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 Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 7:53 pm
Everything was warm.
Not in the ‘too hot, being burned alive and exploding’ way that Alastor was pretty sure he remembered way, but in the ‘what a comfortable spring afternoon’ way. His eyes were closed, but he could feel the sun on him. Grass tickled at his cheek and he could smell the flowers.
Flowers from the field down the road from the Hall, in full bloom.
Everything felt like a dream. His memories were blurred, and he felt like he might have been soaking in the Springs for too long. Someone was playing with his hair. His head was in their lap.
Oh, those were Percy’s fingers.
When he opened his eyes, the sunlight kissed his hair, his nose, his lips. All of him. Which made sense, Percy was perfectly kissable and always had been.
Alastor could see the clouds drifting in the distance, warm and peaceful.
He’d missed the sky. In many ways, it looked like Earth’s, but this was home. He knew it in his heart, and he felt entitled to say that Earth’s sky was only okay.
It felt like waking up from a deep sleep, except he felt a few aches and pains, and couldn’t immediately remember where he’d gotten them.
But, he couldn't remember how he’d gotten here either.
“Perce?” he asked tiredly, trying to will himself to break out of the sleepy haze he’d woken with. It occurred to him, distantly, that the trees didn’t look quite right. The road disappeared into a blur of colors. Everything up close looked real enough, but everything far away seemed like a pretty painting. It looked like Percy’s paintings. Ones he’d lost himself in before.
Ones he’d imagined himself in.
His heart hurt a little, like maybe there was a storm on the horizon, and he stifled a yawn.
It felt safe here, which was–
Not alarming, but he was pretty sure he had something he was supposed to be doing. It didn’t seem right to take a break right now.
No matter how nice this felt.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 8:08 pm
When Devyn opened his eyes, Percy smiled warmly down at him. His fingers continued to comb gently through his dark hair as Devyn rested his head in his lap.
“You wouldn’t be so tired if you didn’t always work so hard, Dev,” Percy gently teased him, but he was beaming with pride and love, regardless. It was clear on Percy’s face that it had probably been his idea to convince Devyn to close his eyes while resting against him in the sun. A dangerous combination, especially when playing with his hair was included.
“We were supposed to take a vacation, remember?” Another tease, and still so very gentle. After all, Percy knew better than anyone how hard Devyn worked.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 8:39 pm
Devyn grumbled and closed his eyes again, wriggling just a little closer.
He knew the fog at the corners of his mind. Maybe he knew what this was. He closed his eyes again, but he didn’t get to see Percy enough any more than he couldn’t help himself. He reached up a tired hand and brushed it along his cheek.
Warm. Smooth.
Not an ounce of Chaos in him.
Everything else was fuzzy, and there was a distant hum in his mind that kept him comfortable now but kept him from digging too deeply.
“Maybe,” he admitted. “Which one have I been promising you?”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 8:47 pm
“All of them,” Percy laughed softly, leaning his face into Devyn’s hand. He lifted his own hand to hold the back of Devyn’s so he could turn his face just enough to kiss his palm.
“You know I don’t care where we go, as long as I’m with you,” he hummed, voice slightly muffled against Devyn’s hand. He nipped playfully at his palm, but pressed another kiss there soon after.
While Devyn rested in his lap, Percy moved his hand from Devyn’s hair so he could touch his face as well, tracing the line of his jaw, fingertips brushing lightly over his nose and lips.
“Somewhere warm this time, I think. Not a beach, though. I heard some worlds have amazing desert canyons that change colors depending on the time of the day -- Oh, but I guess it’s not really a vacation if I’m just going there to paint and you’re stuck sitting around, waiting for me,” he sighed with quiet defeat. But paused and then added, “Well… I wouldn’t be able to stay outside too long, so maybe it won’t be so boring for you.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:07 pm
“I’m never bored with you,” he said softly, and wondered which memory he was stuck in. It wasn’t unfamiliar, but something about it still felt new. If he didn’t have a nagging thought in the back of his mind, he might have been able to immerse himself into it–even with the watercolor trees, and the blurry horizon.
Percy was the artist, not him. There was familiarity with the scene; it was the field by the Hall, but not quite.
