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Of all of them, Vauxite did not expect to be the one pulled aside. Especially since he wasn’t the only one present. Dia was there, a Lieutenant like he was, and hadn’t warned anyone before checking it out either. Plus- he was the one that seemed to be on friendly terms with a White Moon Senshi.

How the ******** was this fair?

"Be angry if that suits you, Rakovanite.” Vauxite bit back. “But I had no reason to believe that it would have been this bad.”

A small insurgence of creatures to dispatch, flee once things thinned out. That was supposed to be the extent of it. Not dealing with wave after wave of Blight that saw next to no end until finally there was one. “I thought it would be just a couple of small things for her to hit, and I could be there to help her. There's no way I could have expected it to escalate this quickly. If it wasn't that Dia was here too then I wouldn't have reached out and would have gotten her out of here instead."

That was the truth of it. But with two people to watch over in a situation where there was no apparent leader among them, he did what he could and kept them together instead of letting them separate for any reason.

No foresight-

Vauxite would argue against that since he considered more facets of this than Rakovanite was giving him credit for. What he did was for her benefit, if Markeb could at least learn what her magic could do, or at least learn how to defend herself properly then she would be less of a liability and hopefully not end up in the hospital again.

Something he wished he had known years ago was that when she was in the hospital with a broken arm, it was because a Squire had chased after her and broke the mirror she was trying to escape into.

"There were fewer Order when we arrived and I expected to stay near the edge of it.” Close enough to monitor the situation but far enough to retreat if things turned south. Which was the plan when they arrived except Dia’s presence put a kink in those plans. “I was going to report back to you what was going on once we got to a safe place.”

“Perhaps if I wasn't still a Lieutenant then maybe I could have just teleported her out of there myself.” As it was they were left to flee on foot since the nearest mirror was back above. “But a year later and even I'm still limited and we got stuck there instead," Vauxite argued further.

"Then I'm doomed to be a Lieutenant forever because I don't believe you change your opinion easily once it's been made.”Venom coated that pointed jab as Vauxite threw both arms in the air in exasperation.

“I think- No… I know” he corrected himself. “I know you still hold it against me that I reached out to her at all and any attempt I've made to redeem myself from that is met with a blind eye.” Risks were necessary in some situations because vague descriptions of ongoings could be as dangerous as going in blind; more information was needed.

Regardless of that fact, something Rakovanite needed to acknowledge was that he had worked on his own anger when facing off White Moon Senshi or their Knights. He still wasn’t inclined to speak with any of them or hold any measure of conversation. But he was at least holding back going for the throat any time one threatened to interfere with his quota gathering.

“Markeb can be an asset to our team even if she's a Dark Mirror. She just needs to stop using her abilities so she can stare up at the stars."

Not unexpected but those words still stung. "Yes, I did what I wanted. But only after seven months of playing the role of obedient subordinate.” Mostly obedient anyway since he did struggle with restructuring his new life after having to fabricate his own death.

“Anything you asked of me, I did.” Or at least he tried to given he had his own emotional demons to fight against. “Everything about my life was immediately ended, my name, my career, any friends I had were cut off. All for the safety of everyone else all while I lost my sanity to anger because there was nothing there to fill the void these things left behind in the disconnect.” His voice rose in agitation as he listed off all the things that were now gone in his life.

Before, it had been whatever. But now that he was at a point where pushing down his discontent was no longer an option, all those feelings were coming out even if he did not mean for it.

“Because of this earring you gave me, I know you felt my turmoil, how much I was struggling even if I didn't let it show.” His own chaotic thoughts were no doubt overwhelming at the time until he learned to rein those in and close himself off even more.

“It was selfish of me, yes. But I needed her, Rakovanite. I needed my sister back in my life, to ground me- lest I lose myself completely and throw myself off a cliff or something." Yes, suicide had been on his mind a few times. More so around the holidays when he stood outside, back against the house siding, while listening to his parents and sister struggle to have a good meal together despite his absence. It hurt so much then... and even hurt now to remember since his mother remained unaware.

"And now?" Vauxite paused. "Do you still think it's a waste? That I'm a waste?"

He paused. Lips pursed into a thin line at the memory of the last time he had asked those exact same words to someone whose answer should have been no.

