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It'd sat on his mind. Gnawed. Every little encounter he had with the people who'd come n gone from their ragtag wrangled family. There were easy fixes for this of course! Death was easy. So easy in fact, that he'd avoided being the cause of it without being completely, entirely, totally certain.

Hadn't told his husband, hadn't told his team, hadn't told Jet who ******** deserved more n a word for all that he'd suffered. It wasn't quite a lie, but omission of facts bred the sort of sour guilt that sat like a icky pool at the bottom of his heart, he'd let it grow rancid. Let the feeling drive him on and out to play over the city, not like a man on a hunt, but like a leaf caught in a breeze.

The benefits of being Eternal, having underlings to serve him....

Except when he checked back, he had none, wanted for anything other than people beholden to him. Fulgurite was as much a responsibility as a wild garden rose. Cela was forever Faustites, needed him as little as any independent thing ever had.

He should've been happy to have had so little to worry about! To have had so much in the way of gains! He had everything he'd ever need. Almost, nearly...

Had everyone he'd ever need. Except his greedy little heart was ever a blackhole for more; wanted takebacks and gimmes. It was the most annoying ******** thing to wrestle with. That itch of something missing, like a chinked piece of armor, n cracked pieces on a once whole china cup.

He hoped the fresh air n night breeze would sort his bedreaded head out, untangle all his thoughts...

He forgot how soft n small an aura was, how different a Knights was to a Generals. In span of radius n brightness, of familiarity. Nothing like Almadels false dome, or the way Faustite's tingled, full of knowing even from afar, the way Nembus had always reminded him less of the lightning she wore and more of a waterfall trying it's very, very, hardest to be still and quiet...

He knew it now as....as...

Something to be skirted away from, or something to be embraced? He'd promised her tag, but could he even commit to that kind of game when none of it felt fun the way it should've!? She didn't spark that same desire to hunt that Cyb's did.

"Yahnoo...it'd be so much easier to do this if I could just. ********. Get off my own self erected fence, but no. I built the damn thing with iron wrought spikes. Like a dumbass," self utterances grumbled into a breeze, snatched the words back mid air and tangled his locks into an unbound web as his listless run into the night became something more directional in nature. Albite wondered if maybe he saw her enough times, the images would disconnect, if Nectaris would gain her own face and loose Sylvites own for his benefit. <********, could also just...talk...nothing forbidden about talking. Right?! N maybe if this time he took it all home afterwards..if he asked the right kinda questions. If she returned?

"Maybe her powers are hugs--n the fire was a lie, n I've been hug drugged? Has to be it. S'appreciable info. Important s**t worth testing out.."

He wished that were true, even as he dropped below the treeline n meandered his way over crunch fall ground.

From Who?!

A thought, arrow straight n barbed, piercing his brain while comically overlapping the utterly undignified squeal he hissed loose; what with being surprised by voices popping outta trees from above where before there'd been nothing! Even when he was expecting someone --- the 'where could they be now?' of an auras vastness always made it feel like a game of peekaboo.

Here he thought he'd been doing the looking, when he was actually being found.

And she'd overheard him too -- Albite let the embarrassment of that overwash the tension that'd bled into his stance as he spun to look. She still had Sylvites face, only different; except in all the ways she was sanguine sweet, vibrant pink, n sounded like someone he loved. Where he should've seen stranger, enemy, danger. He kept tripping on the parts that screamed friend n a General who'd told him 'no' n held his hand n kissed.... A part of him hated that. The fact that it wasn't as easy as anyone made it seem, to turn the knowledge of what had been, and what now was, on and off at will -- They all had cleanly penned lines, n he had muddy watercolors. He wanted her hugs...

"Ohmygodness Nectaris, some warning, jeeze..." there were elephants in the forest and he wasn't going to ask about their presence just yet. Sighed n scrubbed his hands over his reddened face n back through loose dreads. "You sure as ******** did find me, too good at this game..." caught her gaze and lifted his left hand, found that silly to do fom a distance and approached her perch instead -- cause if he'd wanted to drag her in nice n close? If he was going to play catch for keeps. The simple presence of a tree n her having the higher ground wasn't about to stop him.