The touches were soothing. He hurt, just enough that he remembered he’d been doing something before all this. He didn’t have to push much into the fog to get a sharp glimpse of the dark cave. The rising water. The Chaos.
He pressed his lips together and tilted his head back a little, looking up at Percy.
He was beautiful. Handsome, in a timeless way. Perfection, perfectly preserved. Him, at his best. Maybe an amalgamation of times, but all of them precious and wonderful.
Alastor had lied to himself for a very long time. It wouldn’t have been hard to do it again.
Except, the niggling voice in the back of his head was frantic, screaming about something. Someone. Alastor was so tired, even just moving his hand felt like it took all the energy he had in him.
He was still wearing Sessrumnir’s ring.
For a moment, he was quiet. This was so much nicer than the bottom of a deep, dark cave.
“How long do we have here?”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:14 pm
Percy smiled softly, but his lips were pressed slightly together in a way that made it obvious that he was trying to sort out just what he wanted to say.
He smoothed Devyn’s hair back, and he turned his head to press another kiss against his palm, before weaving their fingers together.
“Forever, if you’d like,” he said after a moment. And maybe it was just as clear that Percy wasn’t talking about just being there in the field.
“You’ve worked so hard, for so long, Devyn. You’ve won this world back, and I’m so very proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you,” Percy said softly as he smoothed his hand through Devyn’s hair again. “You deserve to rest.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:20 pm
He hummed softly, and for as much as he wanted to look at Percy’s face, he couldn’t. His eyes drifted far away, up to the clouds. To the skies he hadn’t gotten to see in so long.
He was tired. He wanted to rest.
But.
“I made a promise,” he said quietly. He’d made a lot of promises.
He stroked Percy’s cheek again. “This is nice, though. I promised the boys I’d show them around Alastor when we got it all cleaned up. I promised Michael,” he fell silent for a moment, and ran his thumb over the ring, “I promised him a lot of things. I have to get my ring back from him, we made a trade when we went into the cave. I’ve got one of yours.”
Well. Sessrumnir’s, but Percy had worn it before Michael had. It didn’t look like it had changed from one life to the next.
His eyes returned to Percy.
“Are we sure my world is saved? I don’t know if it worked. I just remember the light. I have to make sure Michael got out. He’s so stubborn.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:26 pm
“Alastor has been freed from Chaos, yes,” Percy said just as softly as he said everything else.
Underneath the warmth in his smile, there was a sadness. Because for as long as Devyn has been alive, he was always pushing and fighting and trying to make changes to a world that was resistant to change. Trying to make changes to his legacy. It seemed like there was always soon, but never now.
“You’ve been suffering for so long, Devyn,” he whispered, as if worried about reminding Devyn of something he didn’t want to think about, his voice cracking a little with the emotion behind it.
“They would understand if you wanted to rest. They wouldn’t feel like you broke promises. You’ve given everything.”
His eyes were already a bit misty, but he smiled nonetheless. Maybe a bit mournfully, knowing how stubborn Devyn was.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:35 pm
Alastor hummed softly, tracing Percy’s cheek gently with his thumb.
The Chaos had tried to trick him before, but this didn’t feel malicious. But then, maybe he was just tired. He couldn't find anything cruel in the words.
It felt like Percy, plucked right out of his memories and given new life.
“I’m okay, Perce. You don’t have to look so sad. I like to stay busy. I get restless, you know. If I stay still for too long.”
His eyes felt warm, but he smiled up at Percy, anyway. “I miss you, though. I talk about you all the time. We’re putting up a gallery of your art, you’d like it. I wish you could see it. I wish you could meet everyone. You’d love Atticus, I tell him that all the time, too. You know all this already, don’t you? I don’t know what to say. It feels like you’re here.”
He had to press his lips together and breathe. His heart hurt. He felt warm and cold all at once. Seeing Percy like this felt like coming home, but there was a reality just beyond the barrier of his mind chipping away at him. He already had a guilty conscience. He already felt the burden of responsibility and the itch of panic, like there was something important he’d forgotten to do.
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:44 pm
Percy was quiet as Devyn spoke to him, although he tilted his head as if that would give him more contact with Devyn as he brushed at his cheek. It was like he craved it. Needed it.