Rakovanite was by no means a father figure to him, but this argument they were having paralleled so many he had with Richard Hale, a man who had considered his only son to be his biggest regret in life and the one mistake he would do over again if ever given the chance.

Vauxite grit his teeth, shunted the memory aside, and added in a tone that suggested he already knew the answer to his former question. "I'd rather know where we stand now and going forward least I find myself on the cutting edge of your chakrams as Cervantite did when we were being swarmed."

"I don't presume to know what bad blood there is between you two. But that was no accident-” he mentioned almost accusingly. “I know the control you have over your weapons and that even in the chaos of continuous waves of Blight, you meant for that to happen." Yes, he had seen it. Hard not to when it happened right beside him. An impressive maneuver that still made him glance at Rakovanite warily.

"A warning, maybe. But I suspect something more, however, it's not my place to ask or question. I just know that I'm not inclined to be in the same position as your brother."

For a fraction of a moment, Vauxite considered handing over his weapons. Contemplated powering down and walking away from all of this but there would be consequences to those actions. Ones that would spill over to Markeb if he made them so rashly.

Expectations had been set so high up on a pedestal beyond his reach that he could only crane his neck back to catch a glimpse of them. He had no memory of being asked to join the Nevagerse, of being recruited or approached by someone who saw within him a potential to further their cause.

There were gaps in his memory that he couldn’t explain, missing as if someone took a hole punch and removed them without much in the way of care or reason. Times like this left him wondering why was he trying so hard, or trying at all for that matter when he couldn’t recall a time in this being something he asked for or aspired to be.

Perhaps it was because, in the wake of a grievous injury, Rakovanite had assumed responsibility for him and his care.

A debt owed perhaps?

He didn’t know anymore and with a resigned sigh, he moved to rake his fingers through his oil-slicked and gunk-crusted hair. Vauxite’s expression twisted into a grimace when he realized what he’d just done and instead moved to wipe his hand off on one of the few remaining clean spots on his uniform.

“Then please… tell me what I need to do to prove that to you because I have little to nothing to go off. There have been no missions, no requests other than dutifully fulfilling the weekly quota. There is none for me to look up to and aspire to be more like except yourself and you set that bar too high for me to reach with what's available to me." Dia was still a Lieutenant as he was, perhaps more eager to please and willing to beg for forgiveness but Vaux supposed that was the innocence in him.

"I need direction, Rakovanite. I need you to tell me what needs to be done so that I'm not left to fumble in the dark knocking s**t over." Because that's what he was doing, causing more problems that were left unfixed because he could not see the damage he had done. Most facets of his civilian life were bandaged together in some weird hybrid of his old life but in new places with only a couple of added hobbies.

He had a new career in the same field and had picked up classes again to become a sports injury physical therapist. He still went to a parkour gym, just now the one he frequented was over an hour away instead of twenty minutes.

Zaidyn no longer worked as a lifeguard at the local public pool but he did pick up a membership at another so he actively swam a couple of times each week. Still- that was only half the problem. His powered responsibilities were in shambles and he didn't know how else to fix them... "I need your help-" he admitted, though his tone quieter as if he resisted speaking these words and almost hoped Rakovanite missed them.

"Please..."

Memories of being grabbed by the collar of his shirt and thrown against a wall, pinned there by his father's rage. Struck across the face until his sister came into the kitchen crying, tugging at Richard’s sleeve. He pulled his arm away and she went tumbling back into a dining room chair. Being only seven years old, Jenna cried and he blamed Aiden for her injury.

Due to the uncertainty of the situation, every fiber in Vauxite’s being wished nothing more than to pull away from his General, and put at least a step between them if only because he did not know where these actions would lead. If not for the fact that Rakovanite was already in a committed relationship with a Dark Mirror Senshi, Vaux might have taken his touch, the whisper… as something other than what it actually was.

A warning rather than an advance.

Still, he felt his heart hammering in his chest and only hoped that Rakovanite could not feel it too as he swallowed thickly and then nodded stiffly. "I swear that I will work on changing-" Admitting his errors would be easier than turning criticism into arguments. But both would take time mostly because this was a trained reaction of his because of his father. The man was an absolute ******** who made it his goal to make Zaidyn's life miserable simply because his life didn't conform to his father's religious or moral beliefs.

"I will try to do better." Try, because he knew there would be times that he would fail.