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 Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2022 10:33 am
Sometimes, Zac thought he was being a little too chatty about what he was, but after Talia expressed worrying about him when he didn’t come home he’d made sure to at least text her if his schedule changed. Last night was an overnight schedule, and when he got out ten minutes late he’d texted her to let her know that he was running a little late but was on his way home.
He was tired; when she’d texted back to come see her in the kitchen, he wasn’t going to protest. If she was in the kitchen this early, it was usually good news for his tastebuds. He’d dragged himself inside and dropped his bag by the door. The smell of sweet, buttery cinnamon rolls was distracting him even before he’d managed to toe off his shoes.
It was early, he didn’t know who was sleeping, so he made his way into the kitchen and only greeted, “Talia,” when he actually saw her. “These smell even better than the last ones.”
And, based on how the last ones smelled, he suspected these were going to be done soon.
…Which was good, his stomach was rumbling. And, she’d brewed fresh coffee, so he pulled out a cup so he could help himself.
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 7:51 pm
Talia glanced up when she heard Zac’s voice, and there was a strange flutter in her stomach that she forcibly pushed away and told to shut up. But, regardless, she smiled and nodded to the sink. “Wash your hands. I’ll have a plate for you in about two minutes. But I have to talk to you about something too. I uh. Picked someone up last night. It’s a senshi, but…a strange one. I don’t know if you’ve heard about them from Sol or what, but he had mentioned one to me who had a tail? I don’t know, I haven’t met her. But this one had ears and a tail…kind of dog like, and I suppose I got a little protective and he’s up in our room curled in my nest right now. I wasn’t going to give him your bed, obviously but.”
She shrugged. “Until we can get a better place for him, I would like to share your bed for a bit, if that’s okay? Truthfully, I was trying to think of places for us all to go, and it might be best if I just…get my own place? I guess he can come stay with me if I get a two bedroom. But…I don’t know.”
She couldn't meet his gaze any longer and now the feeling in her stomach was trying to convince her that she wanted to throw up, and the smell of the cinnamon rolls wasn’t…helping.
Still. Talia drew the pan out of the oven, setting it atop the stove.
“So…yeah. You missed a lot last night, Zac. So rude of you to stay away.”
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 8:01 pm
At first, his brows raised in confusion, and then they lowered and he looked like he was in deep thought–or unhappy, even. He leaned against the counter and looked at her for a long moment before he just reached up to rub at his eyes.
He sighed heavily and tried to process what she was saying.
“Soleiyu mentioned some Senshi that looked like she was from another world. I told him to keep me out of it. I had enough on my plate, I didn’t want to get involved in someone else’s business.”
At the time, it had been because he was more invested in Lysithea. Now, he found himself in the same situation, especially because it sounded like she wanted to leave.
“You can stay in my bed, you know you’re welcome.”
She let a stranger sleep in her nest? He must have been something special. Zac wasn’t sure how he felt about sharing his room with a strange guy–with a tail?–but whatever, Talia was protective. He wasn’t going to give her a hard time, it was just a lot to swallow right off the bat. He’d wash his hands in a minute, for right now he needed to absorb everything she’d said.
“Do you…want to leave? Because if this is about space, I can make space. But if you’re not happy here…”
He didn’t know what else he could do. He knew he wasn’t the best at this, but he knew Evan tried. Soleiyu tried. It seemed like they were always doing something with her, or trying to make plans, or just watching a movie or something.
…But she had started this new life of hers hating him. He shouldn't have been surprised if she’d never been able to shake it. He just didn’t want to be responsible for driving her away from everyone.
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 8:11 pm
“It’s not about space. I just. Everyone worries about me here. And it’s stifling. I…don’t like it. It all feels wrong. And whenever I try to help one of them, they don’t need it. If they have any issues, they hide it from me, and then try to just distract me…and it’s. I just don’t like it. I want to help. It felt so good, helping Fang last night. Like…it made me feel like that was what I was supposed to do. Help people.”
Talia shrugged and withdrew two of the rolls from the pan, slipping them both onto plates and putting them on the table, grabbing herself a chocolate milk and sitting down. “...Wash your hands, Zac. But. it’s not just here. When it was…I mean. Before. Faustite wouldn’t give me any responsibility. He was saying that I was a corrupted senshi the whole time, but I was just. There. He didn’t want me to patrol without him, didn’t seem to trust me on my own. Jet…The one who’s a General King…” She shrugged. “He flat out was saying how Faustite was my keeper and I lost my temper completely before we talked it over. I was strong. I don’t like…being babied…I know I forgot a lot but…I think whatever pride I had before is seriously wounded by how…weak people think I am…”
She swallowed and drew in a deep breath. “You’re the only one that I’ve really. Even shown any weakness too. And even after that you don’t baby me. And that’s why I’m telling you. I guess. So. It’s not you…it’s everyone.”