“I know,” he whispered as his voice cracked again, but he cleared his throat and blinked away the tears that had filled his eyes. “I’m always with you. And I think you know that already, too.”
He paused to take in a shaky breath and look up at the sky for a few moments as he composed himself. He didn’t look resentful or angry, but more resigned.
“I never got to thank you. For not letting me suffer. For letting me go when I was still able to recognize you.” He took another breath, his lip trembling as he blew it out slowly, and then looked back down at Devyn.
“I love you. And I will love you through eternity,” he said softly, repeating the words engraved inside their wedding rings. “I hate that I wasn’t with you longer, but I’m so proud of you for who you’ve become. And yes, I do love Atticus. He is charming, and I know you won’t mistake his emotions for fragility. Like many did with me.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 9:53 pm
Devyn smiled again–couldn’t remember when he’d powered down, but then, he this wasn’t real. Maybe in his heart it was, but this wasn’t a reality they could share. He felt the needles in his heart again, and he wondered if this was supposed to be some gift from his heart, or his Core. It hurt, in the way that all good things could. It wouldn’t go on forever. It was going to have to end.
He drew in a slow, steady breath. Deep, but hollow. His lungs filled with needles, and when they were full, his heart was next.
“Ah, Love of my Lives. You’re just telling me what I want to hear, that doesn’t count.”
His eyes were hot, and the light kept catching. His vision didn’t get blurry, though; he didn’t want to lose sight of Percy. He didn’t sit up, didn’t move much. He was afraid that the illusion would fade any second now.
He didn’t lower his hand, though. He didn’t want to lose that touch.
“I’m sorry, Perce. I wanted more time, too. Now, I wonder if I've had too much.”
So much, alone. The time he’d gotten to spend with Percy had been a drop in the bucket of his life, but he always returned to those years when he had the chance. Sometimes, it felt like those were the only ones that mattered. This past year stood out, though, in a way he couldn’t really describe. In a way he hadn’t taken the time to stop and think about it.
Not enough time to get everything done, though. So, maybe he still needed a bit more.
“I wish I could have done something different. If I was going to live this long, I wish I’d had you for a little longer.” A lot longer. “But you are still in my heart. Always and forever. This lifetime and the next, and every one after that. But that’s what we promised, yeah? I told you we’d find each other in every lifetime. I think I just got lost on my way from this one and the next.”
This life should have ended a long time ago. He should have been reborn like everyone else.
And yet, he was still here.
“I might not have gone on to my next life, but I found Michael, so it still counts,” he insisted, “And I’m going to get it right this time. I have to stick around, I promised we’d go to the Cauldron together.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:00 pm
“Is it what you want to hear?” Percy hummed softly, his fingers once again brushing along Devyn’s face and through his hair. “You know I want you to be happy. You know I would never resent you. You know I trust you with everything. Even now.”
Gently, Percy reached to place his hand over Devyn’s again, but this time he spent a little more time admiring the signet ring on his finger.
“It suits you,” he decided, and then cautiously, because he wasn’t trying to sway Devyn one way or another, but wanting to make sure he knew all of his options. “You could go to the Cauldron together now.”
Another pause, and then Percy thought it was important to explain himself. “You’ve survived for a thousand years. You fulfilled your promises. You saved Alastor. You found who was born with my starseed. If you wonder if you’ve had too much time, then you could rest. Michael shares my starseed… so knowing what he would want…”
Percy trailed off and stopped himself from continuing for the moment. Devyn would know. Percy had voiced his own desires should something ever happen to Devyn. Whether or not he could have followed through was something else entirely. Maybe Alastor would reject everyone if its Senshi finally passed, sending them all back to Earth. Maybe it would be a way to save Michael from wasting away in a cave, with nothing but despair to hold onto.
He blinked as tears fell despite himself, and he drew in a shaky breath as if that might help calm him.
“You promised me you’d give me a chance, remember?” he asked, his thumb pressing against the familiar metal of the signet ring on Devyn’s finger. “I had no idea it was possible to be reborn to protect Sessrumnir again, but you know something like that was never possible before. Even if our starseeds went to the Cauldron together, there’s no guarantee… It might take lifetimes to find each other again, Dev.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:19 pm
Devyn didn’t know what he wanted to hear. He slid his thumb gently over his cheek again, trying to brush away the tears before they could fall.