N she was staring so intently. She deserved to see. That was fair and right and he was proud to show it off!! Knew he'd end up doing so as he closed the distance between them n eyed the space she'd perched herself upon like glorious little the butterfly she looked to be.

"I did," the ring wasn't about to come off, but he was happy to hold his hand out like an invitation for her to express those oh so powerful hugs, could play nice till one of them shouted 'you're it!' starting up the game all over again, "Me n Faustite...After he died...and...I dunno if you remember the hill, n then me staying with you?" if she had snippets, full details, a flash of him sprawled on her couch for what numbered on days. "You n me never did get to talk about, uhmn, everything going on in our lives, did we?"

He hadn't felt like he'd had the chance back then. So much had gone on, and then the missions, and then she wasn't there ---

He hadn't been an Eternal yet. Knew it'd all come after the princess, but before Axinite. Somewhere between spring n summer...March? Wow, was he lame for not knowing the exact date!?

"There's maybe time for it now. One sided a conversation as it might seem. I don't wanna go on n' be like...like...." he didn't have the words to explain the why. Only the hope that he could have it all out n clear -- everything -- all the ways that'd helped with Amsv', even when Sylvites case was so different.

He snorted, a soft snicker pressed into the curl of a fist for her bright, exuberant yell. Warning heard. She'd found him. And now? Well, now he had to tag her back, didn't he -- had to catch her properly...

To bring her home.

His heart hurt, for the lack of recognition in her eyes, the bubble of tears that peeked at the edges of too bright pinks. He couldn't stand it, no matter the irreparable harm she'd caused; he couldn't know her and believe she'd meant to do it! That Gany hadn't cast some spell n tricked her into whisking her away. It was also far too ingrained in his being to offer ease. It was his Sylvi after all, no matter the name, or the memory wipe, or..

N even if she was someone entirely else?! Except she wasn't.

"Would you have married me?!" the way his voice cracked, till he had to growl it back and turn his standing into rocking on his heels, paced a mini circle round the circumprhance of the trunk while staring up n settling over better words to offer her. "Would -- Sylvite, ********?" none of those were right, he'd have to nail Nectaris down, stamp it on his forehead, repeat it in the mirror till the new name went down easy as good wine or fresh soup. "Mnh...You gotta know, you had this stunningly hot team that you mommed the hell outta, brilliantly. You were loving to everyone! You coulda had anyone. N it was all mentor s**t between you n me before it was real feelings -- n then......I wouldn't've asked you after a month or two, I would've taken my time; gotten to know you over more than just a few dates. Took me nearly a year to ask Faustite properly, but?"

The tree branch was right there, she was perched so easy, Albite backed himself up then made the leap, snagged bark and pulled himself up till he was chest height with the thing -- going still till the ominous creaking stopped -- "I would've asked you too. If you'd been open to it. If it seemed like something you needed with me." he didn't loose her eyes though, stared her down intently even as he second guessed gravities pull n the boughs strength.

"I don't---I don't wanna be obtuse on this s**t though -- it's never an either/or with me -- It's more like an all or nothing? People shouldn't have to--to pick which parts of their heart they get to keep, n share. Which people they get to have n hold forever, which ones they send away?" he knew in his heart he was explaining it all poorly, just a bloody mess from a fresh wound of words, he'd never had them well. He was too free to find the proper box to fit all his over spilling senselessness into sometimes. Was polyamorous the right way to describe it? Was 'open' the word he wanted painted across his homes door?

"M'the least monogamous son of a b***h on this planet. M'also the most loyal....If my loves have ten other loves...if I love people in different ways then they do? Hell, if the people I love don't even believe in 'love'..or attachments..or..If my husband marries a hundred other men alongside me..I just. I don't think I'd care. It's not even about the 'sleeping arrangements'. He's happy, their happy, I love that everyone is happy n that they get what they need n it's just this big beautiful thing......" Albite sighed, dug his forehead into the settling bark as if it'd grow some sense into his brain. Blinked at one thought, another, a whole a** idea that bloomed dangerously behind his eyes.