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 8:27 pm
Oh, that was going to break Evan’s heart. Probably Soleiyu’s, too. Maybe Malcolm, but everything broke his heart.
He exhaled and rolled up his sleeves so he could wash his hands and think. Water, soap, scrub, water, dry.
The thoughts didn’t come easily, he hadn’t sorted anything out by the time he was done drying his hands.
“Everyone worries because they care. They probably don’t think of it as babying. Everyone’s problems just seem so small compared to what you’ve got going on. You have to rebuild a whole life and start over from scratch. I don’t want to come home and complain about how I got stuck at every red light, or got kicked on the job, or how some guy almost threw up on me. Evan solves problems by avoiding them. It’s nothing personal, he’s just always tried to hide it. He’s gotten a little better in these past few years, but he’s afraid if he offloads too much, people’ll leave him. His parents dropped him. His friends. It’s not you, it’s just life, for him. Soleiyu worries about you all the time, but you’re important to him. He’s probably scared of losing you. I don’t know what it’s like for a bonded cat and a Senshi. I don’t think I’ll ever have a bond quite like that.”
He was tired, he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He didn’t want to chase her away.
He didn’t tell her that Faustite was a dumb piece of s**t because she probably still loved him.
“I don’t think you’re weak. I don’t think they do, either. I think everyone’s just trying to give you time to get to know them. And they’re trying to get to know you, too. Have you tried talking to any of them about it? –Do you want to talk to them? I mean, if you want to leave…”
What was he going to do, stop her? Fight her about it? That’d just drive her away quicker.
“...You’re not going to cut us out of your life, right?”
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 8:47 pm
“My biggest problem is that I don’t feel like I have a purpose…” Talia sighed and gently pushed her plate away, laying her arms on the table and resting her cheek atop them, staring at the wall. “Everyone said that they missed me, that they needed me. But it feels like nobody needs me now. It’s. Stupid. I know it’s stupid. That this is the biggest thing that’s bothering me. It’s not. I guess. It’s just. The one that’s bothering me the most.”
With a bitter smile she moved her eyes to look at him again. “Was I this pathetic as Cambria, or is this just the bitter selfish Talia who’s taken over. No, I don’t think I want to cut you out of my life. I wouldn’t have anything then. What’s the point. I just.”
Well. Now she wished she hadn’t said anything, and drawing in a long, slow breath, Talia forced herself to sit up and drew the breakfast roll back in front of her. “Let’s…just forget I said anything, please…anyway…his name is Todd, and we need to figure out where we can put him…”
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Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2022 9:06 pm
Zac followed and sat down at the table in the seat closest to her. A part of him wanted to reach out and take her hand, but he knew she wasn’t weak. He didn’t want her to feel belittled or criticized.
“I’m not going to forget you said anything. You don’t have to hide your emotions. You said what you needed to say. I think that’s the only way we get to move forward and change things for the better. Nothing’s going to change if nobody knows what needs to change. Maybe you can’t see it–and I don’t blame you if you can’t–but I guarantee everyone needs you. They’re just trying to figure out what our new normal is. Everyone’s learning. Alone, together. You’re not pathetic. Cambria wasn’t pathetic. I don’t think you’re bitter or selfish, I think you’re struggling. And I think you might have convinced yourself that you’re only important if you’re useful, or helping other people. I think maybe you’re trying to fight this helplessness that you feel by making yourself useful to others. You’re not a tool, Talia. You’re a person. You’re not weak. Nobody here thinks you are.”
He opened his mouth to say more but paused when he was struck by how miserable and unhappy she looked. “Do you think you’re weak?”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 6:36 am
“I think I’m weaker than I ought to be. Obviously everyone thinks I need protection. I was stronger before. I dropped down an entire rank and I don’t really understand why. It wasn’t…you all assure me that it wasn’t my fault, and yet I’ve been punished for it. Maybe not by you but…just in general. A general, ******** you punishment…and I do feel weak. Yeah. Even Ilse…she wasn’t a super senshi, not that I remember. She was a lot weaker than I was.”
Talia rubbed her eyes, angry that her emotions thought they had a right to run away with her again. “And now she’s the same level as me, and when I went to tell her that Faustite was going to kill her–” She paused and looked up. You too, by the way. And Evan. But. At least with Ilse. I thought that…I don’t know. She wouldn’t be hard to fight with but her magic all but crippled me. So. Who do I even have that I can protect? That I can look out for? If I find someone bleeding out, sure I can run in and save the day, but…I’m…pretty damn useless now. Why would any of you want me?”
She blew out a breath and grabbed a pat of butter, putting it on top of her roll and glaring at it as though it was the cause of all of her issues.
