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 Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2022 5:36 pm
A month and a half. That is how long it took Neryn to respond to Lyndin and set up a time to talk. They weren't even sure why the Commedore would want to talk to them; they'd sided with saving Caedus' life over their world, they'd had emotions, they'd not even really looked for a way to save their world outside of quantum physics courses at the university.
And after that meeting after being on Astraya? They weren't even sure they should be part of the Vanguard anymore. Indecision had lead Neryn to fighting their own fellow cadets, and speaking up just lead to heart ache and disappointment.
Teal hair was pulled back into a nondescript bun; none of their usual intricate braids adorned their head. Seemed like too much effort to do them lately. As it was, Neryn couldn't bring themself to do more than sit on the hill they'd asked Lyndin to meet them on, arms wrapped around their knees.
It overlooked the city, bathed in the orange and reds of Earth's setting sun, and was quiet. Isolated. No one else would be able to see them here, not see Neryn crack and fracture in front of the man they'd once been willing to follow to the ends of the universe for. Now...
Neryn's lilac eyes closed as a wave of emotion, heavy and bottomless, rolled over them. If Lyndin expected composure from this cadet... then Neryn would fail his expectations once again.
That really was all they were good for, huh...
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 1:20 am
Lyndin arrived in full regalia, not as a statement of power or official protocol, but because sometimes even he missed home enough that he needed to fill a void in his heart. He liked the Earth’s sunset, even if he wasn’t out to watch it often enough. He didn’t arrive with a glamor, but he didn’t need to. It didn’t seem like anyone was nearby and he trusted that Neryn would have been discreet when it came to selecting their meeting place. When Lyndin saw Neryn sitting there, he didn’t call out to them. He walked up to them, stood for a moment to admire the sunset, and then sat down on the grass next to them. For a moment, he was quiet. It wasn’t heavy or imposing; Lyndin thought it was comfortable. Earth had its peaceful moments, and this felt like one of them. But, Neryn had wanted a conversation, and Lyndin would have been lying if he’d said he hadn’t been waiting for it. “It’s pretty out here.” He looked at the cadet, and asked with a gentle curiosity, “Is that what made you want to meet out here?”
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2022 6:31 pm
Neryn glanced over as Lyndin sat down on the grass next to them. The roll of emotion in their chest calmed a little at the curiosity in his voice. They'd not gone with a glamour either - frankly, they disliked the glamours as much as being misgendered. Humans just made things too many complicated.
It took Neryn a few minutes to find their voice without a level of emotion on top of it. "It's... isolated, here. Quiet too. I..." didn't want to break down in front of the rest of the Vanguard. Neryn swallowed thickly, taking another breath to try, perhaps in vain, to keep their voice steady.
Probably a losing battle, but you had to give them points for trying.
"I... wanted to apologize. For my outburst at Aliez. I have..." they took a breath, curling in on their knees, "I've not been in a great place since last year, if I'm... honest with you."
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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 4:21 pm
Lyndin was quiet for a moment, but not because he didn’t have enough to say. He knew Neryn was sincere–one look at them was enough to see how much they were suffering. And, that hurt, too. Probably not as much as Neryn was hurting, but because Lyndin cared and wanted to protect them, it hurt to see them like this. “I appreciate your honesty. I think this was a good place to meet. It takes a strong heart to apologize. And you have always been honest, Neryn. Your response was very strong to Aliez. I think you might be better off apologizing to him than me, but I respect you for making this step. From what I’ve gathered, the whole ordeal on Astraya was stressful. We all have our breaking points. The important thing now is that you take the time to rest, recover, and reflect. I’d like to hear about your troubles, and whatever I might do to help. May I put a hand on your shoulder? I want to rub your back.” But, he wanted to respect Neryn’s space if they wanted it. It was just hard to see someone he cared about having such a hard time; he wanted permission to make sure he wasn’t adding to that stress with unwanted contact.