"....I could still marry you."

A shift in tone as he hauled himself up properly, watching to see which way she moved.

A first date!

It was a way in, a tiny little pinhole of light at the end of a daunting dark-filled tunnel. He'd thought the way blocked, guarded, walled deep n thick with concrete mortar and intricate brickwork brocade. Thought 'Order' had stripped his girl of everything, but there she was, warm and soft and alive. Alexa as Alexa had ever been, wearing a pretty new coat n even better smile.

Alexa Liked him -- loved him, maybe? Loved him still.

That, that s**t was workable.

Never had he believed in anything more than the idea that they well and truly could have friends on the other side. What good were enemies if all the options that were laid out involved 'Join or Die', that wasn't diplomatic at all. That didn't get them anything but bodies! N sometimes, sure, bodies were fine! But not always, and not for every occasion. It was like having only one style of suit, or tactics, or blanket --- s**t had to fit seasons and 'death to all' didn't always fit his season. If Cybele'd been given a choice to feed them info instead of join by force. If Nectaris hadn't felt walled into a cage that must've reeked of death n dying, but instead felt beloved enough that she'd have stayed loyal even before being dragged in...

Felt free of consequence enough that she would've kept in touch even after she slipped her perceived chains...

Because when people defected n 'traitors' occurred, n there was a crisis on Earth that maybe, just maybe, demanded a little tiny bit of access to space n it's vast options? Wouldn't it have been nice to have it! Friends who were theirs in their hearts and only just wearing the other teams colors until such a time came as they didn't need to wear 'em any longer.

"The whole things ******** weird," and hearing what sounded like the equivalent of a nightmare, waking and not knowing an age, or time, or which life you were living? He wanted to curse his beloved Jovian sister for being the root cause of it. For giving the kind of hope n change that demanded sacrifice in return; that ate memories. Precious ******** things he was so unwilling to give, because even with Alexa alive? It sounded so much like dying. Losing access to things that had been and having so little to tether herself back to them, "but I'm also ******** weird. Sooo...what's a little more strangeness, yeah?"

The kiss was unexpected, a surprise he closed his eyes for lest she apparated into thin air n butterfly filled smoke. A chaste, simple thing to be still for; even as his hands itched for her winged cloak, n his magic swirled round his arms in eager agitation.

He wanted to hold her --

Not for just a minute, or only a day, or a whole week!

For Keeps.

Forever.

"Tag Alexa, you're it." prefaced the words with another peck of a kiss and a widening smile, because he couldn't help but greedily take the slightest bit more.

How could he hav run, why even would he have wanted to? He had everything he wanted, right there in his arms. Snuggled up warm n perfect and everything that was right was just -- there -- he could have every time he'd wanted before she'd left, holding her close and stroking the wisps of hair that curled over the nape of her neck.

"M'not mad at you for leaving. Lots of people leave. M'never mad with em'," just as quiet, a secret shared, if he stole another kiss atop those curls, muffled his ramblings into something soft. The admission of such only felt like half a lie, except he wasn't actually mad at Lysi and Ilse, wasn't mad at Nembus. Those emotions were far more complex. Much closer to a melding of hurt and confusion than anything else, much closer to the lines that demanded retribution for the way they did their leaving then against the women themselves.

"M'sad though, that you left -- that you didn't tell me about everything before -- I would've helped you Nectaris. Done my damndest to try at least?" honest n true, n even if he thought she would've made a beautiful youma -- he would've wanted her to take that task on like Cela had, because it was a dream, a desire, not simply because she was looking for an easy out in all the wrong places. More importantly he wanted to know she trusted him! To be someone who could earn that trust now if he hadn't been the sort back then...

Maybe they'd been too fresh n new to each other? He hadn't thought to ask in the face of all her smiles.

