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 Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2022 6:43 pm
Truthfully, Talia hadn’t needed the text that Caius had sent her, but she was glad for it anyway, and when she got home, she went right for Soleiyu, scooping the large cat up under the armpits and drawing him into her arms before walking down to the half finished basement and sinking into one of the chairs that was down there.
“You and I need to talk, Sol. I’ve been putting it off for months now. But we really need to talk. I need to know if you’re trying to hold me back. Am I doing something wrong, why is it that you’re not giving me the power to become an Eternal Senshi again? Are you just afraid that I’ll be a target again? That Faustite will try to drag me back, because I swear, Soleiyu, I’m more of a target now when I can’t do anything to defend myself, and I Just. I’ve been quiet. I’ve been working hard and I figured you’d relent and say that you were ready to give me the upgrade so I didn’t have to be the useless super senshi in the house but you haven’t so…”
She reached up and rubbed her face. “Did I piss you off? Because if I did, I’m sorry, but make me an Eternal Senshi. I need to be strong again, Soleiyu. I need to be able to feel like I’m not a useless piece of s**t.”
So the conversation didn’t start as unemotionally as she had wanted it to, and she went right to the anger that had been building for months but…
…to her credit, it had been building for months…
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2022 7:35 pm
As soon as Soleiyu was in Talia’s arms, he was purring. He liked being carried, and draped himself in her arms as she took him down into the basement.
The purring faded, and stopped, when she started talking. He adjusted himself a little bit because he suddenly felt like he was being too comfortable, too unprofessional when she started talking. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t taking her seriously.
We need to talk always stressed him out, and she’d been putting it off for months so he’d known it must be bad. He was afraid that she was going to say she missed Chaos or something, that she wanted to go back, but…
She was mad. Mad at him. She thought he made her like this.
Carefully, he moved so that he was sitting next to her. Still close; he didn’t want her to think that he didn’t want to be next to her. He just didn’t want he to think that he was being frivolous or dismissive.
“That wasn’t my choice,” he said slowly, cautiously. She was emotional, he didn’t want to make her angrier. “If I’d had it my way, you’d have come back just as you were. Your starseed was under a lot of strain. It’s been through a lot of changes. The only reason you aren’t an Eternal Senshi right now is because your starseed is healing. It needs to recover before it’s filtering that much power again. I don’t think you’re useless. You’ve already done so much since you’ve been back, you’ve helped so many people. Your strength isn’t just measured by what rank Senshi you are–you are strong. But I don’t want to risk cracking your starseed by pushing more power onto you before it’s safe to do so. It’s like putting too much pressure on a broken bone–you have to take it easy at first and let it heal before you can use it like you used to. I’m sorry. I didn't realize you thought I was doing this to you. It isn’t a punishment, it isn’t because I don’t trust you. You’re the most important person in the world to me. I would never want you to be in danger. If I could give you that power, I would. But I can’t, not until your starseed heals…”
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2022 7:50 pm
“Why haven’t you told me about this before? If it was something you knew...why would you keep it from me?”
If he knew…why hadn’t he said something to begin with? When she was lamenting to Zac or Evan. When she was feeling so stupid and weak and useless. He should have said something.
“I just…don’t understand. Soleiyu, when is it going to heal, and why…can’t I just use my magic on it? Or get another senshi who can heal to use their magic on it? Maybe I can get someone to take it out and they can just…heal it that way.”
Wow, no that was stupid and she shook her head even as she said it but…
“I’m tired of feeling so weak. I want to be stronger, Soleiyu. I hate this.”
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2022 8:29 pm
Soleiyu frowned as he looked up at her. “I didn’t know that you didn’t know. Nobody asked me. I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from you, but I thought–when I said you needed time to heal–I thought you–”
He drew in a breath; his tail was still. He was a little upset but he didn’t want it to show. He was frustrated, mostly because his pride felt a bit damaged. He didn’t like feeling like he was being blamed for something, like he was being accused of deliberately hiding something from her.
…No wonder it felt like she was avoiding him, or keeping secrets.