“Can you even imagine how it is? To hear a chorus of ‘Oh, Cambria helped me so much, oh, Lysithea was who saved me from everything!’ And now I’m just here, living with that hanging over my head and no way to live up to whoever the ******** I used to be? It would be so much easier if I had been a horrible person back then. Because at least I’d have something to work on. Something to better myself with. But I can’t. I can’t be some perfect hero when I’m like this. I can’t protect everyone when they’re physically and magically stronger than I am.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 7:59 am
Oh. That made sense.
He watched her abuse the cinnamon roll and stayed quiet while she spoke. Could he imagine everyone thinking highly of him and wanting to help him succeed because they cared about him? No, not really.
“You just need time, Talia. And I know you don’t want to hear that, because it’s a shitty answer, but you make me think of some track star who’s trying to run on a broken ankle. Everyone knows what you can do, but you’re hurt right now. You’re not weak, you’re hurt. And everyone heals at a different rate, so nobody knows exactly where you’re at. You’ll get your power back, I’ve got no doubt about that. You want to go spar some time? I’ll take you up to my Wonder if you want. Or we can go to yours. Yours is probably a little more friendly. I’d offer to do it in Destiny City, but I’m pretty sure I’ve made some enemies and I don’t want that target on your back.”
Especially if Faustite wanted him dead. And Ilse. His lip twitched at the idea of him going after Malus, though. He’d tear off Faustite’s arms and legs before he let that happen.
…Although, he couldn’t help but wonder when she’d talked to Faustite, and that might have put him into something of a panic because if she’d been talking to him and they hadn’t known, could she ever be tempted to go back?
“If you want to get stronger, I’ll help you. Not that you need my help. I don’t think you’re weak. I don’t think you’re useless or helpless or any of that. I think you don’t see your own value. But if getting stronger will help, let’s go fight sometime. See if we can’t jumpstart that starseed of yours, or see if there’s something Soleiyu can do to get it prepped for more power. That’s his job, anyway. Will that help, is that the direction you want to go in? Because if you’ve got something else in mind, if you’ve got a different goal, just talk it out. I’m not the best at solving problems,” unless they were problems he could just beat into the ground, “But I care about you. And everyone else is going to walk around eggshells because they need gentleness when they’ve got s**t going on. If you don’t want to talk to them about what you need to be happy, I can. I’m used to bossing them both around, they don’t even have to know it came from you. But I want you to know you’re wanted. You’re not weak. I don’t want to stifle you, either. If you feel smothered, maybe there’s something we can do. If you want to move,” ugh, “I’ll see what we can do. But we could probably clear out the basement. Maybe the attic. They might need a little renovation to be comfortably livable, but I can make some calls and see what we can do. You just tell me what you want to do.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 8:54 am
“You’ve made a s**t ton of enemies, I’m sure. He wants you dead really badly. You and Ilse, you know. Because you took me away or whatever. Not that it had anything to do with him. Losing his temper and just trying to kill people. And pushing me away and…just. Everything. No, blame other people. That’s Faustite’s way. Stupid a** brother.”
Talia stabbed her fork into the cinnamon roll and huffed, trying to calm down as best she could, but finding it difficult.
Lifting the roll on the fork, Talia took an obscenely large bite to give herself time to ponder just what Zac was saying and finally nodded slowly, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “...You think Soleiyu would be able to help? I figure he just. Didn’t want to give me more power because he thought I was a weakling too. Honestly…it’s been bothering me a lot. Like. I thought he was supposed to be mine and keep me safe or whatever. But. Then he just. Lets me stay like this. I was an Eternal Senshi before, why can’t he just make me one now? It’s a little stupid that he can’t. Some great guardian he is.”
And, she knew that wasn’t fair. She knew that he was doing his best but. It was just a lot.
“...Put Todd in the attic. If I get the basement. Or. We get the basement, even. Honestly, we could put another entrance if we tried, plus I’d be closer to the kitchen so that means more baked goods without Evan acting like I’m going to blow the place up…”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 9:22 am
Zac clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “You’re carrying a lot of emotions, aren’t you? We should talk like this more so you can get them out. Soleiyu doesn’t think you’re weak. I don’t know where he is right now, but he knows more about starseeds than I do. Ask him what’s going on with your starseed. If there’s nothing he can do and you don’t like his answer, there are other Mauvians. I’m sure we can find one and see if there’s anything more to do.”
He wasn’t really a cat person, but Soleiyu wasn’t really a cat--and Zac found that he wasn’t so annoying when he put his heart into things. Putting his face on everything? Zac could live without toast with a cat’s face seared into it. But, Soleiyu was good for other things. The air conditioning blew cold for cheap, and the heater kept things warm for less. They had good security. All of the appliances were top quality. And, Soleiyu cared about them. He was overprotective. Zac couldn’t imagine him withholding power from Talia just because.