"T'be fair, you might've made a very cute youma too, but I'm glad you did this instead," it was the comments on the princess that got a frown. The niggling little rub where he found he couldn't quite agree. Ganymede of now might've died, but there would be an endlessly future amount of Ganymedes. Her starseed was strong, untouchable, her body was just a thing of the present -- it could be reborn -- happier, maybe? Kinder? Her next self could live a life separated from all the strife she'd suffered and caused in equal measure. "M'not so sure bout the Ganymede business, I met with her for awhile. I do agree that they shoulda killed her outright instead of keeping her caged, but I know good innocent people when I see 'em, n of all the things she was? Innocent wasn't one of 'em. I love my star-sister as much as anyone -- but not enough to have freed her from self-made consequences."

Strange to acknowledge he felt far more guilt over Jet than he had Ganymede, but he'd seen her there. Wilting away while receiving the best of care. Alive in ways that Jet'd been injured. He didn't ask her what she'd been thinking when she'd captured their freshest General King. It all felt like eyes for eyes and the best thing that could've been done was to snuff out the one that seemed so determined to perpetuate the need to blind them. If Gany had let Jet go..if it'd been the other way around..but it hadn't, and there was occasionally a war going on -- victors n spoils.

Oh, that apology earned an extra squeezier hug, the kind that he wanted to feel in his arms. He accepted it so easily, understood, n what more was there to ask? That she change all of who she wanted to become, that she give it up? No, so long as he knew she wasn't doing it to hurt.

Probably never wanted to hurt anyone ever unless she had to. He was envious he couldn't say the same so easily.

"No, you're not innocent at all, are you? No more n I am. You are good though. Better n me, better n Ganymede, n I know Jet ain't a saint -- but I can't forgive her so easily for not turning the other cheek when she coulda. She got herself into that mess by thinking it smart to kidnap him...." Jet hadn't come back pretty from it either. Earned something maybe, but at a cost. Albite sighed into the ether as he watched her stand, longed to drag her back down n sit awhile, but just as easily understood the need for motion. The way his legs hung n he kicked his feet freely while leaning back against the sturdy bark of the trunk behind him.

Happy to sit n look up, happy to listen, her morals hadn't changed even if her memories had. Alexa was still very much herself at her core. Albite couldn't say his was strong enough that a transfer between one side and the other would've left him equally as whole. If his convictions wouldn't've changed without the fundamental people he built them upon.

"It all kinda sucks, cause I woulda liked to talk to her more! For all that she hadn't seemed 'good', she did seem..idunno, pleasant? Knowledgeable?" Gany was a badass princess and had wings and had all sorts of lovely glowy marks! Albite had ten thousand more questions for her. "All her wounds happened before though, awful as it seemed --- I think the torture was her being away from her home? Dunno how being stripped of it affects a Senshi properly though. Never built a bond with my own," for him there was no sense of loss for it, no deep sorrow, because he'd leave that to the next Praxidike down the road, once he passed the mantle on.

"It is awful though, m'sorry Nectaris," it was his turn to say the words, for dredging up the unpleasantness n dragging her though it. For having facilitated such things so often, in his own way. He couldn't find it in him to agree -- could be vindictive -- preferred things clean n fast n dead, to drawn out n dreadful; it was why he left that bit of their jobs to the people who could handle doing it. Complicit by default and he wished he had her ability to draw lines so cleanly. Maybe that was why he loved her?

The look on Albites face spoke 'lie', consternation that crumpled round something soft, small, and confused; like an animal that didn't recognize the scent of it's owner after they'd returned from a very long trip. Had Ganymede been lying to her people? And maybe Gany'd been tortured before -- Albite didn't know her past; only that she'd started young, that she'd fought hard, that she had lived *lifetimes* worth of living. That she seemed sad and tired. He could read that on her face and in the way she held herself; seasoned and disappointed in him and stunningly beautiful with all her power.

All his Jovian sisters deserved crowns, be they black and spangled with chaos or molten gold tiaras made of stars...