“I will find you in every lifetime, Percy.” He spoke it carefully, firmly, like it was another promise. “The universe can’t keep me from you. I’m always going to find you. Whoever you are. Wherever you are.”
Whoever he was. Wherever he was. Alastor, Earth, some other world. It didn’t matter.
“And we’ll make it work. I told you I’d look after you, I’d do anything to make you happy.”
Was it an idealistic view? Sure. But Devyn hadn’t lived a thousand years without being a dreamer.
He squeezed his hand and drew it close so he could kiss the back of it.
“Michael would be so cross with me if I just gave up, Perce. I don’t want to hurt him like that. And Atticus would be heartbroken, too. He’s already lost so much. And Cosmos isn’t likely to send me back any time soon. I’ll have words for her when I get to the Cauldron, anyway.” He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and wriggled a little closer so he could take full advantage of Percy’s lap.
“Michael’s too young to go to the Cauldron. And his family has already lost so much this year, Perce. Ah,” he sighed, groaned almost. “And I promised I’d help them on Earth. There’s so much Chaos there, too. And there might be people on Alastor who need help rebuilding. I don’t want to get up,” he protested, but in the way that sounded like he knew he had to.
He wanted to say that he didn’t know what to do. He knew what he should do.
But, Percy was here, and–
“I’m sorry,” he said again. Even if it wasn’t real. He’d say it a thousand times, for a thousand reasons. “When I have to figure out what to do, I’ve always asked myself ‘What would Percy do’, but you’re not making it easy on me now. You’re beautiful in the sunlight. This is how I remember you, you know.” Of course he knew. It felt real, Devyn wanted it to be real.
He didn’t know what he wanted Percy to say. Or, maybe he did, and he was still trying to trick himself into thinking this could have been real.
“And your smiles. And your laugh. I’m never going to stop loving you. I just need you to know that.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:27 pm
“You remember me crying?” Percy laughed softly, teasingly. He sniffled a bit as he smiled with such love and fondness down at Devyn. “Thank you,” he smiled, and then sighed softly. He knew they were running out of time, especially since he also knew that Devyn had made his decision. And Percy had accepted that already.
“What about you?” Percy asked after a moment. There was an almost knowing curiosity in his voice as he leaned once more against Devyn’s hand on his face. “I’d do anything to make you happy. I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to be alone.”
He held tightly to Devyn’s hand, even as he sniffled a little more.
“I know you’ll never stop loving me,” he hummed softly, squeezing Devyn’s hand in reassurance. “But it’s okay to love someone else, Dev. You have a huge heart.
“And you’ve mentioned Michael a few times. You let him wear your wedding ring… A Knight’s signet ring is… very important. Maybe not in the same way as your Henshin pen, but it allows us to tap into magic unique to all Knights of the World we defend. He must trust you a lot to give this to you to wear. And I know you trust him.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2022 10:35 pm
Alastor gave him a look and–when had he powered up again?–finally sat up so he could look at Percy. So he could pull him into his arms. So he could tuck him under his chin and hold him for a moment. Just a moment, just one more.
It felt right. It felt like he remembered. He fit perfectly, and Alastor smoothed his hand down Percy’s back.
Of course he remembered Percy crying, but he hadn’t meant that. He thought of the sunlight glowing in his hair, and the way his smile still made his heart flutter.
“His ring kept me grounded. Reminded me where I was. I wanted to give him something, too. I wanted to make sure we both had promises to keep. I’ll give him his ring back. And I’ll get mine back.” He knew that wasn’t what Percy was focused on though, and he fell quiet for a few seconds as he just held Percy. He moved only to kiss atop his head. In the distance, the colors were blending together, like water spilled on fresh paint. He watched them blur and fade and bleed together.
He held Percy a little tighter.
“He means a lot to me. But I…”
The thoughts were there, the feelings. He couldn’t put them into words. He didn’t know if he could think them, or say them, or–
He found himself asking, as he always did, what would Percy do? What would Percy tell him to do?
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