“It wasn’t a secret,” he said quietly, calmly. “I didn’t realize we weren’t on the same page. I’m sorry. It’s not the sort of thing that heals with magic. It’s the sort of thing that grows and changes with you. Starseeds are complicated. Even I don’t understand them completely. To me, I think you should be ready. You work so hard. You care so much. I know you have the skill and talent. I know you have the drive. It’s a slow process. I know it’s frustrating. But I know you can do it. You’ve been patient already. Have you been going to your homeworld? It might heal faster there. You have more power on your world. I wish I had the answer. Really, I wish I did, Talia. More than anything. I wish I could just fix this for you. I care so much about you. I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was upsetting you so much.”
He was quiet for a few seconds and seemed to wilt a little. “I didn’t realize you thought I was doing this to you on purpose.”
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2022 10:30 am
It wasn’t the type of thing that could heal with magic. For a moment, that was all that Talia could focus on, and the words very nearly broke her. If it couldn’t heal with magic…how could it heal? Just with time? How much longer would she have to wait? How much longer until the universe thought her ready to be stronger again?
Drawing in a deep breath, Talia reached down and pulled the Mauvian back into her arms. “I’ve been a few times. But not for any relaxing. It’s pretty up there, but I keep hearing that other places have life and foxes and rabbits and I want that. But I doubt I’ll ever get that either because of what happened…and the worst thing is. I still don’t know how it happened. I don’t know why I allowed myself to corrupt. Or. I guess I didn’t. But.”
She hesitated and buried her face in the soft white fur, screaming for a moment, trying to vent her frustration.
“It’s all so stupid, Soleiyu. I just want it to have never happened.”
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2022 12:18 pm
Soleiyu didn’t protest when she moved him into her arms, and the whole thing would have been reassuring if he didn’t still have a bit of worry that she was upset with him. He was alarmed when she pressed her face into him and screamed, but he stayed put and let her get it out, and then when she’d finished he nuzzled his head into her cheek.
“I wish it hadn’t happened too. But it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re doing so well. You can’t lose faith. I haven’t. I still believe in you. You’re doing so good, Talia. You’ve already helped so many people. What happened to you only speaks for the power of the Negaverse, it’s nothing you did wrong. I don’t even know if it was anything anyone could have stopped. Everything was messed up that night. You didn’t make that choice, they made it for you. And you’re doing everything in your power to overcome it. And you’re doing such a good job, Talia. I’m so proud of you. Please don’t lose faith. You’re doing everything right. I know it’s frustrating right now, but please don’t give up. It won’t be like this forever.”
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2022 5:35 pm
Talia nodded, letting out a long sigh. She remained there for a long moment and finally drew away. “...All right. I just. Wish I could remember. Wish I could make sure it doesn’t happen again. I’m. Tried. I thought I was over this but I’m just so tired again and I really hate it.”
But. That was just life and there was nothing that she could do about it.
“I’m not going to give up. Not yet…and hopefully not ever. But for now…I’m just going to go sleep. Maybe my starseed will be healed by the time I wake up again.” It was a poor attempt at a joke but, Talia managed a half smile anyway and stood up.
“...Care to join me?”
It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t keeping her from more power. It wasn’t his fault and she would try to stop acting like it was.
It would be a new project that she could work on.
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2022 8:23 pm
Soleiyu pressed his head against her cheek again. “Yes, I’d like that very much. I’ve missed getting to spend time with you.”
His tail curled around her arm and he nuzzled closer against her. “I’ll see if there’s anything I can do to try and help you find some memories. There are magics out there that we haven’t discovered yet, and I’m not going to lose hope. I’ll keep looking. But I just want you to know that I love you, and I’m proud of you. I want to help. I’ll do anything and everything that I can, Talia. And, maybe in the morning your starseed will have healed. I’ll be happy to check, let’s go patrolling together. I’ll tell you if I notice anything different.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2022 9:32 am
“I love you too, Sol.” Talia gave a little sigh and didn’t make an answer about the patrolling. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to…just. She wanted to be more than what she was before she let Soleiyu see her in action again though.
Patrols didn’t necessarily mean there would be any kind of confrontation. But…she didn’t really want to risk it if there was.
“I hope it’s healed in the morning.” Stifling a yawn, Talia hugged the Mauvian a little closer. “But…we’ll just deal with that in the morning so…”
So it would have to keep for the night.
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