He knew all of that the same way he knew Nectaris had been tortured once too, bore those marks somewhere deep in her heart, like scars that didn't fade even when the memories of the event might have. He often wanted to hug her for that still. To keep. N yet hearing her say what she said, he balked.

"Tortured --I, no..." and maybe this was something he shouldn't speak. Maybe, for once? It was the kind of truth he should've swallowed. Whether to save face or stem the hurt he knew it would've incurred, because when she said she would've done everything in her power to stop order from doing weird things? When she swore she'd do her best to keep them from doing more harm than good. ******** if he didn't believe her. If ever they needed an ally on the other side!! Why couldn't it be her!? Why couldn't they use that to the best of their ability. Even if most of his reasoning was that he selfishly wanted to keep Nectaris alive ---"I know you will..I know...because you are good, and you make the right choices, n your team didn't love you just because! But...Livi...just....If you get a chance to meet the Princess again? Maybe..I know she probably ain't seeing people right now? Yanno, probably isn't up n around, but maybe ask her to recount the story of how she *got* that way before you saved her...." what a terrible thing to ask, he was terrible!

But he had to put the idea out there. Even as he wanted to hug all the fidget right out of her form, n coalesce into a puddle of kisses n hugs. He liked Nectaris's kisses -- the ones that felt so full of meaning he couldn't help but believe in her.

Even her best kisses couldn't smother his quiet lingering doubt, because Gany'd been ambushed -- He knew, he'd been there, he'd helped. Certainly they'd exacted a little vengeance in the mix, but at the time it'd seemed deserved. Then he'd watched them make her beautiful bento boxes while they bandaged her wounds n did their best to make sure she survived--- He wasn't gonna argue about it because he knew a cell in a dungeon wasn't a place for a princess. Couldn't say what his people were planning since he hadn't understood it then --- All he'd known was that he'd itched the whole time she'd been kept there -- that he'd wanted to spend more time chatting -- before insisting on seeing her nice n cleanly dead. Wasn't like they could take her starseed. Touching transcendent's was like playing with a livewire. He still smiled every time he remembered the look on Bloodstones face when he'd tried...

The look on Gany's knowing the most important part of herself was safe.

"Or you could not -- you can just -- you can be the voice of reason when they forget," because he could smile into another softer kiss and concede to the idea that torture caused more problems than it solved. He could agree with her on that. Could love her for trying her best to create change --

He'd missed *this*, the way she felt breathing in his arms, the simple quiet moments that were so easy to enjoy as they passed. It made him forget about the danger of it all, of the fact that he should've been doing the opposite of reassuring her and talking.

There should've been no talking at all. Nectaris should've been a soft body on the ground, her starseed a warm glow in his hand. N yet as she moved away to say sweet goodbyes he couldn't bring himself to even try for it. He cursed his own sloshy, squish of a heart for making him smile so wide n laugh at her every touch.

"S'all fun n games till one of us loses an eye, but even then? I'll always be there for you Nectaris," If he could just swallow it down and be there for somebody, even if it was the wrong sort of somebody to be there for? "I still love you, yanno? Even if this is a whole new thing we're figuring out. Heh, secretly."

Alexa was still herself, memories or not, same body, same soul, a tweaked bit of mind, and he loved her -- knew the differences didn't change that one bit, even if in the bright light of day the reality of it all pained him to look at, tasted like occasionally guilt instead of sugar coated strawberries. He was so sure there was a workaround somewhere, a way to win for all of them that wouldn't cost her life!

"Hey, don't forget that you're still 'It' -- mean's you get to find me next time too. Don't think it'll be so easy though -- I can totally be a sneaky, good, hider when I want to." such an absolute lie, but it was one he could happily tell herself as he stole her hand for a kiss, the kind a prince gave to proper ladies they courted in ye olde times. Then he was stepping back, away, forcing himself to turn and flee before he grabbed her up and took her with him. If he said anything like an actual goodbye he wouldn't go, and they'd spend forever right there talking...