He didn’t understand the whole thing himself, but he was sure that Soleiyu could at least tell her what was going on–and if Talia knew what was going on, maybe she could set a better goal for how to make things better.
Zac didn’t comment on his enemies, he knew there were a lot of them. He didn’t care if Faustite wanted him dead, whatever. Talia was still calling him her brother, so she must have still cared about him. He wondered if it would have been so bad if Faustite had died. He didn’t want to give him the chance to hurt anyone else but he couldn't tell how much Talia cared about him being okay.
He wondered what would happen if Faustite did kill Malus, or Ilse, or him.
“Have you been in the basement yet? We’ll take a look. We’ve got a lot of s**t down there. We could probably sell some and make space, or donate whatever we don’t need. We sort of moved out of the last house quickly and just put everything down there to worry about later and,” he shrugged, “Later never came. But it’s warmed up some so now’s a good time. Spring Cleaning and all. I haven’t been in the attic in a while, but we can move the boxes up there, too. Maybe get a storage locker if we need to, or make space in the garage. We can make it work. We can go look at the basement after breakfast and make plans, how does that sound?”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 9:27 am
For a moment, Talia just nodded, taking another bite of the roll to give herself time to think, but there wasn’t much to really answer, however…she couldn't help but be just a little sassy. It.
He had it coming.
“Of course I’ve been to the basement, Zac. I haven’t been wearing the same clothes for the past two…three?” She wrinkled her nose. “However many months I’ve been back. I do my laundry, you know. And yours, so I do understand why you might be surprised. The attic though, I will admit I haven’t been there, but. I guess if you and I move to the basement, Todd can just have our room.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 10:02 am
Zac gave her a look and sighed dramatically. “Cut me a break, I’ve been up all night. You want me to move into the basement with you and give up my room?” he asked, because maybe he was too tired, maybe he was misunderstanding. He’d thought she wanted the space for herself, wanted somewhere to go when people were fussing too much, or when she wanted to have some independence.
It wasn’t like he’d spent a lot of time in his bedroom lately. He’d been spoiled in the Master bedroom and bath of the room he’d shared with Cambria. Even if Talia preferred the floor, it was still nice there.
…But she was inviting him to move with her? Or was it a slip of the tongue?
Or was he just so tired he was hearing things?
“If I move down there with you, you’re not allowed to sleep on the floor. It’s not insulated so it’ll get cold in winter. But if we get everything moved out we can have somebody come out and give us a price to do it. I’ve got some cash put aside, we could probably afford a little remodeling. The bathroom down there should work, we’d just have to get the pipes checked. Maybe get the bathroom looking a little nicer if someone’s going to be living down there.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 10:08 am
“I’ve said it twice now, for good measure, yeah. That’s what I’m thinking. If you want me to go alone, that’s fine too. If I go alone, I’m going to say right now, I want a tub with jets in the bathroom. That sounds utterly fantastic to me. Besides, can you imagine how much value a finished basement will add to the house? Like, goodness.”
Talia’s cheeks were red, and she took one last bite of her cinnamon roll to keep from talking anymore and embarrassing herself further.
Clearly she had been wrong and he didn’t want to move down with her but. That was fine.
“I just thought. We could have our own door to the outside and it could be like almost a separate apartment. Sure they’d have to come down to do laundry and stuff but. Maybe the laundry room could be separate too? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a dumb idea and way too much work…your floor is fine for me.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 11:06 am
“Hey,” he said, and reached out to rest his hand on her wrist.
“It’s not a dumb idea. And I don’t want you sleeping on the floor, Talia. I don’t care if you want to bring your whole nest into the bed with you, the floor’s not fine for you. You deserve better. I’ve been up all night and I haven’t had coffee so I’m doing my best to keep up, don’t hold it against me if I’m not picking things up too quickly. It’s a lot to take in. I mean, there’s a strange guy in my room right now, I’m still not done digesting that.”
He squeezed her wrist, her hand, gently.
“I don’t want you go alone. I don’t want you to trick yourself into thinking you’re alone. I’m going to have to see how much a tub with jets is going to add to the renovation cost, you might have to reel it in a bit for right now. I’ll tell you what. You have plans today? I need help cleaning out the basement. Or at least getting a game plan. I haven’t had to do renovations in a while, but we’ll need someone to come out and tell us what we can do and how much it’s going to cost. But we’ve got all that stuff down there, they’re not going to be able to see anything. So let’s figure out what we can clear out, what we’re going to do with it, and then we’ll go from there. Could be fun, I don’t even know what s**t I’ve got down there.”
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