, he'd... reciprocated. And how things were falling into place with Ashanite. How loved and cared for he felt.

At the literal worst time, ever. When he was planning to get away from the Negaverse. Ashanite was a General, a well known one, one who would so many horrific things for the Negaverse and.... Monoceros shuddered at the thought. And he was sweet, and gentle, and tended to Monoceros's wounds, called him beautiful, remembered what his favorite video games were, made Monoceros feel good about himself, about the world.

He wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all.

He was in love, and he was going to have to leave.

Ashanite... he wasn't a bad person. But he did bad things. Monoceros had no idea how he could even begin to untangle the threads that Chaos weaved together into the beautiful tapestry Ashanite clearly saw. He desperately wanted to take Ashanite with him. Leave this place and its rot and cancer and take this person who he felt like loved him and loved him in return and never come back to this hell hole. His fear of being unable to do so ran deep, and he wouldn't know how to start. Not without putting himself at great personal risk.

Ironically, thanks to Ashanite's encouragement and sweetness, he had a pretty tidy amount of self-respect and self-preservation, now. Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm and all ********, he was crying, he suddenly noticed as his vision blurred. He wiped the tears away and took a shaky breath, trying to calm down. He had time. He could figure this out. He would figure this out.

Monoceros wouldn't give up on Ashanite. Ever. Even when he defected. Even when Ashanite didn't follow initially. He refused.