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 10:15 pm
Neryn nodded, allowing the touch. Stars above, they didn't know they needed that sort of physical contact. So touched starved, the cadet's shoulders shuddered under Lyndin's hand and the flood gates opened. The sobs came first, but slowly, so slowly, a ramble of words left their mouth, spoken more to their knees than Lyndin.
"Humans keep trying to box me into into male or female when by their biology standards I'd be both...and even that is reviled and over scruentized! Science here is so lacking and their history is constant war and infighting! Nothing I've found would tell me why this forsaken place would even be the epicenter of so many powered individuals, and yet it is! I don't understand it!," Neryn lifted their head from their knees, staring out at the city below.
"So many of my fellows are growing and doing things with their lives, and I'm stuck as a cadet and trapped in my own indecision! Yet the one time I make a decision, it blows up in my face!" their voice rose in volume, knuckles going white as Neryn squeezed their knees to the point the joints creaked. "I just didn't want innocent lives to be sacrificed! How is that wrong!? Because they're not our people?"
Neryn turned to Lyndin, lilac eyes swirling with emotion. "Why didn't you trust us? Why did you make a deal with that... that... woman? Why was the price betraying all those people you deceived? Please, I don't understand, Commodore. I don't understand what made that deal suitable." They hiccupped and cleared their throat, wiping snot - gross - from their nose with their sleeve.
That was really the crux of it. Neryn just couldn't wrap their head around why everything had happened the way it did. Couldn't understand why they'd gone behind their ally's back like that. No amount of rational thinking had brought Neryn around to how that could possibly be alright in anyone's eyes. No amount of scenario simulation could bring clarity to Neryn's mind. It just... didn't make sense.
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Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2022 7:34 am
The tears were unexpected, but Lyndin never faltered. He moved a little closer so he could better wrap his arm around Neryn. He watched the sky but listened, like he was making his best effort to be there for Neryn while giving them some privacy. “It isn’t wrong to want to protect people. I don’t want to sacrifice innocent lives, either. Our own or anyone else’s. But. It isn’t that I didn’t trust you. It’s that I didn’t think you’d understand. I didn’t have the same expectations that I held myself to, or the Commanders. Even now, I don't think all of you understand. And I don’t blame you for it, I haven’t gone out of my way to explain everything, I suppose. Sometimes, I think it’s easier if you don’t have to worry about the fine details. I didn’t want to involve anyone in this who didn’t want to be involved. But it wasn’t supposed to be like this. No one was supposed to get hurt. We weren’t supposed to be stuck here.” He was quiet as he considered, but he finally met Neryn’s gaze. “I never lied to them. I spoke, and they heard what they wanted to hear. But I knew they were misled and I made no effort to correct them. I made a deal with Laurelite because I was out of options. The White Moon has nothing of value for us. They cannot revive our world any more than they can help Caedus, and he’s been here for years and made no progress. I wanted to be the one to handle his starseed. I wanted to make sure it was delivered safely to the Cauldron. Don’t think my deal with the Negaverse means that I agree with them. I put a lot of thought into this. They’re the greater threat to our survival for as long as we’re here. So as long as I play nice, they should stay away from the Vanguard. And I know it isn’t much consolation, but.” He glanced back up at the skies. “I have friends in the White Moon. Senshi, that have told me they’ve seen life restoring to their worlds. I had hoped that Archideus’ energy would have that effect. It restored some of our energy banks back home, but it gave strength to worlds out there, too. I have kept much to myself,” he confessed, “Because I find I am afraid that something, somehow, might slip to the wrong party. Many of the Vanguard are too trusting. I worry that there are people here that would abuse that trust. Humans are…complicated creatures. It seems as though you’ve experienced some of the worst of it. They see things in binary, in black and white. I would not have made the deal that I did if I thought there was any other way. But we needed to release Archideus’ energy, it was the only way to buy time. But I am sorry that you were hurt by the decision. I never wanted that for any of you. I just want to make sure you have a home to go back to.”
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